Tails or Tales?~ please critique and comment^^

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Tails or Tales?~ please critique and comment^^

Postby tattoo » Wed Nov 09, 2011 11:22 am


Im not the best at writing stories, but i think ive done well enough on this one:)

. : T a b l e o C o n t e n t : .
p r o l o g u e
c h a p t e r 1



i will be continually editing, lightly if needed.
for now this is the story.
i WILL NOT be posting any more.
but PLEASE, critique this.
i would really appreciate the help.

~ t h a n k y o u ~
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Re: The Switch please critique!!

Postby tattoo » Tue Nov 29, 2011 11:51 am

~ p r o l o g u e ~
Upon a desk, a hand writ wildly across parchment, the letters curled into a perfected cursive. You would have never thought words so beautiful could come from a hand that large. Wrinkles spread along the back of the mans hand, rippling carelessly across his uneven skin. The skin was dyed dark with sun for the man spent much of his time above water. If you looked at his eyes, you would see a bright, energetic young man, destined to enrich others with his findings. But if you looked further, you would see this old man was withered, even his once beautiful sea green tail was now a dark weed color. The mans hair was long and frothed around his face as he furiously bit his lip. Blood faintly peppered the inside of his mouth from time to time.
The parchment was odd, waterproof, made from the best weed in all the seven sea kingdoms. The writing was written neatly and precise. The man, was writing a book. A book about something hed seen the night before. Last night, he had encountered something hed never seen in all his 100 years of living. He had watched it, aware he was seeing something that was never done before. “The Switch” is what he had named it
" the leaping white figure emerged from the water, dripping liquid crystals. A frivoled young man crumbled down the cliff above him. He snatched the maid into his arms, midair, they froze. Moonlight seeped through their skin and clothes. The maid now seethed, and the young man no longer had legs. This was when the moonlight became so unbearably strong, the old man was forced to look away. When he had overcome the light, the younger man had now attained a gleaming, fresh, dark golden tail. The once mermaid, now human, fell writhing into the ocean. The old man gasped as the new merman did nothing when she hit the water. The old man swam down to retrieve her.
He grabbed her and shook her. Her eyes opened, and fear crowded all the things that would once make her eyes beautiful. Bubbles escaped from her mouth and the old man cocked his head. He looked down and found her feet were still connected, a fin protruding awkwardly. She tried to swim upward, her movement becoming panicked. he watched her scramble upward to the air curiously. Cant she breathe? He queried to himself.
When he realized the situation was serious he flew up to the half human girl and saw her eyes start to roll into the back of her head. “No!” he yelled rushing the woman to the air, dragging her from under her arms and thrusting her unto a rock. Her body was limp, but the old man saw the faint rise and fall of her chest. He pumped the sea out of her body, its cold thick water choking her insides from the oxygen she needed. Her coughs sent hope reverberating into his mind and he pumped more until she sat up at her own will and cried out, looking at her half legs.
He knew she was doomed for a horrid life, and didn’t want to stick around to see it, but then the moonlight was falling and the merman came up to her. It struck her as if a call to the wind had told the moon to touch this doomed maiden. The young man touched her feet with a soft human hand and watched the light crystals form around her feet once again as the moonlight hit. The fin parted painfully and sized up to perfect, dainty little feet.
“leave her son. Its time you come to your new kingdom.” The old man murmured, touching the younger mans shoulder reassuringly. They left the woman, to join the new merman to the land of Kuried. “whats your name son?” the old man asked.
“my name, is Sir Toni.” "

Now, the old man sat at his faithful desk, that had bitterly stayed with him through his hundred years of life. Toni, the merman was flitting around with his new tail. “Old man,” said Toni, “Will I be able to have my own home, and my own family when I leave your place?” he asked, wondrously flipping open a sharp book, before closing it with a bored sigh. He swung his golden brown hair back, and threw his arms up behind his neck and appeared thoughtful. Toni drifted, and once it was clear he wouldn’t get an answer from the old man, he swam up to the old man’s shoulder and sighed.
The old man was now annoyed, and he twisted to face Toni. “Don’t. I am busy Toni. If you wish to experience the world of Kuried, go without me.” Toni’s face scrunched up in a confused manner, but then realized he was being let go. “one day! It will be me letting you go free!” Toni laughed, swimming gracefully out the open door.


100 years later.

