1x1 with Paradise; & Pooka.

[Pooka.]

Ally Shae Thatcher

"So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair? And your moment of truth is the day that you say 'I'm not scared.'"

Ally was watching the looks that passed over the boy's face, the pain in his eyes making her feel worse and eventually made her tear her own eyes away from his. She was at a loss of what else to say to the boy. She didn't know who he was, and how was she supposed to help that? Ally was bothered by the amount of care that this boy held for her, and she felt guilty that she didn't feel it back. It was hard for her to believe anything that had been said, and she knew she'd need to hear it and see it from herself to know that she felt the same for this boy, or for that matter, used to.

Ally's eyes drifted back to the boy as he let out a deep breath, and she couldn't help but feel tears well up in her eyes again at not knowing anything about this situation. She had tears streaming her face once again, and her mind couldn't seem to make sense of what was even happening between all of this. Ally could see the plead in his eyes, and the breaking that her injury was causing in him. She closed her eyes, upset with herself as the boy started to speak to her in a begging tone. Why can't I remember...why am I to be causing this boy pain when I don't even know how he knows me...why did this happen to me..what even happened to me.. She contemplated in her head before opening her eyes again to look at him.

Ally saw the tear rolling down his cheek, and she took a heavy breath as he began to speak again about how she was his best friend and how he wouldn't leave her to deal with this by herself. She wiped away a tear from her water eyes before she glanced at the boy. She felt guilty for retreating slightly when the boy had stepped closer, and she could see the defeat and sadness that entirely surrounded him in this empty hospital room.

"You'll be there for me when I don't have a single clue as to who you are or why you care so much about me?" Ally asked him then, the brokenness inside of her showing through her voice. She let out a long and depressed sigh, feeling like it was her fault that this had even happened to her in general. "I'm sorry that I don't remember you... I..." She started again, but her voice choked out as tears came to her eyes again. "Is there a way to show me that we were best friends, or that we were...together?" Ally asked him then in a soft voice. Ally had no idea though what she would go home to in her room. Her room was FILLED with pictures of Derek and herself, every single picture had them together. Ally even had one of his jackets in her room laying on her bed.

[Paradise;]

Dᴇʀᴇᴋ Tᴀɴɴᴇʀ LᴇRᴏʏ

❝ I wish it was yesterday so I could lock the gate; We'd say the things we never thought we'd say; And never let you get away ❞

Noticing how my tears affected the girl I wipped my eyes and a weak smile showed on my lips. She was trying. She was trying so very hard for me. The old Ally was still in there, I knew it. I could feel it. Her old determination showed as she struggled to uncover any memories still left in her mind. My poor girl... She would recover. There was no way that she could just forget about me. Even if she doesn't ever remember me I would work to win her heart. I had done it once, I was positive I could do it again. What Ally and I shared went beyond pathetic little teenage romance, we had a bond that went much deeper. What we had was far too special to just all fall away and be left forgotten in the past.

As Ally tried to gain control of her scattered thoughts I stood and waited patiently, thinking about the accident. I hoped her brother was okay. Her brother and I had never really gotten along but he had started to finally tolerate me. Maybe his memory would be gone too and I would have to work to gain his trust all over again. It still didn't really make sense why he didn't like me in the first place. I made a mental note to check with Ally's mother to find out how Tyler was doing. My heart ached for Ally's family as well as for myself. Here they were watching as Ally sat in a hospital room with no recollection of any past events. It was a pure miracle she remembered her name and family at all.

Ally's question caught me off guard at first. "Of course," I reassured her a genuine smile growing on my face. Even though I could sense how much this was all tearing her up inside, I was starting to get a sense that she was accepting me. She was slowly accepting my presense in the room and that I was there to help. "I care about you Ally, even if you don't remember me. I will always care about you. You mean more to me than anyone else in this world," I stated, hoping I wouldn't scare her but I knew I had to say it. I had to get the words of my chest. I let out a deep sigh and stared into Ally's eyes.

