Dear Noobcake by Xialburg (Updates Every Other Weekend)

[Al the Dalek]

Dear Noobcake,

Agh. My head is confuuuuused.
How did he get a girlfriend?
How is it possible?
My ex, and now my brother's ex?
How did he do it?
GOTHIE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. It's Pastel.
What the smeg?! How'd he get a girlfriend? Isn't he all scary? He's got shark teeth.
Poor Purna. He's crying because Pastel broke up with him. For Gothie. That boggles my mind.
SL I used the word boggle. I never see Gothie and Pastel kissing though. Maybe she's scared if his sharky teeth. They scare me. NO THEY DON'T THAT'S A LIE...in theory.
Did you know that Beauty writes songs? She says they're not good enough to publish, but LIES. Seriously. She needs to put them on youtube or something.
Check this out-one of them is about me!
Of course it's when I was like, almost DEAD. Great time to have a song written 'bout you.
...Beauty told me not to but I'll write it in here anyway. Well, some of it.

Where are you going?
I can't seem to follow
I'm watching you fall
I feel like I'm falling
Watching you die.

(chorus! Be jealous!)
I'm falling
Before I learned to fly
I'm falling
With no one to catch me
I'm falling
Without you by my side
I'm falling.

I watch you fall
Tears in my eyes
Everything's swimming
Where are you going?
I can't seem to follow.
(WOOT! CHORUS!)
Why are you no longer here
You're broken
I'm broken
My heart is gone
You grabbed it as you fell
And ripped it right out.
(Chorus!)
Why are you leaving
Was it something I did
Did karma catch up with me
And took you in my stead?
Take me instead...
So I may learn to fly
Fly by my side.

Aw isn't that awesome? I feel loved. Thankfully I didn't die.
Why is everyone making such a big fuss about it?
I could've died, but I didn't. They should be happy I didn't die instead of saying, "You were dead!" or "You should have died!"
Bleah.
Finished my essay. Well, I should say I looked on wikipedia and other sites, copied and pasted, and changed the font.
Please don't let ABC find out.

Bye Noobcake.

[birdie,]

Marking...

[Al the Dalek]

Dear Noobcake,

Turns out Gothie WASN'T going out with Pastel. She was just saying that to get more popular. "Oh looooook I'm going out with the kid that got kidnapped oooooh."
Sneak.
What did I ever see in her?
Purna's pretty ticked off. He knows how icky Pastel is now.
Turns out-Beauty has a cousin! She lived farther away, but her parents want her to try new things so they sent her to live with Beauty's family. Her name is Heidi.
I like Beauty waaaaay better.
All Heidi does is text in class. If anyone tries to talk to her she snarls at them. She doesn't really seem to attract friends. I've seen Gothie do googly eyes at her though (wait...how does he do it with button eyes?!).
...ABC is at his-I mean her desk, grading the plant makes food from sun essays. She's doing wonky eyes at one.
Oh crap she just glanced up at me.
Does she suspect?
Pleasenopleasenopleseno.
Yay she passed over it.
Wait...is that a bad thing or a good thing.
She's looking at Heidi now...
Heidi isn't that great at concealing her cell phone.
It's right on top, and all her attention is focused on it.
Smaaaaarrrt.
ABC just called on her to bring her cell phone to her desk.
Heidi raised her eyebrows. 'And why should I do that, teach?' She sniggered a bit.
OMIGOSH LOL. Everyone's laughing. No one has stood up to ABC that openly before.
ABC is snarling.
Isn't it illegal for teachers to snarl at students, just like it is to tell them to shut up? I'm confuzzled.Heidi gets detention.
Beauty, Gothie, and I, sat together at our table again. It's nice to be all together again. Beauty tried to wave Heidi over, but she just leaned on the wall eating some beef jerky and texting again.
I bet her phone bill is enormous.
Beauty rolled her eyes. 'Sorry. My cousin isn't great around strangers.'
'You aren't a stranger to her,' I reasoned.
Beauty shrugged. 'You are.'
'Me?' I said, trying to make myself sound hurt. 'I'm awesome!'
'Noble idiot.' said Beauty, smacking me.
I stuck out my tongue out at her.
Gothie is ignoring us. He's still watching Heidi.
I'm wondering if he'll stalk her.

