Chapter 5
Elements of Chaos, Assemble!
Elements of Chaos, Assemble!
"Okay," I grin. "We deserve our prize now."
"Well, getting a little cocky, now are we?" Discord tilts his head and snaps his claws. I hear a small buzzing in the background, but I ignore it. "So, what is it?"
"Patience is a virtue," Discord tells me. The buzzing continues to grow in volume, and I can no longer hear anything around me. "ANYONE HEAR THAT?!" I yell. They try to tell me something, but they're speech is drowned out quickly. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?! AHHH" I run into a corner and fall over. I get into pony-fetal position and cover my ears with my hooves and close my eyes. The only voice I can hear is Discord's. "Just watching you wallow in pain and misery. It's quite hilarious." But then everything fades...
-----
Ugh. Banana pudding? No... ice cream! It's all over my head! Augh!! I stand up on two feet, disappointed to be human again, but glad to be back home. "Can someone get this off me?!" I ask.
"I'll go do it," Lily replies, and heads up the stairs. I shake my head and some it falls off, but it's very sticky. We wait, I shove Ali, she shoves me back, and Lily comes back down the stairs. "Here you go!" She throws the damp cloth at my face and I get the icky goop off of my hair. We all turn to Discord. "Our rewards?"
Discord sighs. "You bested me, bla bla bla. Chaos! Back to chaos! Now that you have proven yourselves, we will start our takeover of the world. You each have your own element of chaos that is specifically pointed towards you."
"Gangnam Style!" I yelp. "Pointy fish heads!"
"What the heck is wrong with you?" Ali asks me.
"I don't freaking know!!!" I tell her. "Bumblebee Blackberries!!" I sit on the couch. "Exploding chocolate milk..."
"What did he do to her?" Sandy thought aloud. "Candace is being a little more random than usual..."
I sit and think to myself, Kerokerokerokerokerokero.....
Tamatamatamatamatamatamatama....
Go away. I'm trying to think, Discord. What the hell did you do to me?
Being the element of Disharmony, you have to go through all the pain and suffering I went through so many years ago! Don't tell anybody, though. Not that I'll let you.
-BLEEP- you.
Aww, I love you too.
I look to Sandy. "Basically what happened was..." I strain to speak the rest of my sentence, but all that comes out is, "Galapagos island pizza!"
Sandy giggles. "What?"
"Easter island Galacon ponies! Chicken bicycle!" I frown.
Everybody starts laughing at me, including me. "I'd tell you what's going on, but Discord's a bastard," I chuckle. "He must've holy cheesecake." I snort.
"HEAVEN!" Discord roars.
The mentioned one jumps onto the couch. "SIR YES SIR!"
We all can't help but laugh at that comment. "Dang sprinkles!" I yell. I meant to say 'Dang straight!' but I guess Discord wouldn't let me, so I just shrug.
Discord continues. "I've made background checks on all of you when you weren't looking. Heaven has involuntarily shown me she's one of the most awkward people I've ever met. This makes you the element of Awkwardness!"
"So?"
I hide behind the couch and Discord claps his hands twice. Clouds of gray, billowing smoke cover the room and I can't see anything except a golden glow coming from the couch. I climb over the mentioned couch and all I can make out are two silhouettes, one is probably Heaven's and the other one is probably no doubt Discord. He lifts a talon which starts to glow with a light even brighter then the one from before. Everybody is blown back and the smoke finally goes away. Ali is holding onto Katrina, and Sandy is holding onto Lily. Jera is somehow sitting on my lap.
"So let me get this straight," I start. "Google eyes pony cupcakes? DANGIT!"
Jera begins giggling along with Lily and Sandy, but Heaven is just standing there, with a thoughtful look on her face. Wait, that's Lily's job! I get back over the couch and knock on Heaven's head like a door. "Oy! You there?"
Heaven jumps and lands on her side on the floor. "I swear I have no idea what just happened. All he did was tap me on the head. What gives?"
"Well, he obviously did something. He wouldn't just tap you on the head for no reason, would he? Hmm.... are you drunk again?"
Discord snickers in the background. Well, I guess Heaven isn't drunk then. I turn back to her and shrug. "Well.... why is nothing happening then?"
She yawns and holds a hand in the air. "Are you sure there weren't any Roofies in that candy? I'm really-" ZAP-ZAP
"EEP!" I shriek and tackle Ali, who slams herself into me, causing a chain reaction of... chaos. I wonder where this is going.