A R I N A
“Daddy!” me, the first daughter to King Codi, and Queen Aridale, swam frantically up to my father. I was ten years old, and now had five other sisters, all trailing behind me with excited whispers. “What is it my little rosebud?” King Codi asked, touching my chin with a delicate but large hand. I blinked my bright green eyes, wondering what a rosebud looked like, then remembered my mission, “Mommy wants you, she says the humans have made showers of light in the sky, Come!” I had seen the dazzling shower of colorful lights myself, and I wanted my daddy to see the beauty.
“Really?” he chuckled, I tugged his hand impatiently and my sisters copied. “Okay okay, i'm coming!” he swam with us, hand in hand, up to the surface. Our heads broke, and the harsh sound of the upper world hit me like a slap in the face, thunder clapped as the light showered, frightening all my sisters into the water.
My mother watched, her dark blonde hair shimmering behind her elegantly. Her head tilted upward, her eyes closed. I snuck up to my mommy bravely and took her hand. Suddenly, a crack louder than before deafened my ears, my mother opened her mouth as if to scream, her eyes now open and alert. She took me into her arms and dived as shards of something that sizzled when immersed started pelting the water. I poked at a sinking shard, its softness shocked me, and it was now cool. They fluttered around my head like guppies. My mother was yelling something to my father, but I was still slightly deaf, so I could only hear mumbles. My father worriedly looked at me and swam down, my mother following frantically after him.
The next day, a rule was decreed. I read the sign easily, “Anyone seen above the surface, will be thrown into the dungeon.” It seemed cruel and uncalled for, but I never questioned my parents. Today my mother set up a play date with me and Vio, my best friend. We were going to the gardens. My mother handed me over to Vio’s mother, who was going to accompany us. “Ari!!” Vio cried happily throwing her arms around my shoulders in a hug, I wrapped my own around her waist and laughed.
“Come on girls, the garden is in full bloom this time of year.” Vio's mother said with her swooning perfect voice that sent chills up my spine every word she spoke. I swam forward, gripping Vio’s hand and her mother watched as we did twin flips, spins, and dances. I looked back with my play smile and winked. We were nearly to the pink flowered and green covered garden. It had all sorts of beautiful oceanic flowers growing. Sea life busied itself with everyday schedules. Schools of fish parted around my body as I swam through them.
I watched wondrously as they lined right back up without even seeming disoriented. A pretty blue and yellow fish floundered up to my tail and brushed against me with the softest tickle, I wiggled and the fish scampered away. A giggle escaped my throat and I seeped into the soft spongy flowerbed, my arms resting casually behind my head. I looked up and saw the surface, the sun shining brightly through the clear water. The oceans ripples distorted its circular shape, but I had seen the sun, so I closed my eyes and pictured it silently. I heard Vio creep up next to me and do the same. Hours later, a nudge to my cheek woke me up. I sleepily whispered “hmmmhm?” Vio’s mother handed me a pink velvet book, titled The Mermaid and the Poor Fisherman by Chloe Hedden I smiled, “thank you!” I was thoroughly pleased with the new book. It was a human book I could tell. How she got it was beyond me, but I did not question her. I flipped open the book and started reading. Vio and her mother closed their eyes to listen to my musical voice.

Once upon a time there was a fisherman who had to give fish to the king every day. On the day he failed to do so, his head would be cut off. He lived with his wife, a little pup, and a baby two months old. When he returned home in the evening, his wife never came out to meet him, but his dog was always at the door barking a welcome

I read on, sinking more and more into the words as the floated into my head, creating the image of the fisherman, his pup and his wife and son.

One night the fisherman couldn’t for the life of him make a catch. Suddenly a mermaid appeared and said, "Listen to me, fisherman, if you give me the first creature who comes out to greet you at your door, I will give you fish." He though to himself, "My wife never comes to meet me, and neither does my baby boy. My dog is the only one who is always there." So he made the deal with the mermaid, and tossing out his net, he drew it in heavy with fish. Now there were fish and enough left over to sell in the city.

When the fisherman got home that night, out came his little boy as fast as he could creep and hugged his father about the legs. Then the fisherman said in his heart, "My son, my son, I have to give you to the mermaid." Without a word, he went off to the king’s to deliver his fish and sell the rest to the townsfolk. That evening, he brought home everything he needed for his humble cottage, but never mentioned a word of what had happened with the mermaid.

This man went on fishing every night. The bargain he had made with the mermaid was to deliver to her, at the age of sixteen, whoever came to the doorway. Gradually the fisherman became richer than a king, and meanwhile his son grew up by leaps and bounds. The boy came to be a handsome lad, and when he was coming of age, his father grew very sad, for he knew that the deadline of his fateful bargain was drawing near. Although his wife served him faithfully, he would not take a bite to eat. One day she said to him, "Eat, my love. I have done you no wrong." But the fisherman answered nothing, until finally his son asked him, "Why won’t you serve yourself, father? Maybe it seems wrong to you that I am here."


Here, Vio and her mother had sobs in their throat, similar to my own. I felt the sun start to drift away, and realized how late it had become. I slapped the book shut, bubbles bursting from the sudden rush of movement. Vio protested for a second before her mother rested a hand on her daughters shoulder to reassure her they would hear the rest of the story. The image of the worried son still embedded itself into my mind, but I pleasured myself with the thought of the rest of the story to come. I watched the bubbles float to the surface and silently willed my body to be a bubble of its own, and float itself into the human world. I shook my head, realizing Vio was calling my name. When I got home, my family awaited me with open arms.



Grandfather," I said with disdain, entering his chamber the next day. "tell me of the war between the merpeople and the humans." I begged, my plush young hands grabbing his beard and tugging slightly. Grandfather Toni laughed, and slid me onto his scaly lap. I tugged again, with a playful frown painted on my lips. "Alright, alright!" he chuckled, pulling my hand free. He cleared his throat and started his story.

" the merpeople were cruel to the humans, they used their mesmerizing voices to lure the easily pleased humans to the cliff. If their dull eyes locked unto our own, there was no turning back. The legged beings had no sense of the beauty of the ocean, its wonders they were unaware of. To us, humans were creatures, unpleasing to the eye, but we innocently wished to reveal the secrets of Kuried to them so they could see what real glamour, real beauty really looked like.
" merpeople would lead the beings into the ocean, and never realizing that humans needed air to survive. They dragged them down until the bewitched human drowned."

I flew a shocked hand up to my mouth that had opened into an O. Grandfather laughed again, his merry chuckle shaking me from the shock.

" one day the humans had lost plenty of their population, and the King, King Vladus, not yet effected by the mermaids grace, ordered war upon the merpeople. He did not know of our innocence, so you see, this war was caused by the misunderstanding of both sides. The king sent troops to the cliffside and the dock, reaching their destination the army were ordered to put wax into their ears and cloths over their eyes, they could still see, but were protected from the beautiful appearances of the merpeople. With bows set in their hands, and arrows slung across their back, they silently set the arrow firmly into place. They howled " in the name of the king!" and fired, the merpeople, caught by surprise, fell one by one, the blue blood dripping and arrows flying mercilessly into the hearts of our kind."

