My dearest C…
Words cannot describe how much you mean to me, but I will attempt them anyway. I haven't known you for very long, but I've fallen farther in love with you than I ever intended to. You are a truly beautiful person, and the very thought of losing you is worse than death. If only you saw me the same way.
I know you see me as more of a little sister than anything, but that doesn't stop me from wishing for more. It's pathetic, really; the way I stumble around you. Your smile brings tears to my eyes, and my hearts flutters, skipping a beat when you so much as brush against me. It kills me inside to see you struggling with your own problems, and I wish you knew that I would put everything aside just to help you.
So, I hope you understand why I feel the way I do when I see you holding her hand. When you give her that smile that I felt was reserved for me, I die internally. When she stares into those lovely eyes, green-blue pools, filled with love and amity, I want to scream. So I distance myself from you, because I know I can't have you. I'm avoiding you because I am a selfish wretch. I am not giving you the cold shoulder, and I most certainly don't hate you. I'm just protecting myself.
my fondest memory of late is that short time we spent together, just playing the piano. My two greatest loves, piano, and you, together. It felt so right. I remember the one simple duet you taught me, and I remember our fingers brushing together for a moment. I wanted to stay like that forever.
I feel so safe in your arms. I think I hold you for too long sometimes. I feel so small against you, but then again, it just feels so perfect to me. And a couple days ago, I caught you looking at me from across the room. We both looked away immediately, but my heart bubbled with that sickening feeling called hope. I chose to ignore it, but that feeling is filling me to the brim as of late. You're the reason I get out of bed in the morning, anymore.
I truly believe that you deserve someone prettier, better mannered, and more talented than me. All I want is for you to be happy with whatever you do, and whatever choices you make; even if I'm not one of them. I truly love you, unconditionally, and I hope you love and appreciated the aforementioned girl. and I hope she loves you with her entire being, and makes you as happy as you want to be, because she really is the luckiest girl in the world.
Sincerely,
Your Pathetic Friend