Stephen Fry: Where is ninety percent of the universe?
Jeremy Hardy: Ikea.
Stephen Fry: Holmes was retired by this point, and was keeping bees on the Sussex Downs.
Alan Davies: Against their will?
Stephen Fry: How do otters kill crocodiles?
Rob Brydon: Softly with their songs.
[Danny Baker has related a theory that states if a person can lick their own elbow, then they will be immortal.]
Stephen Fry: But isn't that how socialism was invented, that someone said, "Come, let us lick each other's elbows"?
[On the word "hello", as opposed to "hullo"]
Stephen Fry: It just meant an expression of surprise—"Hullo, what have we got here?" "Hullo, what's this?" And we still use it in that sense.
Bill Bailey: Do we?
Stephen Fry: Don't we, Bill?
Bill Bailey: Yes, when we live our lives like 1950s detective films, yes. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say, mother, where's the milk?"
Stephen Fry: You beast, you beast, you utter, utter, beast!
Stephen Fry: [To Rich Hall on the American meaning of Biscuit] You have Biscuits and Gravy, don't you? Tell the ladies and gentlemen what that is.
Dara O'Briain: Oh, Traveller from an arcane land.
Stephen Fry: [As if speaking to a young child] What do your people eat?!
Rich Hall: Everything!
[On what the best age to be is]
Arthur Smith: I should like to be six, because you're not aware of your own mortality. You're the center of the universe, days last a hundred years, it's always summer, you can put your head in some custard and no one cares...
Alan Davies: You get a lot of custard when you're six. I haven't had nearly as much custard since I was a child. I think, about ninety percent of my life's custard, I had in the first ten years.
Stephen Fry: Alan Davies, the custard years.
Alan Davies: And the fish finger years as well... and the baked bean years. No, I'd like to be twenty six.
Stephen Fry: Twenty six?
Alan Davies: Yeah, but that's just because of Denise Bachelor
Stephen Fry: Denise Bachelor?
Alan Davies: Denise Bachelor is someone I knew when I was twenty six. She was marvelous .
Stephen Fry: In 1900 there was a sport where Britain won a gold medal, in which the only other country that competed was France. Can you imagine what that might have been?
John Sessions: Arrogance?
Stephen Fry: What I want you to do first is tell me all about the twelve Frenchmen and the twelve mosquitoes.
Dara Ó Briain: Once upon a time, there were twelve Frenchmen called... 'Appy, Sleepy, Arrogant, Furieux, Un Chose Comme Ca, Bof and Zut Alors. And...
Phill Jupitus: That's six!
Dara Ó Briain: Fenètre, Boulangerie...
Alan Davies: Le Table.
Dara Ó Briain: Le Table, of course. And Jambon et Fromage, the twins. And they used to travel around with mosquitoes, solving...
Phill Jupitus: And what were the mosquitoes called?
Bill Bailey: Buzzy, Stingy...
[Guessing which illness most doctors treat more than any other]
Alan Davies: Pregnancy?
Clive Anderson: Pregnancy isn't a disease, Alan.
Andy Parsons: It would be if Alan got it!
Stephen Fry: What could you make with an ultrasound rectal probe, a light-emitting tube, bicycle helmets, protective clothing, a huge tub of Vaseline, and a wheel-barrow?
Jimmy Carr: I could make you the happiest man alive.
Stephen Fry: [pointing to the red flower in his buttonhole] What does my buttonhole tell you about me?
Jo Brand: That you're a closet heterosexual?
Stephen Fry: How dare you!
[On Ouja boards]
Stephen Fry: …But the reference in the Bible to the fiery lake or whatever is from Revelations, where it does say that those who practice the magic arts will be cast into burning sulfur.
Phil Jupitus: How about balloon animals?
Stephen Fry: The punishment for people who do balloon animals is not specified in the Book of Revelations.
-QI