What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

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What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

Postby ET4252 » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:30 am

Ok this is some of the begining of a story I am writing but I am unsure if it is any good or if I should just scrap it. Looking for peoples critique and opinions.






Intro

“awww, come on. Pleeaase!” Marisa was working it as hard as seemed possible. Her perfect Barbie doll features strained trying to force their will upon the recipient. Emily finally sighed and let herself be whisked away. They passed several groups of kids hanging together like packs of some hairless wolf. One of the groups was clustered around our science teacher, Mr. Feah. All of them where the kids who’s brains to social life ratio was about 100 to 1. Mr.Feah was standing next to a large piece of machinery, droning on and on about its function and how important it was. “Now this is called the reactor coolant. It keeps the reactor from super heating.” This was all that Emily could catch before Marisa hurried her along, leading her like some disobedient dog. They made it to the end of the long balcony they were all standing on before stopping. There was one last group, standing in a loose huddle at the end of the balcony. These had been the first to peel away from the main group, going off to talk amongst themselves. Now Marisa did the same ritual she and Emily did every time, they linked arms and started to talk loudly. Emily inwardly sighed, she found this very tedious and pointless but then again this is what you had to do to keep your social standing. Acting as though they had not noticed the group until they were directly in the center of the group, Marisa looked around the group with a slightly surprised face and unlinked herself from Emily. About to say her perfectly planned lines a siren ripped through the air and cut her off. This was unexpected and drew several shrieks from some of the girls as a robotic voice crackled into life and started prompting people towards the nearest exit. Emily barely had the time to start shifting her weight in preparation to make a run for the exit when all hell broke loose.


alright since I have a bit of extra time on my hands here is an over view of the plot: Emily has had a prefect life, popular in school, good looks, the usual stuff. During a science trip to a local nuclear power plant the cooling system goes hey wire and the plant starts to have a melt down. She is knocked out and when she wakes up she is greated by the sight of her entire class lying dead around her with some people wearing hazzard suits walking around. Seeing that she survived the high levels of radioactivity she is recruted to a secret organization with in the government. Finding herself working on top secret missions with a group of kids who seem to be taking something very strong, or on a constant unrelenting sugar high. And each of these teens seem to have had something mutated by the radiation except her.Now she has to try and survive the missions and her new room mates, which will kill her first?
Last edited by ET4252 on Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

Postby ET4252 » Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:51 am

nothing at all?
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Re: What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

Postby ET4252 » Fri Oct 07, 2011 8:33 am

aww come on please.
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Re: What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

Postby ET4252 » Sat Oct 08, 2011 9:56 am

bump
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Re: What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

Postby TPDebate » Sat Oct 08, 2011 10:16 am

plot sounds good, keep going, I can't wate to hear more.
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.


The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson - Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien - Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling - Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
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Re: What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

Postby ET4252 » Sat Oct 08, 2011 10:38 am

alright, thanks for posting I will add more soon.
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Re: What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

Postby ET4252 » Mon Oct 10, 2011 7:53 am

bump
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Re: What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

Postby TPDebate » Fri Nov 11, 2011 10:20 am

when are you going to write more.
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.


The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson - Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien - Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling - Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
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Re: What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

Postby ET4252 » Fri Nov 11, 2011 2:01 pm

aww, sorry I totally forgot, I shall try to get it up soon.
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Re: What do you think? (looking for people's opinions)

Postby ET4252 » Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:02 pm

Part one of chap one

The world came back in bits and pieces, a muffled voice here, a whiff of some industrial grade cleaner there. Emily’s eyes finally managed to peel themselves open but this lasted for all of a second as the harsh florescent light above her burned them close again. As the world solidified itself she started to take in what she could of her surroundings from her position lying face up on the ground. The ground was smooth but hard and slightly painful against the areas that were supporting her weight. Everything was wet she could feel it slightly cooler then the air covering her and pooling around her hands and hair. As she lay there learning what she could from her surroundings, trying to figure what had happened, the sound of voices slowly touched her ears alerting her to the presence of what sounded like three guys making their way towards her.
“God, it’s a morgue in here.” The first one said. His voice was unpleasant, low but strangely nasally. There was a slight pause before the next guy spoke. His voice was slightly monotone, but in a good way, that indicated a calm resolve.
“You sound like you haven’t seen worse.” He said in a saddened voice. There was a pause and Emily felt a cool splash as some water droplets were displaced from the puddle that had collected around her. There was movement near her head and a soft hand pulled back one of her eye lids. After a second the hand withdrew and the second voice said
“This one’s alive.” Total silence followed before finally the third one answered for the first time with a low whistle and soft.
“Another one for your little group of misfits. “ A stony silence followed. Before the second man answered a black wave encroached on Emily’s mind. Before she was completely swallowed up she thought dully to herself “what now?”
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