"Proof? There is more proof than you can shake a stick at," I replied a laugh filling my voice. My laugh vibrated off the white walls. It felt good to loosen up and laugh. Hopefully it would also help to ease the tension that built itself up in the room. "Your room and my room are both filled with pictures. We did everything together. We have for over ten years!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air for emphasis. "My phone!" I cried out, remembering the picture of the two of us in line getting ready to ride a giant rollarcoaster that had been part of the Fair and Rodeo we had here last summer. It was the background picture for my IPhone. Digging around in my pocket I retireved my phone. With a few taps on the screen my phone was illuminated and the picture filled the screen. I clicked to enlarge it, making our faces slightly blurrier but still clear enough to know it was Ally and I. "See?" I asked, handing the phone to Ally. Oberserving her every move carefully I awaited her response.

[Pooka.]

Ally Shae Thatcher

"So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair? And your moment of truth is the day that you say 'I'm not scared.'"

Ally was quite surprised on the inside by how much patience this boy had for her and her slower brain. She hadn't ever remembered a guy having that much patience for a girl that didn't know who he was. She was too phased by this whole situation to allow her thoughts to drift to her brother and his health, her head hurting her deeply every so often. Ally put a hand to her head and rubbed it before her heart stopped when her hand touched a stitched up spot on her forehead. She let out a moan of pain before she leaned her head back and let her hand fall to the bed, her palm facing slightly upward despite the cords and needles attached to her.

Ally's eyes drifted back to the boy as he spoke in return to her question. She could hear the sincere tone in his voice as he elaborated on the amount of care that he had and always would have for her. Her eyes grew slightly watery again because she had never had anyone express that much care for her in any way until now, at least not from what she remembered. Ally felt an odd urge to reach her hand out toward them and hold his hand tightly, but she had no idea where this intense urge was originating from. She didn't know that the profound urge was really an urge resulting from her lost memory of him. The lost memory that had been buried somewhere in the depths of her mind as the crash occurred. "I..." She started in a soft voice before she let out a very quiet breath. Ally was at a loss of what to say in return to his words. "Thank you for caring so strongly.." Ally finally whispered, her eyes looking away from him now as a shyness came to her and released a light blush on her cheeks despite her tears.

Ally glanced back at the boy curiously though as soon as he began to speak again in return to her second question. She gave him a sad smile with soft eyes as he let out a laugh, her heart having difficulty lightening due to the finicky situation. "My room? I...I don't know when I will see it again..." Ally paused though as she registered his next words, wondering how old she was if they had been friends for ten years, and as long as his words were true. "H...How old am I?" She asked him genuinely then, her voice keeping its soft tone.

She raised her eyebrows a bit anxiously as his hands suddenly went up into the air with a new excitement to him. Ally waited patiently as he scrambled a bit for his phone and made it light up. When he handed the phone in her direction, Ally watched him for a long moment before taking his phone hesitantly. She glanced up at him once more before her eyes drifted to the picture on the screen of he phone. Ally felt a bit of shock file into her as she looked at herself in the picture with the boy that was in this room right now. She was standing close to him and they each had an arm around the other in a friendly manner. Ally couldn't remember ever being as happy as she looked in this picture. As she studied the picture carefully, Ally's face grew serious as some sort of recognition of something came to her mind, but Ally was unable to put a finger on it. Ally's eyes flicked back up to the boy before she gently handed her phone back to him, her face still showing the contemplation and uncertainty that was running through her now, and it even showed a slight bit of recognition as she stared at him.

[Paradise;]

Dᴇʀᴇᴋ Tᴀɴɴᴇʀ LᴇRᴏʏ

❝ I wish it was yesterday so I could lock the gate; We'd say the things we never thought we'd say; And never let you get away ❞

A frown formed on my face when I noticed the stitches on Ally's forhead. I hadn't even noticed it until Ally went to rub her head and discovered it herself. This whole time I had been too busy staring into Ally's eyes watching as her emotions switched continuously. Ally was so beat up. I took a moment just to see how rough of a condition her body really was. Her arms were decorated with purple bruises from her wrist to her shoulder. One of her eyes was swollen and I could tell that by tomorrow it would be black as well. My beautiful had been through hell and back. Her body tossed around like a limp doll. If only I had cancelled the date. My instincts had been trying to warn me. I knew the roads were bad, but I never imagined they would be so bad. If only...

