The Advanced Writer's Club

[team free kick sass]

I had a sudden wash of inspiration drown me today, so I thought I'd start writing. c:

I'd appreciate any critique, thought, opinions, etc, and don't feel bad about being harsh on me. I also need to know if you've seen a lot of this on CS. I mean, is the plot cliche? Worn out? Or for once is it something original? Cx

I have two main characters, and each chapter would focus in on one of them at a time. It's a love story with action. In case you don't like any romance :b But really, the romance doesn't come in until later. So I made a little mini-plot for each of my characters, Sierra and Darren. (Though I want to change his name; suggestions?)
I won't type all of the plot, in case you end up reading it. Nobody likes a spoil. xD



she was abandoned by her parents. Something most people dread. But in the whole scheme of things, really, it was her fault. She didn't make it easy for her parents. Sierra wasn't going to sit around and hate herself the rest of her life, though. She was a fierce girl, and always admired those in history. Maybe, she pondered, if I do something amazing, people will study me in school....
So she ventured out, with no protection or safety belt (dumb girl) into the dangerous world of Saeged. It was a magical place. It was a place us humans dream about. There were dragons, trolls, werewolves, and more. It was beautiful. Until you get stabbed in the bam with a unicorn horn. But really, unicorns were the least of your problem in Saeged. Will Sierra make it, or will the evil creatures of her mysterious country win out this time?






he was a normal kid, grew up to be a normal teen. He went out searching for some meat to feed his family, and traveled to far away to find his way back. He was unprepared and unready to grow up so fast. In his search to find home, he just traveled farther north, where the land was even more treacherous and the woods were even more filled with ominous predators. He tried o so hard to find safety, home, anyone, but failed. Nobody wanted him; he was weak and sick, and would be worthless to them. He couldn't do anything, and its a shock he's still alive to tell his tale.



So as you know this is only the first half of what I have jotted down in my notebook, but I'd appreciate it if you still gave your comments on it <3

And yeah, of course they're gonna end up finding each other eventually. Cx

[indebted]

I had a sudden wash of inspiration drown me today, so I thought I'd start writing. c:

I'd appreciate any critique, thought, opinions, etc, and don't feel bad about being harsh on me. I also need to know if you've seen a lot of this on CS. I mean, is the plot cliche? Worn out? Or for once is it something original? Cx

I have two main characters, and each chapter would focus in on one of them at a time. It's a love story with action. In case you don't like any romance :b But really, the romance doesn't come in until later. So I made a little mini-plot for each of my characters, Sierra and Darren. (Though I want to change his name; suggestions?)
I won't type all of the plot, in case you end up reading it. Nobody likes a spoil. xD



she was abandoned by her parents. Something most people dread. But in the whole scheme of things, really, it was her fault. She didn't make it easy for her parents. Sierra wasn't going to sit around and hate herself the rest of her life, though. She was a fierce girl, and always admired those in history. Maybe, she pondered, if I do something amazing, people will study me in school....
So she ventured out, with no protection or safety belt (dumb girl) into the dangerous world of Saeged. It was a magical place. It was a place us humans dream about. There were dragons, trolls, werewolves, and more. It was beautiful. Until you get stabbed in the bam with a unicorn horn. But really, unicorns were the least of your problem in Saeged. Will Sierra make it, or will the evil creatures of her mysterious country win out this time?






he was a normal kid, grew up to be a normal teen. He went out searching for some meat to feed his family, and traveled to far away to find his way back. He was unprepared and unready to grow up so fast. In his search to find home, he just traveled farther north, where the land was even more treacherous and the woods were even more filled with ominous predators. He tried o so hard to find safety, home, anyone, but failed. Nobody wanted him; he was weak and sick, and would be worthless to them. He couldn't do anything, and its a shock he's still alive to tell his tale.



So as you know this is only the first half of what I have jotted down in my notebook, but I'd appreciate it if you still gave your comments on it <3

And yeah, of course they're gonna end up finding each other eventually. Cx

First of all, and I hope you don't think I'm harsh. I'm a bit hard on people sometimes when I find grammar mistakes. It's we humans, not us humans. In Darren's storyline, it should be, He couldn't do anything, and it was a shock he was still alive to tell his tale. You are the narrator. Not the storyteller--that is not formal, not even really writing unless it's in a journal. Great so far, though. I'd love to read more!

