Dear Jason,
You didn't know? Seriously? You couldn't see? You had no idea that I love you? I don't believe that. How could you not have seen? I'm sorry I wasn't straight in my answers to you, that I couldn't tell you how I felt then and probably still can't now. Not until you come home and I can tell you face-to-face. But now that I know how you feel, that you have finally realized that you just might have feelings for me too, even after all this time trying to push me away, maybe just maybe I can be a little more open with you.
But truth be told, I'm scared. Scared that you'll turn around and reject me the way you did before... Scared that you've only changed your mind because Kim is getting married... Scared because I love you so much that I don't want to be with anyone else, ever, while knowing that it's within your power to break me. For good this time.
Everyone I've dated since you left last year has reaffirmed my love for you. I truly love you. That's why I've written you every single week for the past thirteen and a half months. That's why I'm so willing to do whatever you ask. That's why I promised that I'll always always be here for you. That's why I haven't given up hope yet. It's all because I love you. I'll never understand how you couldn't see how much I love you. I'm almost sad that Kesha had to tell you for me when she went to you on my behalf, wanting to make sure that you weren't dropping hints just for attention. That you weren't going to hurt me.
But now you know. You know everything. You know that I love you, that I'm waiting patiently for you, that I have never given up hope that one day you'd come to your senses and realize that maybe there's a reason I've stayed so close and been your best friend through thick and thin.
Even more so, now I know too. Kesha told me what you said, she showed me the conversation as well as the email you sent afterward, swearing that you told her nothing but truth. I know you, you wouldn't lie. Especially not about something like this.
I cried when she told me. Not sad tears, but tears of joy. I cried again when I got to read the conversation for myself. Do you really think so highly of me? Did you mean it when you said you now understand why your feelings toward me were so strong? Did you mean it when you said you'd never hurt me? And most importantly, did you mean it when you said that you love me?
I really wish that you were here so we could sit down and talk about this. I need to be able to look you in the eye and see the truth there. I want to be able to tell you how much you mean to me, that I never stopped loving you and never will, and that I want to spend eternity with you.
Only another ten and a half more months until the day you come home. But so much can change between then and now. I've got the hope I need to get me through it, but I'm still scared that you'll change your mind as soon as you get back and see all of the other, much prettier, girls at home. I don't want to lose you Jason. Now now, not ever. I love you. I mean it every single time I say it, whether in my letters or my emails. I truly love you, and nothing will ever change that fact.
Love,
Your bestest friend forever Rachel
You didn't know? Seriously? You couldn't see? You had no idea that I love you? I don't believe that. How could you not have seen? I'm sorry I wasn't straight in my answers to you, that I couldn't tell you how I felt then and probably still can't now. Not until you come home and I can tell you face-to-face. But now that I know how you feel, that you have finally realized that you just might have feelings for me too, even after all this time trying to push me away, maybe just maybe I can be a little more open with you.
But truth be told, I'm scared. Scared that you'll turn around and reject me the way you did before... Scared that you've only changed your mind because Kim is getting married... Scared because I love you so much that I don't want to be with anyone else, ever, while knowing that it's within your power to break me. For good this time.
Everyone I've dated since you left last year has reaffirmed my love for you. I truly love you. That's why I've written you every single week for the past thirteen and a half months. That's why I'm so willing to do whatever you ask. That's why I promised that I'll always always be here for you. That's why I haven't given up hope yet. It's all because I love you. I'll never understand how you couldn't see how much I love you. I'm almost sad that Kesha had to tell you for me when she went to you on my behalf, wanting to make sure that you weren't dropping hints just for attention. That you weren't going to hurt me.
But now you know. You know everything. You know that I love you, that I'm waiting patiently for you, that I have never given up hope that one day you'd come to your senses and realize that maybe there's a reason I've stayed so close and been your best friend through thick and thin.
Even more so, now I know too. Kesha told me what you said, she showed me the conversation as well as the email you sent afterward, swearing that you told her nothing but truth. I know you, you wouldn't lie. Especially not about something like this.
I cried when she told me. Not sad tears, but tears of joy. I cried again when I got to read the conversation for myself. Do you really think so highly of me? Did you mean it when you said you now understand why your feelings toward me were so strong? Did you mean it when you said you'd never hurt me? And most importantly, did you mean it when you said that you love me?
I really wish that you were here so we could sit down and talk about this. I need to be able to look you in the eye and see the truth there. I want to be able to tell you how much you mean to me, that I never stopped loving you and never will, and that I want to spend eternity with you.
Only another ten and a half more months until the day you come home. But so much can change between then and now. I've got the hope I need to get me through it, but I'm still scared that you'll change your mind as soon as you get back and see all of the other, much prettier, girls at home. I don't want to lose you Jason. Now now, not ever. I love you. I mean it every single time I say it, whether in my letters or my emails. I truly love you, and nothing will ever change that fact.
Love,
Your bestest friend forever Rachel
