Writers, UNITE!

[♥Black-cat-spirit♥]

XD kk here:

.:Chapter 1:.To find a home

Rose looked around frantically, searching for an abandoned fox den or something to hide the fox kit and herself. Her jaws were getting tired of holding the pup, but she knew it couldn't walk, so she held on to it. She started to feel the fox pup getting colder and noticed it start to struggle less. She knew it didn't have much time left if it stayed like this. She took another step forward,and almost fell forwards. She glanced down. She had stepped in what she wouldn't have expected to find, and it seemed magical that she had. An abandoned fox den. What she'd hoped for. She quickly used her paws to move some of the snow away from the entrance, and climbed in. She found a few different tunnels,all leading to dens. She went into the one that seemed far enough from the entrance to be safe from predators and the cold, but close enough to make a quick escape, and lightly put the fox pup down. She collapsed on the ground beside it and pushed it closer to her. She smiled as the fox pup climbed closer to her to nurse, knowing that it was alive. The smile faded as she remembered that she had a pup,and it had been taken from her because her owner couldn't pay for it's food...and never could care for it.


She saddened at the thought of her precious daughter, Penny, then felt happy again as she noticed the fox pup got warmer, knowing it would live. “I'm going to call you Crystal...” She whispered quietly to the fox pup. The fox pup squealed quietly at Rose's voice. Rose laughed and nuzzled her, causing Crystal to squeal in delight. “Oh, you like having your tummy nuzzled huh?”She laughed,as she nuzzled Crystal's tummy again.

After a while of playing with the blind little fox pup, Rose got tired and layed her head down softly. She closed her eyes,but didn't fall asleep. She sighed. She never knew having a newborn fox pup would be so much work, and it was even harder that she couldn't forget her pup...

[TrebleMaker]

Yukon, I like it! It's very well written, and I'm not sure if I have any critique's for it! ;3
Black Cat - Would you mind if I critiqe that? xD I've just found a few things that I think will help you when you start to write more.

Here's the description for my story;

Jason and crew get dragged into going on a field trip that, secretly, none of them want to go on. Though no one says anything, they all go anyway and find out more then they anticipate they would.
When things go wrong, His friend Shawn and his sister's friend Rachel get kidnapped by a very 'special' man that can turn into a dragon. They think nothing of it, until Shawn & Rachel get in a room together, where they have a little too much time alone together. . .
A girl friend has dissappeared, and everyone suspects that the same person who took their friends, also took her. Can the 6 friends work together with the girl's boyfriend and his gang of teens to try and find them? Or will this 'special' man send them all on a wild goose-chase just to have a heated discussion while trapped in the mens public restroom?
All the answers to these questions and more inside. . .Whose side will you take? Jason's & Crew, Or Daniel & Gang?

Any Critique's for the above are welcome!

[♥Black-cat-spirit♥]

ummm............well,I I wasn't not looking for crit,so sure XD as long as you don't change the plan of my story T_T if that happens,I'm not changing it.

[TrebleMaker]

Nah, nothing like that, I just start to ramble and want to correct stuff when I see things that could help the writer.
Here yah go;
Try to not start every sentence with 'she', like in the first paragraph.
Rose looked around frantically, searching for an abandoned fox den or something to hide the fox kit and herself. Her jaws were getting tired of holding the pup, but she knew it couldn't walk, so she held on to it. She started to feel the fox pup getting colder and noticed it start to struggle less. She knew {Could be 'Knowing' instead of 'She knew'.} it didn't have much time left if it stayed like this. She took {Perhaps you could use 'taken' instead of 'She took'.} another step forward,and almost fell forwards. {Need to start a new paragraph here, since in the one above she was looking for it, and now she has found it.}
She glanced down. She had stepped in what she wouldn't have expected to find, and it seemed magical that she had. An abandoned fox den. What she'd hoped for. She quickly used her paws to move some of the snow away from the entrance, and climbed in. She found a few different tunnels,all leading to dens. She went into the one that seemed far enough from the entrance to be safe from predators and the cold, but close enough to make a quick escape, and lightly put the fox pup down. She collapsed on the ground beside it and pushed it closer to her. She smiled as the fox pup climbed closer to her to nurse, knowing that it was alive. The smile faded as she remembered that she had a pup,and it had been taken from her because her owner couldn't pay for it's food...and never could care for it.
Just some tips for you, as well as what I've added in above {I'm not trying to sound mean or anything, but this is what I look for when I myself am writing, so I've just gotten use to looking for it in others writing.}, Try not to use 'she' all the time, maybe add present tense verbs or adverbs at the beginning, use the characters' names sometimes, anything just to make it a little different. Put her thoughts in, even if it's in 3rd person, you can still have the her thoughts every now and then. Like this, for example; I need to find something to help me keep her alive. The thoughts came to her as she looked around in the falling snow. Or, What ever could I name her? I can't just call her Fox or pup forever. Crystal, Crystal sounds like a good name. Rose thought to herself, staring down at the little fox.
These are just a few hints and tips for you, but anybody can use them. ;3

[♥Black-cat-spirit♥]