The words were just like a present. They made me feel like a little boy on christmas morning. She was grateful; she was beginning to realise just how much I cared for her. The memories of us had to still be there. It couldn't be possible that so many memories could be so easily erased. That would be a lot of years of her life gone. Just gone. It wasn't possible. I refused to believe anything of the sort. The memories were somewhere in her mind. It was as if a blanket covered them from her sight and no matter how hard she tugged the blanket wouldn't budge. However, together I bet we could pull the blanket off and uncover her lost memories.

My laugh faded as Ally looked at me with a sad smile on her face. I inwardly kicked myself for my failed attempt at trying to help aid the miserable mood the room had adapted. Leave it to me to make things worse for everyone. "Hopefully you'll be out soon and we can get you home." I smiled reassuringly. Atleast I hoped she'd be out soon. Who knew how long the doctors would actually want to keep her. My best guess would be tonight for sure and most likely tomorrow as well just to make sure there wouldn't be anymore problems. They're probably like to do some more tests on her brain as well. Just to see how extensize her memory loss really was.

The fact that Ally didn't even know how old she was worried me. "You're eighteen Ally. It's your last year of High School. I graduated last year and took a year off of school so we could go to Secondary school together. Of course, you probably don't remember that..." My voice faded near the end of my sentence. I felt bad bringing up all these things she was supposed to remember but couldn't. I knew she was trying and I wouldn't even think of asking more of her. It would be selfish to even think about it. I wasn't the one who couldn't even remember my own age.

The reaction I got after showing her my photo of the two of us was not what I had been expecting or hoping for. Instead what I thought would reassure her, only made her appear worse. Behind her eyes I could just imagine her brain going into overdrive as it struggled to place me. To remember that moment when the photo was taken. However, just by looking at her I could tell she didn't remember. For a brief moment I thought I caught a flash of recognition appear on her face but I blinked and it was gone. My shoulders sagged and I shoved my phone back in my pocket. "You'll get through this Ally. You're a strong girl, I believe in you," I whispered softly, brushing a stray hair from her face. I knew it would probably freak her out but I couldn't help myself. It was a natural reaction. Instinct almost.

[Pooka.]

Ally Shae Thatcher

"So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair? And your moment of truth is the day that you say 'I'm not scared.'"

Ally shifted a little in her hospital bed, wincing when she accidentally moved her leg with the cast-like wrapping. "Ow.." She muttered very quietly underneath her breath. She glanced at Derek as he studied her completely to take in her wounds. She wasn't sure what he was doing exactly, but she could see the changing expressions on his face. He seemed like he was in deep thought about something, but whatever that something was is something she had no idea about, or wouldn't if he told her. Ally hadn't even noticed half of the injuries that she had because she hadn't looked at her arms or hadn't had the chance to really think about it with the stress of not remembering her own life.

Ally was watching him carefully when his expression lightened at her words. She felt weird to have such an affect on this boy. This boy who she still couldn't remember his name even though he had told her earlier. Her mind had been too clouded earlier to retain anything of that sort in her aching head. Ally stared into his eyes carefully, wishing that something inside of her would spark so that she didn't have to keep hurting him over and over again like this. It pained her in just knowing that she was hurting him so deeply. Ally had been one of those girls all of her life that would feel the need to show someone care and comfort if something was wrong, but this situation was one she'd obviously never encountered until now.

Ally made a strong mental note to herself as Derek's mood changed as hers did. He was trying his hardest to lighten things and to make it seem less mopey over the situation, but she just continued to feel differently by letting everything get to her. She dropped her eyes to her leg as he spoke again, wondering how long her leg would take to heal. "Hopefully..." She echoed softly before her eyes drifted up to the door as something moved in front of the window. It was her mother peering in to make sure she was okay. Her mother mouthed to her, asking if she needed to come in there now or not. Ally shook her head slightly, raising a hand and slightly holding it up as if she were saying 'stop', but it was really an intention for her to not worry about coming in at the moment.

