Novice RP School (Minnie:) and The Lion King)

[omori]

Hello and welcome to your novice RolePlay thread! My name is Ampharos and I will be your proctor. Together we will get through this level and get you prepared for your exams and advancement to the next level! *applause*

What do we want to learn in this level?
• We will learn to create in depth characters
• We will learn to create smooth posts with appropriate punctuation and grammar (including quotation marks, etc.)
• We will learn to expand our posts and never make one liners or dead enders


This thread has been created for
• Minnie:)
• The Lion King

Before we start to role play…
We need some characters! As was preciously mentioned, one of the aims of this level is to teach you to consider every aspect of your character, thus creating a well developed character who has some sustenance to him or her. To begin with this, we at the RP school have created a basic outline that you may expand on (but not subtract from).

Code: Select all

[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Gender:[/b]
[b]Age:[/b]
[b]Ethnicity:[/b]

[b]Hair colour:[/b]
[b]Eye colour:[/b]
[b]Skin colour:[/b]
[b]Height:[/b]
[b]Clothing style:[/b]
[b]Hairstyle:[/b]
[b]Frame:[/b]

[b]Personality:[/b]
[b]Likes:[/b]
[b]Dislikes:[/b]
[b]Strengths:[/b]
[b]Weaknesses:[/b]
[b]Greatest fear:[/b]
[b]Greatest wish:[/b]

[b]Goals in life:[/b]
[b]General Past:[/b]
[b]Past Things They Regret:[/b]
[b]Past Things They Are Happy With:[/b]
[b]Family life:[/b]

[b]Other:[/b]

[b]Picture:[/b] (discouraged for humans)


Once you’ve created your characters and have had them reviewed and approved by the proctor, you can begin your role play….

Role Play
Okay! You guys have all chosen to do a fantasy type role-play, and that is what we will be focusing on. To start you on your role play adventure, I have written up a prompt. Please continue with it, keeping in mind everything that is included in it.


Promt:
The large Black and Blue dragon flew overhead, terrorizing the skies and villages. The civilians ran screaming in terror below, taking cover behind anything they could find. Just as the dragon was about to unleash it's full fury upon an unluck town, a large fire bird crashed into it's side, seeming to appear from nowhere. The ear-piercing screeching that was released caused the humans to crouch down covering their ears. After fighting between those two, another flying beast approached, attacking eveything in sight. The poor humans didn't think it could get worse, until armies of beasts on foot began travelling over the mountains, and more flying monsters were spotted. This is the age that the monsters were reborn, destroying all humans and their inventions. This is the Era of the Beasts, where only the bravest of humans will try to stop this madness.
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If you have any questions please feel free to send me or another proctor a pm! Also, if ever you feel like you are not able to post regularly and/or want to drop out, please pm me as well so that we may carry on without you.

[ocelotboye]

Name:
Red Ace
Gender:
Female
Age:
Looks around 20-30
Ethnicity:
Irish



Hair color:
Red head
Eye color:
Red
Skin color:
Undead Pale
Height:
6'2"
Clothing style:
A red robe covers herself. And the lining of the robe is tipped white, but almost gray. She also wears brown boots, that look past their age of use.
Hairstyle:
About shoulder length, mildly curly.
Frame:
Normal frame, about medium.



Personality:
Red Ace should be deemed as a crazy woman. Thinking of she is doing right, but only wrong. A pain for many she is, but it never stops her from her witty comments, and fast acting thoughts she have. But a few of her flaws, are taking her time in many things. And trying to get through them, emotions fall into this same act.
Likes:
The color red, friends, Warg's, battles, and anything else that appeals to her as wonderful. She takes a liking in many things, but only so few are known about this woman. And fire has to also be one of her most favorite things, on top of anything else.
Dislikes:
People in general, idiots, and long useless adventures.
Strengths:
Logic, her quick witty comments, knowledge of many things also add onto this. She never learned to gain strength in physical form, but from many other things, it makes up for it.
Weaknesses:
Fire, even surprisingly she loves it. It is a terrible thing for her, as she has a pure cotton robe that can catch ablaze any second she plays with it. And about any man made thing, could kill her easily.
Greatest fear:
Being trapped. She hates any type of prison, or lock around her wrists. Making her know that she is locked in, and cannot do anything for those this woman is sentenced to protect. As it could become emotional, she knows that insanity is following her, and by that..Means being put into a prison of herself.
Greatest wish:
To control any world. As common as it is, and how bluntly mad it sounds, she dreams of it one day.
Goals in life:
Above.

General Past:
Family killed by her most deemed sibling. Becoming the person she is now, however, is unknown. She does look back on this day with anger. Knowing one day that she would meet this sibling once more.
Past Things They Regret:
Becoming one with the undead, as she is in the control by a Lich. She mourns this day the most, but wishes to come out of this undead wizards service.
Past Things They Are Happy With:
Finding how wonderful a fire is, and actually being able to control it.
Family life:
Killed. But her family life from what it was, was alright. She never knew them that good, but her sister was the one that she had hated most. Wishing to kill her each waking second of her non living life.

