Write a Letter You Cannot Send

[Thief.]

Dear impatient me,

You might get people liking your art adoptables-
you might not.
Give your self time to figure it out.

Love yourself

[Aquani]

Dear "D",
I told you I liked you and you said you want to get to know me better. All day you flirt with me and act like you like me back. You better speed up the process before I get tired of your little game. I know they say people want something they can't have more. It's true, but know I am just becoming pissed. I am not gonna throw myself at you if that is what your waiting for.
In all truth,
Alayah

[Kangarose]

Dear Me,
Stop being lazy - do your homework.
From Yourself.

[A Day To Forget]

Dear Painkillers.
HURRY UP AND WORK ALREADY I'M DYIN HERE.
it hurts so bad and I can't sleep,
I need sleep,
we have school tommorow.

[casasss]

Dear J,

sdibdivbsivsbd. difvbfivbdsvoidsbv. odvbovubsdvobs. Holy shiz I hate you you butt just say something to me. I'd rather have you tell me that you hate me instead of not knowing. Not knowing is horrible. I walk into school every single day wondering if you're going to continue to utterly shun me or finally grow a set and say hello. I don't know what you're trying to do to me of if it's even intentional. Are you genuinely scared to talk to me, do you want me to throw myself at you, or do you want absolutely nothing to do with me? Please, J. Just do something to let me know.

I miss those feelings you used to give me. R said you had them too, although I didn't at the time. I miss your smile; your real smile and not the one you use to fool your friends. It made all my problems go away. I miss seeing you happy. I've yet to see that since this year started. I miss talking about everything and absolutely nothing useful during Spanish class. That half hour was the highlight of my day. I miss you drawing random smilies on my papers. I couldn't and still can't replicate them. I miss us writing words on my papers; me writing upsidedown and utterly failing at it just to make it easier for you to read. I miss calling you Mooseykins or Moosezilla or whatever you wanted me to call you that day. You never told me which one you preffered. I miss being called Bojangles, despite what M thinks it means. Even though the other R was the one who made it up. I miss your eyes. They're the bluest I've ever seen. I miss your stupid, bushy hair that you tried to get cut but didn't cut it short enough so it still looked awkward. It may or may've not been effing adorable. I miss you imitating the birds outside during finals just because you saw me watching them. Do you not realize how difficult it was for me to not laugh? I miss you borrowing or whatever you wanted to call it my mood ring that was half-broken, and how you made a point to wear it on your wedding ring finger. N teased you about how we should get married, and you tried to smack him even though he was joking while I was sitting there chuckling; do you remember that? I miss how you called my by my real name when we weren't with the other R. I melted every time I heard you say it. I miss you, J, and I haven't talked to you in months. I see you every single school day, but I miss you.

Remember how I missed an entire quarter of school? Well, I won't tell you why I did, but... dfovubdodubuv I thought about you half the time when I was staring at the ceiling at night because I couldn't sleep. I didn't even know that I liked you then. I didn't fully or even begin to realize that I liked you until May. I was so happy when Mrs. B told me to sit behind you and N on the day that I finally came back, and I didn't even realize why or that I did in the first place. An entire quarter of shenanagins later, I was quite happy with the seating arrangements. I laughed so much with you and N. And when she told us that we'd be switching seats around again for fourth quarter? How we'd be allowed to sit where and with whomever we wanted to, as long as it wasn't with somebody who we sat with before? I almost died. I was sitting alone, although I wasn't really alone because you and N always talked to me, and I had no intentions of changing that. But I was so scared that you were going to end up across the room from me or something. You didn't, thank god, but N had to move. So now, there we were, the only two people sitting alone in the back corner of the room. Of course there were people around us, not next to us but in front of us... I thought you were going to move back a seat to sit with me. I think I actually saw you move to get up. You didn't, and I guess I could've moved foward to sit with you, but I don't think Mrs. B would have let me, since we sat together first quater. And, well, it kind of just stayed like that. You always turned sideways, not around because that would just be weird when we were meant to be facing the front of the room, and talked to me. Even when we had to be quiet and do our work, you remained half turned toward me. I.... I don't even know. It made me so happy to realize that, for some reason that I still don't know. Maybe because of the body language / psychological reasons possible behind it?

Speaking of which, you're the reason for my knowledge of them. I've always been good with picking up on body language and stuff, I didn't and still don't know why. but you're the reason I looked up what all of that meant. M was relitively helpful as well, I guess. Signs of attraction? Yeah. You showed all of the appropriate ones. I say appropraite because the next level of "signs" would mean some sort of physical contact, as little as a touch on the arm or shoulder, which you seemed totally averted to with everybody. I guess maybe you've got some reason for that, though, which I can respect. Your pupils dilated around me, your stayed turned towards me, you hunched your shoulders and your knees and feet pointed towards me, you maintained a sort of "open" demeanor, all that mumbo jumbo and a whole bunch of other things that meant something positive about your mood or current thoughts. Your eyes is what really made me notice it, though. Never at any point when conversing with you when there was sustained eye-contact, were your pupils not incredibly dilated. Maybe you've got something up with your eyes or some... thing... but when I mentioned it to you, you shrugged it off and said that nothing you knew of was wrong. I didn't press further. I suppose I should tell you, that dilated pupils means a strong attraction for whatever is being looked at, whether inatimate or not. Not saying that you were attracted to me physically, (I seriously, seriously doubt that you were), but it meant that you had at least taken a liking to me..... I guess?

