Dear Noobcake by Xialburg (Updates Every Other Weekend)

[~Razzle~]

I like Xanri. :3 *Hides behind tree*

[SavatheWolf]

SQUEELELELELELELEEEEEE!

Best. Noobcake. *Imeanclamshelloops* EVER. Laughed so hard when I saw Xanri pop in XD Was Inderr a purple bat dragon? o.o

[Al the Dalek]

Xialburg and Purna are 2nd gen pets, offspring of the pets that Alleria and Inderr was, which was the Halloween purple dragon dog. He was indeed a purple dragon, yes. And fans, all else will be revealed. Glad to see Xanri still has some fans.

[~Razzle~]

*Waves hand* OOOOH! That's me! She's talking about me! 8D
I think Sava was talking about in the story. XD *Pops back behind tree*

[Steffi.]

53 pages and almost 1 year later, I'm still reading this Noobcake. C: This diary still makes my life. <3

[bubiza]

Ohmigosh!
This is so funny!
I'm on page... two, so far. XD
Because I've only started reading it.

Username: ѕυperllαмαpυɴĸ
Level of Lol (1 to 10):

Compliments: Everything is so amazing.
Criticism: Nothing.
Other: so i herd u liek mudkipz...

[Al the Dalek]

I am very, very sorry dear fans. I keep dropping you about like a packet of crackers, and I don't know how long it will be until you crumble into powder. I guess Inderr's backstory took a lot more out of me than I expected, because Noobcake's muse has abandoned me when I should have been writing more entries. Your patience is astounding, dearest rabid-est fans. With luck, I can hold to Noobcake's regular schedule and stop acting like a noodle. Without further ado, here is the new Noobcake. Two Noobcakes. To make up for my lack of writings.

