Our Aspiring Writers League (O.A.W.L)

[Umbrellas]

Queen, I can accept you as soon as you add a role. The list is on the front page i.e. author, poet, etc. Your form was quiet impressive and I'm a bit partial since "Starry Night" is my favorite painting, though whether or not it is related to your story is beyond me. I must say that your excerpt is better than you think it is, so don't beat yourself up too much.

Thanks. ;D I'm veryy critical of my writing. The hotel in the story is named after the painting, yes. ^^ And yeah, I read through the roles, and I think I will call myself a novelist. (: It just confused me on the form. x3 Thanks for accepting me though!

[DRdoctorlady]

I for some strange reason can only edit when I have an orange pen. Not a red pen, an orange one.
XD
After NaNoWriMo, one of my friends had me do a quick once over of something she had, and the paper was covered in orange marks XD
Unfortunately, I'm not as good at editing my own things .-.
Or finishing things.
Blargh.


I still need to finish my NaNo novel. I got to my 70k goal, but I still need to wrap it up.
Blargh.
T'was about a girl who could bring her dreams to Reality, and is plagued by nightmares and such.
A lot of strangeness c:

[Umbrellas]

Guys, have you tried a program called Scrivener for your writing? if not, I highly recommend it. It costs about 35 dollars, but it is SO worth it - you can try the free 30 day trial. It really helps me organize my novels and such. You can download it online.

[peachie.]

Working on my storyoryoryory
{ Ya I feel random right now. Don't ask. }

How is this for a starting ofa new chapter of my book?

Amy woke up shivering in the morning. She was huddled in her sleeping bag her teeth chattering. This was how she usually woke in the morning but today seemed more silenced, lonely.
She dragged herself out of her sleeping bag and sighed. She pulled on her winter boots and stood up. She had slept with her winter coat on last night. She combed through her long brown hair with her fingers.
She walked outside. Her heart fell like a stone at the sight of the gray clouds covering the sky once again. Yesterday before Trevor had left the sky was clear for once. Trevor. How she ached to feel his lips on hers and the warmth of his body.
She pushed the thought of her lover out of her mind. She looked around. The harsh wind whipped against her face. The cold made her skin feel like it was burning. She ducked her head away from the wind. She shoved her hands into her jacket pockets.
She walked towards the front street. She was on the search for warmer clothes today. With winter coming and the cold chilling her to the bone she desperately needed warmer clothes and fast. She stepped over a pile of bricks and kept walking.
She strolled down the sidewalk glancing around every few minutes to make sure another fallen angel wouldn’t attack her like Azza did. The blonde fallen angel’s face flashed in her mind. The way her blue eyes had hardened when she was gripping her.

[Apperception]

I haven't read the entire book, so I'm rather lost with the characters and plot. Overall, though, for an opening to a chapter I think it's fine. I couldn't help but notice the amount of periods you use, though. The use of periods made some of the sentences appear very random and out of place. If you would like, try introducing more into a sentence by adding words like "as, while, and" etc. Just a friendly tip.

[Umbrellas]

Yes, I would agree on the use of periods; the sentences feel a bit choppy sometimes. You also should check your usage of commas as well, but I'm not sure if I should criticize on that because I'm not sure whether you've edited it or not. Other than that, it seems pretty good, but I don't know any context so I'm not a great judge on the actual content. :3

[MBRShorse]

Dragonsrule:

My NaNo novel was the first novel I finished EVER, and I've been writing for 5 years and have started several novels, so you are not the only one. And I applaud your 70k goal. 50k is the farthest I have ever gotten.

Queen:

I tried Scrivener and hated it. It didn't fit my writing habits. I liked it's character set up, though.

Howling:

The start is good, but the sentences are very abrupt. Too many periods, like everyone else said. When I read it, it was a lot of starting and stopping. Try merging the sentences together. Also, you start every paragraph, or line, with "She [insert verb here]". It makes the opening a bit dull. What I like to do is avoid this by challenging myself to start the sentence without using "she". It makes for more interesting sentences.