Ally looked back to Derek as he told her how old she was, and she felt stupid for asking. She sighed and held the slightly embarrassed look on her face for the fact that she had even asked it, but surprise took its place when he continued with what they had planned to do before this injury. "Oh...um..I don't remember that, but..." She paused, wishing she knew what to say to make him feel better in the slightest bit. "You paused your life just to go to college with me?" Ally continued then, her heart growing heavier each time the amount of care he had for her hit her. She was quiet for a long time, her head thinking about what she wanted to say so badly right now.

Ally gazed at the boy after she handed him back his phone, and she felt her face sadden a bit as he put it back into her pocket. She had no idea if it was a good idea that something had caught her recognition in the picture, even though she didn't know what, or not. She felt lost as to where to even start to try and pinpoint what it was exactly, but she figured it would be lost in her head with everything else about this boy. "I.." She started but stopped hesitantly as she thought about his words a bit more. "I don't feel strong.." Ally finished then, a few tears releasing from her eyes and beginning to roll slowly down her cheeks. She didn't react when he brushed a hair from her face, her mind deciding for her to allow it with all that was occurring. Ally glanced down at her hand that rested palm up, and she let out a small sigh before lifting it and reaching it toward the boy slowly. "I wish I could remember...I do more than you know...I just keep hurting you because I can't remember, and I don't like the thought of hurting anyone, even if I don't remember them." She told him then, her voice showing the guilt she was now feeling. Ally knew she wouldn't mind if the boy took her hand, after all, she had held it out to him for him to be comforted and for her own comfort as well.

[Paradise;]

Dᴇʀᴇᴋ Tᴀɴɴᴇʀ LᴇRᴏʏ

❝ I wish it was yesterday so I could lock the gate; We'd say the things we never thought we'd say; And never let you get away ❞

My legs were beginning to grow tired and weary from standing for such a long period of time. Since arriving at the hospital I hadn't sat down once. The bottom of my feet throbbed and my lower back felt stiff. Tearing my gaze from Ally for a brief moment I grabbed a chair and started to drag the chiar over beside Ally. However, I remembered that Ally's head mst be pounding and the sound of a metal chair dragging on the hard floor would probably only worsen the pain. So instead I picked the chair up and gently placed the chiar beside the hospital bed barely making a sound. "Sorry," I apologized with a pathetic little grin as I felt embarassement flood through my body, turning my cheeks pink.

Ally's eyes seemed to catch a glimpse of something as her gaze moved from my face to behind me. I frowned and turned to look out the window. I caught sight of Ally's mother for a second before she had disappeared. I shrugged my shoulders figuring she was just checking in on her daughter. Probably making sure her daughter wasn't having a mental breakdown due to my presense. Some strange boy who held so many memories in his heart. I bit my lip to try and keep the tears from falling. It pained me knowing Ally's mother feared that me being in the same room as Ally might cause her daughter stress or fear even.

I could see how embarassed Ally felt from asking me such a question as to her own age. "Don't worry about it. That's why I'm here, to answer all the questions you have." I grinned raising my hands in the air and gesturing to myself. No matter how much I tried I couldn't controle myself long enough to prevent myself from trying to lighten the mood. All I ended up managing was to make a fool of myself and to worsen the atmosphere.

"Of course. We do everything together. Plus, I don't mind taking a year off. I just got out of school! Why would I want to dive right back in?" I asked once again managing to make a fool of myself in a failed attempt to make her smile. "But seriously though, I would do anything for you and I couldn't imagine leaving to go to some fancy college without having you by my side. It wouldn't be natural," I said with a shrug. Saying it allowed made it all seem much more serious. When we had made the decision it had been because I wanted to have fun. College was supposed to be a blast but how could it be as wonderful as possible without my best friend beside me? It couldn't. But now as I sit here thinking about it that's not the only reason I wanted to wait. I needed Ally by my side to have fun, and for the comfort and support. College was a huge deal and I was afraid. In my mind, if Ally was beside me I was invincible.

