RP School Novice Thread (CLOSED: inactivity) please delete

[Bryndale]

lol it's okay XD It's late and we're all a tad groggy XD

[chaos.]

:3
Edited, I think XD

[vαιuε]

Name:
Dean Taylor
Gender:
Male
Age:
Seventeen, going on eighteen.
Ethnicity:
Italian, but he lives in Canada.
Hair colour:
The base color of his hair is more of a dark brown. But Dean usually brightens it up with lighter streaks, or highlights.
Eye colour:
Hazel
Skin colour:
Tan, though most people recognize it as more of a golden color.
Height:
Dean is rather tall, standing around 6'5"
Clothing style:
Pretty much into bagginess. Usually wearing light washed jeans a few sizes to big, that hang low. On the top, he usually wear a black or gray T-shirt. If it got cold out, he'd slip on a DC hoodie.
Hairstyle:
Quite long, hanging around his chin.
Frame:
Tall, muscular. Though his face is rather chiseled, and he always wears a frown.

Personality:
A pretty messed up kid. Usually spends his time smoking cocaine, or drinking beer. Tends to hit on helpless girls, flirt with them until they agree to spend time with him. Usually ending up leaving at the end of their first date, and never calling again. Yes, Dean is a heart breaker, and tends to have a problem with lust. With his extremely ravishing good looks, girls are drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Though, looks can get someones interest, a personality is what keeps them. He tends to get frustrated, and angered easily, when people leave him, and Dean chooses to cure it with drugs. Of course, after a year or so, he knew this was the wrong decision. But now, Dean knows he's hooked. And it won't be easy to get out of.

Dean's passion is to hunt down vampires. To get rid of stress, and his anger problems, he takes it out on vampires. It's a bit like hitting a pillow, just doing it with an undead thing.
Likes:
● Girls
● Hunting down Vampires
● Relaxing
● Discovering new things
Dislikes:
● Girls who leave him
● Cocaine
● His mother
● His father
● The fact that he's an alcoholic and a druggie.
Strengths:
● Attracting girls
● Flirting
● His looks
● Picking the right people to mess around with.
● And surprisingly, agility.
Weaknesses:
● Making friends
● Keeping a relationship for more then a week
Greatest fear:
● That he stops believing in himself, and becomes a homeless druggie
Greatest wish:
● That he could restart his life
Goals in life:
● To quit drugs and alcohol

General Past:
He had never had a perfect life. In elementary school, he was beat every year he had been there. It seemed as if it were hell for him. In grade eight, when he finally made it to high school, Dean took a stand, and became the bully. When he was fifteen, his parents divorced, his mother kept the house, and his father moved into a small apartment. When he was sixteen, he became a alcoholic, and started pot. When he was sixteen and a half, his mother threw him out, and he went to live with his brother, Andrew. Who was also into drugs, just he made a big profit of selling them.
Past Things They Regret:
● Becoming a druggie.
Past Things They Are Happy With:
● Moving in with his brother.

Family life:
Kicked out of the house when he was sixteen, and started a life with his brother. His father moved to Canada with Andrew, and his Mother stayed in Italy.
Other:
None.
Picture:
(I'm not sure if the picture will show up. The website should reopen by Sunday <3)
Click!

[Bryndale]

Good post, and quite a nice character. Looks like we're all into troubled souls today Anywho, only thing I have to say is go back and re-read some of your post and fix up some grammatical stuff. There's not a lot which is good! The other thing to look out for is switching tenses, as is done mainly in the personality part. Other than that, it's lovely! Also, you've left out the "likes" category!

The other thing I have to tell all of you is to Remember: This IS a fantasy RPG as you guys requested. Dreamsnare's doing good with her vamp, but both Citric and Bunny have to add some sort of connection with the supernatural/fantastic to their characters, whether they be toying with witch craft, vampire hunters, etc. It is very important to stick with the theme of the role play

Good job so far guys!!!!!! As soon as everyone's bios are fixed up, we can start the rp!

[chaos.]

Edited, again :3

[Bryndale]

Citric's list of things to fix:
(just to make it easier XD)

She has a model frame, or a bit like a hour glass. She's quite slender. Does she have a model's figure, or an hour glass? Also, though it is odd, the it's "an hour glass". The English language is annoying, isn't it? XD

“sabelle might looked sweet” is “sabelle” her nickname, or just a typo? If it is her nickname, the S needs to be capitalized

First impressions are a big thing for her, wether its meeting her new boyfriends parents, or meeting the guy of her dreams.
Though parents always seem to think she's the perfect person. 1) Whether, not wether (the one you used means a castrated ram X_X we don't want that mistake! lol)
2) Again, the english language is annoying. In this case, it would be "it's", because "its" is possessive, and would be used to signify ownership
3) The second sentence should be combined with the first, as they are the same thought. They should be written something like this: "First impressions are a big thing for her, whether it's meeting her new boyfriend's parents (though parents always seem to think she's the perfect person) or the guy of her dreams."

Isabelle is a great conversationist, she can get along with almost anyone she meets, its one of her many talents. Contrary wise, this should be broken up into different sentences, or even better, reworded. A better way to write this would be "Isabelle is a great conversationalist. One of her many talents is her ability to get along with almost anyone she meets through the use of her conversational skills."

She's kinda weak, doesn't work out a lot, she is heart broken very easily, and she finds it hard to get over, and could take her months, a weary depression taking over for that period of time. This should also be broken up. There should be a period after the part about her not working out, as her being easily heart broken is a different thought.

The same techniques used above can be applied to her general past section.

Good luck! She's looking really good!

[vαιuε]

Okay, I edited :3 Dean is now a vampire hunter <3

[chaos.]

Once again, edited. :3

[Bryndale]

lol k. I will go back over both forms XD

[chaos.]

Okay, I'll check what you wrote in the morning :3