Our Aspiring Writers League (O.A.W.L)

[Lasesi]

Well. By started I mean. I literally only have the prologue down and a good bit of the first chapter. I just want to know how I could improve my writing skills before moving on in the storyline.

I'd love to take a look feel free to PM it to me ^_^

[Apperception]

Do you guys think that a book about a couple of people (adults) being trained for war, or something of the sort, is too cliche? It's an idea I've had in my head all day, but I don't begin writing a novel if the idea is overused already. Of course this is a work in progress, I can get more information later, but just as a general idea.

[Lasesi]

Do you guys think that a book about a couple of people (adults) being trained for war, or something of the sort, is too cliche? It's an idea I've had in my head all day, but I don't begin writing a novel if the idea is overused already. Of course this is a work in progress, I can get more information later, but just as a general idea.

I don't think it's too cliche so to speak, at the end of the day it depends what you do with it that counts... I would suggest trying to develop it further and then see how it's panning out. More information would be helpful though

[Apperception]

Do you guys think that a book about a couple of people (adults) being trained for war, or something of the sort, is too cliche? It's an idea I've had in my head all day, but I don't begin writing a novel if the idea is overused already. Of course this is a work in progress, I can get more information later, but just as a general idea.

I don't think it's too cliche so to speak, at the end of the day it depends what you do with it that counts... I would suggest trying to develop it further and then see how it's panning out. More information would be helpful though

I managed to round up some more information. There is a city, the center of a country, that a king runs. The city had lost much wealth and barely has money to afford an army. In a surrounding land, there is a rumor spreading that an attack is being planned on this city. In desperation the city begins rounding up citizens if this city, by will, not force, to make a makeshift army to hopefully keep this city up.

A young man finds out about this. He had no training in the art of fighting, and it a poor, lonely man without much of a family. His peers urge him to join this army, to be helpful to the city for once, and after much thought he, decides he will. This man is sent into a whirl of learning how to fight, with no experience, and low knowledge of it.

Now keep in mind that this main character doesn't have a much of a talent for any of the weapons, he doesn't suddenly become an expert in fighting, and it is more of a struggle, but he can't back out.

In the end, the city loses this large battle that happens, and goes into a apocalyptic state in which people begin leaving, diseases begin to spread, food is limited, but this one man and a few other select people attempt to venture out and fix what happened.

[Twisted Illusions]

So um...do I have to be accepted before I can post or anything or can I post without being accepted?

I'm wondering about that, too.

I managed to round up some more information. There is a city, the center of a country, that a king runs. The city had lost much wealth and barely has money to afford an army. In a surrounding land, there is a rumor spreading that an attack is being planned on this city. In desperation the city begins rounding up citizens if this city, by will, not force, to make a makeshift army to hopefully keep this city up.

A young man finds out about this. He had no training in the art of fighting, and it a poor, lonely man without much of a family. His peers urge him to join this army, to be helpful to the city for once, and after much thought he, decides he will. This man is sent into a whirl of learning how to fight, with no experience, and low knowledge of it.

Now keep in mind that this main character doesn't have a much of a talent for any of the weapons, he doesn't suddenly become an expert in fighting, and it is more of a struggle, but he can't back out.

In the end, the city loses this large battle that happens, and goes into a apocalyptic state in which people begin leaving, diseases begin to spread, food is limited, but this one man and a few other select people attempt to venture out and fix what happened.

I think this definitely has the potential to be a brilliant plot. It does seem original enough, as you've took it in a new direction from books I thought might be similar. Overall, I think you have a solid enough plotline and plenty of twists. I look forward to hearing more about it, if you do continue with it (and I highly suggest you do!)

[Lasesi]

I managed to round up some more information. There is a city, the center of a country, that a king runs. The city had lost much wealth and barely has money to afford an army. In a surrounding land, there is a rumor spreading that an attack is being planned on this city. In desperation the city begins rounding up citizens if this city, by will, not force, to make a makeshift army to hopefully keep this city up.

A young man finds out about this. He had no training in the art of fighting, and it a poor, lonely man without much of a family. His peers urge him to join this army, to be helpful to the city for once, and after much thought he, decides he will. This man is sent into a whirl of learning how to fight, with no experience, and low knowledge of it.

Now keep in mind that this main character doesn't have a much of a talent for any of the weapons, he doesn't suddenly become an expert in fighting, and it is more of a struggle, but he can't back out.

