Dear my recent ex boyfriend,
I understand why you ened our relationship. You didn't want to lie to me, lead me on. I understand. And thank you for ending it, instead of lying to me for longer. But what you did after...? I guess I understand, but you didn't have to do it that way! You sent a picture of your abs to another guy three hours after you eneded our relationship... You said you did it hoping I'd find out and hate you/move on from you. You want me to hate you so I can get over you quicker? Not the best idea you've had.. With what you interpreted from what I said, would only make me want to do it more! I wasn't actually going to kill myself, I didn't mean it like that. But if it was, sending that photo would of only made things worse and make me want to do it more! Not the brightest idea.. I know hating you would make me get over you quicker, but I didn't want to hate you.
I would of been okay with you just being my best friend again. You were my only real best friend. I couldn't lose my boyfriend and my best friend... But no. You made to try get me to hate you.. You had to ignore me. Make me feel like a piece of $h!t and unwanted. Last week Monday was good. You were acting like my friend and it was great. But after that? Hmm everything went bad again.. Of course.
You say we'll talk after you've delt with all your $h!t. But your $h!t never really seems to end.. I still have that it will. And I will wait for you. But I know you've said to some of your friends that your not even sure your $h!t will ever end... So I don't know what to think or do.. I told you that I know your $h!t never really ends, but you go off at me saying I don't have faith.. What? Why?
A couple people told me making you jelous would get you back. And I believed them at the start. I was gonna hug the other guy to make you jelaous. But he and his mate wanted me to do more, like kiss him or something. After a bit, I realized making you jelous, would only make things worse. So I started to back out. But the other two guys went off at me since I 'wanted' their help but then didn't. I didnt want revenge on you. But last week at this program we all did, we had to achknowlegde people who have helped us out before. I went to you second (after I went and hugged this girl I needed to apologize to) and gave you a big hug. After a couple other friends, the other guy was behind me as I turned around. So I gave him a little hug from his behind. I barley touched him though. Cause I know you wouldn of hated me to of hugged him. But that's what we had to do, so I gave him a light hug. Later that day you tell thatngirl you sent the photo to that I tightly hugged him form behind. I barley even touched him!!! You tell her how I once wanted revenge. You said that was why I did it, and she strongly thought that too. I barely touched him for frig sakes!!!! I do not want revenge on you anymore!! And that wasn't it!! I was only doing what he had to do! Now that girl hates me because you said that. It wasn't true! That's not what it meant!!
My love for you still burns like a fire though. After all the $h!t youve put me through, why is it? Honestly I don't know why. You've put me through a lot of pain and $h!t, yet I'm still in love with you.... You honestly want me to move on. So lately I've walked away from this preverbial fire. It's still burning, I'm just leaving it for another time. To come back to some time down the track. I'll admit it's been hard, but I'm trying. If that's what you really want, them okay..
I start to 'move on' to this other guy that I've had feelings for before. He did me wrong too, but I'm not actually 'moving on' to him. Since I'm now single, I'm aloud to think someone is hot without feeling bad. This other guy, I think he is hot, but he is just a friend. Nothing more. We don't even talk that much.
Two weeks ago, at our friends dads birthday party; you pretty much ignored me all night. As soon as I got there, I was looking for you. I knew you had to go there like an hour early, so I knew you'd be there already. I'll admit when the other guy was meant to be there I did seem a little too keen to go look for him. I don't know why. I just wanted someone to talk to, since you weren't. Our friend was there with her boyfriend, you were there with another one of our other younger mates. Leaving me by myself, so when the other guy got there, I had someone to talk to. Yet you went off about me being keen to see him. You were ignoring me!! I didn't want to spend the night all alone! I didn't get all dressed up to be by myself. You kept going out on the golf course with our other mate. So I followed you around. You were talking about killing yourself, so why wouldn't I try help? But you still practically ignored me! When you were sitting there with our other mate still ignoring me, so when I went off to see the other guy. I stayed there for about a minute and left to go walk the golf course alone. When I finally got back, you'd left. You saw me leave to the other guy, so you left. Surprising you didn't see me leave, I even looked at you but you didn't see me. After you left, you made me cry... So our friend and her boyfriend hated you for making me cry. All I wanted to do was spend the night with you. But I couldn't cause you were just pushing me away. So I spent half of it with the other guy.