I felt a weary sadness fill my insides, grandfather knowingly hugged me tight, but didn't pause his words

"When only the daughter of the Queen in Kuried stood, an arrow stuck in her shoulder, they stopped firing and howled in triumph. The king looked down at her and sneered " your trickery will no longer haunt my people. You will leave and never come back if your kind wish to live." the daughter sang, sang a song about the life of the sea, how it would claim all the lives that were lost on this day. Foam started to surround the dead bodies, engulfing it in the whitewash. Human men dived into the ocean, wishing to hear her voice. When she stopped singing the wash was gone, and everything it had touched had been scoured clean, even the human men had been drowned. The king found himself mesmerized by the princess and fell from the cliff, crying out he fell. Then beautiful princess tore the arrow from her own skin, covered in her own blood and plunged it into the chest of the king. “You will forget about the merpeople. And the lives lost, even of your own kind. And you will never know the real beauty of the world. That is the curse of you humans, imperfect little things" she spat wickedly. Before the arrows could be sent down into her she dived into the ocean, and with that the two worlds separated forever, or so we believe"

Grandfather turned my face to look into his eyes when Mother came bursting in. " there you are!" she swished up to my side, swooping me angrily into her arms. I sighed, while she yammered on “this better not be about humans, Father." she glared, and I looked at grandfather with big eyes. His odd eel-brown eyes blinked, "just telling her some old folktales dearest" he smiled, evading the verbal attack my mother was obviously planning on executing.

C A R T E R

“My sons. One of you, one day, will be the king on this throne.” King Frodrick patted a golden arm to a throne. His sons, Aaron and Carter, nodded tightly, their seriousness reflecting in both of there eyes. “Right now, you are both 11, going on 12 when you will start your training to become king. You must learn the lifestyle you will live, the heroism, the chivalry. All this will be taught. And the one most successful will become the heir to the throne.” King Frodrick explained, pacing the length of the steps he stood upon. The King talked about duties, then dismissed them. Carter dipped his head solemnly and walked out of the Throne Room. He didn’t wish to be king, he’d rather investigate the world’s wonders, plant life, animal evolution, space, just everything. Aaron was more king worthy, strong, tall, athletic, brave, and reasonable. Surely Carter didn’t have a chance, but nor did he mind. He wanted to be one with the people, not someone they had to go through guards to speak to, not one they would bow to, and call “sir”.
Carter ran hurriedly down the steps and through the castle. In his rush, he accidentally ran into Rylee, the Mistress’s daughter. Her eyes watered as she fell to her rump. Carter apologized quickly, and started to extend his hand to help her. But, Aaron had already hauled her up, his face a blank stony stare, as usual. No emotions could be read. Dejected, Carter continued on his way, more alert. He found himself running, panting, through the forest. Vines and twig branches whipping at his already red face. He clawed his way through, excitement making the hairs on his neck bristle. Suddenly, his heart skipped a beat as a foot slipped off a cliff. Misplaced pebbles skittered down the Cliffside. He was standing on the edge of a high cleft. Backing up warily, his heart thumped against his chest, causing an earthquake of his own soul. Carter lay himself on his stomach, and inched his nose over the edge. Peeking down he glimpsed the green ocean tinted in blue, gleaming in the light of the sun. Waves laughed upon the bottom of the cliff, white water clinging to the rocks as the wave pulled away.
Carter whistled to himself, the beauty of the lulling crash of the waves dulling his senses. Suddenly a blonde head emerged from the water, liquid diamonds dripped off her in rivulets. He blinked, unsure if this was just a trick of the mind. No, she was still there. He gasped, and her head snapped up in an instant to meet his eyes. His breath caught in his throat, the girls face was young. Her eyes were a bright, sparkling green. The smile on her lips sent chills up his spine. Her hair trailed behind her in long curls of cream. She called up to Carter, who was still holding his breath, “Hello Human!” her voice entered his ears like a sly invader. He fell victim to the melodic tunes lacing her words. He struggled to pry his eyes from her features, and the pale green tail, tinted with gold, that peeked out from the water behind her every once and a while.
She spoke again, with confusion, “Are you deaf, O legged one?” the affect of her voice once again making his eardrums melt.
Carter blinked, escaping from her locking stare. He heard the voice struggling to get his attention, his unresponsive manner confusing her like never before. His voice cracked as he opened his eyes with a snap, “I can hear you!” he howled, afraid the wind would drown out his voice. She smiled again, and his insides fell to jelly. Tears dropped willingly from his brown eyes. The mermaid put a dainty green tinted hand to her lips, hiding her mouth from his view. But he couldn’t help but hear the giggle that sounded, tinkling like a bell, soft and quaint. He heard a splash and with anguish, he realized she had gone.
“No!” he said reaching out with one hand to the water, the wind beat him ferociously now, his heart felt as if it were being torn in half. “NO!” he screeched. Reality hit him hard, his only connection to real beauty, gone. He felt the sting even after he’d gotten home. He ran home, hot tears burning down his cheeks, sobs wrecking his chest. Colors that once made the world alight with color seemed dull as the sand kicking up behind his feet. Birds sang, but sounded off tune and far away.
When he opened the doors of the castle, voices smothered him, blurring together so he couldn’t understand much. Not that he cared. He walked in a haze to his own chamber, slamming the great doors behind him. He sat there, staring at the fluffy, perfect biscuit sitting on his desk. He bit into it, hoping for the freedom from this dull point of view, but to no prevail. The biscuit was bland, barely finding a scrap of its terrific taste. This was no way to live, but Carter sat down and prepared for the rest of his days.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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Re: The Switch please critique!!

