Ʋитιтℓɛ∂ ғσя иσω || Ɔσммɛит & Ɔяιтιզʋɛ || Ɔнαρтɛя тωσ ʋρ

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Re: Ʋитιтℓɛ∂ ғσя иσω || Ɔσммɛит & Ɔяιтιզʋɛ || Ɔнαρтɛя тωσ ʋρ

Postby 111misc » Wed Jan 04, 2012 4:00 pm

*cough* like me? Lol I'm glad you did though, I didn't realize the next chapter was up until you subtly pointed it out. It's really well done! I had a thought at the beginning they might be witches, but was still extremely surprised <3

You did awesome with the quotes, I hope I'm not sounding like a schoolteacher or anything with all this advise, but you really improved.

This is a just a question for my own personal benefit, and maybe I didn't read carefully enough, and missed it, but what do the twins look like? I just like to know when I read about them. :3 Thanks.

Alright, well, sorry, no huge crits. this time, (though that's kind of a good thing) but it was a joy to read! Maybe a couple more adjectives here and there--and you repeated how old the council was a good three times--but really, it was fantastic. ^^
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Re: Ʋитιтℓɛ∂ ғσя иσω || Ɔσммɛит & Ɔяιтιզʋɛ || Ɔнαρтɛя тωσ ʋρ

Postby ιяιѕlуα » Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:48 am

Okay, I've finally read through chapter two and I'm caught up on everything. I like the story, so I'm going to be nit-picky on my critiques (though I don't have many at all).

So first a question, you didn't happen to get any inspiration from the Balefire series did you? It just seems a bit similar to me. I mean it's not completely the same, but the two stories remind me of one another. Things such as the witches, initiation, and twins were the things that stood out to me. But, it's not a bad thing, seeing as the stories appear to be wildly different. I was just wondering if you did pull any inspiration from the series that was all.

And I'd also like to know what the twins look like. I'm wondering if I missed it, but so far all I know about is their green eyes... so if you could clue me in as well it would be helpful XD

So time for the crits. The one thing I noticed was that you suddenly changed tenses/points of view at times. I'm thinking the later was just a slip in word choice, but I wanted to point it out anyway. (I told you I was going to be nit-picky right? :roll: ) But you did change tenses a few times. And the only reason I'm pointing this out is because I do the same exact thing; switching from past to present and excetra. I forget where exactly it was in the chapter, but there was one part I had a bit difficulty reading because of the change in tenses. It's not a huge deal, and I wouldn't stress out about it (many writers will do this) but I thought I would tell you so you can think about it while writing, and because I would want someone to tell me when I slipped up.

So other than the changes in tenses/points of view, and a few spelling errors I would say nothing else is really standing out to me. I can't wait to read more ;)
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Re: Ʋитιтℓɛ∂ ғσя иσω || Ɔσммɛит & Ɔяιтιզʋɛ || Ɔнαρтɛя тωσ ʋρ

Postby gizmo, » Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:41 am

@misc, thanks<3 Also, I just realized that I never put what they looked like. *Slaps forehead* How dumb is that? I'll put it in the next chapter Dx

@Iris, thanks!<3 Balefire series? I've never heard of it........ And Ohhh. Yeah, it was probably word choice. My badd :(

FYI to everyone who is reading this. I'm kinda sorta grounded from my laptop... I don't know how long, I hope it's not long. I probably won't be able to post on RPs or continue my story :/
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Re: Ʋитιтℓɛ∂ ғσя иσω || Ɔσммɛит & Ɔяιтιզʋɛ || Ɔнαρтɛя тωσ ʋρ

Postby ιяιѕlуα » Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:58 am

Just wondering if we were going to see another chapter sometime in the near future? I probably shouldn't be asking considering my track record XD I'm still trying to get my next chapter up (as you very well know). But because you haven't posted any updates about it I thought that I'd ask (and maybe give you a bump at the same time =))
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Re: Ʋитιтℓɛ∂ ғσя иσω || Ɔσммɛит & Ɔяιтιզʋɛ || Ɔнαρтɛя тωσ ʋρ

Postby gizmo, » Tue Jan 24, 2012 12:01 pm

Yeah, sorry about that. I've had a lot going on so I haven't really had time to write. I've started the next chapter, but I haven't finished it. I probably should post an update Dx
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Re: Ʋитιтℓɛ∂ ғσя иσω || Ɔσммɛит & Ɔяιтιզʋɛ || Ɔнαρтɛя тωσ ʋρ

Postby ιяιѕlуα » Tue Jan 24, 2012 12:03 pm

Like I said before, not your fault =) I just thought I would ask. (And again, I've been worse than you lately XD)
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Re: Ʋитιтℓɛ∂ ғσя иσω || Ɔσммɛит & Ɔяιтιզʋɛ || Ɔнαρтɛя тωσ ʋρ

Postby gizmo, » Tue Jan 24, 2012 12:15 pm

Haha you haven't been that bad ;) BUT, I am looking forward to reading more on both your stories. They are freaking amazing, no joke :)
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