The lightning bolt that shot out of Heaven's hand bounces off of my head and crashes into the lightbulb, shattering it to pieces and pitch-blacking the room. "Dammit." I mutter. "Anyway, it wasn't that bad, we just-" ZAP Another flash of bright light fills the room and strikes Jera, making her fly into the air and landing... in Discord's arms. Am I going to have to slap a bitch? My face turns red and I whisper, "Flying puppy unicycles..."
Discord drops her onto the ground and brushes himself off. "Well done. Just one more thing though...." He positions his fingers to look like a gun and shoots everybody with blinding neon blue lights.
ZAP
ZAP
ZAP
ZAP
ZAP
He shot everybody in the chest except for Heaven and we can all see that we're surging with electricity. But... that's not it.
Crude Humor
Katrina is surrounded by a golden glow, her hair begins to float... Ok, let's just skip all this dramatic bullcrap. A bowling ball falls on top of her foot and she yelps. A sledgehammer crashes onto the ball and it cracks open, revealing a... a...
...
A censor bar. Yup. That's crude humor all right. "What the heck is that?" Katrina kicks it and it goes flying through the wall with a large -BANG!- She facepalms. "I'm surprised your mom hasn't found out about this yet..."
Violence
Ali sits in the corner and punches a wall. "Look, can we get past this sappy crap and just move on?!"
"Well, if you don't want your reward, fine then," Discord chuckles. "More magic for me then."
"WHAT?!" Ali stands up. "The hell are you talking about? I've been through so much crap all day that I don't even know whether we're dead or alive yet! And to make things even worse..."
Discord brings his paw to her mouth. "Your voice is annoying, you know that? If you just-"
"NO!" Ali punches him in the face and runs up the stairs. "WTH AM I DOING? AHHHH" She comes back down the stairs and hugs Lily. "Make it stop," she sniffles.
Random
Jera shrugs. "Is this my cue? Well, okay then!" She smiles and takes her ponytail out, letting her curly hair down. "I have no idea what the heck I'm doing, but here we go!" She gets herself in a karate-like position and the walls start turning into green bubblegum. Well, I hope it's bubblegum.
I walk over to one of the walls and poke at it and a GIANT GREEN AND PURPLE TENTACLE POPS OUT. I scream and run for my God dang life while Ali wraps her arm around Katrina's. "We both know what's coming up next..." I kick the tentacle and wrap it around the couch. "We've had enough pervertedness for one day."
Jera opens her eyes. "Well... holy crap, I did this?! This is so awesome!" She starts running in circles, with a trail of pretzel M&M's following her. "Next thing you know, we'll- Uff!" Discord trips her, but she is able to make a pillow right before she hits the ground.
"You kids are some of the most smartest and annoying I've ever met," Discord mutters. "Onto the next element."
Hidden Maliciousness
"Who, me?" Sandy puts her arms up and shakes her head. "I'm not malicious! I just came along so I could be with my friends!" She pauses. "And because I was basically forced to," she murmurs.
"Oh really?" Discord starts. "You've pulled a large amount of pranks in your time." He looks Sandy in the eyes. "And who brought up the feathers? If I hadn't looked into your memories I'd say you were the leader." He starts pacing in her direction. "Right now you're thinking about exactly how we're going to get out of this... You're very thoughtful, aren't you?" He stands in front of her and puts his paw on the wall above her. "So how long do you think it's going to be until something else happens?" His eyes start to form patterns. "If you don't want to do this, I could just erase all of your memories..."
Aw HEEELLL naw! I'm not going through all that to get my memory erased! "DON'T DO IT!" I scream. "SHE DOESN'T DESERVE TO HAVE HER MEMORY ERASED, NOW GET AWAY FROM HER! Now if you'll excuse us..." I drag Sandy over to where Lily is. "Sandy, do you feel any different? I may have a clue as to what happened..."
Sandy smiles. "I got this." She jumps over the couch and stands behind Discord. "You know, trying to take advantage of me like that isn't going to get you anywhere..." She pushes him over and puts a foot on his back. "You better apologize."
"Why should I? Just because I gave you something, doesn't mean I have to constantly obey you. You're ahead of your game, Sandy."
Sandy gets off of him and whispers something into his ear, but I have no idea what she said. "I'm actually somewhat scared," I admit. "Keynote Octavia. Wait, whale?! UGH! UMBRELLAS!" I lay down on the couch on top of Jera, because I can do whatever I want. "Snuffles," I mumble.
Sandy pulls out a trumpet. "I'm giving you until the count of three, Discord. I don't want to do this, and I doubt Candace wants me to either..."