Postby tattoo » Wed Nov 30, 2011 12:57 pm

~ b u m p ~
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Re: The Switch please critique!!

Postby tattoo » Sat Dec 03, 2011 1:04 pm

C h a p t e r 1
C A R T E R

The now tall, rather handsome, man lifted his hand to the warm sea breeze. The sun flamed against the waters surface, blinding to look at. The man looked at the cliff below him, the white water splashing against the hot earth. His home, the Village of Tunlee, sat on the large flat clearing by the peak of the mountain, overlooking the dangerous sea. There, everyday he'd avoid his Royal duties and venture through the meadow to this cliff. He still remembered all those years ago when that Mermaid had appeared to him. Having the Sight, his life grew dull, and here was the only place he could find a sanctum of happiness. The Villagers weren't allowed near the cliff because once every year they'd lose a soul to those deadly waters. Most called it the Devil Sea, and whoever is sucked into it is mercilessly drowned and taken by the Demons into the underworld. Carter didn't believe such nonsense, he knew there were no Demons, only the beautiful Merpeople. Carter had been studying about the mythical creatures, dating back to the original Greeks. Suddenly, he heard the Horn call for Supper. He wondered how long he’d been staring off this cleft. His parents must’ve been worried about him, he'd always lose track of time staring into the Sea... It was just so... beautiful.

A R I N A

"Arina! Come here at once." Queen Aridale called to her daughter. "You're running from your duties again?" My mother sighed. She didn't understand that I wasn't interested in ruling the Ocean. "Siren practice at Dawn. Don't be late." Mother swam off with a flick of her tail, it was something she did when she was upset with me. "Siren practice? Fine." I said to myself with a smirk.
I looked up through the blue water and saw the sun still shining in the north. "I have time to go sing at the Point.” I whispered to myself, excitement making fish do flips in my stomach. The Point is next to Mt. Tunlee, a cluster of boulders perfect for sitting on and cleaning our tails. I love admiring the plant life above water. I sing there because no one ever comes looking for me and my voice can be projected into the air without interference. It’s a forbidden area because the humans have been found prying around with their pointy spears and fishnets. But I realized that they don't come as often anymore, they don’t come at all in fact. It seems they have vanished from the island itself. I swam to the Point swiftly without making a wake in the water as to not leave a trail for a curious Merperson to follow. I jumped onto a boulder, creating a beautiful arc of water dissipating into a rainbow. I coughed and started to sing, my voice carving into the air and I saw its pink hue of melody float up the Mountain.
I had trained my eyes to see further than the views of Merpeople, so I was oblivious to nothing. I began to sing more, the hues of my voice changing into beautiful warm colors. It drifted up the mountainside carrying my voice high into the sky. I looked up as I stopped singing and watched, my tune still ringing in my ears. I tilted my head back all the way and suddenly I met those curious brown eyes, I yelped and slipped into the water quickly. I peered at the eyes of the human through the water, his hand was lifted to the sky, and his mouth was hanging open. I started to swim away in fear when I heard a call. "Mermaid! Maiden! Please, come back!" he yelled against the hot air. His voice was not nearly as pleasing as mine, but familiarity laced it. He had the Sight. The hue of his voice was dyed with blue. He took a step forward, close to the cliff edge where his foot slipped and he fell back. "Please" I heard him yell.
I stuck my head out of the water and waited to meet his brown eyes once again. When they looked upon me I smiled, my brilliant white teeth making him freeze, i've heard about the effect a mermaid could put on a human, a human would feel a sense of awe. An awe that could never be satisfied with anything else and their lives become so boring they sacrifice themselves to the water just to see their beloved mermaidens once again. He leaned toward the water but I disappeared, I didn’t want this one to fall to his death, something about him made me wonder. The sun was starting to fall and I realized I needed to return to Kureid my kingdom, for siren practice.

C A R T E R

"NO!" he screamed reaching out, "come back!" his eyes were stuck on he beautiful image of the mermaid. A hand clasped his own firmly and pulled him back. His eyes were wide and afraid. "Carter. You heard the conch did you not? The people are getting worried. We can’t have a prince missing." Mistress Rylee, one who was very fond of Carter, spoke with her worried amber eyes trained on his own. She spoke once more when he didn’t reply "come along, stop looking like you’ve seen a spirit." she dragged the prince almost all the way back to Tunlee and set him at the dinner table. Mistress Rylee didn’t tell his parents where Carter had been luckily, King Frodrick and Queen Caprilla would not like that news, especially in front of company, and Mistress Rylee didn’t want to get him in trouble.
Carter ate his food, but it was bland like usual. He looked at the sculpture of the tortured mermaid in the corner of the room and almost choked. It was nothing as beautiful and magnificent as the maiden had looked, how had he never noticed it before? The bronze sculpture chopped the mermaids hair short and made her tail large and bulky, her arms were not delicate nor her horrified face. An arrow hovered over her, ready to kill. Carter noticed his parents staring and cleared his throat. "So what did you do today Son?" King Frodrick asked with narrowed eyes, his beard was graying with age and his face was wrinkled with years of smiles. Carter looked at his food and said "just went for a walk in the woods" he shifted his meat around as the Aaron raised an eyebrow, "by yourself?" The king said with a note of irritation, "No, sire he was with me, he showed me some kinds of plants he’s discovered isn’t that wonderful?" Mistress Rylee thankfully stepped in. "oh really? what was your favorite plant?" the queen said innocently. Rylee looked panicked for less than a second before regaining her composition and saying "oh gee, Carter what were those ones with the purple petals and the yellow middle?" Carter perked up "Brachycome, it was Brachycome." he said wistfully. King Frodrick snorted and went back to eating as did the rest at the table.
Carter suddenly saw the shiny green tinted skin, and silky blonde hair of the mermaid. He recalled the perfectly balanced body and large green eyes, swarming with emotion. His heart stopped and he clutched the table cloth, dropping his utensils. "Carter!" Rylee and Queen Caprilla called out in alike manners. He drew in a sharp breath and fled the table.

