by Naamah » Mon Nov 05, 2012 8:46 pm
Dear Mom,
I know it wasn't your fault, and I know now that you were mentally ill, and I'm mentally ill with the same thing. I understand more than I did before, and I am sorry that I was so angry for so long. You did some things that were just . . . not okay, in any world, anywhere, ever, and you could have stopped yourself, but you also did a lot of stuff that you couldn't help, and oddly, it was mostly that stuff, the everyday stuff that made you hard to live with but that was part of your illness, that bothered me most. So . . . forgiveness isn't a 100% or nothing thing, sometimes you feel it 100%, and sometimes only 75%, and sometimes only 5%. But my forgiveness is much greater, most days, than it used to be.
I am sorry you had to go through that hell. I am sorry you never know what was wrong, and blamed yourself. I miss you sometimes, and I am sorry that you died so young.
Love,
-- Your Darling Daughter
Dear J,
I was sincerely awful to you, and I am sorry. I hope I didn't hurt you. I hope you have good memories of the time we had together, because my memories are so amazing, and they still get me through a lot of loneliness. I should have kept you as a friend. I should have kept in touch with you. You were such a beautiful, beautiful boy. Oh, puppy, I wish I had had a different heart. One that could have been more yours. I didn't mean to be so horrible. I didn't . . . I . . . I'm sorry.
You were always so hot, too.
Apologies,
-- This one girl you used to know.
Dear best cat,
I miss you every single day, you smelly black mold colony. Life is worse without you, and my heart is empty, and it's been almost two years and still, still it feels like last week, like yesterday, and that hole you left will never, ever, ever be filled. You were the being I loved most in all the world. More than family, more than husband, more than myself. You kept me alive when I couldn't keep going for myself. I never could repay that.
I'm very sorry for all the times I yelled at you and got frustrated with you and a couple of times I know I hurt you. I will never, ever forgive myself. I am sorry. I am so sorry.
I tried to make it easy on you at the end. That was the worst day of my life.
Love you always,
Your shadow.