"WHAT?!" I scream and jump off of the couch and tackle Sandy. "I don't want you to do that, but I have no idea what's going on right now! I'm not doing this, you know." I kick Discord in the face and jump back onto the couch. "WWWAAAHHH"
"Yay distraction!" Sandy yells. She pulls a frying pan out of nowhere and hits Discord on the head. "You really, REALLY deserved that."
"Whatever." Discord rubs his head and sits on the floor. "How wonderful, a hit in the head to match my wing injury from earlier." He hesitated for a moment, but he perked up soon after. "Next element!"
Gloom
"Gloom? I know I'm quiet, but that's a bit exaggerated," Lily pointed out. "I may seem a bit dark at times, but I'm not like that all the time. In fact, I can be quite cheerful, especially when I'm with Sandy." The mentioned girl walks over to Lily and hugs her.
"Ugh, gag, seriously? Do I need to slap someone just to things moving on? This is boring!"
"Well, you could just leave," Sandy indicates. "I think you've caused enough harm for a day."
I give her a very stern look in the eyes. "No."
Sandy and Lily start giggling. "We were just joking, Candace, no need to get worried over nothing. Don't take it personally either."
I sigh to myself. "Bluggle muggles..."
Discord snaps his fingers. "Ah! I got it, I know how to make things move on!" He walks over and whispers into her ear while his eyes spiral. "Cupcakes."
Lily tenses up and crosses her arms. "I don't get it, what does that have to do with- Oh." Her short hair grows long again and the room grows very dark, as if it wasn't dark already.
"Nooo!" I shriek. "Lily's only weakness! This can't be happening..."
"Oh, but it is." Discord whispers. "Watch this."
Lily puts a thoughtful look on her face and... trees with black leaves start to sprout from the ground, and creepy, eerie music starts to play in the background. "No.." Lily whimpers. "I'm getting really scary thoughts in my head, make it stop!"
"Lily..."
The spoken one jumps back. "Ahh! What was that?! Don't hurt me..." She sits next to me and hugs my legs. "What did I do to deserve this?" She complains.
"Lily, it's time.... Hehehe..."
"WHAT?" Lily shivers. This is getting seriously creepy. I'm srs, bro.
"Do you like..... CUPCAKES?!"
Lily screams and Pinkamena appears from behind a tree. With a knife. Covered in blood. "You know, I've gotten all the ponies in Ponyville... I wonder what humans taste like!!" She pounces onto her and raises her knife.
"LILY, NO!!!!" Sandy screams as loud as she can to get the pony's attention. Sandy then runs to the pony, takes the knife and begins her message. "I'm not letting you hurt my friend. She's special to me, and I'm not letting you take her away from me." She raises the knife. "If you hurt anyone in here, I'll gut you like a fish." She starts pacing towards Pinkamena at a steady pace. "And if you ever come back," She throws the knife at the wall, which the blade sinks in with an audible, yet somewhat quiet 'THUNK'. "You'll regret the day you were ever born."
Lily runs to the wall where the knife is and pulls it out. Then she starts chasing after the pink pony. "GOT THAT?!" Pinkamena runs behind the tree she came out from and disappears. All the trees sink back into the ground and the music stops. The light comes back, and I can finally see Ali, who's patting Sandy on the back for losing her sanity, along with Lily's.
There's no turning back now, is there?
"Well, well, girls, you've all managed to lose all of your sanities in a day. Now there's just one more thing we have to deal with."
Disharmony
"But didn't we already go through that?" I ask. "You-" My mouth turns into a zipper and it zips up. "Mmmf errf mrrf. MRRF MERRRR"
"Stay still," Discord states. "This is going to hurt... a lot." He grins evilly. "I've always wondered what causing real torture to you would be like." He starts pacing towards me. "But, you know, it's not like you're gonna die or anything of the such." He smiles and taps me on the head. "Just stay strong and everything will be fine..."
"I don't get it," I shrug. "What happened- WHOA!" I look down to my feet and they've turned to stone. I can't even move them, and the spell is rising fast. "Why did you do this to me?!" I cry out. "What did I do to deserve this?!"
"If you recall from earlier, you'd know that I'm making you go through all the pain I went through in the past as your test. I'm not letting you get off easy just because you're the leaser of this group, you should know that."
I wouldn't normally be this worried, but what happens next? How am I even going to breathe, or LIVE for that matter?! I'm not immortal like him! My legs are already boulderized and I can't move anywhere. "Guys..." I whisper.
Everybody turns towards me, well, except Discord, he obviously doesn't give a -BLEEP-, seeing how he's just floating upside down drinking a soda. Wait, how does that even work? "I might die today. I love all of you, and I want you to know that. Just... keep cover for me, and tell my mom what happened. Go on with your lives as if I never existed, and everything will be fine, okay?"