Now as I sit in a hospital beside a ginormous bed that held a beautiful, fragile girl, I feel vulnerable and weak. Without Ally I don't know what I'd do. Without even thinking about it I wrapped my arms around my body, crossing them and holding onto my shoulders, pretty much giving myself a hug. A hug that I wish could be shared with Ally but I knew that wasn't even an option. "You are strong. Don't ever think otherwise," I stated, my voice stern but not mean. I wanted her to know I believed in her and that she was strong. Ally was the strongest person I knew. She was sure stronger than me.

Without hesitation I grasped Ally's hand in my own. My thumb strocked the back of her hand and I raised it to my lips. I gently placed a kiss on the middle of her hand and then lowered both our hands. Using both hands I cupped her and hand, holding it as if it may break with the lightest bumb or squeeze. "Oh Ally, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Once you're okay I'll be okay," I promised her with a fake smile. A tear rolled down my cheek without my premission. I chuckled and rubbed it away with my one hand. "Sorry," I apologized choking back more tears.

[Pooka.]

Ally Shae Thatcher

"So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair? And your moment of truth is the day that you say 'I'm not scared.'"

Ally watched him when he got up and retrieved the chair and placed it in the spot he had been in before. She shook her head gently at his apology. "Don't be sorry.." She told him softly, giving him a very faint smile as his cheeks changed in color. Ally began to wonder when the doctor would finally arrive. She was starting to become anxious as to what even happened to her and why her memory was gone. That's when she couldn't help but thinking about if she'd ever gain it back even in the slightest bit.

Ally closed her eyes for a long moment after her mother left the window, her heart beating unevenly as she contemplated what would be left of her life now that memories that were gone weren't in a certain time period. The memories that were hidden were scattered throughout the past 10 years, which explained why she could remember some things while other things, mostly to do with Derek, were nothing in her head, not even a blur. Her eyes opened again and drifted to a clock in the room, it was around 11 at night.

Ally's eyes moved back to the boy's when he spoke again and she felt a little relief go through her when he gave her a grin. She couldn't help but give him a lighter smile and take a note of his hand gesture. He had done that earlier, and she could remember it. It was almost like a trait of his personality, one that allowed him to be completely himself in the way that was fit. She considered his answer in her mind, debating if she dared ask him what had happened to her or not, but she couldn't contain the need to know why she was even like this. "What happened to me?" Ally asked him softly, her voice choking a bit as her mind clouded with possibilities.

Ally's face fell a little serious as he mentioned that they were always together. She could feel anger rising inside herself at the fact that she wasn't able to remember anything at all. How is it that I have no recollection of him at all when we did everything together! Think, Ally, remember! She scolded herself in her head before putting her hand that was on the opposite side of him to her forehead. Ally couldn't fathom the simple fact that her mind had lost everything about this boy when he'd been in most of her life. "I..." She started, but this time she didn't finish. Ally had no idea what to say to his 'knight-in-shining-armor' manner. He was waiting for her, he was helping her, he cared for her, he was there for her, and he would do anything for her. Was there a thing that this brave boy wouldn't portray?

Ally's eyes saddened as the boy hugged himself, and she felt a pang come to her heart again. She wanted to heal his hurt, to take his pain from him and put it on herself, but why was she feeling this way? Why did she feel that much care for him when things like this occurred, when she couldn't remember the reason she was feeling this way for this hopeful boy? Ally sighed at his words though and she wiped away one of her tears. "How are you so sure about this all?" She asked then, her voice staggering a bit with her mind aching.

Ally looked down at her hand in his as he took it quickly and lifted it to his lips, her cold hand growing warm after he cupped his other one around her hand as well. She felt her face grow distressed at his words and she let out a shaky breath at her own thoughts. "What if I don't get okay?" She asked him then, the fear obvious in her voice now as she grew stressed of the intense thought. Ally felt a new feeling wash over her as a tear fell down the boy's cheek, and she shook her head when he apologized. "It's okay t-" Ally started but she froze quickly as something shot into her mind as if it had been in a race between which memory would live and which ones would die in hiding.