[team free kick sass]

I had a sudden wash of inspiration drown me today, so I thought I'd start writing. c:

I'd appreciate any critique, thought, opinions, etc, and don't feel bad about being harsh on me. I also need to know if you've seen a lot of this on CS. I mean, is the plot cliche? Worn out? Or for once is it something original? Cx

I have two main characters, and each chapter would focus in on one of them at a time. It's a love story with action. In case you don't like any romance :b But really, the romance doesn't come in until later. So I made a little mini-plot for each of my characters, Sierra and Darren. (Though I want to change his name; suggestions?)
I won't type all of the plot, in case you end up reading it. Nobody likes a spoil. xD



she was abandoned by her parents. Something most people dread. But in the whole scheme of things, really, it was her fault. She didn't make it easy for her parents. Sierra wasn't going to sit around and hate herself the rest of her life, though. She was a fierce girl, and always admired those in history. Maybe, she pondered, if I do something amazing, people will study me in school....
So she ventured out, with no protection or safety belt (dumb girl) into the dangerous world of Saeged. It was a magical place. It was a place us humans dream about. There were dragons, trolls, werewolves, and more. It was beautiful. Until you get stabbed in the bam with a unicorn horn. But really, unicorns were the least of your problem in Saeged. Will Sierra make it, or will the evil creatures of her mysterious country win out this time?






he was a normal kid, grew up to be a normal teen. He went out searching for some meat to feed his family, and traveled to far away to find his way back. He was unprepared and unready to grow up so fast. In his search to find home, he just traveled farther north, where the land was even more treacherous and the woods were even more filled with ominous predators. He tried o so hard to find safety, home, anyone, but failed. Nobody wanted him; he was weak and sick, and would be worthless to them. He couldn't do anything, and its a shock he's still alive to tell his tale.



So as you know this is only the first half of what I have jotted down in my notebook, but I'd appreciate it if you still gave your comments on it <3

And yeah, of course they're gonna end up finding each other eventually. Cx
[color=#00BFFF]

First of all, and I hope you don't think I'm harsh. I'm a bit hard on people sometimes when I find grammar mistakes. It's we humans, not us humans. In Darren's storyline, it should be, He couldn't do anything, and it was a shock he was still alive to tell his tale. You are the narrator. Not the storyteller--that is not formal, not even really writing unless it's in a journal. Great so far, though. I'd love to read more![/color]

I typed this on my iPad, so there's a good chance I misspelled we as ws and it autocorrect end to us. Or something like that cx And no worries, you weren't being harsh, I need advice like that. ^^

[eden .]

>> I've got like 10 short stories here, and I'd like really appreciate any critique at all on the thread on any of them.
>> you don't have to read them all. just even one would be amazing ;u;
>> and you can post on the thread there. it'll make the critique/comment easier to find. c:

>> edit oh also if any of you read "alexander/ra" on here before it was taken down, the very last short story is almost like an AU kind of deal where alexander doesn't meet the end that he does. ^^

[crescent + cheep]

@ Chemical Blonde
(:
no worries, no hurry

I thought up a plot for a story I'm writing, it's not exactly perfect, but I think it's a start. what do you guys think?

Mercy moves to Brighton with her cat [infinity] and meets Casta and his bullies, one of which is Zayn. She also gets to know Bree and Shea. So basically her cat turns out to be a soul-eater, and somebody murders Mercy, and she comes back as a soul, along with Zayn, who is also killed, and her former rival becomes an ally. Casta starts being possessed and Bree and Shea are still searching for Mercy to save her soul from the soul eaters. There would also be soul-hunters who hunt souls and put them in special containers and there are more and more deaths in the city, of unknown cause.

[eden .]

>> @infinite stars: hm, I'm not sure if I'd go for that plot myself if I saw it in a bookstore. however, I think the main part of it is that I have a very hard time grasping what sort of world your story is set in, and the cat being a soul-eater, especially, seems somewhat ridiculous to me? but of course, I don't know the setting or anything of your story. I'm sure there's potential in it, however, although you might have trouble balancing all of those characters. it sounds like most if not all of them are going to become main characters / have a very large, significant role.
>> and I'm not sure if there's a clear antagonist yet. of course, there's casta and casta-possessed, but there seems to be a lot going on at once that makes it seem like it has maybe 2 storylines: bree and shea trying to save mercy and zayn and another one where casta is possessed and they have to help him.
>> this is only probably because the summary was rather short, though. don't take all of it to heart ^^''

[team free kick sass]

@ Chemical Blonde
(:
no worries, no hurry

I thought up a plot for a story I'm writing, it's not exactly perfect, but I think it's a start. what do you guys think?