Dear Noobcake,

Well.
The last couple of days definitely have been...eventful.
I have never before been so grateful for Junior.
I suppose I should get back to what happened a few days ago, shouldn't I? Because that was...well.
Well well well
well
well
I've noticed when I write down a word down often enough, it starts looking really weird.
Well.
It just doesn't look right to me anymore. I wonder if I am spelling it right?
ANYWAY. I need to focus.
And stop writing in you with pen.
Because that is silliness.
Nidhogg started talking, a sea-monster-demon had the same name as my dad, and I was walking around in a treehouse that actually looked like a real house.
Anyway, the sea demon looked around again, blank eyes fixing on Nidhogg.
Well, where Nidhogg had been, which was curled up in a corner.
You see, Nidhogg-the-creepy-snake had been replaced by Nidhogg-the-creepy-wolf. He was lounging against the wall, and we all stared at him. I actually think that the sea demon's default expression was staring.
Writing in italics when not using a computer annoys me. I have to turn the whole book around and make it all weird looking and it just looks a little ridiculous.
Distracted again.
"Come ooooon you've been moaning and groooaning about your sssson for yearssss! Sssssay hello." Nidhogg complained. Despite the fact he was no longer snake-ish, his tongue sounded just the same. Meaning all creeper-y and hiss-y.
Why can't I ever know normal wolves?
Sea-demon-maybe-dad glared. Or stared. I couldn't tell. He pointed angrily at his throat, and then looked back at me, looking conflicted.
Nidhogg rolled his yellow eyes (which were still creepy and snakelike. I need to find different words for creepy...) and flopped onto his feet. I don't know how that works, but that is the only way to describe it. He flopped and came over, grabbing the adult's wolf shoulder and dragging him over. He grabbed my shoulder as well, and then began to speak.
"Sssince you are too ssstupid...ssson, thisss isss dad. Dad, thisss isss ssson. Noooow hug of family love, okay?"
We both stared at him, and there was complete silence, except for Gothie snickering.
I swear, that kid, just laughs at everything.
I bet he laughs in horror movies.
Okay, that's not fair. Some of those are PRETTY terrible.
Distracted again. Moving on.
"Um...what?" I'm sorry Noobcake, but my brain was a little broken at that time and that was all I could think of.
Nidhogg stomped his foot, looking impatient. "Plane crassshhh, remember? Your family ssseperated, ssso I had to pick up the piecesss. You're lucky I'm here to explain, Inderr-father isssn't the mossst talkative, are you?" He shook Inderr's shoulder a little, which earned his ear a near miss from the other's massive snaggle-fish-teeth jaws. This only seemed to amuse Nidhogg and Gothie. Nidhogg wandered off, flopping (again) onto the couch and still laughing.
I don't like him.
I liked him better as a snake.
Especially when he didn't talk.
I really don't like him talking.
I wish I had brought something to tie up his mouth or something.
Or at least some sticky food to distract him AND make it so he can't speak for ten minutes.
Laugh all you want Noobcake, with your nonexistent mouth, but you haven't seen how obnoxious Rainbowy's homemade caramels are. They are serious business.
The most serious.
Of all time.
Ever.
What was I talking about?
Oh yeah. Nidhogg and Gothie's obnoxious laugh duo they had going on.
I looked at the wolf in front of me, who looked very sad. I don't mean pathetic, I mean...sad. He held out a paw, and drew out with his other invisible letters upon it.
X. I. A. L. B. U. R. G?
Well, at least, that's what I'm 90% sure that was. The b and the r looked pretty much the same, but it would be kind of weird for him to be all like "Xialgurb" or "Xialburb" or whatever. The question mark I kind of guessed at. It was just sort of squiggly.
"Hooray, reunionsss~" Nidhogg hissed. I had, after all, hugged the sea-demon-definitely-my-dad.
I don't know how it happened, I don't care how it did, I just care that I got my dad back.
So I gave him a hug, duh.
And then we both acted like wussies and started crying.
Gothie wandered away, but Nidhogg seemed to have fallen asleep.
Anyway.
Dad told me a bunch of stuff. We spent a lot of time talking, and he constantly questioned me about what was going on. It had been ages since we had seen each other after all. It was a little weird, honestly. Well, he didn't talk. He had a piece of paper though and he was constantly scribbling on it.
His pawwriting was pretty atrocious, but I was able to understand since my writing is equally as terrible.
I didn't show him Noobcake because that is SERIOUS BUSINESS SECRET LIFE stuff, but I just told him the bare minimum.
You would not believe how happy he looked when I told him that Purna and Mom were okay.
You know, it's weird. I could barely remember my dad from what I had known of him before and from pictures, but I could still recognize him, now that I knew it was him, even as fish-demony as he was. He didn't talk, and I don't know why, but he could laugh.
I
Am
Such
A
Pathetic
Puppy.
But I am just...I'm out of words. My weird life has resolved into something more...normal? I have a family now! A whole family!
Enough rambling though, Noobcake. Nidhogg just dragged in...I don't know WHAT he dragged in, but he's claiming it's "a deliciousss part of a nutritiousss meal" and I'm not even sure it's edible.
I've got to intervene before he freaks out Junior...
Oh yeah, he's here too. But that's another story, Noobcake. I've got to get in there before that stupid snake thing starts a riot.

Seeya Noobcake

Dear Noobcake,

I know it's weird for me to be writing in you twice in one day, but I have a lot to say.
The crisis with Nidhogg has been averted and I only got bitten twice. I call that a bonus. I mean, they hurt really super bad, but I suppose it could be worse.
Anyway.
The next few days after that went by pretty decently. I hung out with my dad a lot, and Gothie pulled some pranks on those Butterfly Wolves that resulted in an angry pack of the things throwing little fruits through the windows in revenge.
We ate them.
WE ATE THE FRUITS.
I'm not a cannibal I swear...if that even counts.

