{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ } A Thread For Writers

[come sail away]

advice needed!
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thank you to both of you!
I will definitely take into account what you both have said!
- sail.

[phenomenon]

@Phenomenon: In the mood to critique, you say?
*squee*
Maybe this? It's kind of long, though, which explains why no one has critiqued it yet. Or maybe it's just my horrible habit of posting something right before a new page. >_<
It's the last one on the page. >>>Clickzies<<<

cx Nah, that's my usual length of roleplay posts/chapter posts. Honestly, I love long posts.
[ Side note: I want to read Ranger's Apprentice. But due to school, I've only read like the first two/three chapters. xD ]

Well, since I didn't read the previous seventeen chapters, it did take me a moment to catch on.
But once I read a little more, it cleared up a little. cx

So, I understand you want to know the "emotional quality" of this chapter.
The beginning where Lyssa is having a flashback or a haunting memory is quite interesting.
The longing pain for her father was shown quite well. The emptiness she felt, I think, was well put.

The part where Rusl is confused with Lyssa's mellowness is something I would like to point out.
I like your style of writing. Yet, it is different than mine.
I am a different type of writer who likes to add detail, make long paragraphs (sometimes, I could go on forever...), and eleborate on several things. I usually stick to one POV at a time. But that's me.
I saw that in the beginning of the chapter, your writing was focused on Lyssa's point of view.
And then when Rusl came in, you sort of switched it to his point of view.
I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with it. Some writers prefer/like that style.
I'm just saying that for future advice, try not to alternate views too often in one chapter.
It might confuse the readers and mix of the emotion and intensity of the words. The point you wanted to make will be lost to the readers and the quality of the chapter will decline.

I only found, I believe, one or two spelling errors? Just thought you would like to know. c:
The sentence structure is pretty good. It was a little rough where Lyssa's "flashback" transitioned with Rusl's appearence.
Though, the rest flowed well, in my opinion. The paragraphs, on average, were short and had enough detail for me to "see what was going on". I liked that. Being a Ranger's Apprentince fac-fic, (I know the series has lots of action/adventure), this is a good quality in you writing that will benefit you and your story plot well.

Overall, this chapter was very well written. c:
I liked it a lot. I think I want to read the previous and soon to come chapters now. cx
- Phenomenon

advice needed!
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thank you to both of you!
I will definitely take into account what you both have said!
- sail.

You're very welcome. c: I wish you luck.
- Phenomenon

[abbie-sama]

@Phenomenon: Wow, thanks! c: I didn't realize it was that good! I'll make sure that I keep your critique in mind when I spruce up the chapter later. <3

Also, since you liked it so much, I'd be glad to send some of the other chapters to you sometime through PM. I didn't want to post it for everyone until I finished since I am a bit inactive, and it'd be easier if I had a head start when it came to posting chapters. c; You might have to remind me from time to time, though -- I forget everything. *tear*

[winter.]

*runs in late*
Oh, I'm looking for critique of my story.
The link is in my signature!
:)

[peppi101]

Username: peppi101
What we will call you: anna
Will you critique other's work?: possibly
Links to your story if you have any: none yet
Anything you want us to know?: I havent been writing very long so im not very good

[phenomenon]

@Phenomenon: Wow, thanks! c: I didn't realize it was that good! I'll make sure that I keep your critique in mind when I spruce up the chapter. <3

Also, since you liked it so much, I'd be glad to send some of the other chapters to you sometime through PM. I didn't want to post it for everyone until I finished since I am a bit inactive, and it'd be easier if I had a head start when it came to posting chapters. c; You might have to remind me from time to time, though -- I forget everything. *tear*

@;abstract; Oh, I assure you, it was good. c;

I'd love that, abstract. c: But don't feel pressured to do so.
But if you're busy, I don't want to add this onto your things-to-do list. cx

I like the strategy you made there. cx Thinking ahead is great.
Well, I believe I will be stalking that thread once you post it. c;
- Phenomenon cx

[Aireiya]

Is anyone here willing to become a Beta Reader for my Kingdom Hearts fanfic? =)
Half the time I think I'm screwing up my chapter, so some help would really be nice. ^.^

[Silverhart]

I would like to know how people feel about amount of dialogue in a story.
I've always been curious whether people prefer stories with more or less dialogue.

I know this is from a few pages back, but I don't think anyone answered it, so now I am. XP
How I learned was to have as little dialogue as possible - only the amount that is strictly needed in the story. Every story is different though - some need more dialogue then others. I've just always held to the "Show, don't tell," and I apply that to my characters as well. If I can show something without hitting it on the head in dialogue I'll usually choose the showing option. I won't have a character yell "Look out, there's a giant three headed monster behind you!" I'll have a character yell "Look out!" and then have the character spin around and see and describe the monster as they dive out of the way. It's more work sometimes, but often a gesture; a smile, a glance, a head turn, can convey what a character is thinking more than any amount of dialogue. That's my opinion anyway, that's sort of what I was 'taught'.

