|TheComfortCorner|

[MenheraCollie]

Iz sorry to

[Foxanna]

Alright, I know people are busy and I'm REALLY sorry for a huge post, but I've got to let myself out a bit (because I over-thought again). Maybe it'll help me a bit if I just write it down, but I doubt it. If ANYONE reads this (some of you maybe would, but it's a pretty long story), could I just get a hug, please?
This second time I'm posting here....is about my family. Family problems and those stuff. Sorry, english is not my first language, I hope you can understand me well!

First of all, let's start with my father. He is really.... Huh, how could I explain that personality he has? He is strict. He only cares about the grades me and my brother get. He smokes sometimes, and he got drunk a few times and yelled at my mother for a made-up reason. (After that my mom would cry, and it is just awful seeing your mother cry.) Last time my mother and father had a fight was because of something my mother baked (idk what's the english word, sorry). Apparently, he was complaining it didn't turn out like the real one. IT WAS JUST GOOD TO EAT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WE ATE IT ALL. HOW DO YOU MEAN IT DOESN'T TASTE GOOD? If he doesn't like anything my mom makes, then why doesn't he try cooking? Ugh, this is only the smallest example I could get, because he's behaving really badly at my mom. Or it's about cooking or it's about money or it's about something she said/did.... Just awful. I really hope he will finally see what's he doing and start behaving better as a person.
Oh, and that's not the end. Not only that he behaves like we're all junk (he said I will be a loser if I don't get in the gymnasium, he said I will clean the streets if I don't get in it, and that's just a really awful thing to say to your daughter, isn't it?) Not only that he treats us badly, he even doesn't act like a real dad should. Like, when I bring a bad grade (C), he doesn't even think I'm feeling down because of it! He starts yelling, or even worse, talking in that low voice that scares me. Don't you think a father should actually help his daughter/son? Like, yelling isn't going to solve ANYTHING. Nor punishment, like no computer. All yelling does is make me feel really sad, depressed, and bad. I can't remember the last time he made me feel happy. I'm not sure if that ever happened.... The thing is; HE NEVER COMFORTED ME. Never. This is not a joke, I seriously don't like my dad at all. What happened to him? Maybe I my eyes weren't open enough as a little kid to see what's going on.... I'm not sure what's even the worst part. He even treats me and my mom like it's some other century. He think it's women's job to do the dishes, to clean the house, to make lunch, to do what he orders to do.... Seriously, I can't stand it when he orders me to do something, and not my brother. I mean, what? What is your God-damn problem?! Just because we're a female does NOT mean you can treat me and your wife like a piece of s***! This is the 21st century! All people should have equal rights, right? That's the thing I can't stand about him, he really does NOTHING around the house and then expect to be perfect? Me and my mother can't make literally the whole house clean just so he can put his majestic bottom on the couch and watch TV all the day after he gets back from the job/cafe. Jesus freaking Christ, dad. Why can't you be a normal father like everyone else's dad? Both him and my mother are out of this century, and my mom doesn't even think about my wishes or something like that. But let's leave it there.

Second is my brother. I don't know, he is sometimes nice to me, sometimes he's not. We actually get along better than any other siblings my friends have, Yeah, he used to fight me every day when I was a kid (he was bored, I guess?), but now we're older and we actually can talk seriously when a problem occurs. I really love my brother, but he sometimes treats me like crap. He randomly hits me, bothers me when I'm doing something and etc. Yes, I know, that's what brothers do, but that's not the only thing. Since he's older than me, he thinks I worth less, I think. When I do something and he doesn't like it, he yells at me and hurts me. The worst part is that usually he DOES THE SAME THING I DO. So basically, he thinks that I worth less and, since I'm younger, I can't do/say some things? Oh, and those things aren't swear words, it's basically everything (I can't think of an example, sorry).
This is personal so I'm not going to say it because I might get banned (and I don't want that to happen), but my brother had issues and problems when he was born. Years passed and he started fainting, getting dizzy, basically not feeling well. I can't tell everything, but it is really serious if my mother fainted when she saw him once in the little hospital. And I really feel sorry for him, he literally doesn't have luck in his life. I just wish I could help him somehow, put some things on myself instead of him. I don't want him to suffer, because that way me and my mom would suffer too, seeing him like that. I really, REALLY care about him and I just wish a part of things that happen to him actually happen to me. My mother and grandmother (who was a nurse) get really worried, and he.... He looks like he gave up on those problems. He seems life-less. It really bugs me because I can't help, and even if I offered help....he'd probably throw me away. But he's my brother and I love him.
Now, he really gets mad because of little things, like he's turning into our dad. As I said, he sometimes treats me badly and he often actually curses which also makes me feel bad. He thinks he's my parent to order me to shut up or anything like that. Hell to the no, I've got enough problems with our dad already. Don't act like you don't know what dad does to us! I really don't know how to explain the situation with him. I want us to get along, but sometimes I really can't stand him. As much as I love and care about him, I get really mad at him. I hate that so much, because he's somehow the ONLY sparkle of this family for me. He understands me, I guess, but here comes the part that buggs me the most. It's related with my mother too.