I mean, come on. If they wanted us to stop being ridiculous and doing stuff like that, they could have let us leave.
Then, about a day ago, something happened.
I heard it from Feil, who had taken it upon herself to constantly harass us when she had nothing better to do.
It was early in the morning too, so my alarm clock that morning was her incessant jabbering from outside our window.
Incessant is now the word of the day. Sadly, I have used my only big word of the day and I will now talk like an idiot.
...
No I won't, that's stupid.
I'm stupid for coming up for that stupid idea.
Stupid.
Oh no this is not turning into well well well.
...stupid.
I mean, seriously. That kind of behavior is for little children. No, it's as if she is a little kid. All of the Butterfly Wolves act like little kids pretty much.
Anyway.
Feil was going on and on and on how people keep invading their private space, which I thought was just her being normal as usual, until she said this as I was just getting myself from breakfast.
"And then-then-then it gets wooooorse~ Because you don't just come in our homes, you bring little whiny things too with all their Axon plushies!"
I went over to the window really fast.
None of the windows have glass, so I'd hate to see what it would be like if it rained or was super windy. Anyway.
I totally got in Feil's face and I was ticked off.
Junior might not be my real brother, but he might as well be.
"You took Junior?"
"He came whiiining to us, and we couldn't get out of the way fast enough. Honestly~~~it's annoying! He won't shut up and it's only been a day!"
"You've had him for over a day?!"
My dad had been ignoring Feil and eating his own breakfast, but his ears pricked then, and he looked seriously mad. I had told him about Junior, and apparently kid-stealing was not apparently something he condoned.
...second big word.
I'm on a roll today.
Anyway.
"A daaaay too long!" Feil whined. "Won't stop crying. What do puppies eat, anyway?"
"You haven't fed him for--"
That was the point when I realized that my dad was now standing at my shoulder.
He is very good at sneaking.
Why is my dad so creepy?
Anyway.
He began snarling deep in his throat, and I almost bolted out of the room because it was so terrifying. I'm being serious, Noobcake.
This is serious business.
Feil just about fell out of the air herself, looking nervous. It seemed that whatever noises my dad was making, she could understand. I wonder if it was part of being a stupid fairy-beasty.
"Nonononono please understand yes, gotta keep hidden and all that and you know, I know you don't like but we like because it is good and please don't even make that kind of threat you can't back it up and please meep."
I left then, mumbling something about having to go do some stuff. It was a pretty lame excuse, but no one challenged it.
I came back about twenty minutes later to find them in pretty much the same position. Nidhogg was a snake, spread out on the couch and leaving Gothie about three inches of space. He seemed to be whittling something.
Gothie was.
Not Nidhogg.
Because Nidhogg did not, at that time, have any arms.
Anyway.
Nidhogg was watching from the couch with interest as my dad and Feil had their little snarl-squeak standoff.
Eventually, Feil gave up. "Whyfor, honestlyyy?! You were SUCH a pushover ALL the time and all of a sudden you're all like LET US GO OR I WILL EAT YOUR FACE I really don't think my face is that good might give you a heart attack and then that would be--"
Growl.
"Ehehehehe...promise no for telling?"
Quieter growl.
"Promise for suresies?"
Impatient growl.
"Forever and for alwa--"
GROWL.
"Um. Please for following me."
Nidhogg slithered off the couch, into a back room. He came back carrying all of our stuff, being a wolf again. "To adventure, friendsss! We're finally free. All it took wasss a reunion, jussst like I sssaid~"
I'll spare you the details, Noobcake, but let me just say it was freaking amazing.
I couldn't believe it was happening either. I mean, if they were so insistent about keeping us here, it seems weird for them to let us go, but I guess Gothie's endless pranks worked after all.
Predictably, Junior freaked out upon seeing Gothie the "killer-Axon-Plushie" and my sea-fish-shark-demon-dad. Nidhogg managed to avert a full on riot by turning into an adorable fluffy bunny.
APPARENTLY he can turn into other things besides a creepy snake.
I call hacks.
Hacks at life.
...
That was ridiculous and I will not make another joke like it ever again.
Why am I joking in this anyway?
FOCUS.
Junior was very clingy with the death-bunny, but we managed to get him out okay. We wandered around a little bit, and I couldn't remember where our campsite was.
Well.
It was inconvenient to say the least.
That's how we got into this terribly cold cave to sleep.
I want to sleep for a long time...
I'm not feeling good.
I'm
I need to tell someone.


Noobcake okay this is serious business not to alarm but Nidhogg said he can't remember if he's poisonous or not he bit me twice what are we going to do? Seriously. Can y

Cliffhangers are fun.

[catplushie]

Noo! Cliffhangers are evil!!!EEEEVVVILLLL!!!!!
He he I actually put one in my pet diary c:0

Because Nidhogg did not, at that time, have any arms.

Lolness!

[Fjäll Räven]

I love it!!!!

[above_all_else]

*huggles* Noobcake= awesome!