LORD OF THE RINGS!!!

[Alatar Maia]

I know remember when we were watching it with cuckoobird and I kept kicking you to make you stop?

[SamhokuFoopets]

i pretty much have the smeagol vs. gollum argument memorized. sometimes ill just randomly say "we told him to go away and away he goes, precious!" and i can sound EXACTLY like him! my mom just looks at me like im crazy and shakes her head...

It freaks my parents out when I do it.
"Sam stop!"
*whispers* "Smegol why do you cry sme..."
"SAM"

[Bilbo Baggins.]

its so weird the way he talks to himself... sometimes it creeps me out so then i just laugh at him because its kind of funny if you think about it. "she must eat. all she gets is filthy orcses. and they doesnt taste very nice, does they precious?"

[SamhokuFoopets]

its so weird the way he talks to himself... sometimes it creeps me out so then i just laugh at him because its kind of funny if you think about it. "she must eat. all she gets is filthy orcses. and they doesnt taste very nice, does they precious?"

Haha. I like it when he is arguing with himself, "And away he goes Precious! Gone gone gone! Smegol's free!"

[Bilbo Baggins.]

and then he hops in circles xD

[SamhokuFoopets]

"Look what Smegol finds!" *cackles* "Say hello. They are tender and nice yes they are! Eats them! eats them!"

[Bilbo Baggins.]

Sméagol: What's it doing?! Stupid, fat hobbit! You ruins it!
Samwise Gamgee: What's to ruin? There was hardly any meat on them. What we need is a few good taters.
Sméagol: What's "taters", precious? What's "taters", eh?
Samwise Gamgee: Po-tay-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew. Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish. [Sméagol spits] Even you couldn't say no to that.
Sméagol: Oh yes, we could! Spoiling nice fish! Give it to us raw, and wriggling! You keep nasty chips!
Samwise Gamgee: You're hopeless.

[SamhokuFoopets]

"See? see? We led you out! Very lucky we find you!"
Frodo and Sam walk by
"Nice hobbit."

[Pinstriped Pirates]

Gollum: [to Sam] Stupid, fat hobbit.

Gollum: We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
Smeagol: No. Not master!
Gollum: Yes, precious, false! They will cheat you, hurt you, LIE.
Smeagol: Master is our friend!
Gollum: You don't have any friends; nobody likes you!
Smeagol: I'm not listening... I'm not listening...
Gollum: You're a liar and a thief.
Smeagol: No!
Gollum: *Murderer*.
Smeagol: Go away!
Gollum: "Go away?"
[Gollum laughs as Smeagol begins crying]
Smeagol: I hate you, I hate you.
Gollum: Where would you be without me, gollum, gollum? I saved us! It was me! We survived because of me!
Smeagol: [stops crying] Not anymore.
Gollum: What did you say?
Smeagol: Master looks after us now. We don't need you anymore.
Gollum: What?
Smeagol: Leave now, and never come back!
Gollum: No!
Smeagol: Leave now, and never come back!
[Gollum screams in frustration]
Smeagol: LEAVE! NOW! AND NEVER COME BACK!
[Gollum is silent]
Smeagol: [looks around] We told him to go away... and away he goes, Precious! Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is free!

Gollum: [singing] The rock and pool, is nice and cool, so juicy sweet. Our only wish,
[he whacks the fish on the rock]
Gollum: to catch a fish,
[another whack]
Gollum: so juicy sweet.

Gollum: We be nice to them, if they be nice to us.

[last lines]
Frodo: Smeagol?
Sam: We're not going to wait for you. Come on.
Smeagol: Master. Master looks after us. Master wouldn't hurt us.
Gollum: Master broke his promise.
Smeagol: Don't ask Smeagol. Poor, poor Smeagol.
Gollum: Master betrayed us. Wicked. Tricksy, False. We ought to wring his filthy little neck. Kill him! Kill him! Kill them both! And then we take the precious... and we be the master!
Smeagol: But the fat Hobbit, he knows. Eyes always watching.
Gollum: Then we stabs them out. Put out his eyeses, make him crawl.
Smeagol: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Gollum: Kill them both.
Smeagol: Yes. No! No! It's too risky. It's too risky.
Sam: Where is he? Where has he gone? Hey, Gollum! Where are you?
Frodo: Smeagol?
Gollum: We could let *her* do it.
Smeagol: Yes. She could do it.
Gollum: Yes, precious, she could. And then we takes it once they're dead.
Smeagol: Once they're dead. Shh.
[Comes out of hiding]
Smeagol: Come on Hobbits. Long ways to go yet. Smeagol will show the way.
Gollum: Follow me.

Sam: What we need is a few good taters.
Gollum: What's taters, precious? What's taters, eh?
Sam: *Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew... Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish.
[Gollum makes a noise of disgust while sticking his tongue out]
Sam: Even you couldn't say no to that.
Gollum: Oh yes we could. Spoilin' nice fish. Give it to us raw and w-r-r-riggling; you keep nasty chips.
Sam: You're hopeless.

Sam: There are dead things! Dead faces in the water.
Gollum: All dead... all rotten. Elves and men and orcses. A great battle, long ago. The Dead Marshes... yes, that is their name.