A R I N A

"Well done my dear, i'm glad you made it on time." Queen Aridale said with surprise. We had already finished the session, I knew how beautifully id done. "Are you going to visit Trance tonight my dear?" she asked, I sighed. Not that oaf! He was handsome, sure, but I was not interested. "No mother, i’m visiting Vio tonight, maybe another time" My best friend Vio lives in the palace and works at the palace library, one of my favorite places. I took off with a flash of my tail and escaped to the library. Vio was placing a worn book into its spot when I entered. "hello Ari!" she smiled; she was the only one I allowed to nickname me. We hugged quickly, then I got down to business. "Uh oh, I know that face, Ari what do you need?" Vio asked with a hand holding her flowing brunette hair out of her face. "A book about transformation please. All the books you’ve got. Vio just trust me" I said before she could doubt me. "Okay Ari, I hope you know what your doing." She whispered, swishing off thoughtfully. When she came back she had two books in hand. One was blue with green etching the sides in fabulous swirl designs. The other was plain brown with black sides. “This was all I could find.” She held them out to me reluctantly. I chose to read the fancy one first. It began like this, "The legends of Transformation? Wrong book, these are all facts!" I giggled shortly before turning the first pages, it took me a couple hours to read through all the nonsense, it had at least fifty different ways to transform and they all sounded like bullfish!
I grabbed the brown book reluctantly and noticed the gold design lightly tracing around the title of the book. "Tails or Tales?" I read. It was a small book with about thirty pages to it. I read it quickly, each page creating an even bigger awe to me.

"The Switch, as it is called to change from Mermaid to Human would be when a human sacrifices his or herself to you in a beam of moonlight while the mermaid is fully out of the water.
If the mermaid should hit water before the transformation is done her life would be chaos, as being more human than mermaid cannot be safe in the world of Merpeople.
But if she is to hit water after the transformation she will not be able to breathe inside of the sea as she needs only oxygen from the air outside the water.
When you turn human your tail will rip apart into two legs, it will be painful and hard to bear but if you help the process it’ll be much less painful and quicken the transformation.
Once you become human the human who had sacrificed him/herself to you would turn into a Merperson, it will be painless for him/er as his or her legs would merge not rip apart.
the shock of the sea will scare them into freezing until they finally get used to it, but the human should not be worried about it. if you finish the transformation and land in water you will need to rely on your legs and arms to swim to a close by shore"


it showed a diagram on how to stroke our arms and kick your legs in order to swim like a human,

"if you land on earth, or you finally reach the shoreline, you must now how to stand and use your legs to walk"

it showed another interesting diagram and explained other details in the rest of the pages. I was shocked at how thorough this book was, and how graphic and descriptive. I believed I could do this. I had nothing to lose down here in Kureid where my only future was to become queen, but I had sisters, and as to my successors it could be them. I decided to myself i would to the transformation tonight. I shot off toward the point with a quick thank you and goodbye to Vio. She watched me swim away with a feeling that she wouldn’t be seeing me for a long time.

C A R T E R

"I must... see... her!" he panted to himself running through the trees to the cliff. "MERMAID!" he howled into the dead air. He hoped she was down there, all the years waiting for her to surface, to see those striking features. He looked at the sky and saw the moon rising. Its glare missed him by a few yards; it shone on the cliff under him. suddenly he felt drawn to it and started to lean, his foot made some rocks crack and fall. A minute they splashed into the white water below, he didn’t notice, he was completely mesmerized by the moonlight. He fell to his knees and more rocks crumbled. A splash from below tore him from his driven state. The blonde head popped out from the water. He smiled so large his mouth hurt, awe struck he reached out and fell; he didn’t have a doubt in his mind that this was what he wanted. As he fell he reached out for her, she leaped up to him and once she reached him they were both immersed into moonlight. They embraced for a moment, frozen in the air, held by the light, and The Switch began.
Carter’s clothes fell from his body as the skin from his legs stretched together, he screeched wildly, panic stricken, and started his decent. The water was dangerously far away. His legs came together into a creamy gold color, covered in shiny scales and gills formed on the sides of his ribs. The transformation made him stop screaming, but then he heard the mermaid, or... not so mermaid any more. she was writhing in the air, stark naked and her legs were still ripping apart, it looked graceful as she fell but he could see this was anything from graceful in her world, he turned toward the water without a worry and set into a dive position, as he entered the water he felt a warmth that one would not feel if he were not a merman, the mermaid, now Woman, entered the water with an unsatisfying splash and Carter swam toward her twitching body, he lifted her and with his new ever stronger tail he carried her now unconscious body to the shore where the fishermen came every morning. He knew it would be dangerous to be here when they came, and the moon was already rising.
Carter whispered into the woman’s ear "ill be back for you Maiden, humans are not your enemy. Do not fear them." then he swam off.

