{The List} •A CS Fiction•

[{artistic}]

Thank you. I will tomorrow, promise.

[emblems.]

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it definitely has an interesting plot to it. my only critique is that it is a bit confusing. my advice is to slow down the pace a bit. when you have many ideas flowing together in one chapter, it confuses the reader. other than that i thought it was really good!

xxx
paige.

[{artistic}]

A bright light glares into Jasmine's sleep drugged eyes. Blinking like an owl at midday, she raised a protecting hand in front of her eyes. "Up you get!" An echoey voice ordered harshly. A rough hand grabbed her arm. As she was hauled to her feet the sun broke over the horizon. "Ok, ok! I was going anyway!" Jaz mumbled tiredly. The policeman says something grouchily. "Leggo my arm! I said I'm leaving!" She said more forceful, shaking his hand off. He mutters some more. I gather my stuff and hurry out of the alley. The Southern Slums were only about a quarter mile down the road, so she walked quickly. It was interesting watching the houses get more and more run down with almost every step. Soon she was deep into the alleys, shacks and badly lit streets that was the slums. Gangs peered around every corner. She hurried along, alert and watchful. A flickering neon sign proclaimed 'In----et Calé.' With a grim smile, Jasmine hurried inside. Two obviously drunk men slouched over massive PCs. A tall, ratty dressed man snored behind the desk. Creeping into a dark, stinking corner, Jaz pulled out her laptop and powered it up. Quickly logging in, she checked out CS. Everything seemed the same. The pets looked normal, role plays, rant threads, writers, artists, collectors, all there. Jasmine never took anything at 'normal' anymore. She searched the user of someone she knew back home. RatzRock09167 popped up immediately. With a quiet sigh of relief, she clicked private message.

[{belle}]

(Just thought I'd let you know that it says "chapter one" but other than that love it!)

[{artistic}]

Thanks! Fixed.