"CANDACE, NO!" Sandy cried. "Don't give up," She sniffled. "You'll be fine, I p-promise," Her eyes start to tear up. "Don't go, we need you!" She buried her face into my shoulder. "We've been through so much together, you can't just leave!"
I lift Sandy off of my shoulder in fear that the stone would take her too. It's about halfway up my chest now (Don't get any dirty thoughts, Ali) and I tell her, "It's not my choice. I can't stop it."
"Oh, boo hoo," Discord groans. "Please, I've been through worse."
Jera's face turns red. "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE WHEN YOU TOLD HER YOU'RE MAKING HER GO THROUGH THE SAME PAIN YOU DID?!" She flies up into the air and kicks Discord in the stomach. "You're going to pay for this, you jerk." she growls. "I'll keel you."
Heaven walks up to me with a somber look on her face. "Be strong." My arms can no longer move, as they are in a crossed position, and the stone is mid-neck now. Even Ali is worried.
I tilt my head towards the ground and whisper, "No matter what, Discord will always be best pony." After that, I'm completely covered in rock and I've gone blind. My hearing's cut off, and I feel faint.
-----
I float in dead space as I am covered in nothingness.
Is this what it's like being dead?
-----
Lily
Lily
I... I just can't believe it. She just- turned to stone, it's not logical! But then again, why would I care about logical things after all we've been through? And when we go over past events, what would we do to get Candace out of her stone imprisonment? Is this something that will just fix itself, or will we be buried in a stack of riddles we must solve to get her out?
Sandy is in tears, currently hugging me, which I'm not objecting to, knowing that she's in a time of stress. I sigh. "What do we do? Candace is in stone, and I have to admit, we're basically nothing without her."
"I'd give you a hint, but that would be boring," Discord chuckles. "You'll just have to figure it out for yourselves. But considering how far you made it without Candace in the arena, I don't have much faith in you." He dimpled to himself and took another sip of soda.
"If I recall right," Ali starts, "You said this was Candace's test, not ours. What exactly would we have to do with this? I mean really, we may be dumb, but we're not THAT stupid."
Discord drops his pop on the floor and falls off of the couch. "I hate you Ali. I really do."
"Well, that's great to hear Discord, but what do we do while Candace tries to get out?"
"You can start by explaining to me what November 26th means." His face turns into a trollface.
I think I'm going to cry now.
-----
Candace
-----
Candace
Damn, do you have any idea how cold it is in here?! I by now I've found out I'm obviously not dead, how could I be thinking this to myself if I were? But I'm seriously confused. Hey, look, a mirror. How convenient. I float over to it and knock on it like a door. Static fills the space, but is soon replaced with what looks like Princess Celestia.
"Hm, looks like you got to him, huh?" Well, she most certainly doesn't sound like her.
I tilt my head to the side. What is she talking about? The fight in the arena? The fact that he TURNED ME TO STONE?! I mean really, what was up with that? Anyway, how would this dopple ganger know about this anyway?
Wait a minute...
That's Princess Trollestia, the one who sent me here in the first place.
Princess Trollestia.
Princess.
Trollestia.
I guess I can say that [most] fanon is now canon.
I smile. "I'd like you thank you, Trollestia. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have Discord sitting in my basement right now. What brings you here anyway?"
"Well, as long as I'm still alive, my job is to keep on trolling. Discord is now my number one target, considering I'm not going to let him take my kingdom!"
"So.. you took over Equestria? If that's so, why were the 'mane' six sitting in the arena with you during that fight? They obviously knew who you were, or Twilight Sparkle would've been trying to make conversation with you. You must think I'm a moron or something."
Trollestia's eyes widen at the thought I was able to figure most of the details out in less than ten seconds flat. "You're pretty clever. I guess that makes sense concerning the fact that you were able to defeat the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony in an arena made of candy... I'll tell you what. Give me a banana and I'll give you the deets."
I give her a concerned look. "And where the heck am I supposed to get a dang banana? Who do you think I am?"
Trollestia facehoofs. "An idiot, obviously. Are you still oblivious as to what reward you got from Discord? Mostly everybody has figured it out by now. Except Ali."
We both giggle at that while I pull a banana out of nowhere and hand it to her. I give myself a glass of chocolate milk because that stuff is good.
"Anyway," she starts, "Here's what happened."
-----
After Trollestia was done talking to Discord, she turned off the screen and turned to what would soon be her castle (It was currently Celestia's). "I'll get that Celestia.. and this kingdom will be mine." She turned and flew to Ponyville.