Gollum: So bright... so beautiful... ah, Precious.
Frodo: What did you say?
Gollum: Master should be resting, Master needs to keep up his strength.
Frodo: [standing up] Who are you?
Gollum: Mustn't ask us, not it's business. Gollum, gollum.
Frodo: Gandalf told me you were one of the River-folk.
Gollum: Cold be heart and hand and bone. Cold be travelers far from home.
Frodo: [next to Gollum] He said your life was a sad story.
Gollum: They do not see what lies ahead, when Sun has faded and Moon is dead.
Frodo: [in front of Gollum] You were not so very different from a Hobbit once, were you?
[Gollum looks up at him]
Frodo: Smeagol.
Gollum: What did you call me?
Frodo: That was your name once, wasn't it?
Gollum: My name? My name... Smeagol.

Gollum: He wants the precious. Always he is looking for it. And the precious is wanting to go back to him... But we mustn't let him have it.

Gollum: But, the fat hobbit. He knows. Eyes always watching.

Sam: Who are they?
Gollum: Wicked men. Servants of Sauron. They are called to Mordor. The Dark One is gathering all armies to him. It won't be long now. He will soon be ready.
Sam: Ready to do what?
Gollum: To make his war. The last war that will cover all the world in shadow.

Gollum: We swears to serve the master of the precious. We will swear on... on... the precious!

Gollum: Don't follow the lights.

Gollum: He is drawing all evil to him.

Gollum: Sméagol... Why does he cry, Sméagol?
Smeagol: Cruel men hurts us. Master tricksed us.
Gollum: Of course he did. I told you he was tricksy. I told you he was false.
Smeagol: Master is our friend... our friend.
Gollum: Master betrayed us.
Smeagol: No, not it's business. Leave us alone.
Gollum: Filthy little hobbites. They stole it from us.
Smeagol: No... No.
Faramir: What did they steal?
Gollum: Myyy PRECIOUSSS.

Gollum: I found it, I did. A way through the marshes. Orcs don't use it. Orcs don't know it. They go round for miles and miles. Come hobbitses, soft and quick as shadows we must be.

Gollum: Sneaky little hobbitses.

Gollum: Oh! Cruel hobbit! It does not care if we be hungry. It does not care if we should die! Not like Master. Master cares. Master knows. Yes, precious...
[Frodo takes hold of the ring]
Gollum: Once it takes hold of us it never lets go.

[about the Ring Wraiths]
Sam: I thought they were dead!
Gollum: Dead? No, you cannot kill them. No.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Gollum: Wake up. Wake up. Wake up, sleepies. We must go, yeeees, we must go at once.
Sam: Haven't you had any sleep, Mr. Frodo?
[Frodo shakes his head]
Sam: I've gone and had too much... it must be getting late.
Frodo: No, it isn't. It isn't midday, yet. The days are growing darker.
Gollum: Come on! We must go, no time!
Sam: Not before Mr. Frodo's had something to eat.
Gollum: [impatiently] No time to lose, silly!
Sam: [Gives Frodo lembas] Here.
Frodo: What about you?
Sam: Oh, no, I'm not hungry. Leastways, not for lembas bread.
Frodo: Sam...
Sam: All right... we don't have that much left. We have to be careful, we don't want to run out. You go ahead and eat that, Mr. Frodo. I've rationed it... there should be enough.
Frodo: Enough for what?
Sam: The journey home.

Sam: [Frodo is being drawn toward Cirith Ungol] No, Mr. Frodo!
Gollum: [in a panic] Not that way! Oh! What's he doing?

Sam: It must be getting near tea-time, leastways in decent places where there *is* still tea-time.
Gollum: We're not *in* decent places.

Smeagol: ...and take it for ME.
Gollum: For us.
Smeagol: Yes, we... we meant for us.

Gollum: Wake up. Wake up. Wake up, sleepies. We must go, yeeees, we must go at once.
Sam: Haven't you had any sleep, Mr. Frodo?
[Frodo shakes his head]
Sam: I've gone and had too much... it must be getting late.
Frodo: No, it's not. It's not midday, yet. The days are growing darker.
Gollum: We must go.
Sam: Not until Mr. Frodo has had something to eat.
Gollum: No time to lose, silly.
Sam: [Gives Frodo lembas bread] Here, eat this.
Frodo: What about you?
Sam: I'm not hungry. Leastways, not for lembas bread.
Frodo: Sam...
Sam: All right... we don't have that much left. You go ahead and eat that, Mr. Frodo. I've rationed it... there should be enough left.
Frodo: For what?
Sam: The journey home.

Sam: I heard it from his own mouth! He means to murder us!
Gollum: Never! Smeagol wouldn't hurt a fly!

Sam: What are you up to? Sneaking off, are we?
Gollum: Sneaking? Sneaking? Fat Hobbit is always so polite. Smeagol shows them secret ways that nobody else could find, and they say "sneak!" Sneak? Very nice friend. Oh, yes, my precious. Very nice, very nice.
Sam: All right, all right! You just startled me is all. What were you doing?
Gollum: Sneaking.