Ally's heartbeat began to race uncontrollably, the machines beeping objectively as her body changed. A cold sweat came over her and Ally stared into Derek's eyes as the memory flashed through her. Nurses rushed into the room, as did the doctor, and they began trying to ask her how she was feeling and started doing the usual vitals to get a clue on the matter. Her eyes remained locked onto the boy's, and even though she was zoned out, they blinked a few times and her face grew to face a very new sadness that was deeper than before. While all of that began, Ally's memory had begun to play as soon as she registered it was there. It was an old memory of junior high school, probably around the eighth grade. Ally's first boyfriend had just broken her heart in front of the whole entire gym class, and they made fun of her through the whole class period for her tear-streaked face and bloodshot eyes with rosy cheeks. Then she was suddenly being held in this boy's arms, Derek's arms. He was much younger in this memory, his face showing his youth as did his much smaller stature when compared to him now. Derek was comforting her and letting her cry into him while he held onto her tightly. Ally was a complete mess and he told anyone off who tried to mess with her a single bit.

As Ally snapped out of her zoned out state, tears came from her eyes faster than they ever had before. Her hand was now squeezing Derek's slightly as she let out a scared sob and looked up at the ceiling.

[Paradise;]

Dᴇʀᴇᴋ Tᴀɴɴᴇʀ LᴇRᴏʏ

❝ I wish it was yesterday so I could lock the gate; We'd say the things we never thought we'd say; And never let you get away ❞

There it was. For the briefest of moments I saw it. It was so pure and innocent, so naive and wonderful. It was infectious. Just by looking at her smile I couldn't help but smile back. Her eyes twinkled and her lips formed something so beautiful that I couldn't help but let another tear fall. Since arriving at the hospital I hadn't seen her smile once. I didn't realise just how much I missed until now.

The question stumped me. It was so direct, so blunt, that it left me speechless. No words formed in my mind. "Well, you were in a crash. Your older brother Tyler was driving and the roads were bad and he got distracted by your texting..." My voice lowered as I was afraid she might blame herself. The crash was in no way her fault. The roads were just really bad and it was hard to see with the heavy snowfall. "I guess because of the crash you have suffered memory impairment. Atleast, that's what the doctors are calling it. My guess would be that they'd like to do more tests. We'll know for sure in a few days," I assured her, squeezing her hand ever so gently.

Anger flashed before her eyes totally catching me off guard. My body instantly tensed and I watched to make sure she wouldn't lash out. It wasn't in Ally's nature to ever hurt someone but who knows what might happen now. Her brain was already messed up, it wouldn't surprise me if her natural habits or personality traits were a little tweeked. In the end her anger faded and I just figured it was due to her lack of memories. I would probably do the same in her place.

"You are the one thing I've always been sure about," I whispered in response to Ally's question. It was the first answer all night that had come naturally. My whole life Ally had always been the one thing I was sure about. I knew we would be best friends forever. That we'd never leave each other. Even now, with her lack of memories and her being unable to recognize me I still knew that we'd always be together. I would never allow for us to drift apart. I owed it to her. I owed it to Ally to stick with her through the roughest part of her life.

The coldness from Ally's hand was slowing disappearing as I cupped them with my much bigger hands. Her voice shook as she asked me what would happen between us if she never remembered. The idea had crossed my mind a few times but each time I had quickly erased it from my mind. I didn't want to think about what would happen. We would have to build our friendship up from scratch. If Ally's memory never came back I knew we'd never be as close as we once were but I would always be there for her. "I don't care. We'll still be friends, I'll never stop being your friend. You'll always be my best friend," I commented with a smile. I knew I probably sounded really cheesy and lame but I also knew it was the truth. If I had said anything else it would have been a lie.

Something happened. It happened too fast for me to truly understand the change Ally went through. I blinked and she appeared to be a different person. Her grip on my hand tightened to an extent I hadn't thought possible. She appeared so frail but the grip on my hand she now had said different. Monitors started to sound all around me. My ears were ringing from all the noise. Suddenly doctors and nurses were rushing into the room. Numerous people bumped into me, barely acknowledging my presense. Some nurses tried to drag my chair away as I was clearly in the way but Ally had my hand in a death grip. There was no way anyone was tearing me away from her. Ally's eyes remained locked on my mind and no matter how much I wanted to look away I couldn't. I had no idea what was going on and my heart raced. Thoughts swarmed around my brain and I couldn't get my mouth to form any words to ask the doctors what was going on.