[peachie.]

Thanks guys! I will edit it when I get back onto the computer ;3

[Crows]

Username:
Sonic Screwdriver
What will we call you:
Sonic
What are your goals as an author?
write out a plotline for book
get more than three chapters written out
Get a book published
have a short story on CS
have a long story on CS
get more than three books published
to stand in a circle with my favorite authors, and get my books signed
Can you give us a sample of your writing?
This is just a fragment, but I hope you guys enjoy it ^-^
...it is also a partial fail XD

Falling down on the ground, Rayvien looked up at the bleak sky, tears falling from her face in cascades. Her beautiful black ball gown was torn, and blood seeped from gashes in her skin, like sap from a wounded tree.
And her wings…
She didn’t dare turn her head, look at her beautiful white wings, torn and bloodied. She cringed inwardly at the thundering pain, the feeling still slightly foreign to her.
I am going to die.
the thought was almost comforting, If it wasn’t for the fact that death held no place for an angel.
Suddenly, a slice of lightning flew up her right side, causing rayvien to cry out.
Will it never end? She thought desperately, red dotting her vision.
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. The words echoed in her head, over and over again, like a broken recorder. Please…
She was hoisted to her feet with much swearing from her tormentors. Bracing herself, blood streaming, rayvien prepared herself for the worst.
But nothing happened.
Looking up, rayvien found herself staring into the face of Zane. His stormy grey eyes were filled with sorrow and compassion, and pain. So much pain. Rayvien wanted to reach out and touch his face, hold him close to her, to whisper her apologies in his ear. He was so close…
Yet so far away.
“Leave her.”
His voice startled rayvien. It was so filled with emotion. Hatred, pity, sorrow, pain… and something else she couldn’t quite identify.
The largest tormenter smiled a yellow, evil smile at Zane.
“On whose orders?” he said, his lisp prominent through his broken teeth.
Zane looked down at the ground, his eyes refusing to meet rayvien’s.
“By order of the dark high lord Domaien, leader of the fallen.” He said, then added, in an almost whisper, “I am… taking her place.”
Rayvien let out a cry of desperation.
No. no, no, no. her heart began to race at a hundred miles an hour, and tears reappeared in her eyes. “They’ll kill you!”
No. that little voice in her head nagged at her. If this is what they do to full-blooded angels, they will utterly destroy a fallen. Rayvien shut that thought out of her mind, dwelling on the misery on zane’s face.
He knows. She thought. He knows, and yet he would still take my place.
“Right.” The large man released rayvien, allowing her to drop to the ground. “the exit is that way, sweetie.” He said, jamming his thumb towards a tunnel that had a bright light coming from it. Turning to Zane, he produced a pair of manacles from the thin air and shackled Zane’s wrists together.
“If you don’t get soon, you’ll be staying here for quite a while, sweetie.” The man said, glaring at rayvien. Standing up, rayvien turned towards the exit, her heart breaking in half.
Suddenly, ignoring the pain racing through her, she ran back to Zane, threw her arms around him, and kissed him. The kiss was brief, as she was torn away from him, but it was a reminder for both of them.
To her, it meant that she would come back.
To him, it meant the world.

Are you currently working on any books?
Yes.
Why do you want to join?
to meet other authors who are like me, who want to get their books published. also, to talk to other people about writing. excuse my terrible reasoning, my head won't co-operate with my words today. it sounded much better in my head.
Do you have published books yet?
nope DX
Do you wish to find a "writing partner"? no, I don't think so. although it might be interesting...
What Role(s):
Author, I believe.
What's your favorite Genre?
Fantasy. mostly. with a bit of sci-fi and a dash of romance.
What kind of books do you write?
Mostly fantasy, but I have started a few Sci-fi. and the occasional Romance.

[MBRShorse]

Sonic, you are accepted because 1. your form was brilliant and 2. you are a Doctor Who fan. 10th or 11th?