A R I N A

black. All I could see was black. Then I heard those words, and a feeling of comfort seized my body and I blinked my eyes open. The moon was gone, and the sun replaced its spot in the east. Three burly old men and one young man stood around me, all of their mouths hanging open except for one who held his hand out to me. "Come my dear, you need some clothes." his voice was soft as the scales from the velvet on the protected library books. I took his hand and he welcomed me into his soft red furs and robes surrounding him, I touched the cold pointy gold crown perched atop his head and wobbled, these legs were not easy to use. "Cant walk, can you?" he seemed amused and I tested out my voice. "Not very well dear sir" I said, the old mans mouth now gaped, "thank you for helping me" I said with a smile. "Of course my dear." he said with shock, this was fun, playing with the humans mind. Seemingly being beautiful, but really I was nothing compared to the work of the ocean. "Come men, well send another search party when we get back to Tunlee." the man that held me seemed to be in charge. The young man with him looked at me with worry, he mouthed something to the other man but the man shook his head.
The five of them started their trudge up the mountain side slowly, my new legs slipping out from me quite a lot. I wasn’t cold though the others seemed to be shivering. Dew lined the trees and I laughed when it fell upon us when I would fall against the fascinating trunk of the tree. "You seem to be enjoying yourself. But you must have a name... what is it?" The man in charge asked me, I held the red robe he had given me around my bare chest and said "My name is Arina." I stood tall and gained balance, looking regal and powerful as I had hoped. "Arina, that’s beautiful. Where are you from?" he asked yet another question. "I do not know" she lied, knowing the land of Kureid would not be known on this mountain. "You haven’t got a clue? But you know your name?" he said blinking his curious brown eyes. her heart flashed, they looked just like the grandfathers! "I know nothing but my name" I said with dignity. I turned from the eyes but I could feel them piercing my back.
We reached a large town where people bustled always busy with something, but once I entered the town people stopped to look. I smiled, drawing attention from every hut on the street, people tried to come closer but the man in charge had his men circle me. "King Frodrick, she seems to be drawing attention." the younger man behind me said. So the man was in charge, the king in fact. The king nodded and held me as I wobbled over my new legs that I was not quite used to yet. a beautiful woman wrapped in purple furs and gold jewelry hung from her ears and her neck ran out of a large palace, it stood out of place from the huts and houses, it was made of wood, carved and sanded down to a perfect smooth texture. The woman stopped when she saw me and the King bowed his head, the woman had a silver circlet on her head so I guessed she was the Queen. "Frodrick! Where’s Carter?!" she cried out worriedly, the whole town was watching us I was sure of it. "Instead of our son you come back with some woman" she talked as though something bitter covered her tongue. "She was lying on the shore, and there was no sign of Carter. He’s my son, I think I know where to look for him." the king said. "Get some clothes on this woman please. Before our men start drooling.” and with that the king briskly walked off.

C A R T E R

He flipped in and out of the water, creating wonderful rainbows with the spray from his tail, as soon as he was done with his fun he decided to explore, but before he could he saw a mermaid, a brunette with a magnificent purple tail. Before he could think of what to do she was in his face, angrily she yelled "where’s Ari!" he swam back a few paces, only for her to get closer "I don’t know who Ari is" Carter said with confusion. "You... you went through The Switch with her didn’t you? DIDNT YOU?!" she grabbed his shoulder and yanked him closer. "What’s the Switch?" he said, her smell was beautiful and he wanted to get closer, so he came in until they were touching noses. "Oh my... how dumb humans can seem." she sighed, this time being the one to back off "it’s where you go from human to Merperson and from Merperson to human. Is that what you did with the blonde one?" she said. "That is Ari?" he asked without answering her question, "yes. You did change didn’t you" the brunette sighed, "I did." he said tilting his head to the flow of the water. "I’m Vio. I was Ari's best friend. And now, she is human, stuck in a human stage until another sacrifice." the one named Vio explained with a sad sigh. "I don’t understand" Carter spoke. "You don’t have to.” She snapped “Come with me. I suggest you trust me or you’ll be in a lot of trouble." she said and swiftly turned to swim back the way she had come.
Carter followed in awe, watching how graceful her strokes were and how ungraceful his plunges were. The sea life floated around him, sometimes a fish would drift by, the next a school, and even a couple sharks swam by without even a look in his direction. Once they reached a large hill Vio turned around “once we get over this hill you must pretend you are a merman and only a merman. You were never a human. Understood?" Vio seemed so sure of herself, so beautiful and fierce, Carter found himself nodding. they swam over it and he was almost frozen in shock, a castle made of shells lined the sea floor, and caves were spread all along the floor as well, merpeople were everywhere, singing, playing a musical instrument, selling goods, ad everything he could never think of! "You look like a fool, some Merpeople are staring, keep your mouth shut and your eyes not so wide." Vio whispered as they headed towards the castle. They went around and through an archway in the back of the castle that lead to what seemed like a library but the books were made out of fish skin, and some were velvet, "interesting" he sighed.
Vio sat down proudly with her arms slung over the top of the chair "you think so?" she smirked. "This was Ari's favorite place to be, me to... but you know... she’s the only one missing" her smirk changed to realization as the shock hit her that her best friend was gone. Her body shook with grief and Carter felt the right thing to do was to comfort her. He swam over and hugged her, pulling her out of the chair and into a hug, full of warmth and courage. Vio was shocked at first but needed the embrace so she hugged Carter back. "Thank you." she sniffled. "I know what it is like to lose a friend. I have left my own to come here. I am sure Ari misses you more than you miss her." he said with a quaint smile. Vio smirked again, "call her Arina."