Now, my mother and brother think I'm a little kid who doesn't know what life is. Actually, they don't care about my thoughts and my feelings (along with my dad) what makes me really depressed. I am not a kid, I am mature for my age and stuff like that. But all in that, they don't ask when I'm feeling down. Maybe my mother sometimes do, but it seems like she really does NOT care about it, what makes me feel weird. She probably thinks it's the part of puberty that'll pass soon. But oh boy, nothing will pass that soon. And so, I'm trapped kinda alone when I get depressed or anything. I thought my mom would at least care, because my dad doesn't and my brother isn't the person I could cry with, but she.... She just doesn't. And I think I know the one part of the reason.
You see, I mentioned she's really worried about my brother along with my grandmother. That leads to a pretty silly situation I can't describe good because of my lame english (it's not my first language, hope you can understand me well). Hm, I often capture myself thinking about this thing where they don't think I'm not going through hard stuff. My mother seems to worry more about my brother than me. You know why? Since my brother is in high school, he gets pretty tired. Not only tired, he gets mad sometimes, it seems like he's in some kind of pain. He often complains about school making him hella' tired. He also complains about the daily, boring, tiresome days. He complains about a bunch of stuff, but not very often. But oh boy, why don't they think I go through the same thing? I just keep my freaking mouth shut. I go all this through MYSELF. And I really can tell my mother actually thinks and worries about him A LOT....

But what's with me? Really, who cares about me in this family? No one, that's who! My dad sure doesn't care or anything, no matter how awful that might sound to be spoken out of a teenager's mouth. My brother doesn't care as much as I care about him. He doesn't think about me at all. This might be normal since he, after all, IS my brother/sibling, but I feel he should care a bit about me. And we have my mom, who does care about me (she has to, she's my mom, right?), but seems to give more attention to my brother or anyone else. I just feel so lost in my family and I probably wasn't aware of all this until a moment what made me really think do we have serious family problems or not. I get really sad when thinking about all this. I wanted a normal, happy family, but I got a crazy dad who doesn't care about anyone's feels, a brother with some serious health problems, and a mom who has so much stuff to think about that she gets worried and often becomes the target of our mad/drunk father.

Wow, I honestly didn't think I'd write THIS long. It's even worse since I have problems other than family one's. Some of them are a bit related, some of them are not. But I believe I would be a DAMN better pupil if I had better parents, especially dad, that would actually help me or at least comfort me. And not yell and punish me. In fact, if there weren't any family problems and if I had a better dad, almost every other problem would disappear. Wow. Writing this down is good. Maybe I could start solving family problems, but what am I going to do with my dad? He IS my father after all.... There's nothng I can do to make him act better. I can't even talk with him normally, like he's not my real dad. But yeah, I was planning to start with my dad and the rest would be easier, but this is just too much to handle....

[yeentei]

Alright, I know people are busy and I'm REALLY sorry for a huge post, but I've got to let myself out a bit (because I over-thought again). Maybe it'll help me a bit if I just write it down, but I doubt it. If ANYONE reads this (some of you maybe would, but it's a pretty long story), could I just get a hug, please?
This second time I'm posting here....is about my family. Family problems and those stuff. Sorry, english is not my first language, I hope you can understand me well!

First of all, let's start with my father. He is really.... Huh, how could I explain that personality he has? He is strict. He only cares about the grades me and my brother get. He smokes sometimes, and he got drunk a few times and yelled at my mother for a made-up reason. (After that my mom would cry, and it is just awful seeing your mother cry.) Last time my mother and father had a fight was because of something my mother baked (idk what's the english word, sorry). Apparently, he was complaining it didn't turn out like the real one. IT WAS JUST GOOD TO EAT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WE ATE IT ALL. HOW DO YOU MEAN IT DOESN'T TASTE GOOD? If he doesn't like anything my mom makes, then why doesn't he try cooking? Ugh, this is only the smallest example I could get, because he's behaving really badly at my mom. Or it's about cooking or it's about money or it's about something she said/did.... Just awful. I really hope he will finally see what's he doing and start behaving better as a person.
Oh, and that's not the end. Not only that he behaves like we're all junk (he said I will be a loser if I don't get in the gymnasium, he said I will clean the streets if I don't get in it, and that's just a really awful thing to say to your daughter, isn't it?) Not only that he treats us badly, he even doesn't act like a real dad should. Like, when I bring a bad grade (C), he doesn't even think I'm feeling down because of it! He starts yelling, or even worse, talking in that low voice that scares me. Don't you think a father should actually help his daughter/son? Like, yelling isn't going to solve ANYTHING. Nor punishment, like no computer. All yelling does is make me feel really sad, depressed, and bad. I can't remember the last time he made me feel happy. I'm not sure if that ever happened.... The thing is; HE NEVER COMFORTED ME. Never. This is not a joke, I seriously don't like my dad at all. What happened to him? Maybe I my eyes weren't open enough as a little kid to see what's going on.... I'm not sure what's even the worst part. He even treats me and my mom like it's some other century. He think it's women's job to do the dishes, to clean the house, to make lunch, to do what he orders to do.... Seriously, I can't stand it when he orders me to do something, and not my brother. I mean, what? What is your God-damn problem?! Just because we're a female does NOT mean you can treat me and your wife like a piece of s***! This is the 21st century! All people should have equal rights, right? That's the thing I can't stand about him, he really does NOTHING around the house and then expect to be perfect? Me and my mother can't make literally the whole house clean just so he can put his majestic bottom on the couch and watch TV all the day after he gets back from the job/cafe. Jesus freaking Christ, dad. Why can't you be a normal father like everyone else's dad? Both him and my mother are out of this century, and my mom doesn't even think about my wishes or something like that. But let's leave it there.