I don't get it. You tell me to move on, yet, when I start to show that I am, you go off at me.. You say if I make that decision to move on to that other guy, you wont be there for me anymore. Ever since you said that youve truly been ignoring me!!! I haven't had that decision yet! And I'm not going to. I'm not going to choose him over you! You'll always be my number one... I'm not even moving on to him. I'm just swooning(?) over him, to try help my thoughts detract from you. I'm a way you could saying I'm using him. But not in a bad way. I'm not telling him I like him. I don't like him. I'm not leading him on. Im just trying to get my thoughts off you. Since that's were they seem to be 24/7. You tell me to move on, but not to that guy.
You obviously still have feelings for me. I know it. You know it. You say the feelings you have are just clouded over because of all of the $h!t you're going through. Chances are they are still there. When you stop by cause my house is on the way to your work, and you still want those hugs before you leave, I believe those feelings are still there. With that you told me Wednesday, they are still there. You said you still get those feelings were you just want to pick me up and carry me off somewhere alone. Or at least kiss me. You say you get these feelings when we're alone, or when we could be together alone. Those feelings for me are obviously still there!! I understand you're going through a lot and you say all that has clouded over all of your other feelings. So maybe that has. But those feelings are still there...
I have so many feelings.. Hate and Love all at the same time. I don't know what to do. Do I 'move on' or wait for you? Or wait for you and try move on in that time? What I want? I want you back...
Honestly, I just think it'd be better if we just started to go out again. But take it easy. I give you a lot of space that you need. But we still get this kisses and hugs that could help us through our dramas. Then all this unnecessary ignoring and fighting will stop. I know I make things worse for you half the time, but I wouldn't if we weren't fighting. If we went out again, the fighting will stop and I will stop making things worse. I one day hope that we can sort out our $h!t. As well as your personal $h!t. Someday soon hopefully. Then one day maybe, I hope we can go out again.
Love you all the way to the moon. Still..
Sincerially, with all my love,
Me xoxo
~ blazzing_wolf <3 xoxo
I understand why you ened our relationship. You didn't want to lie to me, lead me on. I understand. And thank you for ending it, instead of lying to me for longer. But what you did after...? I guess I understand, but you didn't have to do it that way! You sent a picture of your abs to another guy three hours after you eneded our relationship... You said you did it hoping I'd find out and hate you/move on from you. You want me to hate you so I can get over you quicker? Not the best idea you've had.. With what you interpreted from what I said, would only make me want to do it more! I wasn't actually going to kill myself, I didn't mean it like that. But if it was, sending that photo would of only made things worse and make me want to do it more! Not the brightest idea.. I know hating you would make me get over you quicker, but I didn't want to hate you.
I would of been okay with you just being my best friend again. You were my only real best friend. I couldn't lose my boyfriend and my best friend... But no. You made to try get me to hate you.. You had to ignore me. Make me feel like a piece of $h!t and unwanted. Last week Monday was good. You were acting like my friend and it was great. But after that? Hmm everything went bad again.. Of course.
You say we'll talk after you've delt with all your $h!t. But your $h!t never really seems to end.. I still have that it will. And I will wait for you. But I know you've said to some of your friends that your not even sure your $h!t will ever end... So I don't know what to think or do.. I told you that I know your $h!t never really ends, but you go off at me saying I don't have faith.. What? Why?
A couple people told me making you jelous would get you back. And I believed them at the start. I was gonna hug the other guy to make you jelaous. But he and his mate wanted me to do more, like kiss him or something. After a bit, I realized making you jelous, would only make things worse. So I started to back out. But the other two guys went off at me since I 'wanted' their help but then didn't. I didnt want revenge on you. But last week at this program we all did, we had to achknowlegde people who have helped us out before. I went to you second (after I went and hugged this girl I needed to apologize to) and gave you a big hug. After a couple other friends, the other guy was behind me as I turned around. So I gave him a little hug from his behind. I barley touched him though. Cause I know you wouldn of hated me to of hugged him. But that's what we had to do, so I gave him a light hug. Later that day you tell thatngirl you sent the photo to that I tightly hugged him form behind. I barley even touched him!!! You tell her how I once wanted revenge. You said that was why I did it, and she strongly thought that too. I barely touched him for frig sakes!!!! I do not want revenge on you anymore!! And that wasn't it!! I was only doing what he had to do! Now that girl hates me because you said that. It wasn't true! That's not what it meant!!
