noтнιng ever ѕтayѕ тнe ѕaмe

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Re: noтнιng ever ѕтayѕ тнe ѕaмe

Postby passion. » Wed Jun 13, 2012 6:46 am

Thank you so much for the critique! I know I spelled those words wrong, but spellcheck didn't really help me in the time needed....
And thank you again, I'll have chapter one up shortly.
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Re: noтнιng ever ѕтayѕ тнe ѕaмe

Postby passion. » Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:53 am

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"For me, nothing is too tough or too hard,
I just have to keep on trying until I get it right."


Birdpaw crouched skillfully in the tall grass, the stalks brushing her fur as her yellow eyes concentrated hard in front of her. Rabbitstrike paced around Birdpaw's flicking tail and tensed body. The senior warrior had her eyes narrowed, focusing on Birdpaw's stance. She sat down, her body straight and head held high, eyes narrowed. Rabbitstrikes tail tip flicked ruthlessly. "Rump down, ears flat, tail still" Birdpaw's mentor instructed sharply. The apprentice did as she was told, lowered her rump, so it just grazed the dead leaves beneath her lithe paws. She flattened her ears so no prey or predator could see them over the tall grasses. And she stopped other constant, impatient flick of her tail, so it stuck out like a stick, a quivering stick, just and inch above the inflated ground. For today's lesson, Birdpaw was supposed to be hunting, but Rabbitstrike thought she needed more stalking practice. At this moment, Birdpaw had her yellow eyes trained in front of her, focused on an invisible mouse. Suddenly, Rabbitstrike lashed out. Birdpaw felt a sharp pain in her tail and she squirmed around, trying to release the weight that was holding down her tail, but it held. She yelped in pain and frustration. "What are you doing, that hurts!" she accused, turning her head swiftly to look at her mentor, who had a fuzzy paw holding down her tail. "You need to learn that prey can hear and see every vibration, through the air, and through the ground. If your tail kept quivering a second longer, your Clan wouldn't have been fed. You would've had to gone home withou a piece of prey for your Clan" Rabbitstrike hissed through clenched teeth. She released The apprentices tail, her claws unhooking from the leaves beneath it and she brought it up to her jaw. Rabbitstrike gave her paw a few strokes of her tongue, cleaning it, then lowered it. Birdpaw sighed. "Well, I'm sorry!" she snapped. "I haven't been out once for actual hunting, and I'm excited, okay?" she cried. Rabbitstrike only had a look of frustration in her brown face and lowered her head. She shook it slowly, so slow Birdpaw had to keep close attention to see the movements. "So arrogant" her mentor muttered under her breath.
Tigerpaw, Birdpaw's friend, was basically the leader of the den. He could catch the most prey. He was the strongest, kindest, wisest, and certainly had mastered the hunters crouch in his very first day. It had taken about a quarter moon for Birdpaw to finally master it, and today was the day that she was supposed to catch her first piece of prey, or so she thought. Why couldn't she get this simple move down? Her whole Clan had it, even the kits found it easy. She groaned in frustration to her own thoughts and scuffed the ground with her claws. Why couldn't she be like Tigerpaw? Who everyone admired? Even the senior warriors acknowledged him, especially the leader. At times, Birdpaw could feel the pricks of envy nip at her heart, watching her striped companion be praised by Sunstar, or have the best warrior as his mentor.
Not that Birdpaw was complaining, though. Or at least, not about mentors. At first, she thanked her lucky stars she just hadn't gotten Petalfur, who was about as clever as a tree branch, but that was all she could praise Rabbitstrike for. Now, her mentor was clever as a snake. And smart too. She knew just when to strike, when and where, how to attack perfectly. She was the more clever. Sneaky. Mischevious too. But not as much as a kit. Ever since Rabbitstrike was in her kit years, she had gained the official skills of a warrior at a young age, and had been closed as Birdpaw's mentor, she had been wary of her mentor ever since. Rabbitstrike had been very flirtatious in her apprentice years, charming every cat that had been as doomed to lay eyes on her. And as for Nightpelt, if it wasn't for his sharpness and mean personality, he could be almost handsome. Though, if you did fall for him, and fell for you, he could be almost a bit too protective. And for Petalfur, Birdpaw felt bad for the she-cat. She was so dimwitted, she could only stay in camp and sweep the grounds. But through her dullness, she could be charming, if she wasn't so dull to notice it.
Suddenly, Rabbitstrike cleared her throat loudly. Breaking from her thoughts, Birdpaw snapped to reality and sat shone still in front of her mentor. Rabbitstrike paced around and around the apprentice. She was inspecting her, again. Birdpaw wanted to groan and slump from her uncomfortably straight positii, but if she did, she knew she would be walking home with a new nip in her ear. Rabbitstrike made little grumbling noises and notes to herself as she circled her again and again. "You are sting, lithe, witty, but small. You need to eat more to grow taller and bigger. Being this small can have its benefits too, you know. Your pelt is nice and clean, but don't get carried away in cleanliness. It can distract you from your duties. Tail and paws are scarred, but sturdy. Ears and jaw, sturdy. Nose and eyes, sharp. Looks like your good. Just eat some prey when you get back to camp and check in with the medicine cat" this time, Birdpaw didn't hold back a groan. After each and every practice, she was sent to the medicine cat, to be reported with nothing wrong with her. She wondered why everyday she had to report to the medicine cat.
"Why do you make me go to the medicine cat, even though there is nothing wrong with me?" Birdpaw complained. Rabbitstrikes features suddenly turned stone hard. She whirled around and faced Birdpaw with blazing eyes. "Because you never knew when you could be sick. You never know if death is sneaking around her back, ready to strike! You need to be protected!" she screeched in Birdpaw's face. Birdpaw shrunk back, her fur prickling. What was that about? And then her memory spiked her. About three moons ago, Rabbitstrike had a mate. And surprisingly ine that she actually had longer than a few moons. Leafbare was just around the corner, the leaves falling from the trees and the prey going into hibernation. No cats were sick yet, but we're often treated with honey for upcoming sore throats and the dreadful green cough and white cough. But, no reported sicknesses just yet.
But it want like that for Rabbitstrikes mate, Stoneclaw. Green cough crept into his body as he slept one night and killed him instantly, taking hold of his bloodstream and filling it with germs and bacteria, the killer kind. Birdpaw shuddered. She nodded absently and streaked off towards camp, not looking back to see if Rabbitstrike was following or not. She knew her mentor was right. That cat knew everything. Birdpaw sighed as she neared camp, just over the small hill. She raced to the entrance and soothed down her fur just before breaking through the thorn barrier into the peaceful camp. A few warriors were scattered here and there. Skyfeathers kits were tumbling about outside the nursery. And the remaining apprentices were nowhere to be found.
Birdpaw couldn't find Tigerpaw, so she suspected he was out training, or hunting. She snorted her frustration. Of course she thought bitterly. Probably out by the river, hunting fish, or up in the trees, catching squirrels or birds, or down in the bushes, eating a mouse or two. She grumbled as she entered the shaded den of the medicine cat. Sweetpaw, the medicine cat apprentice was sound asleep in her nest. Not that she wanted her help. She was new, and inexperienced, still in her early training of learning all the names of the herbs. She wanted to be checked by a professional, at least Litterleaf. She let out a low hiss to signal her presence. And all of a sudden, a loud rustling came from the storage. Then, appeared Littleleaf, the medicine cat. The tabby came out with a bundle of herbs clenched tightly in her jaws. At first she hadn't acknowledged Birdpaw at all, until she set down the herbs by the small pool in the den, and turned to see the apprentice.
"Oh, hello Birdpaw. What do you need today?" the wise cat sat down and studied Birdpaw's body for any scratched or wounds. Birdpaw narrowed her eyes. "Rabbitstrike wants you to, check on me if there is anything wrong" she grumbled. "Oh, okay. Sit down, I'll check you. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong. Your nose and eyes aren't watering, your pelt doesn't look matted, and you feel strong. I don't know why she keeps sending you in. Your perfectly healthy" said Littleleaf as she finished heckling on her. Birdpaw stood up and fluffed her fur, but quickly flattened it. "I don't know, maybe you should ask her" she mewed as exited without waiting for a response. She turned her head slightly, and could see Littleleaf staring after her, speechless.
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Re: noтнιng ever ѕтayѕ тнe ѕaмe