Second is my brother. I don't know, he is sometimes nice to me, sometimes he's not. We actually get along better than any other siblings my friends have, Yeah, he used to fight me every day when I was a kid (he was bored, I guess?), but now we're older and we actually can talk seriously when a problem occurs. I really love my brother, but he sometimes treats me like crap. He randomly hits me, bothers me when I'm doing something and etc. Yes, I know, that's what brothers do, but that's not the only thing. Since he's older than me, he thinks I worth less, I think. When I do something and he doesn't like it, he yells at me and hurts me. The worst part is that usually he DOES THE SAME THING I DO. So basically, he thinks that I worth less and, since I'm younger, I can't do/say some things? Oh, and those things aren't swear words, it's basically everything (I can't think of an example, sorry).
This is personal so I'm not going to say it because I might get banned (and I don't want that to happen), but my brother had issues and problems when he was born. Years passed and he started fainting, getting dizzy, basically not feeling well. I can't tell everything, but it is really serious if my mother fainted when she saw him once in the little hospital. And I really feel sorry for him, he literally doesn't have luck in his life. I just wish I could help him somehow, put some things on myself instead of him. I don't want him to suffer, because that way me and my mom would suffer too, seeing him like that. I really, REALLY care about him and I just wish a part of things that happen to him actually happen to me. My mother and grandmother (who was a nurse) get really worried, and he.... He looks like he gave up on those problems. He seems life-less. It really bugs me because I can't help, and even if I offered help....he'd probably throw me away. But he's my brother and I love him.
Now, he really gets mad because of little things, like he's turning into our dad. As I said, he sometimes treats me badly and he often actually curses which also makes me feel bad. He thinks he's my parent to order me to shut up or anything like that. Hell to the no, I've got enough problems with our dad already. Don't act like you don't know what dad does to us! I really don't know how to explain the situation with him. I want us to get along, but sometimes I really can't stand him. As much as I love and care about him, I get really mad at him. I hate that so much, because he's somehow the ONLY sparkle of this family for me. He understands me, I guess, but here comes the part that buggs me the most. It's related with my mother too.

Now, my mother and brother think I'm a little kid who doesn't know what life is. Actually, they don't care about my thoughts and my feelings (along with my dad) what makes me really depressed. I am not a kid, I am mature for my age and stuff like that. But all in that, they don't ask when I'm feeling down. Maybe my mother sometimes do, but it seems like she really does NOT care about it, what makes me feel weird. She probably thinks it's the part of puberty that'll pass soon. But oh boy, nothing will pass that soon. And so, I'm trapped kinda alone when I get depressed or anything. I thought my mom would at least care, because my dad doesn't and my brother isn't the person I could cry with, but she.... She just doesn't. And I think I know the one part of the reason.
You see, I mentioned she's really worried about my brother along with my grandmother. That leads to a pretty silly situation I can't describe good because of my lame english (it's not my first language, hope you can understand me well). Hm, I often capture myself thinking about this thing where they don't think I'm not going through hard stuff. My mother seems to worry more about my brother than me. You know why? Since my brother is in high school, he gets pretty tired. Not only tired, he gets mad sometimes, it seems like he's in some kind of pain. He often complains about school making him hella' tired. He also complains about the daily, boring, tiresome days. He complains about a bunch of stuff, but not very often. But oh boy, why don't they think I go through the same thing? I just keep my freaking mouth shut. I go all this through MYSELF. And I really can tell my mother actually thinks and worries about him A LOT....

But what's with me? Really, who cares about me in this family? No one, that's who! My dad sure doesn't care or anything, no matter how awful that might sound to be spoken out of a teenager's mouth. My brother doesn't care as much as I care about him. He doesn't think about me at all. This might be normal since he, after all, IS my brother/sibling, but I feel he should care a bit about me. And we have my mom, who does care about me (she has to, she's my mom, right?), but seems to give more attention to my brother or anyone else. I just feel so lost in my family and I probably wasn't aware of all this until a moment what made me really think do we have serious family problems or not. I get really sad when thinking about all this. I wanted a normal, happy family, but I got a crazy dad who doesn't care about anyone's feels, a brother with some serious health problems, and a mom who has so much stuff to think about that she gets worried and often becomes the target of our mad/drunk father.

Wow, I honestly didn't think I'd write THIS long. It's even worse since I have problems other than family one's. Some of them are a bit related, some of them are not. But I believe I would be a DAMN better pupil if I had better parents, especially dad, that would actually help me or at least comfort me. And not yell and punish me. In fact, if there weren't any family problems and if I had a better dad, almost every other problem would disappear. Wow. Writing this down is good. Maybe I could start solving family problems, but what am I going to do with my dad? He IS my father after all.... There's nothng I can do to make him act better. I can't even talk with him normally, like he's not my real dad. But yeah, I was planning to start with my dad and the rest would be easier, but this is just too much to handle....

i read it all. *hugs*

[camiecat03]

Alright, I know people are busy and I'm REALLY sorry for a huge post, but I've got to let myself out a bit (because I over-thought again). Maybe it'll help me a bit if I just write it down, but I doubt it. If ANYONE reads this (some of you maybe would, but it's a pretty long story), could I just get a hug, please?
This second time I'm posting here....is about my family. Family problems and those stuff. Sorry, english is not my first language, I hope you can understand me well!