My love for you still burns like a fire though. After all the $h!t youve put me through, why is it? Honestly I don't know why. You've put me through a lot of pain and $h!t, yet I'm still in love with you.... You honestly want me to move on. So lately I've walked away from this preverbial fire. It's still burning, I'm just leaving it for another time. To come back to some time down the track. I'll admit it's been hard, but I'm trying. If that's what you really want, them okay..
I start to 'move on' to this other guy that I've had feelings for before. He did me wrong too, but I'm not actually 'moving on' to him. Since I'm now single, I'm aloud to think someone is hot without feeling bad. This other guy, I think he is hot, but he is just a friend. Nothing more. We don't even talk that much.
Two weeks ago, at our friends dads birthday party; you pretty much ignored me all night. As soon as I got there, I was looking for you. I knew you had to go there like an hour early, so I knew you'd be there already. I'll admit when the other guy was meant to be there I did seem a little too keen to go look for him. I don't know why. I just wanted someone to talk to, since you weren't. Our friend was there with her boyfriend, you were there with another one of our other younger mates. Leaving me by myself, so when the other guy got there, I had someone to talk to. Yet you went off about me being keen to see him. You were ignoring me!! I didn't want to spend the night all alone! I didn't get all dressed up to be by myself. You kept going out on the golf course with our other mate. So I followed you around. You were talking about killing yourself, so why wouldn't I try help? But you still practically ignored me! When you were sitting there with our other mate still ignoring me, so when I went off to see the other guy. I stayed there for about a minute and left to go walk the golf course alone. When I finally got back, you'd left. You saw me leave to the other guy, so you left. Surprising you didn't see me leave, I even looked at you but you didn't see me. After you left, you made me cry... So our friend and her boyfriend hated you for making me cry. All I wanted to do was spend the night with you. But I couldn't cause you were just pushing me away. So I spent half of it with the other guy.
I don't get it. You tell me to move on, yet, when I start to show that I am, you go off at me.. You say if I make that decision to move on to that other guy, you wont be there for me anymore. Ever since you said that youve truly been ignoring me!!! I haven't had that decision yet! And I'm not going to. I'm not going to choose him over you! You'll always be my number one... I'm not even moving on to him. I'm just swooning(?) over him, to try help my thoughts detract from you. I'm a way you could saying I'm using him. But not in a bad way. I'm not telling him I like him. I don't like him. I'm not leading him on. Im just trying to get my thoughts off you. Since that's were they seem to be 24/7. You tell me to move on, but not to that guy.
You obviously still have feelings for me. I know it. You know it. You say the feelings you have are just clouded over because of all of the $h!t you're going through. Chances are they are still there. When you stop by cause my house is on the way to your work, and you still want those hugs before you leave, I believe those feelings are still there. With that you told me Wednesday, they are still there. You said you still get those feelings were you just want to pick me up and carry me off somewhere alone. Or at least kiss me. You say you get these feelings when we're alone, or when we could be together alone. Those feelings for me are obviously still there!! I understand you're going through a lot and you say all that has clouded over all of your other feelings. So maybe that has. But those feelings are still there...
I have so many feelings.. Hate and Love all at the same time. I don't know what to do. Do I 'move on' or wait for you? Or wait for you and try move on in that time? What I want? I want you back...
Honestly, I just think it'd be better if we just started to go out again. But take it easy. I give you a lot of space that you need. But we still get this kisses and hugs that could help us through our dramas. Then all this unnecessary ignoring and fighting will stop. I know I make things worse for you half the time, but I wouldn't if we weren't fighting. If we went out again, the fighting will stop and I will stop making things worse. I one day hope that we can sort out our $h!t. As well as your personal $h!t. Someday soon hopefully. Then one day maybe, I hope we can go out again.
Love you all the way to the moon. Still..
Sincerially, with all my love,
Me xoxo
~ blazzing_wolf <3 xoxo
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. Or when we bought bouncy putty and sat on the stairs throwing it around and you hit that old woman with it. or when we had a Pokemon battle in the yard and got weird looks, or when we filmed ourselves walk into the lift, go down, walk back up the stairs, go back in the lift and go back down and back up again for ages. Or when we watched the Woman in Black, and it was a quiet, suspenseful scene and a open some Quavers and you screamed<3
