Dear Aaron <3,
Bro, you're my best friend. I know this, you know this. We tell each other we love each other all the time and are always calling each other beautiful/hot/gorgeous/stunning/etc. We became official best friends at the Valentines Day dance, where I was bummed out since my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) refused to dance with me or even talk to me.
We were friends before that, but not besties like we are now. We hang out all time. And you always have the perfect timing - Somehow, the minute I enter school in the morning, there you are right by my side, hugging me and walking me to my locker, then INSISTING on carrying my stuff to my class before we walk around together and meet up with some more friends.
Then during breaks we go visit each other, even if it means we'll be late for class. You walk me to class, even if my class is all the way on the other side of the school and you'll be late for yours. At lunch time, even if you don't have any money, you go with me to the canteen and, even though you tell me that I don't have to, I always buy you a cookie and then we clink our cookies together and yell, "Friendship chip!" because we always get the chocolate chip ones and that's our own inside joke.
Then we walk back to our classrooms as slowly as possible so that we have more time to talk and be with each other. Once it becomes time to part, we hug, tell each other we love each other, and scurry off to our classrooms. At lunch break, you are somehow INSTANTLY at my locker (you remind me of Edward, always poofing around like that) before I even get there. And do I ever see you coming? Nope! It's like you're magic or something... Anyways, we walk to the gym together where we sit on the bleachers and hang out and dodge basketballs. You sling your arm around me and all our friends insist that we should date, and all your friends tell me that you like me and that you want to date me and always ask if you've asked me out yet.
You always jokingly say that I'm your girlfriend, though you make sure not to let anybody truly believe that and get us into a mess. One day, though, you followed your telling somebody that I was your girlfriend with "I wish", which was adorably sweet! If only I had heard it. Everyone around us laughed and I hadn't heard what you said, even though you were sitting right next to me. After you left to talk to your friend, my second best friend told me what you'd said.
I heard you were moving. I really hope that isn't true, because you know how much I'd miss 'ya, Mr. Gorgeous (inside joke between us)! I really hope I'll see you at school tomorrow because if I don't, that means you're gone and I'll never see you again.
Okay, listen... I know you like me. As more than a best friend. I know, you know that I know, you know that your friends told me, etc. Anyways, you're perfectly aware of the fact that I know you have quite the hefty crush on me. However, I'm not completely certain you do truly like me, even though you act like it. Unless I and everyone else misread your signals HORRIBLY though, you do. Truly. The big thing is... Well, I like you, too. A lot. And if you were to ask me out like everyone says you want to, I wouldn't reject you.
I love you like a best friend, and you know that.
But now I'd like to love you like a boyfriend.
Love,
Your Best Friend
Dear Emma,
You're a b*tch most of the time. Do you know that? Do you know that you piss me and everyone else off and we all get really fed up with your crap? Okay, yeah, so you're a great friend. Most of the time. Until you make some snotty comment or snobbily brag about all the stuff you have 'cause you're a spoiled brat of an only child. Like that one day I wore that bright yellow outfit - The bright yellow sweats with the bright yellow hoodie, then a bright orange shirt? And you said I looked like a retard. First of all, it isn't cool to call someone a retard, even jokingly, especially when you know mentally disabled people. It's like using the word "gay" as an insult, especially when you know homosexual people, or dropping the n-word on somebody jokingly when, to African Americans, that is a seriously horrible word to say. Everybody loved my outfit and thought I looked cute, but you insisted on refusing to talk to me, refusing to be seen with me, pointing me out to people and laughing at me when nobody agreed with you, and constantly asking people if I looked stupid only to be disagreed with. And this is most likely because, like EVERYBODY said, I looked way better than you.
I don't need your attitude, I've got my own.
Signed,
Your "friend"
Dear Michael,
I'm done with you, so drop it. You only want me now because I don't want you anymore. You've broken up with me twice, and I'm over you now. The first time we dated was great. You told me you loved me - Then dumped me two days later for NO REASON AT ALL. Okay, I was broken up for a little while and, to be honest, I never got over you after that. And then, after I dated another guy who was very good to me until things went downhill, you asked me out again. I thought it over this time, and finally said yes - I was reluctant, but I went to bed with a huge smile on my face because I was so happy to be with you again. Then, all because my BEST FRIEND Aaron (BEST FRIEND, that's all!) hugged me and had his arm around me, you dumped me again. Neither of those times did you have the guts to tell me yourself, nor did you give a reason. The reason this time however, was simply because you were jealous. It's perfectly fine for you to hug girls and flirt with girls and have your arm around other girls, but when I allow a guy to do it to me it's unacceptable? Yeah, I see how it is. But you know, I'm way over you now. I've realized something - Somewhere along the way when you texted me rarely, didn't talk to me at school, never once acted as though I was your girlfriend, flirted with other girls, hung out with me ONCE and not even with just the two of us, and refused to dance with me or even TALK to me at the Valentine's Day dance, I realized that you're a bad guy. You're a terrible boyfriend, and now I understand why all your girlfriends break up with you.
I was going to break up with you. Believe me, ask anybody, I was. But I didn't want to seem like the bad guy since you're always getting your heart broken and everybody always feels bad for you because you guilt-trip them not only into taking pity on you, but into hating the girls who do it. I didn't want to be that girl, especially since you claimed you liked me so much, which clearly wasn't true. Thanks so much for doing it for me. Now you're the bad guy and everyone's on my side.
Love,
Your Happy Ex
Dear One Other Person,
I don't want to be a bad friend or anything. We're close and we've been good friends for over seven years. I don't want to sound mean. But... You're extremely annoying. You're constantly texting me and when I don't want to do something, you INSIST AND INSIST AND INSIST. You constantly complain about how your life is so difficult all because one girl you really like doesn't like you back, and you go ON AND ON AND ON AND ON about her ALL THE TIME. I mean seriously, she's rejected you a hundred times. GET OVER IT. And then you're always saying that nobody likes you even when you have quite a few friends and that leads me into being forced to express how I "feel sorry for you" and CONSTANTLY tell you how "things will get better" even though you continue to complain no matter what I say.
I'm sorry, and you're a great friend, but please just shut up, get over your issues, and suck it up buttercup.
Love,
Your annoyed ginger buddy
Also, I'm glad none of you are on CS;
That makes it possible for me to give out your names,
since nobody will ever know you unless they already do in real life.