In the end, the city loses this large battle that happens, and goes into a apocalyptic state in which people begin leaving, diseases begin to spread, food is limited, but this one man and a few other select people attempt to venture out and fix what happened.

i agree with ^, compared to what i thought it was gonna be - this sounds interesting and, above all, original. I think you should continue to develop it and see where it leads you - I would certainly be interested in reading it

[violacherry]

Well. By started I mean. I literally only have the prologue down and a good bit of the first chapter. I just want to know how I could improve my writing skills before moving on in the storyline.

ok i still want to look at it though

[MoonheartTheWarrior]

So um...do I have to be accepted before I can post or anything or can I post without being accepted?

I'm wondering about that, too.

Same here... My form is in page 32 x3 -has been stalking this to see if either of the owners of this thread have accepted or not yet-

[Twisted Illusions]

I'd say it's fine for you to start talking C:. They won't have a problem with it.
All right.. so. I want some feedback here.

It's about oh... 2035, somewhere around there, and the setting is a post-apocalyptic scenario. The world didn't end by a disease or anything, it ended by our own creations; Drones. A drone would be a machine made to look exactly like a human, with skin and everything. The only difference being red eyes. The Drones, after being modified to have personalities and such, saw that they were being used as slaves and rebelled against the humans, thus killing pretty much all of the human race. But of course there are a few lucky survivors. So, the story will revolve around one woman, Elyjah is her name to be exact, who is constantly tormented by the fact that the machines she hated in the first place not only destroyed the world she used to know, but they also killed her fiance in front of her. So, no matter how irrational it may be - and slightly impossible - she's vowed to destroy the drones somehow, and take back what used to belong to the humans.
Now, I've set up the plot as a three event type scenario. With three big events, it's a common technique.
I. Caim {Her fiance} returns into the story, but as a drone. - So of course he's changed his opinion to the other side, and Elyjah now had to fight Caim as well.
II. Later on, eventually, Elyjah is captured and turned into a hybrid, a half drone, half human. But, she escapes with the rest of the humans that are being held captive there.
III. And as the climax, they figure out that the radio tower that's miraculously still live, sends signals to a microchip in the back of their necks. Even though she knows it will kill her as well, lyjah and the rest of her team storm the tower, and suced in knocking it over.
But don't worry, they bring her back xD
So.. opinions so far?

If I'm honest, when I first saw the post-apocalyptic setting, and the drones, I did a mental cringe, just because the idea has been done quite a bit. However, I think that if you can write well (which, judging by your post, you can) then this could be something refreshingly different. It kind of grows on you! The radio tower idea is both realistic and original, and, overall, I would definitely like to read more! Nice job! x)

[MoonheartTheWarrior]

I get a lot of plot ideas 24/7. Especially when I try to sleep. I just got this idea for a story, although I just came up with it a few minutes an hour ago, so there'll most likely be some confusing spaces. I want to know if this is original/sort of original and if you might have any ideas for names for some characters (feel free to PM me names x3):

First off, the story is about a bunch of "colonies" of mice, voles, rats and some other rodents from the superfamily "Muroidea", as well as some squirrels. The main character is a small female Fox Squirrel who is the "apprentice" of her colony's leader. Because there aren't many squirrels in the colonies, many rodents have doubts about her being a good future leader, but she doesn't mind it, and most of the rodents in her colony, the Eastern Colony (which is in the eastern part of the colonies' territories), don't really care about the fact she's a squirrel. One day, the lead hunter gets angry at her for not being able to help his daughter, a hamster pup, (the leader and his/her apprentice are also the healers (I also do my best to make sure they don't use the same plants as warrior cats do to heal o3o) of each colony x3) who had a disease that none of the healers had ever seen before, and, slowly, after the young pup died, many other members of all the colonies got the disease, and eventually, each of the tribes had less than half the members it had before they found the disease because they had to kick out the sick rodents so they won't get the disease, but usually that didn't work. Eventually, none of the living rodents where sick anymore, and then all of the colonies got angry at the Eastern Colony because they believed the disease came from them, and they kicked out the members of the Eastern Colony and they had to fend for themselves. A few of the rodents lived in smaller groups, each of them containing at least one hunter from the Colony and at least one fighter so all the members of the small groups could learn how to hunt and fight (but mostly hunt), and everyone started to hate the main character. She ran away from the small territory her former colony-members settled into, and she struggled to fend for herself. After a few days, she meets another squirrel and they quickly become friends.
That's all I've been able to come up with so far. Sorry if any of it is confusing, and sorry it's all in one huge paragraph x3