First of all, let's start with my father. He is really.... Huh, how could I explain that personality he has? He is strict. He only cares about the grades me and my brother get. He smokes sometimes, and he got drunk a few times and yelled at my mother for a made-up reason. (After that my mom would cry, and it is just awful seeing your mother cry.) Last time my mother and father had a fight was because of something my mother baked (idk what's the english word, sorry). Apparently, he was complaining it didn't turn out like the real one. IT WAS JUST GOOD TO EAT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WE ATE IT ALL. HOW DO YOU MEAN IT DOESN'T TASTE GOOD? If he doesn't like anything my mom makes, then why doesn't he try cooking? Ugh, this is only the smallest example I could get, because he's behaving really badly at my mom. Or it's about cooking or it's about money or it's about something she said/did.... Just awful. I really hope he will finally see what's he doing and start behaving better as a person.
Oh, and that's not the end. Not only that he behaves like we're all junk (he said I will be a loser if I don't get in the gymnasium, he said I will clean the streets if I don't get in it, and that's just a really awful thing to say to your daughter, isn't it?) Not only that he treats us badly, he even doesn't act like a real dad should. Like, when I bring a bad grade (C), he doesn't even think I'm feeling down because of it! He starts yelling, or even worse, talking in that low voice that scares me. Don't you think a father should actually help his daughter/son? Like, yelling isn't going to solve ANYTHING. Nor punishment, like no computer. All yelling does is make me feel really sad, depressed, and bad. I can't remember the last time he made me feel happy. I'm not sure if that ever happened.... The thing is; HE NEVER COMFORTED ME. Never. This is not a joke, I seriously don't like my dad at all. What happened to him? Maybe I my eyes weren't open enough as a little kid to see what's going on.... I'm not sure what's even the worst part. He even treats me and my mom like it's some other century. He think it's women's job to do the dishes, to clean the house, to make lunch, to do what he orders to do.... Seriously, I can't stand it when he orders me to do something, and not my brother. I mean, what? What is your God-damn problem?! Just because we're a female does NOT mean you can treat me and your wife like a piece of s***! This is the 21st century! All people should have equal rights, right? That's the thing I can't stand about him, he really does NOTHING around the house and then expect to be perfect? Me and my mother can't make literally the whole house clean just so he can put his majestic bottom on the couch and watch TV all the day after he gets back from the job/cafe. Jesus freaking Christ, dad. Why can't you be a normal father like everyone else's dad? Both him and my mother are out of this century, and my mom doesn't even think about my wishes or something like that. But let's leave it there.

Second is my brother. I don't know, he is sometimes nice to me, sometimes he's not. We actually get along better than any other siblings my friends have, Yeah, he used to fight me every day when I was a kid (he was bored, I guess?), but now we're older and we actually can talk seriously when a problem occurs. I really love my brother, but he sometimes treats me like crap. He randomly hits me, bothers me when I'm doing something and etc. Yes, I know, that's what brothers do, but that's not the only thing. Since he's older than me, he thinks I worth less, I think. When I do something and he doesn't like it, he yells at me and hurts me. The worst part is that usually he DOES THE SAME THING I DO. So basically, he thinks that I worth less and, since I'm younger, I can't do/say some things? Oh, and those things aren't swear words, it's basically everything (I can't think of an example, sorry).
This is personal so I'm not going to say it because I might get banned (and I don't want that to happen), but my brother had issues and problems when he was born. Years passed and he started fainting, getting dizzy, basically not feeling well. I can't tell everything, but it is really serious if my mother fainted when she saw him once in the little hospital. And I really feel sorry for him, he literally doesn't have luck in his life. I just wish I could help him somehow, put some things on myself instead of him. I don't want him to suffer, because that way me and my mom would suffer too, seeing him like that. I really, REALLY care about him and I just wish a part of things that happen to him actually happen to me. My mother and grandmother (who was a nurse) get really worried, and he.... He looks like he gave up on those problems. He seems life-less. It really bugs me because I can't help, and even if I offered help....he'd probably throw me away. But he's my brother and I love him.
Now, he really gets mad because of little things, like he's turning into our dad. As I said, he sometimes treats me badly and he often actually curses which also makes me feel bad. He thinks he's my parent to order me to shut up or anything like that. Hell to the no, I've got enough problems with our dad already. Don't act like you don't know what dad does to us! I really don't know how to explain the situation with him. I want us to get along, but sometimes I really can't stand him. As much as I love and care about him, I get really mad at him. I hate that so much, because he's somehow the ONLY sparkle of this family for me. He understands me, I guess, but here comes the part that buggs me the most. It's related with my mother too.

Now, my mother and brother think I'm a little kid who doesn't know what life is. Actually, they don't care about my thoughts and my feelings (along with my dad) what makes me really depressed. I am not a kid, I am mature for my age and stuff like that. But all in that, they don't ask when I'm feeling down. Maybe my mother sometimes do, but it seems like she really does NOT care about it, what makes me feel weird. She probably thinks it's the part of puberty that'll pass soon. But oh boy, nothing will pass that soon. And so, I'm trapped kinda alone when I get depressed or anything. I thought my mom would at least care, because my dad doesn't and my brother isn't the person I could cry with, but she.... She just doesn't. And I think I know the one part of the reason.
You see, I mentioned she's really worried about my brother along with my grandmother. That leads to a pretty silly situation I can't describe good because of my lame english (it's not my first language, hope you can understand me well). Hm, I often capture myself thinking about this thing where they don't think I'm not going through hard stuff. My mother seems to worry more about my brother than me. You know why? Since my brother is in high school, he gets pretty tired. Not only tired, he gets mad sometimes, it seems like he's in some kind of pain. He often complains about school making him hella' tired. He also complains about the daily, boring, tiresome days. He complains about a bunch of stuff, but not very often. But oh boy, why don't they think I go through the same thing? I just keep my freaking mouth shut. I go all this through MYSELF. And I really can tell my mother actually thinks and worries about him A LOT....