Other:

[omori]

It looks very great, Jelly (d:)! And yes, she can control fire. I've changed the plot, as you can see, and it fits well.

[The Lion King]

Name: Faye
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Ethnicity: British

Hair colour: Light Blonde
Eye colour: Light Brown
Skin colour: Pale
Height: 5'5
Clothing style: Dainty; Likes to wear long skirts and blouses
Hairstyle: Long and straight; layered around her face
Frame: Small; fragile

Personality: Faye is extremely shy and sometimes quiet. However she is very friendly if you get to know her enough. She treats each person she meets with courtesy and respect, though if you anger her enough she has an incredibly sharp tongue. She is exceptionally good at winning arguments though she tries her hardest not to get involved in them. She finds it hard to show her sadness and tries to lock her grief up in her heart and move on.
Faye is very involved with nature and the highlight of the year is the summer at her families country house since she despises her life in the towns. She is absolutely fascinated with dragons and hopes one day to get closer to them. She is not too involved with her studies as she should be, because she gets distracted easily and finds school quite boring. Faye is not very good with keeping close relationships with members of the opposite sex. Her last relationship, the only one she ever had, ended horribly because she is not very open with boys.
Likes: Rain, when the sun breaks over the horizon at dawn, reading old thick books (and staying up all night to finish them), tea with honey, the company of her family, and dragons.
Dislikes: Loud obnoxious people, posers, town life, the afternoon, hot humid days, and her studies.
Strengths: Faye's strengths include loyalty, debating, reading, and her knowledge of dragons.
Weaknesses: Her weaknesses are lying, being extremely social like her friends, arithmetic, making and keeping relationships with guys, and disobeying her family.
Greatest fear: Having to stay in the town all her life
Greatest wish: To live forever in the country with her family and get up close with the dragons.

Goals in life: To own a country house, to tame a dragon, to get as far away from the city as is possible, and maybe get back together with the sole guy she ever cared for
General Past: Faye is the older sister of two brothers and the only daughter of her parents. Her mother died when Faye was young and her father had to raise her too brothers and herself. She has made friends with a close circle of girls who are more outgoing than she but don't quite understand Faye's motives or desires. Though against her will, they once set her up on a date with a pretty nice guy who she didn't like at first, but then as she got to know him, realized that maybe there was a little more. Sadly, when he tried to get closer to her, she pushed him away and since then she hasn't spoken to him. In the time being she has devoted herself to learning all there is to know about the dragons that attack the villages.
Past Things They Regret: The day her mother died, and the day she pushed away the only boy she ever cared about.
Past Things They Are Happy With: When her two younger brothers were born and the moment she saw her first dragon fly over her house.
Family life: Faye acts as the mother of the household following her mother's death. Normally she gets along fine with her brothers and her father but does not expect to do everything for them since she does most of the housework.

Other:

Picture: (discouraged for humans)

[omori]

They both look great! Only a few errors in both that I can see. Keep up the good work! :3

EDIT:
I meant to add: I'll give critiques when the last form is posted. ;3
Oh, and I'll be typing in blue from now on.

[ocelotboye]

Edited my forum a wee bit :3
English gets slaughtered when I'm sleepy, so I thought I would clean some snuff up.

[Skylarr.]

Name: Jay
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Ethnicity: Half Indian, Half English. But her indian traits were stronger as you will read on.

Hair colour: Very dark brown
Eye colour: Ice blue
Skin colour: An olive, but not to dark. Just enough that it makes her look a bit tan.
Height: Quite Short, 5'1"
Clothing style: She loves her native deerskin, but what she does with hers, is she dyes it black. You'll usually find her in long sleeve deerskin tops and thigh-length skirts she has made. A choker- http://www.pimall.com/TTTC/graphics/bon ... earpaw.jpg
Hairstyle: Long curls. something like this: http://bangbangtheblog.com/wp-content/u ... udgens.jpg
Frame: Normal for her size.

Personality: Jay is afraid to stick up for herself. She's always pushed around as she was her whole life. Even when her father was around, he would always tell her what to do and of course she would do it without question. Her mother never stuck up for her daughter because of the fact her husband could be beat her, possiby to death. On her own time, Jay would sneak out at night to the river to go swimming and explore ever since she was a little girl. Everytime she went to the river she saw at least one new thing each time. She loves to play with the little fish and tadpoles. The fish have even recognized her. She still goes there to this day.
Likes: Night, Swimming, Adventures
Dislikes: Scary big people, boring days
Strengths: Running, Using daggers, Bow and Arrow
Weaknesses: Not being able to stick up for herself, fear of some people
Greatest fear: Her dad coming to kill her or the dragons taking her away and killing her.
Greatest wish: To be able to stick up for herself

Goals in life: To become a warrior.
General Past: Jay grew up with an English father and a Native Amreican mother. The father was very bossy once Jay was of age to do some chores at the time. Her mother was small like her so she was helpless in sticking up for her daughter. When Jay was 13, her mother finally had the courage to leave her father, which they did. Her father was furious of course, but thought they were just in his way of work and his life, so he agreed. They moved to a small apartment just big enough for them and they worked at a bar where they are today.(You might be thinking, "At a bar?! Jay is only 13!!" Well it was legal at the time and where they lived.)
Past Things They Regret: Not speaking to her father, even though he was threatening and scary.
Past Things They Are Happy With: Being close with her mother. Learining how to use the bow and daggers
Family life: Right now she works at a resturant with her mother at a veryy low salary. They live in a small cottage

Other: She is called Jay because of her eyes, but now she says it is her speed and stealth.