Gollum: She's always hungry. She always needs to feed. She must eat. All she gets is nasty Orcses.
Smeagol: And they doesn't taste very nice, does they, Precious?
Gollum: No. Not very nice at all, my love.

[Gollum and Frodo stand in front of a tunnel opening, and Frodo hesitates to go in]
Gollum: It's the only way. Go in, or go back.
Frodo: I cannot go back.

Gollum: They cursed us. Murderer they called us. They cursed us, and drove us away. And we wept, Precious, we wept to be so alone. And we only wish to catch fish so juicy sweet. And we forgot the taste of bread... the sound of trees... the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name. My Precious.

Gollum: [singing] Pretty little fly. Why does he cry? Caught in a web. Soon he'll be... eaten.

Frodo: What is this place?
Gollum: Master must go inside the tunnel.
Frodo: Now that I'm here, I don't think I want to.

Sam: Sam: what are you up to? Sneaking off are we?
Gollum: Gollum: Sneaking? Sneaking? Fat hobbit is always so polite. Smeagol shows them secret way that nobody else could find. And they say sneak! Sneak? Very nice friend oh yes My Precious very nice...
Sam: Sam: All right all right! You just startled me is all. What were you doing?
Gollum: Gollum: Sneaking.
Sam: Sam: Fine have it your own way. I'm sorry to wake you Mr Frodo, we have to be moving on.
Frodo: Frodo: It's dark still
Sam: Sam: It's always dark here. It's gone! The elven bread!
Frodo: Frodo: what? That's all we have left.
Sam: Sam: He took it! He must have!
Gollum: Gollum: Smeagol? Oh no not poor Smeagol. Smeagol hates nasty elf bread
Sam: Sam: You're a lying wretch. What did you do with it?
Frodo: Frodo: He doesn't eat it. He can't have taken it.
Gollum: Gollum: Look. What's this? Crumbs on his jacketses. He took it! He took it! I seen him
Sam: Sam: That's a filthy lie! 'hits Gollum to the ground and starts to wail on him'
Frodo: Frodo: Sam! Stop it. Sam, no! 'Falls against the rock wall'
Sam: Sam: Oh my! I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to go so far I was just so, so angry. Here, let's just rest a bit.
Frodo: Frodo: I'm all right
Sam: Sam: No. No you're not all right. It's that Gollum. It's this place. It's that thing around your neck. I could help a bit. I could carry it for a while... Share the load
Frodo: Frodo: Get away! 'pushes Sam and stands up'
Sam: Sam: I don't wanna keep it. I just wanna help
Gollum: Gollum: See? See? He wants it for himself
Sam: Sam: 'stands up' Shutup you! Go away. Get out of here
Frodo: Frodo: No Sam, it's you. I'm sorry Sam.
Sam: Sam: But he's a liar. He's poisoned you against me
Frodo: Frodo: You can't help me anymore

[first lines]
Deagol: Smeagol, I've got one! I've got a fish, Smeag. Smeagol!
Smeagol: Pull it in. Go on. Go on. Go on. Pull it in.

Smeagol: Clever Hobbits, to climb so high!
[jumps on them, pins Frodo to the ground and grips him by the throat]
Smeagol: Mustn't go that way! Mustn't hurt the Precious!
Frodo: You swore! You swore on the Precious!
Smeagol: [mocking] Oo-hoo-hoo-hoo...
Frodo: SMEAGOL PROMISED!
Smeagol: Smeagol lied.

Smeagol: Give us that, Deagol my love.
Deagol: Why?
Smeagol: Because it's my birthday, and I wants it.

Smeagol: Naughty little fly, Why does it cry, Caught in a web, Soon to be... eaten!

The Hobbit (1977) (TV)
Bilbo Baggins: A box without hinges, key, or a lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid.
Gollum: Eggs! Eggs is the answer.

Gollum: [Bilbo has just escaped with the ring] Thief! Thief! Baggins! We hates it! Hates it! FOREVER!

Bilbo Baggins: Perhaps you know the way out?
Gollum: Yes, gollum. But perhaps we sits here and chats with it a bitsy, my precious. It likes riddles?

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Gandalf: There is one other who knew Bilbo had the Ring. I looked everywhere for the creature Gollum, but the enemy found him first. I don't know how long they tortured him, but through the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words:
Gollum: SHIRE! BAGGINS!
Frodo: Shire? Baggins? But that would lead them here!
[Cuts to a Ringwraith cutting off a Hobbit's head]
Frodo: [holding out the Ring] Take it Gandalf!
[Gandalf backs away]
Frodo: Take it!
Gandalf: No, Frodo.
Frodo: You must take it!
Gandalf: You cannot offer me this ring!
Frodo: I'm giving it to you!
Gandalf: Don't... tempt me Frodo! I dare not take it. Not even to keep it safe. Understand, Frodo. I would use this ring from a desire to do good... But through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.

Gollum: It came to me, my own, my love... my... preciousssss.


Sam: Straight stairs, winding stairs what comes after that?
Gollum: We shall see, oh yes... We shall see.

Gollum: My Precious. My Precious.

[Pinstriped Pirates]

Hooray for long posts! ^u^