After about an hour (Trollestia is fastest flyer) she landed in front of the door to the Library and transformed into Discord. She then went invisible and slammed the door open.
Twilight Sparkle was working on her studies when she heard the alarming noise. "Oh, is someone there?" She turned to the door, but as planned, there was nothing there. "Well, I guess not." She returned to her studies but only for a moment, because after that, books started falling off of the shelves one by one. "What's going on? This isn't funny!" Twilight yelled. Gravity ignored her and books continued to fall until they were in an about seven foot tall pile. The pile morphed into the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony (Who was actually was Trollestia... don't tell anyone!) himself. "Hello, Sparkle."
"Discord!" she growled. "I should've known it was you! What are you doing here, my friends and I sealed you in stone a long time ago!" Seriously, it's been over a year now.
"Way to state the obvious, Twilight. I should've known you'd be here working on your studies instead of focusing on the task at hand."
The lilac pony leaned her head to the side. "And what's that?"
"Well, you could turn me back into stone..." 'Discord' pulled out the tiara that represented the element of Magic. "Or could you?"
"Where did you get that?!" Twilight screamed.
Spike was working in the kitchen when he heard the sounds from the other room and decided to check up on Twilight. When he walked in, he saw Discord with the magic tiara and a very furious Twilight Sparkle. Spike's eyes widened and he hid behind a desk. "W-what are you doing here?! You're supposed to be imprisoned!"
The spirit rolled his eyes. "Is everybody here always this obvious?" He sighed. "Anyway, I have something to tell you Sparkle." He walked over to her and looked her in the eyes. "I've learned from my past mistakes and-"
"You won't cause chaos anymore?" Twilight's eyes lit up and she actually looked hopeful for a moment. "Because that would-"
"Would you please let me finish? I was going to say... you're. Not going. Anywhere." He grinned and snapped his talons. "I just put a spell on this treehouse that won't let any Elements of Harmony out of here. I'm going to make sure that all of you are separated and that I'm never imprisoned again." He vanished and Twilight was left alone with Spike. She frowned and whispered, "I was going to ask him out..."
"Say what?" Spike yelped.
"Uh, nothing! I'm just getting back to my studies now."
-----
I start bursting into hysterics. "Are you serious? Discolight shippers would love that."
"I'm not kidding, but as soon as I heard that I couldn't take anything seriously for the rest of the day!"
"But anyway, how are you here now?"
"Well, I'm just going to break the deal and let you figure out the rest for yourself~"
"DANG TROLL-" I'm enveloped by a blinding light and I can feel stone. I'm blinded and I start clawing myself out of my frozen barrier. "FUS-"
"Holy [censored]!" I hear Ali. "Look!"
"ROH" The lower half of the stone is chipped off.
"Oh my goodness, she's okay!" Sandy squeals.
"DAH!!!!" I'm free! I shake my head to get excess debris off and I'm attacked by hugs. Well, Discord's just sitting there muttering something to himself about Pepsi rain.
"Dang, breaking out of prison feels really rejuvenating!" I holler to Discord.
He looks to me and blinks. "Oh, out already? That's surprising."
"All I had to do was give Princess Trollestia a banana!"
"She messed with the system!" Discord screeches. He puts on his best 'Timmy's Dad' face and mutters, "Trollestia..."
I break up the huggles of epicness and walk to Discord. "So we passed our tests.... what now?"
Discord thinks for a moment, but comes up a conclusion. "This may be a little cliché, but now..." He uses his best 'Pinkamena' impression. "You take a nap."
Holy shiz. He referenced to Cupcakes. Something in my mind snaps and a fall to the ground. Everyone else is unconcious, but the only people still fighting it are Ali and I. "Sleep is for the weak, Discord," Ali grunts. "I'm not going to."
"Oh, but you are. And there's nothing you can do to stop the incoming events."
"I can't take it anymore," Ali yawns. "Too many Roofies..." She slumps to the ground and begins snoring.
I can't stand up at all, and I'm basically squinting to see anything. I'm not quite sure why I'm still trying, but I'm the leader, so I have to keep watch for my friends!
"Interesting you're still up now, Candace. Yet again you have amused me simply by barely trying."
"I don't get it," I whisper. "Why are you doing this? I don't see the point..."
"You brought this upon yourself, dear. Now go on, stop trying."
Did he just call me dear? I lose grip on consciousness and slump to the ground.
The last words I hear are, "Sweet dreams, Candace Cusimano."
I'm actually rewriting it. Do you want me to send you a PM when I post it?
