Mods Please Delete

[Goldstarwolf]

Make Amber's brother escape xD

[Pounce the Cat]

I'm on the stalkers list already. I just changed my username. ^^ I was Pounce the Cat

[Techmodifacations]

[Ourpawprints]

I'll do what I can to try to brighten things up

[Devil Spawn Child]

Canz I be a stalker? =3

[Ourpawprints]

sure :3

[Devil Spawn Child]

=#3 Yay!

[Ourpawprints]

kinda thinking out loud here. Something about having all of the chapters on one post seems intimidating to younger players

[Charias]

Ooh, I love it so far! I've noticed a few tiny little errors that need fixing, nothing too serious though!

1. Sometimes I notice it swaps between first and third person, like in these two paragraphs (I underlined the errors to make it easier to spot them!)


The second Amber's hooves left the ground it felt like it was taking hours. She held my hooves as close to her chest as possible hoping not to catch them on the fence. Amber was at the half way point when she felt the baseball capped man tug on my mane, trying to balance himself. Amber put her front hooves forward and landed hard on the grass. Her legs were still shaking a few minuets after she had landed.

Amber bucked and the baseball capped man finally fell. She galloped away as fast as I could toward the herd. Amber thought she was free.


It's not hard to fix though, so not much of a problem.

2. The name "the baseball capped man" is a bit of a mouthful and it is used a lot, so maybe you could think of a better alternative? Even just something like "the capped man" would be better, just so its less repetitive.

3. It's a common problem, but I noticed a few very minor grammatical mistakes, I think it would do a lot of good just to read through the chapters again and see if you can spot anything that needs fixing!

Well, I think that's it! I love this story, it's amazing! You've done a really good job, you should be really proud of it!

[Ourpawprints]

thanks :3
was originally first person but then I decided to change it to third so I'm still trying to fix those little mistakes