Alright, so I guess I could accept the fact that you hated me and wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. I would probably hate myself further if I found out and all that fun stuff, of course, but I would leave you alone and do my best to forget you ever existed, after the first few days. But I can't. Do you know why I can't, J? Because I still catch you looking at me, admittedly when I go to glance/look/stare at you. More than once a day. And how do I not know you're looking at something behind me? Because not only do you jerk your gaze away, but your entire head turns away. Sorry, bud, but you've gotta get better at that. I do see you leaning on and trying to hide behind your hand, and I can only conclude it's because you don't want to see me looking at you. You don't do that often anymore, but for the first few weeks of school you would. Yes, J, I do see you peering around your own hand to look at me. I do it too, I guess, but when I look at you I'm only sneaking glances.... frequently. But still. And then sometimes, when I look at you, you keep looking back at me. My heart jumps into my throat when you do, I get so happy, but I can't. I can't look back at you for more than a fleeting two miliseconds. It's pathetic and I hate it and I feel bad afterwards, as if you were trying to hold eye contact with me to see if I would too. Wanna know the truth? I'm scared. That's my weakeness, J. I can't hold eye contact with people when I'm scared of them or something pertaining to them. If people knew anything about body language they might realize it, but nobody does anymore. It's not because I don't like you, J, because I obviously do, but I'm scared to see what would happen if I kept looking back. I'm scared to see if you'll make some disgusted face at me or turn your nose up or something that signalled your disaproval or negatives feelings to/for me. I'm sorry that I can't. I'm sorry if it's stupid, and that would be all the reasurance you needed to talk to me, but I just.... I don't know. I can't. I instantly look away when I look at you to find you staring back if you don't look away first.

I'm sorry if this is stupid and me pouring my heart out in a letter that you'll never get is stupid. I'm sorry if thinking anything could ever happen between us is stupid. I'm sorry if sending M to give you that note was stupid. No, not if it was stupid, because it was. The only reason I did that was because I wasn't thinking right after the whole thing with G and I'm still not but I can't tell you any of that because you won't talk to me. I know it hypocritical for me to ask you to do something that I can't do myself and even more so for me to realize it and not do anything about it... but please, J. I'm begging you, and I've never begged anybody for anything in my entire life. In fact I think you've somehow broken me or something, because if I told anybody I know/knew how hung up over you I was they would tie me up and ask what I'd done with the real K.

If you take anything from this letter you never read, realize that, yes, I liked you then and I clearly like you now. All I want to know is how you feel about me, if anything, because I keep convincing myself that you hate me. Literally, I'll be sitting there thinking about you and when I realize what I'm doing I go 'Stop thinking about him. Stop thinking about him. He means nothing to you and you mean nothing to him. You mean nothing to him and he doesn't think about you at all. You mean nothing to him. Stop thinking about him. He hates you,' in my mind. It repeats itself over and over and I make myself feel like sh!t because my thoughts get much darker than that and I sometimes find myself suddenly on the verge of tears and I hate it, but I'll keep doing it until I can fully convince myself that it's true. That you hate me and want nothing to do with me.

At this point, it's either say a simple godbeaverdam'd "Hello," or let me convince myself how much you hate me. You're either going to talk to me, or stop looking at me, before I combust or something.

I just want to be able to call myself at least your friend again,
K / Bobo / Bojangles

[nicolettexx]

Dear ____,

I don't need your help. It's my life. Live you own for crying out loud. I don't need any comments from you. Trust me, they don't help. You think they do but they really don't. I want to escape this world. Just to get away from you. Nobody really likes you. You just make them. Bossing everyone around. Like that's going to get you friends. Really? Act mature. Become nicer. Wait... You can't!

~* Wings. *~

[Dᴇᴀʀ Iɴsᴀɴɪᴛʏ]

Dear A____,

The Only reason I had to say no to you is because I don't want to ruin the friendship that already lies there with us. I know that you've liked me for a while, I can understand that since I felt that way at one point. But when I said yes to J, it ended and we rarely speak let alone look at each other. And before that, we had a great and wonderful friendship. I'm sorry I had to tell you something you didn't want to hear, and I know I hurt you when I told you. But I wish you'd listen to me and understand what I'm trying to say to you. I love you as a friend, and would want to be more. But If we ended it, what would we return to? What would we become? At the moment we're best of friends but, I don't want to know what would happen if I said yes. I care about you with all my heart and I know pain of rejection...But I just can't say yes to you.

