The Advanced Writer's Club

[Rolly-chan]

That's why I wrote "most poems" xD But even with the short ones, you can discover depths you haven't seen before if you think a bit about it. Happened with a German poem that consists of four short lines when my teacher dissected it a little. I totally fell in love with that poem afterwards. Before, I didn't see it that way. But ever since then I became quite good at analysing on the go if it's not a hermetic poem. Or other ones that are difficult to get instantly.
I'm better at analysing German poetry, obviously (since I'm from Germany and all).
But sometimes, especially such short poems contain much more meaning than you think at first.
(The poem goes "The apparition of these faces in the crowd; // Petals on a wet, black bough.", by the way)
I'm a "wonderer" by nature, so that poem makes me wonder why he likens people to petals on a damp bough. Have you thought about it? Why it must be a wet one? Not just a bough? Or why it's black? And do you see the connection between "apparition" and the petals stuck to the bough? It's really beautiful if you see the possible meaning behind it.
When I look at that poem just like that, and don't ask myself all that, it looks like nothing special to me, because honestly? Faces appearing in a crowd and petals stuck to a bough aren't special. Happens every day, almost. And the sentences aren't all that beautiful by themselves.

I've learned that some people - especially poets - can put so much meaning into just one sentence that you could sometimes write pages about what it means. Ever read Kant? Well... granted, he wrote in German *lol* but he's one such candidate. We dissected his texts in our philosophy class, and man, was he ever the master of hiding a million things in just one sentence.
And understanding that guy was great. And understanding what the poet tried to say is great too. Not just at face value, but what actually lies behind it.

I could never fall in love by looks alone. I know that because some people I found attractive at first turned out to be douches, and I quickly lost all the good opinions I had of them to the point where I don't even find them all that attractive any more XD
Though I think, well, I'm pretty sure that we're all affected by looks more than we want to admit to ourselves. Because we just judge a lot based on what we see. And everyone builds up prejudices because they make our life easier - things like "dark, narrow alleyways are dangerous by night", or the occasional "huge guys with muscles, muscle shirts, massive golden necklaces, beards, cigarettes in the corners of their mouths and a mean expression shouldn't be argued with" are prejudices all of us have. And we weed out a lot by just avoiding. Unconsciously or consciously or both. Sometimes we don't give certain types of people a chance based on what they look like without ever realising it because we simply avoid them and thus never really get to know them better.

btw... you're the second person calling me that (Rolly Polly I mean, the other person calls me Roly Poly, like the jam, although my name's got nothing to do with that or the isapod... or that sexual activity urban dictionary wants to tell me is called like that) XD

I promise, someday I'm going to learn how to keep my posts short and concise. Someday.

[climbing{the}world]

Can you guys take a look at this and tell me what you think? Hannon le. c:

"I swear to God, Daemon, if you get lost again, or disturb a bee's nest, or wake up the hospital, or, or..." Tina's voice faltered. The stern, reproachful gaze she had been holding on Daemon moments before was now entwined with anxiety. It was only natural for an older sister to be concerned about her younger brother. Yet the emotion of protection that had swelled inside of Tina doubled when Tina recalled his past hikes. Speaking of Daemon, he was now looking uncomfortable. "Well... I'll be fine, Tina." He said half-heartedly, attempting to make his tone seem reassuring. Slipping his dark grey satchel over his sturdy left shoulder, Daemon began taking steps backwards towards the front door. "I'll star heading home at sunset. No exceptions, I know." He added, slightly exasperated. Ignoring Tina's furrowed brow and incredulous expression, Daemon turned around without another word. The sun, like a lemon blazing down on the world, sat like a rock in the very crossroads of the sky. It only took a few seconds for Daemon to rush out of the front door and speed-walk down the drive-way, the rubber on his hiking boots rubbing against the glistering asphalt. Soon enough, Daemon was sprinting down the sidewalk to the left of his house. A few rough mountains jutted out into the sky. A small smile appeared on Daemon's face.. This was his destination - the mountains that swallowed up the sky to the North. Hiking was one of his favorite pastimes. Out hiking - alone - nobody would watch and laugh if Daemon fell flat on his face - alone - or tripped on some roots - alone - or even if he managed to upset some bear cubs and their hysterical mother. After all, Daemon Wekner was definitely the clumsiest person in his grade. Through his deep chocolate eyes, the clumsiest person in the world. In a small town like Sunvee, Michigan, being the best or worst at something wasn't exactly hard. For Daemon, it was exceptionally easy to do the latter - it was something he had a particular habit of doing. Luckily enough, Daemon had tied his hiking boots tight to his large, clumsy feet an hour before he had left. Him leaving, coincidentally, was not the sort of thing Tina would want of Daemon. Especially leaving to go on a hike alone in the mountains. Mere months before, Daemon had gone out on a hike in the morning. That evening he had woken up in the hospital, Tina and his Godmother peering anxiously into his deep brown eyes. According to Daemon's memory, he had tripped on a root- what a surprise. A sharp stone lay to the left of his body, and when Daemon had fallen, his forearm had landed atop of it. Not only had the pain been excruciating - and disgustingly bloody- but the stone had left a gouge in his plastic water bottle. AS the day had gone on, Daemon had kept his head relatively clear. He had been heading towards town to get his arm looked at. Yet someplace along the way, Daemon's lack of water had altered his mind. He turned in the opposite direction of town. The rest of that tale is rather brief. The mountain eventually flattens out to a forest, which eventually let out to a highway. Daemon had been picked up and dropped of at a hospital by a middle-aged woman who had, after seeing his injury and confusion, welcomed him in earnest. Tina had been furious more than anything else; Daemon's Godmother, Ann, had been reeling with anxiety. Yet she was out of town the day Daemon was racing down the sidewalk, making for the Ivory Hills in the North. Daemon's brown eyes sparkled like the cement did in the afternoon sun. Sweat began to drip from his brow, yet it was no concern of Daemon's. As soon as he was up in the chill mountain, with the cool breeze wafting over his neck, he would be satisfied.