It only lasted all of a minute. However, to me it felt like a million years. Tears were running down Ally's face and sobs wracked her body. My mind was so scattered that I wasn't thinking anything through. Without hesitation my body leaned forward and I wrapped Ally's tiny body up in my arms and I just held her. I let her cry into my shoulder and I pressed my face into her hair and let a few tears fall myself.

[Pooka.]

Ally Shae Thatcher

"So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair? And your moment of truth is the day that you say 'I'm not scared.'"

Ally was relaxed enough to see longing that came over his face at the simple sight of her small smile. He had even longed for it so much that a tear fell from his eyes. He missed her, or rather, the old her. The girl she didn't know. The girl that she didn't remember. The girl that could still be buried beneath the rubble that the injury had left in its tracks. The memories so distant that they were like a foreign language to her. She kept the tiny smile, but her face saddened a bit with his tear, almost as if she could feel what he was feeling. There was no doubt that the old Ally had held a strong connection to this boy because that is what was causing her confusion at this moment in time.

Ally blinked her eyes a bit to get her head out of her thoughts and to focus on what he was now telling her. She felt her heart begin to ache again with the thought of having been a part in the whole crash. Ally could remember a little before the crash now that he mentioned it. She could remember him yelling at her, but she didn't remember for what, and then he had tried to take his phone. By that though, he had taken his eyes off of the road and drove them into a wild intersection. She felt her breath catch, almost as if an invisible hand was choking her at the amount of information she had to wrap her mind around now. Ally's eyes drifted to her hand in Derek's as he squeezed it, and it almost released her tense manner before letting her take a few heavy breaths again. "A car crash...Memory impairment...my brother..." She muttered softly, her voice showing the more intense confusion that took over the old confusion now.

She could sense everything that Derek did. Everything that he felt that showed on his face. And her hand connecting in his only seemed to make her senses and his feelings grow stronger to her. Ally nervously rubbed her finger slightly across his hand, the nerves she felt from it were showing on her face as if she were an open book. This was completely alien to her, the simple affection of a finger lightly brushing along the hand of another's skin. Ally only did it once, and her hand was still inside of his afterward.

Ally felt as if she were going to simply melt into this hospital bed. She took in another long breath before letting it out slowly. All of this a lot to add to the information that she'd already forced to reside in her mind, but the feelings behind his words are what got to her most of all. Another tear found its way out of her eye, and it rolled down her cheek, threatening to drip from her chin before it did and soaked into the cloth. "I'm holding you back from life though." She whispered in return, her voice choking a bit like it had before.

After that particularly sensitive question, Ally had watched him carefully from the beginning. She already knew that he didn't want to think of that, but if he really had been her best friend, he knew it had to be a very real possibility that she wouldn't ever remember the supposed 'old times' between them. Ally had been holding her breath quietly up to his words, but when he finally gave her an answer, a sense of relief washed over her. Another feeling that she didn't know why it filled her as if it were important, but she knew that had to have been from before the accident. "I've never had someone be that intent on remaining by my side....or...I guess in this me I haven't. I...I assume before the accident that I did have someone like that because I had you already." She replied, her tone a little calmer than before, and she had no desire for it not to be.

Ally hadn't exactly realized what was going on after the memory passed through the doors to an area where she would always remember it. She couldn't keep herself from letting in and out sharp breaths as she seemed to cry her eyes out from all of this. What was 'this' though? This memory? This moment? This boy? This boy. Derek... She thought in her head then, the memory being the source of the ever so familiar name. Ally was still releasing tears as if she were to supply the world with their salty contents, and her sobs didn't quiet until she was suddenly in Derek's arms. The memory made her feel like that had just happened, and for all she knew, it did just happen to her. Her heart had been broken into a thousand pieces. By who though? What was the other boy's name? James. That was it. James Finch.