A R I N A

so many clothes! The fabric was nothing but soft and light and beautiful! They chose out a light pink dress that flared at the bottom and covered my beautiful new legs, I had not understood why they wouldn’t want to show off my legs so I hiked up my skirts and trudged around barefoot, refusing shoes. I had let them do my hair, they kept saying there was nothing as soft as my own and it took them a short time to coil it beautifully around my head and leave pieces falling over my right shoulder, they powdered my face making me cough, then outlined my eyes in a dark pencil. Everyone gasped as I turned to show them what I looked like, Mistress Rylee and Queen Caprilla, as I had learned their names, even covered their mouths. I smiled and Queen Caprilla approached me. "one last thing”, she swiped a dark bloody red color along my full lips and as I looked in the mirror I couldn’t help but laughing in glee, this was great!
"You look beautiful Arina." Mistress Rylee came up to me kissing my cheek softly. Queen Caprilla nodded. "Thank you Rylee" I smiled, also refusing to call her a mistress since we were both beautiful women, I saw no difference, and she had accepted it, mostly. The young man I had seen earlier came into the room, we seemed about the same age, and he took off his hat at the sight of me. "Arina, I am Prince Aaron." he bowed and took my hand in his own, bringing it to his lips and brushing them ever so lightly against the back of my hand. "It’s nice to meet you Prince Aaron." I said curtsying like I had seen Rylee do.
He smiled brilliantly and I looked into his eyes, they appeared to be golden when the light hit them but when it was lightless they were a light amber. Light still bounced off the beautiful gold curled around his pupil. His hair was black just like the man I had done the Switch with. But his was shorter and much more appealing. “Will you take a stroll with me Arina?” the prince asked politely, holding his hat to his chest. “Of course sire.” I chirped looking at Mistress Rylee quickly seeing her taken aback by the Prince’s notion. “Come along fair maiden” he took my hand once again and led me out the heavy wooden door to where the Village of Tunlee lay. We walked around, I curiously inspected every stall a villager had set up, and they showered me with gifts and comments on my beauty. I had gotten a gold necklace with spiraling diamonds and a handcrafted silver ring; i was looking at a beautiful bracelet covered in rose amethysts surrounded by copper sparrows and gold leaves. As I turned around to show Prince Aaron my new gift he shoved a bouquet of flowers under my nose, they were brilliantly pink and beautiful. The petals turned up towards the sky and if I were to take one off I could use it as a spoon, the scoop was so deep. The fragrance shocked me as I had not smelled anything as wonderful as these since I had been on foot. “Those are Roses.” Prince Aaron said shyly, I leapt onto him embracing him into a tight hug, people were staring but I did not mind, he was human was he not? He hugged me back, but he sighed, noticing the staring people. I noticed his discomfort and stepped back, sudden embarrassment filling my chest, “oh hoe foolish of me.” I looked at my bare feet and felt color rush to my cheeks. His hand clasped my shoulder, “Arina, it’s alright, the Village is probably shocked, I’ve never been embraced in such a way before publicly, I’m sorry.” Prince Aaron tried to comfort me but I already felt the embarrassment and I did not feel like sitting in it no longer.
I picked up my skirts and ran, ran back to the castle and slammed the door shut behind me. I fell into a corner of the castle and put my hands to my face, when I removed them I saw the wetness enveloping around my palms. I wiped under my eye and saw another drip; I licked it and was shocked at the salty taste. “New to tears?” Rylee came up in her perfect silver and sky blue dress, with a kerchief in hand. I looked at it wondrously “take it to wipe your face honey; it’ll make it no longer wet.” She instructed and I took the delicate piece of fabric in my hand and gently patted down my face. As soon as the water stopped leaking from my eyes Rylee lay me down and took my hand in her own “tell me what is making you this way” she said quietly. I felt like telling her but a part of me said no. I told her anyways “embarrassment, I did not know I was not supposed to hug the Prince. If I had known I would not have done it, and when the prince had tried to comfort me it did not succeed and only made me feel worse.” I whimpered, Rylee giggled “my dear, the prince has never been hugged before, he was probably just shocked. He’s been harshly trained his whole life, since he is meant to be heir to the throne.” Rylee said. “Oh... so he was being truthful?” I stood, embarrassed once again. Rylee stood as well “if Prince Aaron is anything, he is truthful” she said sincerely.

