"Wah! I fell over again!"
"Come on, don't be silly. Just get up, now."
You helped me to my feet and brushed off my shoulders, looking me carefully in the eye. Your eyes are a very bright green, did you know that? They're very intimidating to look into. That's why I looked away and nursed my cut finger like it hurt, when it didn't.
Sometimes, I don't think you like me much. I'm a burden, aren't I? I am, don't deny it. I'm always waiting for those words to come out of your mouth, but they never do. You put up with a lot, but you don't complain like I do. I whine a lot, because often, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say to please you, because you don't smile a lot.
I'm a burden, I am, I am. But you never say I am. Why don't you say I am? It would make me feel better.
"Today, I want you to meet a special person. Her name is Delilah." You said to me, and I looked up at you mournfully. Do you want to meet this person because I'm not special enough? Yes, that's probably it. I'm quite plain, and I smile less often than you do. Why smile when there's not much to smile about? Maybe I'm just not special enough to smile.
"Does she smile a lot?" I asked curiously, but my voice sounded dead, because if she did, that would mean she was more special than me.
"Yes, she's quite a happy person. She's just the kind of person you need to keep you happy." I need? What about you? And does that mean you like her better than me, because she's more special? I'm confused. Can you help?
Is she special? I don't know whether I want her to be or not. If she's special, will that make you smile? And if she's not special, does that mean you like me more? I don't know, I don't know! What does special even mean now?
"Hello there."
"Tia, this is Delilah. Delilah - this is Tia. The girl I've been telling you about." Delilah is special; I was right all along, wasn't I? She's very neat and tidy and doesn't look like the kind of girl who trips up a lot, and she's got very sparkly eyes and trimmed hair. She doesn't just look pretty; she looks independent.
"Hello, Tia. I've heard a lot about you." Her eyes are a glazed purple behind her glasses. I bet she's smart too, really smart. Smart people are special, right? Not special like me, clumsy and lost, but special as in special special.
"I haven't heard much about you." Oh my Gosh. Is that something rude? I don't know, I don't know! I wish I could swallow my words now, he's going to hate me, his green eyes are going to look at me with hatred because I pushed away this special person who is so much prettier and smarter and special than -
"Yes, sorry!" Delilah smiled and looked slightly guilty. "You see, Dylan and I only arranged today as a meeting -"
Her words faded away when I got distracted. I get so easily distracted; it's one of the reasons I'm a burden. I get distracted by most things, because I don't want to see the disappointment in your face when I say something wrong. That day, a bright green car drove past and my heart jumped.
"Look, look!" I called out, pointing to it eagerly; you and Delilah had already walked off.
Why do I feel so empty, now? Is it because normally, you listen to me when I get distracted? It's because Delilah's more interesting to listen to... after all, she is more special than me... special. I wish I knew how to become special for you.
"Tia! Come on!" You turned around looking irritated; is it because of me, or because of what Delilah has said, because she won't look at me? It is something to do with me... you're talking about me, behind my back? The shadow inside my heart grows and consumes me. I feel like the lost little girl I did the day Mummy and Daddy went away. And that was so many years ago now.
"Tia!" I don't want to come! I don't want to know what you're talking about! Just leave me here and you have fun! Wait... what is this feeling? I can't feel jealous, can I? Jealous, me?
Delilah marched up to me and took my wrist.
"Come on, now, Tia. You're upsetting Dylan." Her smile was cold and she didn't look so bright anymore. She looked controlling, and intimidating, and scary. I began to shake and she squeezed my wrist; my cut finger throbbed painfully and I snatched my hand back.
"I don't like you." That was a mean thing to say! She's going to hate me now, almost as much as he will! I don't want him to hate me, and I don't want her to hate me either... do I?
I am a burden, I've always known that. But have I always hoped you'd like me, too?
Turning, my feet hit the pavement as I ran away. You called after me, and so did Delilah, but I didn't listen to you.
I don't want to see you hate me.