Postby Rebel Faery » Fri Jun 15, 2012 4:23 am

Love the chapter!

~ f o r e v e r ~, will you enter my writing contest? The link is in my signature, and I thought you'd like to enter this.
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I've decided it's time to move on, and so I've quit CS. It's been a good three years, but, well, as of May 2014, I don't think I'll be coming back. I'd like to say thank you, to all of you. Thank you for encouraging me, inspiring me, and being my friends. I've had so much fun, but this is the end. Seeing as this is my last visit, I've changed my username back to the original, Rebel Faery. It's a name that I no longer go by, but a name I'll always remember. I'm so sorry to every fan of TIAJNAD, to everyone that read my writing, to, well, everyone. But it's time to move on. To make like Elsa and let it go. (I was still on CS when Frozen came out. It feels like so long ago.)
let it go, let it go, and I'll rise like the break of dawn
let it go, let it go, that perfect girl is gone
here I'll stand, and here I'll stay
let the storm rage on
the cold never bothered me anyway
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Re: noтнιng ever ѕтayѕ тнe ѕaмe

Postby passion. » Fri Jun 15, 2012 5:01 am

Sure, I'll take a look at it c:
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Re: noтнιng ever ѕтayѕ тнe ѕaмe

Postby tattoo » Wed Jun 27, 2012 7:21 am

very good so far! i like it a lot^^
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Re: noтнιng ever ѕтayѕ тнe ѕaмe

Postby passion. » Wed Jul 04, 2012 4:18 am

    thank you c:
    Sorry guys but chapter two is going to be a bit delayed :c
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Re: noтнιng ever ѕтayѕ тнe ѕaмe

Postby MEAT! » Thu Jul 05, 2012 3:15 am


•→^^ It's really great. The theme and the plot is extrodinary. Everything is worded great, and the detials are lovely. Great job, and I'll keep my eye on your story ^^
~•Zayn ᶫᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ•
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Re: noтнιng ever ѕтayѕ тнe ѕaмe

Postby passion. » Thu Jul 05, 2012 3:18 am

    thank you so much ;3
    any critique for me?
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