Shimmer X Whirlwind

[keydemon]

I was writing a story based off of Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespheare, but I never finished it, anyways...
The Story so far:

Prince Whirlwind sighed as he put on his heavy Chinookio battle gear. The gear consisted of a white helmet, a white chest plate with a feather painted on it with feather wings attached to the chest plate. Prince Whirlwind was the best knight of the Chinookio Kingdom; he was also the future king. The prince was a handsome light blue fox with white hair, white chest fur and a white tail tip. He slid the helmet on and opened his dazzling yellow eyes determinedly. The castle he lived in was made of indestructible white stone with emerald green roofs and watch towers. Inside, the floors were pearl white with silk, forest green carpets. The artwork was made of feathers and every pillow was stuffed with feathers. Overall, the palace was green and white, the inside luxurious and ornamental. Prince Whirlwind bounded down the countless flights of stairs from his room to the stables. The sweet smell of hay immediately hit Prince Whirlwind’s nose as he entered. He trotted over to the jewel-encrusted stall with the gold name plate that read, “Kokoro”. Kokoro was a black and white paint horse, Prince Whirlwind’s companion. Kokoro had an alternating black and white mane and tail. His only markings were black circles around his eyes and a black heart-shaped mark on his chest.

“Kokoro!” the Prince called. Kokoro rumbled a greeting back at once and poked his nose over the stall door. “Good boy.” The Prince smiled and opened the stall. The horse stood perfectly still while Prince Whirlwind threw on the green and white tack, covered with feathers. Lastly, the Prince unlocked the stone box tucked away under Kokoro’s feed bin. He drew out the glorious white sword with the lush green handle. It was the sword he inherited from his father, King Tornado. Prince Whirlwind turned to Kokoro, “Ready, Kokoro? This is our last fight with you as a horse.” Kokoro reared up and let out a whinny. After this battle, Kokoro would have enough battle experience to become a Pegasus. The Prince would take Kokoro to graze in the Celestial Fields, the enchanted land that the Chinookios and Tindra have been fighting over for centuries. For now, both kingdoms had rights to the beautiful, mystical fields. The fields were surrounded by ancient lavender crystals. In the middle of the crystals was the meadow, carpeted by the softest, greenest grass in the land. Multicolored pastel flowers grew there. They held mysterious properties and did certain things when eaten under the right conditions. Today, the Chinookios were attacking the Tindras’ castle. Thanks to a Tindra spy, the Tindras knew about it. Prince Whirlwind mounted Kokoro with his sword clasped in his jaws. Kokoro trotted out of the stable and joined the rest of the knights. Only one-third of them were on horseback. The lead knight, Storm, gave a signal and the legion took off. The land was lush, with bright green grass and forests dotting the landscape. A river split the land into its territories and spilled over the cliff. The waterfall splashed into a clear lake. A jungle surrounded it, and broke off into a clearing, which was the graveyard. The legion leaped over the river; Kokoro and Whirlwind moving as one. The wind whipped through their fur as they approached the black and flame-colored castle of the Tindras. The castle looked exactly like the Chinookio castle, only different colors. The Chinookio legion thundered onto the Tindra castle, their knights meeting the Tindra ones that awaited them. Prince Whirlwind pulled Kokoro up, wildly searching for his rival, the Wavering Knight. He was the best Tindra knight, and always appeared and disappeared so suddenly. He wore a black mask, a black chest plate and black foot guards with flame markings. His tail was twisted into a black and white spiral. Finally, the Prince spotted him, smirking down at him from the roof of a watch tower. Baring his teeth around his sword, he urged Kokoro forward, jumping from roof to roof. The Prince hit the button on Kokoro’s bridle, which caused an ivory horn to spring out, allowing Kokoro to fight alone. He released Kokoro and jumped on the roof next to the Wavering Knight. His rival pulled an ebony sword out of nowhere, the handle had a flame design. The two skilled knights clashed; sword swipe meeting sword swipe in perfect harmony. The clanging of metal echoed across the land as the battle raged. As the two knights spun around again, Prince Whirlwind’s claw caught fabric and it ripped. The Prince heard a feminine gasp and the Wavering Knight was gone in an instant. Frustration burned in Prince Whirlwind as he gazed at the black fabric caught in his claws. He let out a ferocious snarl of annoyance, throwing his paw down angrily. Ears pinned back, he searched madly for the Wavering Knight again. When he gave up, he looked down to see the Chinookios were losing.