~ Dear Insanity


Dear J____,

Please leave me alone... You're hurting my friends by telling them mean things, making them cry, and wishing on their death. I really hate you now and I wish you were the person you had been before we even dated. I wish to have the happy, kind, always smiling J____. But I can't have that for life is unfair and you are cruel. Also, please stop placing my name all over Facebook and please stop wishing me back. I have a feeling you have an unhealthy obsession from what others have told me about what you do. It's scaring me and I'm not sure how to handle you.
When you made my friend C cry like that in the hallway, I couldn't stand it anymore. First you broke her heart, then you start making fun of her, then wish to be her friend. You obviously don't understand how sensitive she it. When she cried in my arms, you deserved every swear, every truthful word that came form me. I meant all of it. No one deserves to be treated like that. And If you ever say one more thing to C, CH, Me, D, H, or A...You should wish you don't come across form me in the halls, you're not only hurting them and making them cry. You're hurting me too because I can't do anything to help. And don't blame me for your reasons of self-harm. That is not my fault you chose to do that. I feel bad you chose that way of relief but don't blame someone who has no reason to be blamed.

~ Dear Insanity

[Metallic Dragon]

Dear Dustin,

I know I've said I'm done with you, but I'll probably see you today at church and yeah... I dunno how this is going to go. I wish you'd just tell me that you're no longer interested so I can completely crush the last little bit of hope that keeps clinging on. It's driving me crazy to still have that little bit of hope that maybe, just maybe you'll call and tell me everything is ok and that you still like me. Please crush that hope or verify it soon. This waiting is exhausting.

Missing you,
Metta


Dear David(Waldo),

I'm giving you a chance. After I already said I'd never go on a date with a guy I met at a dance again because they've all turned out to be complete creep/jerks. I really hope you don't make me regret the decision to give it one more try. You're the last hope future guys from dances have. Don't let them down, and even more importantly, please don't give me yet another dating horror story to tell my housemates. I've had enough now that even they agree that I'm a creeper magnet. I want this trend to change. So please don't let me down.

The girl from the dance,
Metta


Dear David2:

Kid, if you're going to ask me out, it's gotta be soon. I'm being mawled by guys lately, if you don't hurry, I'll find one I like and be paired off. Then what will you do? I know you're interested, heck, you've already asked once but I was busy. The second time's the charm, so hurry it up and ask me out before the opportunity passes you by.

-Metta


Dear Phillip,

Ok, I'll go on a date with you. Please know that I'm not really interested though. I'm going because your brother asked me to as a personal favor to him. I won't disappoint Jason, so yes, I'll take you on a date. Don't think anything of it though, I'd rather not mess up my chance to date Jason when he gets home next year. Plus I kinda think of you as a big brother and it's just awkward to think about dating you.

Your brother's best friend,
Metta

[Bilbo Baggins.]

Dear ..........,
Why can't you understand that all I need is for someone to LISTEN? I don't need you to problem solve, just hear what I have to say! And the truth is it doesn't have to be you, I just need to say that I'm sick of this-all of this. I'm sick of walking to school with a group who shuts me out and acts like I don't exist; I'm sick of people giving me judgmental looks about what I'm wearing or how I phrase things; I'm sick of spending the day in silence because I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm sick of not fitting in. I'm sick of trying to fit in even though I don't want to change myself, just because I feel like if I act like myself I will be the biggest idiot ever. I'm so socially awkward; you always say that the more I interact with people the better it will get, but you're wrong. The more I interact with people, the more I judge myself of how I say things, how I smile, how I can never maintain eye contact. I thought this was supposed to be a better fit for me? I thought this was supposed to make my life easier? I know you thought you were doing the right thing for me, but the more I think about it the clearer it becomes that I can't live like this. All my friends live so far away that I can't see them on a regular basis, and then you wonder why I use technology so much! I feel like I'm going insane. Dad came upstairs today to tell me something and I got so mad at him I had to go into the next room and flail around screaming for ten minutes, and he didn't even do anything to upset me. All he did was say something but I think it made me realize how lonely I am and all my emotions came rushing to the surface; they've been pent up inside me for over two months and they just came flying out. I don't know what to do. I think I deluded myself into thinking that I was okay, but that just made it worse. All I need is a shoulder to cry on, but I don't even have that. I don't see an end to all this. I just feel so alone, and all I need is for you to listen! Don't try to solve anything, just LISTEN TO ME!

[Nekokan]

Dear________.

I can't believe you like Mariah more than me. I was your first ever friend and I've always been nice to you. Mariah doesn't even like you! Maya either they think your annoying just how you think im annoying. I almost lost my friendship with Mariah trying to protect you and this is what I get. You know what? You don't even deserve my friendship. Im annoying anyways aren't I?

~Aislin