Chuck Norris Jokes!

[Rylie101]

Lol, those are funnY!



When the telephone was invented, there were 3 missed calls from Chick Norris! XP

[ShadowWolf~]

A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

Chuck Norris can count to infinity.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.

When a monster goes to sleep he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can find the end of a circle.

When Chuck Norris goes into a room he doesn't turn on the lights, he turns off the dark.

Once Chuck Norris was on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune, and was the first to spin. For the rest of the show everyone stood around awkwardly waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

[Halostar]

Chuck Norris can read Lady GaGa's Poker Face.

[Rylie101]

Chuck Norris can rob a bank...over the phone :3
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!

[ShadowWolf~]

Chuck Norris can create a rainbow with one colour.

A football player can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw the football player even farther.

The reason new born babies cry is because they know they've came into a world with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

[Queen of Chaos]

Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin under his beard, just another beard.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real dad.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make him drink.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerkey.

That's all I have so far. D:

[ShadowWolf~]

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

Ninjas can dodge raindrops, but Chuck Norris can dodge air.

Once, a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris can make an immortal die.

Chuck Norris climbed Mount Everest in fifteen minutes. Fourteen of which he spent building a snowman at the bottom.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer.... Too bad he never crys.

[m i l k t e e t h]

Chuck Norris doesn't blink...reality pauses.

Fear of spiders is Aracnaphobia, fear of small places is Claustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is Logic.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong Number, you answer the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought eachother on a bet; the loser has to wear is underwear on the outside of his pants.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi-truck's gas tank as a joke...that truck is known as Optimus Prime.

When you think you're looking at Chuck Norris' picture...think again, he's looking at you.

Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.

[ShadowWolf~]

Chuck Norris goes killing, not hunting.

Chuck Norris can shoot down a plane in the sky by pointing at it with his finger and yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris scared a rabbit so bad it laid an egg. Hence Easter exsisted.

Chuck Norris can find the circumference of a triangle.

Chuck Norris can win in a game of Checkers with only one move.

If Chuck Norris holds up his finger to say "You're #1" he's actually showing you how many seconds to have left to live.

If you google Chuck Norris but spell his name wrong, it won't show 'Did you mean Chuck Norris?' instead it will say 'Run, while you have the chance.'

If you play Scrabble and make 'Chuck Norris' on the board, you'll win. Forever.

[ShadowWolf~]

Q: Which came first? The Chicken? or The Egg?
A: Chuck Norris

A rocket can travel at the speed of light. Chuck Norris can travel at the speed of dark.