“Retreat!” the Prince heard Storm’s call ring out. Whirlwind sighed and let out a long, clear whistle, calling Kokoro to him. Kokoro bounced up, huffing heavily and bleeding in a few places. Giving Kokoro an affectionate pat, he mounted his horse and pressed the button again, drawing in his horn. The Chinookios retreated, this time only cantering back and plodding through the river; their spirit hurt. Prince Whirlwind rode Kokoro into the stable, stripping their gear off and throwing it into a pile. Kokoro sighed and began to drink. The Prince brought out a bucket and sponge. He scrubbed Kokoro down, then washed the gear and his sword, as he locked away his sword he heard,

“Prince Whirlwind!” He emerged from Kokoro’s stall to see Flick, the messenger, calling him; Whirlwind close Kokoro’s stall.

“Yes, Flick?”

“Uh-Uhm… The King and Queen have requested to see you.”

“Ugh.” Whirlwind rolled his eyes as Flick skittered away. The Prince sulked out of the stable and reluctantly climbed the stairs to the throne room. He looked at the huge ivory doors, the borders lined with emeralds. Pushing his way through the doors, his feet met the plush green carpet. The silver thrones were lined with peridots and had huge, dark green cushions. Green dragon fire danced in the crystal chandeliers. On the first throne sat King Tornado, a large silver fox with blue ear tips and tail tip. On the second, Queen Zephyr, a pure black fox, her only marking was white chest fur. They both wore crowns made of green dyed feathers on an ivory crown; a green dragon crystal in the middle of each.

“Whirlwind, you’re filthy.” The Queen sniffed, her nose wrinkled in disgust. Dirt and blood splattered the Prince’s fur, his white fur yellowish and plastered down by sweat.

“I know, Mother.” Whirlwind answered through gritted teeth, trying to hide his tone, “I just got back from a battle.”

“The Wavering Knight?” the King rumbled.

“He got away.” Prince Whirlwind mumbled.

“Again? And what of the battle?” his father asked.

“We lost.” Whirlwind snapped, quickly shutting his mouth as his father gave him a disapproving look. “I’m sorry, Father, I am just frustrated with our loss.”

“I understand.” the King sighed.

“Go wash up, dinner is soon, then you may take Kokoro.” The Queen said softly, clearly disappointed as well. Whirlwind exited the throne room, walking tiredly through the endless halls of the castle to his room. He glanced out the window to see it was sunset before bathing and bounding down the flights of stairs to supper. The smell of roast beef and roasted fruits filled the air as he entered the dining room. The talk was minimal; the entire Chinookio kingdom was saddened by losing. Whirlwind raced out of the castle to the stable. Kokoro was waiting for him, his head over the stall and his ears pricked forward. Whirlwind yanked the stall open and jumped onto Kokoro bareback.

“Let’s go, Kokoro.” The Prince said, urging his horse forward. Kokoro took off at a full gallop, speeding through the castle yards into the wilderness. The moon was full, giving some light to the land as they travelled to the Celestial Fields. Kokoro’s hoof beats were muffled by the grass as they rushed to the meadow, both fox and horse excited. The gleaming lavender crystals came into view. Whirlwind felt Kokoro pick up his pace even though the Prince hadn’t asked him to. “Wh-Whoa! Kokoro!” the Prince yelled as they skidded to a halt, almost smashing into one of the crystals. Letting out a sigh of relief, Whirlwind slid off of Kokoro’s back and led his horse between the crystals. The moonlit flowers swayed in the soft breeze. The whole meadow was lit up marvelously by the moon light reflecting off of the crystals. Kokoro rumbled a faint neigh of impatience and Whirlwind stepped aside to let his horse past. Kokoro trotted to the center of the meadow and threw his head down to take a mouthful of flowers. The crystals suddenly came to life, shining brightly and throwing purple beams onto Kokoro. Kokoro shined pure white, his features disappearing from the light. A huge pair of wings sprouted from Kokoro’s back and the light slowly faded, the clearing lit delicately again. Whirlwind gazed at his new Pegasus, mouth hanging open in awe. Kokoro’s black markings were now golden with yellow spirals on the bottom center of his wings. Kokoro reared up and neighed triumphantly. Whirlwind bounded over to Kokoro and immediately jumped on his back. His Pegasus beat his wings powerfully and they were soaring through the sky in an instant. The Prince closed his eyes, enjoying the wind whipping through his fur. When he reopened his eyes, they were so high, he felt like he could touch the billions of stars twinkling in the black sky.