But what's with me? Really, who cares about me in this family? No one, that's who! My dad sure doesn't care or anything, no matter how awful that might sound to be spoken out of a teenager's mouth. My brother doesn't care as much as I care about him. He doesn't think about me at all. This might be normal since he, after all, IS my brother/sibling, but I feel he should care a bit about me. And we have my mom, who does care about me (she has to, she's my mom, right?), but seems to give more attention to my brother or anyone else. I just feel so lost in my family and I probably wasn't aware of all this until a moment what made me really think do we have serious family problems or not. I get really sad when thinking about all this. I wanted a normal, happy family, but I got a crazy dad who doesn't care about anyone's feels, a brother with some serious health problems, and a mom who has so much stuff to think about that she gets worried and often becomes the target of our mad/drunk father.

Wow, I honestly didn't think I'd write THIS long. It's even worse since I have problems other than family one's. Some of them are a bit related, some of them are not. But I believe I would be a DAMN better pupil if I had better parents, especially dad, that would actually help me or at least comfort me. And not yell and punish me. In fact, if there weren't any family problems and if I had a better dad, almost every other problem would disappear. Wow. Writing this down is good. Maybe I could start solving family problems, but what am I going to do with my dad? He IS my father after all.... There's nothing I can do to make him act better. I can't even talk with him normally, like he's not my real dad. But yeah, I was planning to start with my dad and the rest would be easier, but this is just too much to handle....

*bear hugs and holds comfortingly* Oh honey-bun. I'm so sorry that you have to go through all that. I can relate with you and your bro... his problem was different... but yeah, he definitively acts likes a big bro... Once your 18 you can get out of there house. be strong and I'll pray for you and our family *hug for the road*

[CaptiveLegacy]

You know what. Today is that day I am going to change.
For the last few months my depression has been increasing and I became very snappy and rude towards everyone I love.
And it drove away the person I loved the most; my boyfriend.
Today he explained that some of the reasons he left me is because of my attitude and how I changed.
I still care for him, and even though he was stand offish on the phone(he's very shy about his emotions), I could tell he was upset and that he still somewhat cares for me.

So I have decided to seek more professional help, my behavioral specialist is a very nice person, but there hasn't been any progress.
I have two strait months to let things simmer down and cool off, and for me to improve my personality and be that girl he fell in love with over a year ago.
I hope that when the next time he comes up for college, we can hang out with a group of friends, like we used to do. And hopefully from there we can maybe start hanging out together again, and maybe date again.

I'm scared though, i'm scared he maybe wont take me back...
But he has cared for me, loved me, and adored me for almost two years.
I still think he has feelings for me...I hope.

Ugh, I still need comfort though, I would love to pm someone.

[LuvFinnick123]

Alright, I know people are busy and I'm REALLY sorry for a huge post, but I've got to let myself out a bit (because I over-thought again). Maybe it'll help me a bit if I just write it down, but I doubt it. If ANYONE reads this (some of you maybe would, but it's a pretty long story), could I just get a hug, please?
This second time I'm posting here....is about my family. Family problems and those stuff. Sorry, english is not my first language, I hope you can understand me well!

First of all, let's start with my father. He is really.... Huh, how could I explain that personality he has? He is strict. He only cares about the grades me and my brother get. He smokes sometimes, and he got drunk a few times and yelled at my mother for a made-up reason. (After that my mom would cry, and it is just awful seeing your mother cry.) Last time my mother and father had a fight was because of something my mother baked (idk what's the english word, sorry). Apparently, he was complaining it didn't turn out like the real one. IT WAS JUST GOOD TO EAT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WE ATE IT ALL. HOW DO YOU MEAN IT DOESN'T TASTE GOOD? If he doesn't like anything my mom makes, then why doesn't he try cooking? Ugh, this is only the smallest example I could get, because he's behaving really badly at my mom. Or it's about cooking or it's about money or it's about something she said/did.... Just awful. I really hope he will finally see what's he doing and start behaving better as a person.
Oh, and that's not the end. Not only that he behaves like we're all junk (he said I will be a loser if I don't get in the gymnasium, he said I will clean the streets if I don't get in it, and that's just a really awful thing to say to your daughter, isn't it?) Not only that he treats us badly, he even doesn't act like a real dad should. Like, when I bring a bad grade (C), he doesn't even think I'm feeling down because of it! He starts yelling, or even worse, talking in that low voice that scares me. Don't you think a father should actually help his daughter/son? Like, yelling isn't going to solve ANYTHING. Nor punishment, like no computer. All yelling does is make me feel really sad, depressed, and bad. I can't remember the last time he made me feel happy. I'm not sure if that ever happened.... The thing is; HE NEVER COMFORTED ME. Never. This is not a joke, I seriously don't like my dad at all. What happened to him? Maybe I my eyes weren't open enough as a little kid to see what's going on.... I'm not sure what's even the worst part. He even treats me and my mom like it's some other century. He think it's women's job to do the dishes, to clean the house, to make lunch, to do what he orders to do.... Seriously, I can't stand it when he orders me to do something, and not my brother. I mean, what? What is your God-damn problem?! Just because we're a female does NOT mean you can treat me and your wife like a piece of s***! This is the 21st century! All people should have equal rights, right? That's the thing I can't stand about him, he really does NOTHING around the house and then expect to be perfect? Me and my mother can't make literally the whole house clean just so he can put his majestic bottom on the couch and watch TV all the day after he gets back from the job/cafe. Jesus freaking Christ, dad. Why can't you be a normal father like everyone else's dad? Both him and my mother are out of this century, and my mom doesn't even think about my wishes or something like that. But let's leave it there.