Ally released Derek's hand as he gathered her into his arms, let her head fall to his shoulder, and rested his own face in her hair. Her hands moved to his shirt and a few of her fingers in each hand took a small piece of the soft cloth in them, giving her a way to hold onto him. She felt like the girl in that memory, the girl that needed to be held tightly by her best friend to just be alright. "Derek, why did James have to do it? Why in front of the class? They won't stop making fun of me." Ally told him in a quiet voice before she hid her eyes in his shoulder again. Her words had been almost identical to what she had said when the memory had been present. To anyone that had been there, it would have seemed like history repeating itself.

[Paradise;]

Dᴇʀᴇᴋ Tᴀɴɴᴇʀ LᴇRᴏʏ

❝ I wish it was yesterday so I could lock the gate; We'd say the things we never thought we'd say; And never let you get away ❞

Just looking at the way her eyes were continuously moving I could tell she was straining to remember. Her mind was hard at work and every now and then I saw a spark of realization appear. "Yes. A car crash. It wasn't yours or your brothers fault. It was just a terrible accident." I made sure to put emphasis on the word accident. There was no way I would be okay with her believing the crash had been her fault even slightly. It was just poor weather. That's what I kept telling myself anyways. I figured if I believed it Ally would soon believe it as well.

Shivers crawled up my spin and my eyes flickered shut for a moment. Even the lightest touch made butterflies erupt on my stomach. Ally's finger running across the back of my hand felt wonderful. It was a sign she still had feelings for me. Whether she understood them or remembered why they were there were only minor problems. It was better than her not having feelings for me period.

My eyes followed the tear that had fallen from Ally's eyes and I cringed slightly as it soaked into the cloth. The light layer of white cloth that covered Ally's body from her shoulders down was adorned with little droplets of water. I could see spots where her tears had fallen and had made the blanket damp. The pain in my chest only increased. My heart felt as if someone was pricking me with a million little needles. "No, Ally you're not. Life isn't worth living at all if I'm not sharing it with you. I would have no life if I wasn't with you," I restated hoping to reassure her. How she could even think that she were holding me back made no sense to me at all. It only reminded me that I wasn't talking to the old Ally. The old Ally was still there but she buried back somewhere. Instead I was sitting here talking to an Ally that had no recollection of her life.

The question she had asked was extremly personal and normally I would have no problem sharing with Ally but I was hesitant this time. The girl before me didn't know me and it scared me. It felt strange and disconnected to have to explain such things. Best friends shouldn't have to tell each other this stuff; it should just be common sense. The fact that is wasn't was depressing. At this point I felt defeated but I wouldn't give up. Ally meant to much to me and even though she still didn't remember me I could already see improvement. Her condition was getting better. She had accepted my presense, she was allowing me to hold her hand, she was talking to me. Those things that appeared so little were miracles in their own.

"I'll always be here for you. If you need something just ask. Seriously." I squeezed her hand and gave her a light smile.

I felt her warm tears soak into my shirt but I didn't mind. It felt good to hold Ally in my arms again and I knew she needed me. She needed the old comfort of being wrapped up in the arms of her best friend. Memories seemed to be returning, slowly but surely. I was so grateful. I hated to see her cry but I knew that the outcome would be something to celebrate. Ally clung to me and I felt her hands cling to my shirt the best she could.

Questions started to poor out of her and I struggled to form an accurate answer to each one. "I don't know Ally. He obviously wasn't thinking straight because you are the most amazing girl in the world. He didn't deserve you anyways," I told her lightly kissing the top of her head. "However, I will admit I'm grateful. I'm not glad her broke your heart the way he had but now I get to be the luckiest guy in the world," I whispered, a smile forming on my lips as the memory formed in my head. The questions Ally asked were the exact same ones she had asked the day it had all happened. The silent joy I had felt still felt brand new. At the time I had seen James Finch breaking up with Ally as a gift. Now I would have a chance with Ally, I had thought. However, at the time I had forgotten that I was just her best friend, I wasn't the boy she liked. Plus, I forgot I was a coward and didn't have the guts to tell her how I felt.



{{ Sorry for not responding. This past week has been extremly hectic for me considering it's only a week or so before christmas. My apologies. Now that I'm on christmas break I should be able to respond more frequently. }}