“Okay, Kokoro, let’s go down.” Kokoro landed gracefully and Whirlwind dismounted. He patted Kokoro and left him to graze right outside of the crystal enclosed meadow. Whirlwind always liked to sit in the meadow and think when he was troubled. He slid between the crystals and into the clearing, when he looked up, his eyes widened in surprise. A fox was humming quietly to herself as she walked along, looking admiringly at the hundreds of different flowers. She was pure white except for her red-orange chest fur, tail tips and the tuft of fur on her head. She had two tails and the fur between her ears and on her chest curled. There was a gold collar around her neck that was studded with onyx, a large ruby at the center of it. The fox looked up and her violet eyes met Whirlwind’s golden ones. She looked at him astonished and began to leave. Whirlwind lurched forward and shouted,

“Wait!” The fox turned around and said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

“Y-Yes?” Whirlwind walked up to her.

“I’m sorry… It’s just that… you’re so beautiful, what is your name?” The fox looked up, blushing and smiling a little, her breath-taking violet eyes revealed again. Whirlwind’s breath caught and his heart raced.

“Shimmer.”

“I am Prince Whirlwind of the Chinookios.” Shimmer’s simile faded and she glanced away, “B-But please, just call me Whirlwind.” he added quickly.

“It is a pleasure.” She said, smiling again.

“No, no! The pleasure is all mine!” Whirlwind smiled broadly.

“I really should go…” she whispered.

“Okay, uh, uhm…” Whirlwind searched quickly through the flowers, choosing a light purple orchid. He took one of his black wristbands off and tied it in a bow around the stem. He held it out to her and asked, “Will you meet me here tomorrow at the same time?” Shimmer hesitated before taking the flower and smiling shyly,

“Yes.” Whirlwind smiled wider than he had ever smiled in his entire life, joy surging through him. Shimmer trotted off and disappeared behind a crystal. Whirlwind sighed dreamily, flopping down in the flowers and looking up at the sky. After a while of daydreaming, he mounted Kokoro and flew back to the castle. After putting Kokoro away, he snuck silently to his bedroom and got in bed. His dreams were filled with images of Shimmer.

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Shimmer tied her hair back and wrapped her mask over her face. She slipped her chest armor on and her foot guards. She tied a black cover around on tail, and then twisted her tails together. When she looked in the mirror, her heart felt heavy. Shimmer was none other than the Wavering Knight. Shimmer put in her brown contacts to his her mysterious violet eyes. There were so many of her exotic features she had to hide to pass as a male. Glancing at the purple orchid, it felt like her heart broke; she would probably have to fight Whirlwind today. Shimmer took a deep breath and snuck silently to the throne room.

“Mother? Father?” Shimmer called quietly.

“Come in.” a deep voice answered. Shimmer slipped in to see her mother and father sitting on the black and crimson thrones. The throne room had a jet black floor, covered in crimson carpets. The thrones were made of ebony, lined with rubies. Chandeliers held blazing dragon fire in them. Flame patterns were painted on the walls. Her father, King Inferno sat in the first throne. He was a large dark red fox with yellow paws and yellow hair. Her mother, Queen Flare sat in the one next to him. She was a light pink fox with black tipped ears and black chest fur, her long fur between her ears was white. Both of her parents wore ebony crowns that were lined with alternating blood diamonds and rubies, in the middle was a flame dragon crystal.

“I am ready.” Shimmer looked up at her parents.

“Now now, does a male talk in such a girlish tone?” her mother chastised.

“No.” Shimmer said, deepening her voice and puffing out her chest jokingly. Her father chuckled and smiled at her warmly. Shimmer disguised herself as the Wavering Knight because she was a born fighter, but females were forbidden as knights. Therefore, only her mother and father knew she was a female. Them and Prince Whirlwind, but he didn’t know she was the Wavering Knight. Last night was close; he had ripped the fabric holding her tails together. Luckily, her greatest strength is speed, so she managed to escape this time.
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(Okay, so the CS pets look nothing like my characters, oh well, I tried! :3)
Questions? Comments? Criticism?
I don't know if I'm going to continue it, so if you like it, encouragement is needed! xD I'm so lazy.
Please tell me what you think!
Oh, and bumps are greatly appreciated!

[keydemon]

Bump. :<

[keydemon]

Rawr.

[buckleigh]

Wow, I love it!
That is a really good piece of writing!
ps.loved the cs models!

[buckleigh]

Keep writing it, I am dieing to know how it ends!

[buckleigh]

Kokoro shined pure white, his features disappearing from the light.
shined should be shone.
Kokoro shone pure white, his features disappearing from the light.

[keydemon]

^ Haha, thanks. 8D
I knew I'd have some typos, I type fast when I write stories. xD

[buckleigh]

Lol, yeah
I type real slow
So where did you get this awesome idea of a story?

[keydemon]

I actually write a lot of stories, I have some finished ones, but some of them are awful long. I actually got this idea from watching the Romeo X Juliet anime. x3
I could post some of my other stories if you want to see them. 8D

[buckleigh]

Yeah, ok! (is this an ok forum to do this in thou?)