Second is my brother. I don't know, he is sometimes nice to me, sometimes he's not. We actually get along better than any other siblings my friends have, Yeah, he used to fight me every day when I was a kid (he was bored, I guess?), but now we're older and we actually can talk seriously when a problem occurs. I really love my brother, but he sometimes treats me like crap. He randomly hits me, bothers me when I'm doing something and etc. Yes, I know, that's what brothers do, but that's not the only thing. Since he's older than me, he thinks I worth less, I think. When I do something and he doesn't like it, he yells at me and hurts me. The worst part is that usually he DOES THE SAME THING I DO. So basically, he thinks that I worth less and, since I'm younger, I can't do/say some things? Oh, and those things aren't swear words, it's basically everything (I can't think of an example, sorry).
This is personal so I'm not going to say it because I might get banned (and I don't want that to happen), but my brother had issues and problems when he was born. Years passed and he started fainting, getting dizzy, basically not feeling well. I can't tell everything, but it is really serious if my mother fainted when she saw him once in the little hospital. And I really feel sorry for him, he literally doesn't have luck in his life. I just wish I could help him somehow, put some things on myself instead of him. I don't want him to suffer, because that way me and my mom would suffer too, seeing him like that. I really, REALLY care about him and I just wish a part of things that happen to him actually happen to me. My mother and grandmother (who was a nurse) get really worried, and he.... He looks like he gave up on those problems. He seems life-less. It really bugs me because I can't help, and even if I offered help....he'd probably throw me away. But he's my brother and I love him.
Now, he really gets mad because of little things, like he's turning into our dad. As I said, he sometimes treats me badly and he often actually curses which also makes me feel bad. He thinks he's my parent to order me to shut up or anything like that. Hell to the no, I've got enough problems with our dad already. Don't act like you don't know what dad does to us! I really don't know how to explain the situation with him. I want us to get along, but sometimes I really can't stand him. As much as I love and care about him, I get really mad at him. I hate that so much, because he's somehow the ONLY sparkle of this family for me. He understands me, I guess, but here comes the part that buggs me the most. It's related with my mother too.

Now, my mother and brother think I'm a little kid who doesn't know what life is. Actually, they don't care about my thoughts and my feelings (along with my dad) what makes me really depressed. I am not a kid, I am mature for my age and stuff like that. But all in that, they don't ask when I'm feeling down. Maybe my mother sometimes do, but it seems like she really does NOT care about it, what makes me feel weird. She probably thinks it's the part of puberty that'll pass soon. But oh boy, nothing will pass that soon. And so, I'm trapped kinda alone when I get depressed or anything. I thought my mom would at least care, because my dad doesn't and my brother isn't the person I could cry with, but she.... She just doesn't. And I think I know the one part of the reason.
You see, I mentioned she's really worried about my brother along with my grandmother. That leads to a pretty silly situation I can't describe good because of my lame english (it's not my first language, hope you can understand me well). Hm, I often capture myself thinking about this thing where they don't think I'm not going through hard stuff. My mother seems to worry more about my brother than me. You know why? Since my brother is in high school, he gets pretty tired. Not only tired, he gets mad sometimes, it seems like he's in some kind of pain. He often complains about school making him hella' tired. He also complains about the daily, boring, tiresome days. He complains about a bunch of stuff, but not very often. But oh boy, why don't they think I go through the same thing? I just keep my freaking mouth shut. I go all this through MYSELF. And I really can tell my mother actually thinks and worries about him A LOT....

But what's with me? Really, who cares about me in this family? No one, that's who! My dad sure doesn't care or anything, no matter how awful that might sound to be spoken out of a teenager's mouth. My brother doesn't care as much as I care about him. He doesn't think about me at all. This might be normal since he, after all, IS my brother/sibling, but I feel he should care a bit about me. And we have my mom, who does care about me (she has to, she's my mom, right?), but seems to give more attention to my brother or anyone else. I just feel so lost in my family and I probably wasn't aware of all this until a moment what made me really think do we have serious family problems or not. I get really sad when thinking about all this. I wanted a normal, happy family, but I got a crazy dad who doesn't care about anyone's feels, a brother with some serious health problems, and a mom who has so much stuff to think about that she gets worried and often becomes the target of our mad/drunk father.

Wow, I honestly didn't think I'd write THIS long. It's even worse since I have problems other than family one's. Some of them are a bit related, some of them are not. But I believe I would be a DAMN better pupil if I had better parents, especially dad, that would actually help me or at least comfort me. And not yell and punish me. In fact, if there weren't any family problems and if I had a better dad, almost every other problem would disappear. Wow. Writing this down is good. Maybe I could start solving family problems, but what am I going to do with my dad? He IS my father after all.... There's nothng I can do to make him act better. I can't even talk with him normally, like he's not my real dad. But yeah, I was planning to start with my dad and the rest would be easier, but this is just too much to handle....

*Hugs* I'm sorry. Things will get better. Your family does love and care about you. PM me if you ever need to talk

[Companion Zani]

You know what. Today is that day I am going to change.
For the last few months my depression has been increasing and I became very snappy and rude towards everyone I love.
And it drove away the person I loved the most; my boyfriend.
Today he explained that some of the reasons he left me is because of my attitude and how I changed.
I still care for him, and even though he was stand offish on the phone(he's very shy about his emotions), I could tell he was upset and that he still somewhat cares for me.

So I have decided to seek more professional help, my behavioral specialist is a very nice person, but there hasn't been any progress.
I have two strait months to let things simmer down and cool off, and for me to improve my personality and be that girl he fell in love with over a year ago.
I hope that when the next time he comes up for college, we can hang out with a group of friends, like we used to do. And hopefully from there we can maybe start hanging out together again, and maybe date again.

I'm scared though, i'm scared he maybe wont take me back...
But he has cared for me, loved me, and adored me for almost two years.
I still think he has feelings for me...I hope.

