"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
-- Mark Twain
"Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
-- Winston Churchill
"A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy."
-- Jerry Seinfield
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans."
-- Woody Allen
They make me laugh.