Nah, nothing like that, I just start to ramble and want to correct stuff when I see things that could help the writer.
Here yah go;
Try to not start every sentence with 'she', like in the first paragraph.
Rose looked around frantically, searching for an abandoned fox den or something to hide the fox kit and herself. Her jaws were getting tired of holding the pup, but she knew it couldn't walk, so she held on to it. She started to feel the fox pup getting colder and noticed it start to struggle less. She knew {Could be 'Knowing' instead of 'She knew'.} it didn't have much time left if it stayed like this. She took {Perhaps you could use 'taken' instead of 'She took'.} another step forward,and almost fell forwards. {Need to start a new paragraph here, since in the one above she was looking for it, and now she has found it.}
She glanced down. She had stepped in what she wouldn't have expected to find, and it seemed magical that she had. An abandoned fox den. What she'd hoped for. She quickly used her paws to move some of the snow away from the entrance, and climbed in. She found a few different tunnels,all leading to dens. She went into the one that seemed far enough from the entrance to be safe from predators and the cold, but close enough to make a quick escape, and lightly put the fox pup down. She collapsed on the ground beside it and pushed it closer to her. She smiled as the fox pup climbed closer to her to nurse, knowing that it was alive. The smile faded as she remembered that she had a pup,and it had been taken from her because her owner couldn't pay for it's food...and never could care for it.
Just some tips for you, as well as what I've added in above {I'm not trying to sound mean or anything, but this is what I look for when I myself am writing, so I've just gotten use to looking for it in others writing.}, Try not to use 'she' all the time, maybe add present tense verbs or adverbs at the beginning, use the characters' names sometimes, anything just to make it a little different. Put her thoughts in, even if it's in 3rd person, you can still have the her thoughts every now and then. Like this, for example; I need to find something to help me keep her alive. The thoughts came to her as she looked around in the falling snow. Or, What ever could I name her? I can't just call her Fox or pup forever. Crystal, Crystal sounds like a good name. Rose thought to herself, staring down at the little fox.
These are just a few hints and tips for you, but anybody can use them. ;3

Well,first of all,I can't use taken because: She taken another step forward, and almost fell in.' you hear how bad that sounds right? it isn't proper english. And: Knowing it didn't have much time left if it stayed like this.' also not fitting in with the story. Not to sound rude,but neither of those really helped. But yes,I get yor point witht he thoughts thing *goes to go edit story*

[TrebleMaker]

Oh, sorry! xD, I know realize that does really sound bad. *Sigh*, sometimes I just don't think. *Head Desk*. I'm glad you got the point with the thoughts though, ;3

[♥Black-cat-spirit♥]

XD lol same here, I forget to think alot...but I end up checking it and going: bleh! I wrote that?!' XD and I don't want this story lke that Yep. I fixed some grammar and stuff,and here's what I got:


.:Chapter 1:.To find a home

Rose looked around frantically, searching for an abandoned fox den or something to hide the fox kit and herself. Her jaws were getting tired of holding the pup, but she knew it couldn't walk, so she held on to it. She started to feel the fox pup getting colder and noticed it start to struggle less. Rose knew it didn't have much time left if it stayed like this. She took another step forward,and almost fell. She glanced down. Rose had stepped in what she wouldn't have expected to find, and it seemed magical that she had. An abandoned fox den. What she'd hoped for. She quickly used her paws to move some of the snow away from the entrance, and climbed in. Rose found a few different tunnels,all leading to dens. She went into the one that seemed far enough from the entrance to be safe from predators and the cold, but close enough to make a quick escape, and lightly put the fox pup down. She collapsed on the ground beside it and pushed it closer to her. Rose smiled as the fox pup climbed closer to her to nurse, knowing that it was alive. The smile faded as she remembered that she had a pup,and it had been taken from her because her owner couldn't pay for it's food...and never could care for it.


She saddened at the thought of her precious daughter, Penny, then felt happy again as she noticed the fox pup got warmer, knowing it would live. What should I name her? She asked herself silently. She's a shiny white,but that wont help me...The thought struck her that she could name it after her old owner. “I'm going to call you Crystal...” She whispered quietly to the fox pup. The fox pup squealed quietly at Rose's voice. Rose laughed and nuzzled her, causing Crystal to squeal in delight. “Oh, you like having your tummy nuzzled huh?”She laughed,as she nuzzled Crystal's tummy again.

After a while of playing with the blind little fox pup, Rose got tired and layed her head down softly. She closed her eyes,but didn't fall asleep. She sighed. She never knew having a newborn fox pup would be so much work, and it was even harder that she couldn't forget her pup...Why can't I forget her?...Even with something else to take care of, I still remember her...why am I remembering it now, when I could be worrying about Crystal instead?...The thoughts swirled in her head, but stopped as she noticed Crystal starting to crawl towards Rose's bushy tail.

[TrebleMaker]

Sweet, I like better this way! :3, you're doing a really good job, can't wait for the next chapter!
Would anyone like to read what I've got so far for mine? I had three chapters before, but started to rewrite it. Didn't like the wording at all that.

[maximum entropy]

Whew! I've got so much to do...

[glitter.]

I want to join the Writing Army!
Username (put in color you want me to put your name in):DeathisMe
Do you promise to write something at LEAST once a week?Yepperz! c:
What's your favorite color? Hmm I have 3. All Halloween colors.XD Black, orange, and dark purple.
Animal? Squirlles and chipmunks
Fish?Umm... Goldfish?
Type of mythical creature?Unicorn! [size=50]hehe... Mikey Way
Do you like fairies, elves, or evil creatures?Elves
Anything else (do not leave blank): I am a huge fan of MCR(My Chemical Romance) and write a lot of fan-fiction for it. I love writing thrilling writing that keeps people wanting more. If you have issues with with characters that are homo-sexual or bi-sexual i suggest you shouldn't read some of my stories. I always put a breif list of themes my story includes, that way if you aren't interested in that type of stuff you will not have to read it to know.
[/size]