C A R T E R

“Vio! Where are you going?” Carter asked quietly as Vio tried to slip out of the library. “I’ve been called to the Queen. Ill lock up the library so you don’t have to worry about anything.” She said with her keys dangling from her perfect hands. “Okay Vio, I’ll keep watch...” Carter sighed and sat down in a chair. It was surprisingly comfy for a chair made from fish scales. The whole day he’d been doing nothing but helping out Vio with the library, cleaning books, checking to see if they were all in order, dusting the tops of the cabinets... it wasnt very hard work for Carter who has never had anything done for him in his whole life. Vio just kept laughing and he’d been enjoying his time with her but some merfolk had been eyeing Carter and Vio so Carter hoped Vio wasn’t in any trouble with the queen. He decided then to follow her and see as much as possible. Once shed locked up the Library and left he snuck out the open window and followed her quietly into the castle. A few times she had looked back but he had disappeared quickly enough, he’d gotten used to making his tail strokes silent and swift. He saw Vio enter a room and he stopped underneath a window just below it.
“Shut the door.” A man’s voice boomed. Vio said “yes King Codi” she said and swam back to the door to shut it quietly. “Arina. This is about our daughter.” A woman’s voice said. Carter heard the swish of a tail and peered up to see a pretty yellow tailed mermaid floating in front of Vio. He guessed it was the Queen. “Queen Aridale” Vio bowed “I haven’t a clue as to what you are suggesting.” The queen shook her head “Codi, where could she have gone…” The queen floated back up to her throne with a hand on her temples as to relieve as bad headache, and Vio looked faintly upset “Is Arina missing your Highness?” she said, Carter almost believed her.. He thought, quite the little actor isn’t she… and chuckled quietly to himself. The king turned and placed a hand on his wife’s shoulder, then turned back to Vio. “Vio if you hear anything about our Arina, you will be sure to report back to us won’t you?” he said it almost in a plea. “Of course” Vio bowed again and left the room.
Carter wasn’t quick enough to jump out of the way this time so she noticed him quickly “Carter!” she whispered angrily. She looked around warily and grabbed Carters wrist “Come on!” she dragged Carter down the long hallways until they were back to the library. Once they were in the solitary walls of the library Vio yelled “you followed me?!” she clenched her hands and drew a deep breath. Carter sunk his eyebrows closer to his eyes to appear confused. “I am sorry Vio, I did not mean to do you harm, I was only curious to see if I caused you any trouble.” He answered seriously. “Ugh, Carter, don’t do that again okay?” Vio sighed, floating into a nearby chair. Her brunette hair flowed around her, and the pearls dangling around her tail gleamed.
Carter found himself mesmerized for a moment as he saw the green eyes of Arina, Vio looked up, her eyes a darker, more intense green than Arina’s. “Something on my face?” Vio said, catching him watching her eyes. “Err, no, I was just looking at your eyes.” Carter said truthfully. “You find them enjoyable?” she asked, tilting her head. “Yes, they are most beautiful.” Carter said without taking his eyes from her own. Her small lips pursed and she said “if you’re trying to flatter me… it’s working.” And Carter smiled

A R I N A

I ran back out to the Village and saw Prince Aaron waiting for me. “I am sorry if you are hurt.” He said dipping his head politely. “No Sire, I am sorry, for bringing shame to you. I had not thought you were truthful, but now I know otherwise.” I said and took his hand. I saw Mistress Rylee smirk and walk back into the castle. “Would you like to eat supper with me?” Prince Aaron asked. “Of course” I said with a brilliant smile.
I touched the trunks of trees and felt the coarse hard texture I had never felt in the ocean before. As I thought about Kureid a rush of salt water lined my eyes, curiously I touched the droplets called “tears” and watched it drop off my finger onto the forest floor. I felt like something had been torn from my heart, a silent pain I couldn’t put a name to. Something I knew wasn’t happening, but I felt it. Somehow. “What is this feeling Prince?” I said looking at him innocently. “Milady, are you crying? What has made this sadness come upon you?” he said bringing a finger lightly to my eye. I took his hand “it is just homesickness as you may call it.” I said with a light smile. The pain faded ever so slightly as he took my face in his hands and brought his lips closer to mine until they were nearly touching, I leaned forward but suddenly he let go and took a step back. I tilted my head “have I done something?” he turned away and wouldn’t look at my eyes. “Of course not Arina. Come, we must return to the castle for dinner. The Conch should sound anytime now.” he didn’t protest as I took his hand but he walked oddly fast, always staying a tap in front of me.
Once we entered the high door it opened and a flood of freshly killed fish filled my nose. I breathed in deeply, taking in the oddly beautiful scent. The sense of “smell” as them humans called it was new to me as the ocean wiped away all of the smells except for salt and we merpeople couldn’t smell it unless we were above water. I hadn’t known something this fascinating existed here. I took a seat in the cushioned chair next to Mistress Rylee. Three large fish lay in a silver platter, each cut into fine delicious pieces; the head of the fish was laid in front of the body, as well as the tail in the end. I waited for the humans to pray to their ridiculous “god” in the sky. Then I took a pointed utensil and took several slabs of fish. Then I took the scooped utensil and the pointed one to take out the leaves called “lettuce”.
The others were looking at me as I delicately chewed the intricate leaves and the tasty fish. I swallowed and chirped “am I not supposed to eat?” I worriedly pushed my plate away from me. “No, carry on. I was just shocked at the graceful manners of someone that was found unclothed and soaked on the shore” the king said sincerely. “It is odd?” I said, pulling my plate back to me. “a bit, but it is appreciated that we don’t have to teach you such things, as would be a waste of our time” the king said finally taking a bite out of his own food. Prince Aaron would still not cast a glance in my direction, training his eyes on his food.
I looked at the plate that was gracefully carved with pictures of flowers and swirls and designs only the most artistic merpeople ever thought of. The flowers were painted with an oceanic blue, and silver glitter sprinkled the rims. once wed finished eating i was sent back to my chamber. sooner or later i got bored sitting in my room looking at my new wardrobe, so i snuck off in search of adventure
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Last edited by tattoo on Mon Jan 09, 2012 3:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: The Switch please critique!!

Postby tattoo » Tue Dec 13, 2011 9:01 am

~ b u m p ~
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Re: The Switch please critique!!

Postby tattoo » Sat Dec 17, 2011 2:13 am

i will not be posting any more, i apologize if you wished to read on.
Last edited by tattoo on Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:57 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Tales or Tails?~ Some of Ch. 2 up!! please read!!!:D

Postby gizmo, » Tue Jan 03, 2012 3:39 pm

I really like it. I can't wait to read more xD
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Re: Tales or Tails?~ Some of Ch. 2 up!! please read!!!:D

Postby tattoo » Wed Jan 04, 2012 11:10 am

ƧнαωтʏƆнιcκ wrote:
I really like it. I can't wait to read more xD

really? thank you! i thought nobody liked it:/ i havent been inspired in while
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