That said, dialogue is so much fun, sometimes you can't help but want to write a bunch of it! You don't want to use it as a crutch in your writing, though. Writers sometimes forget that there's a lot you can say without dialogue. (That's why I'm trying to write a story with no dialogue whatsoever, just pantomime between the characters. We'll see how that turns out since I haven't gotten very far in it.)
So long as the dialogue isn't exsessive or unnecessary I'm happy with reading a story with tons of dialogue, but I often enjoy the story with less dialogue more.

[Rolly-chan]

@Dialogue discussion
Dialogue makes the story feel more lively. If you have a story without any dialogue (and without direct thoughts), it will probably feel a bit distant and detached. What the better option is depends on the intention behind the scene, chapter or story.
Too much dialogue might give you the impression that there are just "talking heads". You know, people standing around just conversing. Even if there is some description, if you have too much dialogue, people could bypass it.

I have read both types. Short stories without any sort of dialogue, and short stories that consisted only if dialogue. Both were quite fun to read. It were challenges on writing sites I'm registered at, I believe.
It's interesting to see how you can still convey all the information needed even when you choose to relinquish either dialogue or description.

Other than the extremes: I usually like to have some dialogue in every chapter, especially when I'm in that strange mood where I feel lonely but still don't want anyone to bother me xD Then it's nice having fictional conversations going on. As I said, it makes the story feel livelier. (kind of like turning on the TV when you're alone because it makes you feel less alone xD)
But I also usually don't care that much either way if the story is good. As long as a little dialogue is in there, it's fine. And then again, some stories work wonderfully without any, and probably wouldn't have the same impact if there was dialogue. As you see, it really depends xD

Traumatic backstories can help readers connect to their characters. I don't mind them, as long as they're not constantly rehashed and angsted about.

I really want to write a book/story with unorthodox methods, like deliberately uncapitalized words and backwards sentences. The intent is to be very dreamlike, but I feel like it would just annoy the heck out of the readers.

? i am where
. dark here is it
. scared very so scared am i
. monster comes here
! scared
!

there were a m i l l i o n tiny pieces and i stooped down to pick them up
they g l i n t e d in the sun
my dream f r a g m e n t s

Something like that, I suppose. What do you think? Should I go for it?

I just needed to reply to this *cough*
If the whole book would be written like that I probably would not read it, but if it's only (dream) sequences in the story, I'd love them to be like that :3
I remember having read a story about an empath. It was in first person, and whenever his empathy got out of control, the author wrote his thoughts all lower-case and without any punctuation whatsoever. I always thought it was beautifully done.

@tragic pasts
I see it the way most of you do. As long as the characters don't wallow in self-pity all the time, it's fine.
Take Harry Potter, for example. Yes, his parents died and he grew up with a family that hated him. It shaped Harry into who he is and he didn't pity himself. It was an important plot point and the way he grew up taught him to be grateful for what he got in the end.
That's one example I can think of that most of you should know xD

Other than that, in my current story, all of the more important characters have very tragic pasts (it's a requirement for the job they do). But they all have gone through a mandatory therapy before the story even begins and are all pretty stable and don't go off into tangents about how terrible terrible their lives are.
The past of the main character will cause emotional turmoil for him, though, and he will freak out, but that's rather because the same situation could (and will) be happening to him again *cough cough* Yeah, I'm not very nice to my characters for that story. xD

BUT, big BUT here: If the character suffers from PTSD or major depression, then of course he will show symptoms like being very jumpy or brooding constantly or being apathetic or sad. For me, it depends a lot on how the author portrays it. If it's believable and important for the story, it's fine the way it is. I rather want a realistic portrayal of such a disorder than a character brushing it off and being able to keep it at bay, which would be very unbelievable.

[AninaAna]

(I think this is either at the end of the page or starting a new one....)

I've begun writing a story in my school planner and I was wondering if I should post it here on CS?

It's called Guard Dog
I haven't gotten horribly far in it yet, but the intro for once hasn't taken up half of the story,though I have only just finished it.
It's about a dog, who is the main character, it's in first person, but the dog can't talk (can't talk as in, can't communicate with other dogs, and of course people), I'm still debating on the breed, but I've been thinking its a German Shepard, just because they are often thought of as suitable guard dogs.

I'm still working out what I want to happen, but so far the plot is that Sham (the dog) is a guard dog (duh) and works for her master who is cruel, one day she's taken to the she'd where she'd been trained as a pup to be the cold cruel ruthless killer she is. When she gets there, she finds a small pup who she ends up taking care of... And I haven't worked out what to do after that, I'm at the point where I'm having her form a bond with the pup.

I'm not sure what to do with it, I might post it, might not, but even so, any ideas what I can do with it? Like how should the plot go from where I have it? Any ideas? It's going to be a bit of a dark story I know that much...