[omori]

All of your forms look excellent, but there are a few grammatical/punctual errors. I'll go in order the way you posted, and take you step-by-step with some tips. First up:
Jrezel.

Name:
Red Ace
Gender:
Female
Age:
Looks around 20-30
Ethnicity:
Irish

So far, so good! Notice how Jrezel bolds the topic, then writes her information starting on the line below it. This is appealing to many people, and it's a lot easier to read. By no means is this tactic necassary, but it helps keep things simpler and organized.

Hair color:
Red head
Eye color:
Red
Skin color:
Undead Pale
Height:
6'2"
Clothing style:
A red robe covers herself. And the lining of the robe is tipped white, but almost gray. She also wears brown boots, that look past their age of use.
Hairstyle:
About shoulder length, mildly curly.
Frame:
Normal frame, about medium.

This part is also well done. Notice how she says "undead pale" rather than "very pale". It uses more imagery and gives you a better picture. However, there are a few grammatical errors, etc. in the clothing style. "A red robe covers herself. And the lining of the robe is tipped white, but almost grey." Although this uses good imagery, the rule is to never begin a sentence with and or but. It is always best to turn it into one sentence, which can actually add to the effect. For example: "A red robe covers herself, with a white-coloured lining that may also pass off as grey." My example may not seem too good, but you can add more detail in my fusing the sentences together. As for this sentence: "She also wears boots, that look past their age of use." The comma isn't needed there, though that's not a big mistake, which some people may prefer to insert them. To some it is an error, while it may not be to others.

Personality:
Red Ace should be deemed as a crazy woman. Thinking of she is doing right, but only wrong. A pain for many she is, but it never stops her from her witty comments, and fast acting thoughts she have. But a few of her flaws, are taking her time in many things. And trying to get through them, emotions fall into this same act.

Same things as above; commas placed where they may not be needed to some, but still, some do prefer them there. She also started a sentence with the word "but". ;3

Likes:
The color red, friends, Warg's, battles, and anything else that appeals to her as wonderful. She takes a liking in many things, but only so few are known about this woman. And fire has to also be one of her most favorite things, on top of anything else.
Dislikes:
People in general, idiots, and long useless adventures.

Everything looks good here. I'm just interested in how she makes the friends that she likes if she hates people in general. I can't wait to see how you get around this! :3

Strengths:
Logic, her quick witty comments, knowledge of many things also add onto this. She never learned to gain strength in physical form, but from many other things, it makes up for it.
Weaknesses:
Fire, even surprisingly she loves it. It is a terrible thing for her, as she has a pure cotton robe that can catch ablaze any second she plays with it. And about any man made thing, could kill her easily.
Greatest fear:
Being trapped. She hates any type of prison, or lock around her wrists. Making her know that she is locked in, and cannot do anything for those this woman is sentenced to protect. As it could become emotional, she knows that insanity is following her, and by that..Means being put into a prison of herself.
Greatest wish:
To control any world. As common as it is, and how bluntly mad it sounds, she dreams of it one day.
Goals in life:
Above.

Everything looks good, except the past explained things. :3

General Past:
Family killed by her most deemed sibling. Becoming the person she is now, however, is unknown. She does look back on this day with anger. Knowing one day that she would meet this sibling once more.
Past Things They Regret:
Becoming one with the undead, as she is in the control by a Lich. She mourns this day the most, but wishes to come out of this undead wizards service.
Past Things They Are Happy With:
Finding how wonderful a fire is, and actually being able to control it.
Family life:
Killed. But her family life from what it was, was alright. She never knew them that good, but her sister was the one that she had hated most. Wishing to kill her each waking second of her non living life.

Other:

Bravo, Jrezel! You did very well with your form! Only a few grammatical and puntual errors, as stated. You deserve a round of applause! *Claps*

Ok you other two, I've school tomorrow, so I've got to go to bed. I'll get to your guys' forms tomorrow!

Your proctor,
Ampharos

[Skylarr.]

I hope i did okay, I'll probably have a bunch of errors..

[omori]

I snuck on my iPod for a half-hour longer.. XD

No worries, that's what we're here for! Even if you do, there's nothing to be embarrassed of. It's just mistakes; everyone makes them. I'm sure I've got a few myself! ;3

Ok, now I have to go before I get caught.. >>;;
I'll get to you tomorrow after school. :3