Hehe hi <3 I am NOT stalking you, so don't be alarmed. ...fine I'll stop.
Anyways, I really love this so far. Chapter one was great, I like how you don't actually understand the world they live in yet, or what failing Initiation means for you. Lol I can't wait for your next chapter! A critique I have is just a writing tool to give it more, ya know, pizaz.
After/before all your quotes, you used the same sentence structure, which is like a describing statement. [[Ex: "blah blah blah" Lauren said to the girl, eyes gleaming.]] It would be nice if you switched it up a bit, and my recomendation is to use big words/dramatic phrases that make you sound smarter (lol that's what I do ^^). [[Ex: "blah blah blah" The words flew through the air, slashing out at the silence like daggers.} Or if that's too weird, then keep it dialog-ish, keep the reader guessing, by not putting any discription before/after the quote. [[Ex: "blah blah blah."]] That one can be difficult, because then there's no smooth transition into the next thought/writing/whatever, but hey, if you can pull it off, cudos. :3
I hoped this helped, I really lik your writing so far, so that's why I'm picking on such a small detail xD
misc
Anyways, I really love this so far. Chapter one was great, I like how you don't actually understand the world they live in yet, or what failing Initiation means for you. Lol I can't wait for your next chapter! A critique I have is just a writing tool to give it more, ya know, pizaz.
After/before all your quotes, you used the same sentence structure, which is like a describing statement. [[Ex: "blah blah blah" Lauren said to the girl, eyes gleaming.]] It would be nice if you switched it up a bit, and my recomendation is to use big words/dramatic phrases that make you sound smarter (lol that's what I do ^^). [[Ex: "blah blah blah" The words flew through the air, slashing out at the silence like daggers.} Or if that's too weird, then keep it dialog-ish, keep the reader guessing, by not putting any discription before/after the quote. [[Ex: "blah blah blah."]] That one can be difficult, because then there's no smooth transition into the next thought/writing/whatever, but hey, if you can pull it off, cudos. :3I hoped this helped, I really lik your writing so far, so that's why I'm picking on such a small detail xD
misc