The sky was still surprisingly pale when Daemon had finally arrived at the foot of the mountain. Although the title of Ivory Hills sounded both simplistic and majestic, they looked much more like mountains. Jagged peaks cut out from the cold stone of the mountain. Those inexperienced with the rough trails and large masses of boulders on the Ivory Hills would have to put up a very good effort to climb them. Fortunately, Daemon had been climbing since he was 6 years old. Surely such large hills would look like the castle of a giant to a 6 year old boy. Surely his eyes, full of curiosity, had led him to the foot of the mountain. That is, of course, where his adventure began.

Sure thing, I like critiquing :3

Positives first:
~I really like the description of Daemon's character throughout. He personally reminded me of my little brothers, who are just as restless and well, not careful as he seemed to be. In that way, I was able to connect with him and for me, that's always important in a piece.
~Some of your description was quite beautiful, especially in the shorter second paragraph. Here, some people like to go overboard, but I think you did a nice job with it! It was just enough without being overbearing.
~Overall I really did enjoy reading it. I would have continued if there was more to read. Meaning it kept my attention C:

Suggestions:
~This is being really nitpicky, but there was one line that stuck out to me in a bad way: "The sun, like a lemon blazing down on the world, sat like a rock in the very crossroads of the sky." Most of your other description was so beautiful that when I started reading about how the sun looked like a lemon it kind of threw me out of the story a little bit. It just didn't really flow with everything else you had written so far.
~There were a few times where I wish you would have "shown" the reader, and not simply told them, things about Daemon's character. There were places where you did it well, like when you went into backstory about how he had fallen, which proved to us how clumsy he was, but other times where you simply stated "he had been climbing since he was six years old" didn't seem to fit as well as simply describing how experienced he was with the activity.

Overall it really was lovely! Just by reading how small my suggestions were should have told you that there was far more going right than there was going wrong. Take the suggestions how you will, I know I don't always agree with everything I'm told when I'm being critiqued C:

I hope I helped!

You helped very much, thank you! c:

[yuki,]

Looks like I've changed my username!
Old username: astray;
New username: perdu
Club Number: 42

[indebted]

perrrrddduuuu.
sorry, it just sounds so...epic to me.
PERRRDDDDUUUU.
PERDU.

[abbie-sama]

PERDU IS PRETTY
You're welcome yesh
@Arty I'm glad I helped <3

[mr.kingrichard]

I really wish there was a place where we could search for collab partners on the writing forums. That would be great, don't you guys think? Because I totally do.

There should be like a "search for a collab partner" thread.

[abbie-sama]

GUYYYSSSS~ I HAVE MY FIRST FINISHED CHAPTER SINCE, LIKE, FOREVER.
Please read it. It's based on Warriors but you don't have to have read it to understand this mostly.
I'd like your critiques on everything, including the wording, the setting, and what you felt while you were reading it [tense, scared, curious, etc.]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9330194/1/T ... e-New-Clan

Oh, and please review so that you bump up the fic c':

[princess pudding]

The following members have been accepted:

ℓɛɢσℓαƨ~ɢяɛɛиℓɛαғ

If you have not been accepted, please do not post. Try practicing your writing and apply again.
There is always room for improvement! If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

[Artesian]

I really wish there was a place where we could search for collab partners on the writing forums. That would be great, don't you guys think? Because I totally do.

There should be like a "search for a collab partner" thread.

Thirded. I love roleplays that swerve into actually writing a real story together.

[Greenleaf]

I've been accepted? dies of happiness

So now I am casually inching into the present conversation...

Yes, I actually find it easier to write a story after doing a roleplay with others. I actually am writing a story concerning this warrior cats roleplay that has been going on for four years. ;P
Considering how most roleplays start out with an extremely basic plot but gradually evolve into extremely intricate and detailed writings, they make great story plots.