Mercy moves to Brighton with her cat [infinity] and meets Casta and his bullies, one of which is Zayn. She also gets to know Bree and Shea. So basically her cat turns out to be a soul-eater, and somebody murders Mercy, and she comes back as a soul, along with Zayn, who is also killed, and her former rival becomes an ally. Casta starts being possessed and Bree and Shea are still searching for Mercy to save her soul from the soul eaters. There would also be soul-hunters who hunt souls and put them in special containers and there are more and more deaths in the city, of unknown cause.

girl your ideas always rock. a little more developing and lots of people would read it. c:

[crescent + cheep]

>> I've got like 10 short stories here, and I'd like really appreciate any critique at all on the thread on any of them.
>> you don't have to read them all. just even one would be amazing ;u;
>> and you can post on the thread there. it'll make the critique/comment easier to find. c:

>> edit oh also if any of you read "alexander/ra" on here before it was taken down, the very last short story is almost like an AU kind of deal where alexander doesn't meet the end that he does. ^^

I read the "Mentality: Part one" story...


With a shuddering screech that trembled through the slick stone floor and vibrated through my bones, the thick iron door boomed shut. The last shaft of white light disappeared from my bare, bony ankles.


I think those two sentences are too adjective heavy. It makes it hard to read, and in my mind doesn't really flow. I understand that you want to describe the environment, but I think it's too heavy :/



My previously inaudible whistling from my nostrils sounded like a shrill beacon.


The my - my repetition sounds strange when I read it, maybe change it to "The previously".



I crashed onto the ground, my head knocking back into the wall and my shoulder scraping down against the wall.


You have another repetition here wall-wall, maybe change that too. :3 "scraping down against it", for example.



I scrambled to my feet and shot in the general direction of where I thought the door was


Shouldn't that be "shot off" instead of shot? Otherwise it makes it sound like she has a gun, but that doesn't make sense in the context.
...
Just my two or three cents - my opinion, in any case.
:#

[crescent + cheep]

>> @infinite stars: hm, I'm not sure if I'd go for that plot myself if I saw it in a bookstore. however, I think the main part of it is that I have a very hard time grasping what sort of world your story is set in, and the cat being a soul-eater, especially, seems somewhat ridiculous to me? but of course, I don't know the setting or anything of your story. I'm sure there's potential in it, however, although you might have trouble balancing all of those characters. it sounds like most if not all of them are going to become main characters / have a very large, significant role.
>> and I'm not sure if there's a clear antagonist yet. of course, there's casta and casta-possessed, but there seems to be a lot going on at once that makes it seem like it has maybe 2 storylines: bree and shea trying to save mercy and zayn and another one where casta is possessed and they have to help him.
>> this is only probably because the summary was rather short, though. don't take all of it to heart ^^''

@ cheer
Thank you :3

@ asian
well, the world is the normal world, but I think It'll kind of plunge into a parallel fantasy world, if that makes more sense ^^
the antagonist[s] would be the cat, possessed casta, and the soul-hunters [basically people who catch souls to sell them to soul eaters]. I don't even know, it's a very basic idea right now - plus I need to decide on what storylines I'll follow, because I'd love to do a part from Castas possessed POV, and one of Mercy and Zane, and one of Shea and Bree and Casta, but from a general POV xD-

No worries, I appreciate the critique, and I'm not very good at plots yet, it's something I need to practice [along with critiques].
(: Thank you.

[I find it very amusing that my spellcheck wants to change Casta to Pasta.]
[what would you guys think of genetically modified, flesh-eating locusts made by rebels who want [something] and say they'll effectively give the government the product that will kill the locusts, but it turns out that they haven't got one in the end.]
[Or a hopscotch gone wrong. Like there are kids playing hopscotch and suddenly one falls through a chalked square and dissapears.]
[Or a mysterious suicide, which would start with an account of a character of a slide, which is where they found the dead girl, on the deathday of the girl, where people of the neighborhood come and throw petals over it to remember.]

[wolfie.]

>> I've got like 10 short stories here, and I'd like really appreciate any critique at all on the thread on any of them.
>> you don't have to read them all. just even one would be amazing ;u;
>> and you can post on the thread there. it'll make the critique/comment easier to find. c:

>> edit oh also if any of you read "alexander/ra" on here before it was taken down, the very last short story is almost like an AU kind of deal where alexander doesn't meet the end that he does. ^^

;n;
What on earth do you have against Alexander? D:<
WHYYY.

You made me cry again.

Okay at least it was a different ending. I honestly don't know which one I would prefer.
They're like both saaaad. And the song fits it so well, but gosh I'm still crying.