Ugh, I still need comfort though, I would love to pm someone.

I pmed you. Feel free to talk and vent as much as you want. *hugs*

[CaptiveLegacy]

Thank you to those who have pmed me, I will try to reply back to you soon ~
Trying to do some work and just chill at the moment, though you guys really cheered me up showing that others care <3
*hugs everyone here*

[MenheraCollie]

Alright, I know people are busy and I'm REALLY sorry for a huge post, but I've got to let myself out a bit (because I over-thought again). Maybe it'll help me a bit if I just write it down, but I doubt it. If ANYONE reads this (some of you maybe would, but it's a pretty long story), could I just get a hug, please?
This second time I'm posting here....is about my family. Family problems and those stuff. Sorry, english is not my first language, I hope you can understand me well!

First of all, let's start with my father. He is really.... Huh, how could I explain that personality he has? He is strict. He only cares about the grades me and my brother get. He smokes sometimes, and he got drunk a few times and yelled at my mother for a made-up reason. (After that my mom would cry, and it is just awful seeing your mother cry.) Last time my mother and father had a fight was because of something my mother baked (idk what's the english word, sorry). Apparently, he was complaining it didn't turn out like the real one. IT WAS JUST GOOD TO EAT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WE ATE IT ALL. HOW DO YOU MEAN IT DOESN'T TASTE GOOD? If he doesn't like anything my mom makes, then why doesn't he try cooking? Ugh, this is only the smallest example I could get, because he's behaving really badly at my mom. Or it's about cooking or it's about money or it's about something she said/did.... Just awful. I really hope he will finally see what's he doing and start behaving better as a person.
Oh, and that's not the end. Not only that he behaves like we're all junk (he said I will be a loser if I don't get in the gymnasium, he said I will clean the streets if I don't get in it, and that's just a really awful thing to say to your daughter, isn't it?) Not only that he treats us badly, he even doesn't act like a real dad should. Like, when I bring a bad grade (C), he doesn't even think I'm feeling down because of it! He starts yelling, or even worse, talking in that low voice that scares me. Don't you think a father should actually help his daughter/son? Like, yelling isn't going to solve ANYTHING. Nor punishment, like no computer. All yelling does is make me feel really sad, depressed, and bad. I can't remember the last time he made me feel happy. I'm not sure if that ever happened.... The thing is; HE NEVER COMFORTED ME. Never. This is not a joke, I seriously don't like my dad at all. What happened to him? Maybe I my eyes weren't open enough as a little kid to see what's going on.... I'm not sure what's even the worst part. He even treats me and my mom like it's some other century. He think it's women's job to do the dishes, to clean the house, to make lunch, to do what he orders to do.... Seriously, I can't stand it when he orders me to do something, and not my brother. I mean, what? What is your God-damn problem?! Just because we're a female does NOT mean you can treat me and your wife like a piece of s***! This is the 21st century! All people should have equal rights, right? That's the thing I can't stand about him, he really does NOTHING around the house and then expect to be perfect? Me and my mother can't make literally the whole house clean just so he can put his majestic bottom on the couch and watch TV all the day after he gets back from the job/cafe. Jesus freaking Christ, dad. Why can't you be a normal father like everyone else's dad? Both him and my mother are out of this century, and my mom doesn't even think about my wishes or something like that. But let's leave it there.

Second is my brother. I don't know, he is sometimes nice to me, sometimes he's not. We actually get along better than any other siblings my friends have, Yeah, he used to fight me every day when I was a kid (he was bored, I guess?), but now we're older and we actually can talk seriously when a problem occurs. I really love my brother, but he sometimes treats me like crap. He randomly hits me, bothers me when I'm doing something and etc. Yes, I know, that's what brothers do, but that's not the only thing. Since he's older than me, he thinks I worth less, I think. When I do something and he doesn't like it, he yells at me and hurts me. The worst part is that usually he DOES THE SAME THING I DO. So basically, he thinks that I worth less and, since I'm younger, I can't do/say some things? Oh, and those things aren't swear words, it's basically everything (I can't think of an example, sorry).
This is personal so I'm not going to say it because I might get banned (and I don't want that to happen), but my brother had issues and problems when he was born. Years passed and he started fainting, getting dizzy, basically not feeling well. I can't tell everything, but it is really serious if my mother fainted when she saw him once in the little hospital. And I really feel sorry for him, he literally doesn't have luck in his life. I just wish I could help him somehow, put some things on myself instead of him. I don't want him to suffer, because that way me and my mom would suffer too, seeing him like that. I really, REALLY care about him and I just wish a part of things that happen to him actually happen to me. My mother and grandmother (who was a nurse) get really worried, and he.... He looks like he gave up on those problems. He seems life-less. It really bugs me because I can't help, and even if I offered help....he'd probably throw me away. But he's my brother and I love him.
Now, he really gets mad because of little things, like he's turning into our dad. As I said, he sometimes treats me badly and he often actually curses which also makes me feel bad. He thinks he's my parent to order me to shut up or anything like that. Hell to the no, I've got enough problems with our dad already. Don't act like you don't know what dad does to us! I really don't know how to explain the situation with him. I want us to get along, but sometimes I really can't stand him. As much as I love and care about him, I get really mad at him. I hate that so much, because he's somehow the ONLY sparkle of this family for me. He understands me, I guess, but here comes the part that buggs me the most. It's related with my mother too.