Anyway, bye Noobcake.

[neonfrozen]

the chat room is locked!

[Al the Dalek]

Dear Noobcake,

Geez. Heidi is totally cutting down on my time with Beauty.
She walks home with us because she rooms with Beauty, so yeah. We don't talk on the way home anymore. Beauty rarely gives me kisses outside my door anymore.
I don't like Heidi.
I wonder what the charges are for murder?
Joking.
I'm joking, totally joking.
Maybe I could hire someone to do it for me. Gothie?
No...he's stalking Heidi.
Grrr. I need to do something about her before my relationship with Beauty falls to pieces.
AGH. I've noticed, she keeps eyeing my brother. Stay away from my bro you...evil...thingamabobber.
Jr. is in preschool now. Yes, Noobcake, you are a noobcake, so you are confused. After all, you're a...journal thing, so you don't understand.
Wolves mature to preschool age within a month of birth, then they slowwww down to the normal rate. I call it 'The Stupid Stage.'
By the way, I taught Jr. his first word. It was, "Idiot." It was awesome. He would just toddle around the house crying, "Idiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiotidiot." It rocked.
I also taught him that if crayons or something say, Nontoxic, they're delicious.
Aren't I a good big brother?
Now...back to the problem at hand. Heidi. How do I get her to go away? I can't enlist the help of Gothie because he's stalking her, and I can't get Beauty's help because she's her cousin. Hmmm.
...
...
I'm stuck. Talk to you later, Noobcake.

[Darkdreamer]

(marking)

[MochaTheLlama]

(marking)

[average]

Bookmarking! =n________n=

[Al the Dalek]

Dear Noobcake,

Gothie is still scary.
Beauty is getting distant.
Heidi is ticking me off.
ABC is a turd.
Jr. learned a naughty word from one of my tv shows.
Life sucks right now.
We had to do freaking word cells in class. I don't get it. They make funny words and they don't make sense. Yes, I said that out loud, yes I am in detention. Gothie got in trouble earlier, so he's with me, right next to me. And Heidi, I think she lives in detention now. She's on my left.
Great. I wish Beauty was here. But nooooo she has decided to become Miss Goody Four paws, setting an example for Heidi.
Pffft. Yeah right. Heidi, obey anyone?
It's kinda uncomfortable sitting between them because Heidi has this twitchy thing where she kicks the leg of her desk, so I feel it. And Gothie is staring at Heidi. Sttaaaaalkkkkeerrrrrr.
Yay, detention is out!
I flew to Beauty's house to beat Heidi. I knocked on her window. It was locked. Whaaaaat?! Beauty never locks her window because she knows I can fly and like to visit her. WhAAAT IS GOING ON?!
I peered in and saw Beauty sitting on her bed with her cell phone. She looked seriously ticked off.
I knocked on the window. She didn't look up. She just scowled and ignored me. I knocked again, in the rhythm of her song.
She looked up, hatred in her eyes that seemed to increase as she looked at me.
Whhhaaaaaat?!
She opened the window. "What do you want, you jerk-" she then proceeded to call me a lot of words that even I didn't know that I think made my ears bleed.
"What did I do?!" I asked. WHAAAAAAAT?!
"Whatever you say about her, Heidi is still my cousin. I may not like her much, but we are related, and I trust her. Don't you dare call her that what you called her in detention you-"
More naughty words.
"What did I DO?!" I said more insistently. WHAAAAAAT?!?!?!!?!?!?
Beauty narrowed her eyes. "You know full well what you did. Heidi sent me a text. If you ever hurt my cousin like that again..."
I was bewildered. I didn't do anything! Heidi was...trying to get rid of mine and Beauty's relationship!!! "Beauty I..." I reached a paw through the window, reaching out to her. "I would never-"
Quicker than anything Beauty got up and slammed the window on my paw. "It's over!" she yelled.
OW.
I will never forget it.
Ow.
I quickly withdrew my paw, my eyes wide. I was confused, and angry.
I will get that Heidi.
She will regret this.
Beauty was my first worthwhile girlfriend.

Sigh, heavy sigh, noobcake. Bye.

[AlbertaBound]

Marking! ^^