Now, my mother and brother think I'm a little kid who doesn't know what life is. Actually, they don't care about my thoughts and my feelings (along with my dad) what makes me really depressed. I am not a kid, I am mature for my age and stuff like that. But all in that, they don't ask when I'm feeling down. Maybe my mother sometimes do, but it seems like she really does NOT care about it, what makes me feel weird. She probably thinks it's the part of puberty that'll pass soon. But oh boy, nothing will pass that soon. And so, I'm trapped kinda alone when I get depressed or anything. I thought my mom would at least care, because my dad doesn't and my brother isn't the person I could cry with, but she.... She just doesn't. And I think I know the one part of the reason.
You see, I mentioned she's really worried about my brother along with my grandmother. That leads to a pretty silly situation I can't describe good because of my lame english (it's not my first language, hope you can understand me well). Hm, I often capture myself thinking about this thing where they don't think I'm not going through hard stuff. My mother seems to worry more about my brother than me. You know why? Since my brother is in high school, he gets pretty tired. Not only tired, he gets mad sometimes, it seems like he's in some kind of pain. He often complains about school making him hella' tired. He also complains about the daily, boring, tiresome days. He complains about a bunch of stuff, but not very often. But oh boy, why don't they think I go through the same thing? I just keep my freaking mouth shut. I go all this through MYSELF. And I really can tell my mother actually thinks and worries about him A LOT....

But what's with me? Really, who cares about me in this family? No one, that's who! My dad sure doesn't care or anything, no matter how awful that might sound to be spoken out of a teenager's mouth. My brother doesn't care as much as I care about him. He doesn't think about me at all. This might be normal since he, after all, IS my brother/sibling, but I feel he should care a bit about me. And we have my mom, who does care about me (she has to, she's my mom, right?), but seems to give more attention to my brother or anyone else. I just feel so lost in my family and I probably wasn't aware of all this until a moment what made me really think do we have serious family problems or not. I get really sad when thinking about all this. I wanted a normal, happy family, but I got a crazy dad who doesn't care about anyone's feels, a brother with some serious health problems, and a mom who has so much stuff to think about that she gets worried and often becomes the target of our mad/drunk father.

Wow, I honestly didn't think I'd write THIS long. It's even worse since I have problems other than family one's. Some of them are a bit related, some of them are not. But I believe I would be a DAMN better pupil if I had better parents, especially dad, that would actually help me or at least comfort me. And not yell and punish me. In fact, if there weren't any family problems and if I had a better dad, almost every other problem would disappear. Wow. Writing this down is good. Maybe I could start solving family problems, but what am I going to do with my dad? He IS my father after all.... There's nothng I can do to make him act better. I can't even talk with him normally, like he's not my real dad. But yeah, I was planning to start with my dad and the rest would be easier, but this is just too much to handle....

I'm sorry I only read to half I have that same problem exept my step dad doesn't get drunk. *hugs*

[button.]

Hey guys c:

So I normally don't come around here very often, but i've just been feeling so emotionally hit recently, and I just don't know what to do. I was hoping if I just wrote it all down, then maybe I'll feel a little bit better. Ok, here goes.

For a few years now, I've wanted to be a singer. Yeah, I know it's really unlikely I'll ever actually get there, but we hey, what's life if you don't have something to strive for? The only thing is, I'm just so frustrated. I'm musically frustrated. I love to write songs, but lately I just feel like everything I've been putting on paper is total crap. Maybe it's because I keep listening to Taylor Swift songs and reading about how prestigious her song writing is, but I just don't know. I keep trying and trying, but everything just gets jumbled up and flows terribly, and I just... I feel like I can't. I just can't. I compare myself to everyone, especially people older and better than me, and I just feel like total crap. Like I'm worthless. It sounds like I'm about to do something drastic here, but really, I understand that some things you do you can't take back, and I would never self harm. I just wish that I had more to write about, you know? Song writing would be easier if I had something or someone to sing about. I have no one in my life worth singing for.

Lately, I've just been feeling really alone. Like no one understands me. I do have friends, quite a lot actually. But all of them are starting to bug me. It all goes back to comparing myself to people again. My best friend in the whole entire world is always talking about how all these guys are flirting with her and telling her how hot she is and I know she enjoys it way too much. I don;t blame her, she's lost 70 pounds since last year and feels awesome now. It bothers me when other people tell her how tiny she is because again; I compare myself to her, and I don't feel as worthwhile as everybody else. Heres another thing; I've never had a boyfriend. Ok, I know that's not a terrible thing since i'm only in highschool. But I apparently compare other people too, and I have way to high standards for almost any guy that isn't in One Direction, and honestly that's just sad. Like, really pathetic. One Direction kind of ruined my life, but then theyre there to save it again. That's another reason I want to become a singer. So I wont be "just another fan" to them. Maybe if the world knows who I am, so will they.

I've been thinking of starting a journal almost, something that I post on CS. Whenever I just need to write something I can go on there where I will just be another chicken smoothian and no one will actually no who I am. I really like this whole anonymous thing a lot. I can write what I feel without getting embarrassed. But now I have to touch back on the first real paragraph about feeling alone. I almost don't want to be anonymous. I see all these people on Chicken Smoothie with links to all their best friends on here in their signatures. It honestly makes me feel sad. I feel a physical longing for someone to recognize me, to think of me as a friend. I probably sound like a weirdo talking about how I want some friends, but I just don't know where else to go.

So here I am, just venting my feelings to you guys. You probably didn;t even read all of it, and honestly, it doesn't bother me that you didn't. Sometimes what someone needs to feel better is just to get everything out, and that's what I'm doing. You can PM me if you want, I would love to talk with you c: Don't feel like you have to though; I'm ok ^^ If you did happen to read every little bit, thanks for hanging in there with me <3