[ WIP ] Safe :3 **Love Story**

[iSunshine]

I have decided to write a love story. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Anyways, please give me some feedback. :3

Characters:

Drew Vanessa Selbo

Drew's Horse: Genesis

Sabastian Kevin Radar

Silver "Minnie" Madison Dawes

Amber and Destiny Larson

Fabian Zachary Vasco

Fabian's Horse: Treachery

Chapter One: New

Drew quietly got out of bed. She slipped on a robe and some rain boots. Drew tiptoed out of her room and out of the house. She let out of a sigh of relief and mounted her bike. Drew pushed off the ground and whisked past her house and down her street. The mud and water from last night's rain kicked up on to her back but Drew kept riding forward. Drew hit her brakes at a small barn. She dismounted her bike and leaned it against the barn. A pure white horse looking a little brown from the mud whinnied from a small pasture. Waving, Drew walked over to the horse, her rain boots squeaking with every step.
The horse took excited steps towards Drew. Drew stretched and pulled a lead rope from the hook of the pen. She tossed it over the horse's neck. Taking the rope, she closed a loop around the horse's neck. Squeaking out of the pen, Drew and the horse walked into the barn. Crosstied, the horse nervously swayed from side to side. "Shh...calm yourself, Genesis. I can't have anyone catc-"
"Ms. Selbo?"

[iSunshine]

"Ms. Selbo? I don't think you're supposed to be here."
Drew swung around to face Fabian, her best friend.
"Fabian!" She threw a brush at him but he ducked. "Don't scare me like that! I thought you were Mr. "Follow-the-rules-or-die."
Fabian snickered. "Well, what are you doing here so early?"
Drew looked surprised. "Me? What about you?"
Fabian sighed. "Just had to put down an, uh, old friend of mine..." He stared at the ground and sniffled. Fabian wiped his nose then looked up at Drew. "Well? What about you?"
Drew stretched. "Have to exercise Genesis before my parents wake up."
Fabian nodded. "Mind if I come?"
Drew shook her head. "Not at all. C'mon, tack up!"
Fabian smiled. "You're always so pushy! Gimme a sec!"
Drew laughed. "Whatever, slowpoke!" She walked over to Fabian and picked up the brush. As she went back to Genesis, Fabian playfully slapped her butt. "Hey! No flirting in the barn!" Fabian laughed and walked into Treachery's stall.
Fabian always playfully flirted with Drew and she was used to it. But Drew had never liked Fabian back. She felt kinda bad about it but Fabian didn't seem to mind. He still playfully flirted like always.
Drew brushed Genesis. Once she was done, Genesis looked like she belonged in a magazine. Drew smiled and got her tack. She tightened her girth and strapped the chin strap. Drew tossed on her helmet and clumsily mounted Genesis.

[iSunshine]

Fabian had Treachery tacked up quickly. He put his foot in the stirrup and swung his leg over. Treachery nervously swayed under Fabian's weight and began to paw at the sawdust in his stall. Fabian swung his reins, whacking Treachery in the neck. The bay gelding snorted and took a few steps forward. Fabian squeezed his heels into Treachery's sides. Treachery shook his head and began to walk on.
Drew had Genesis at an easy trot just a little ahead of Fabian and Treachery. Fabian squeezed Treachery into an equally easy trot, catching up to Drew. "Hey, you sexy beast, slow down!" Drew gave Fabian a death stare. If looks could kill, Fabian would have pushed up daises. Fabian put his hands up in defense. "Can I not compliment you in your sexy body?"
Drew rolled her eyes and ignored his question.

[iSunshine]

Drew slowed Genesis to a slow walk. She took her feet out of the stirrups and slipped her hands to the buckle on her reins. Behind her, Fabian was having trouble with Treachery who was nervously swaying, biting his bit and spooking at the slightest movements. Out of nowhere, a leaf dropped on to Treachery's hindquarters, sending him into the forest.
Fabian tugged at the reins but Treachery wouldn't stop. In the pathway of the bolting horse was a curious looking boy. He was wearing what seemed to be a private school uniform under a black zip-up jacket with the hood up. Fabian called at him, "Move! Horse on the run!" The boy merely stepped to the side. As quickly as physically possible, the boy got a handful of Treachery's mane and pulled. Treachery came to a dead stop. Fabian, who was not safely in the saddle, flew forward. He landed on his hip in the dust. "Hey! What was that for, you dick! Trying to kill me?"
The boy looked at him and pointed to Treachery who was breathing hard. He walked over to Fabian's saddle. The boy undid the girth.
"Hey! Stop that!"
The boy looked at Fabian as he untwisted the girth and tightened again. Fabian sat in the dust, dumbstruck. Drew came cantering into the forest. When she saw the boy holding Treachery and Fabian on the ground, she jumped off of Genesis and ran to help Fabian up. Once Fabian was standing, he glared at the boy in disbelief. "Thanks, I guess..."
The boy handed Fabian Treachery's reins. "No problem. I'm Sabastian, by the way."
"Fabian."
"And I'm Drew." The two friends smiled gently at Sabastian. Err...at least Drew smiled warmly. Fabian more...grimaced. Sabastian returned the smile to Drew. He smiled at Fabian.
"So," Drew began. "What are you doing around here?"
"Oh, I was just wandering, I guess. Looking for unicorns." Sabastian smiled.
Drew laughed and Fabian gave an obvious fake-laugh. He walked behind Drew and gripped her shoulder. "Hey, this guy creeps me out. Let's go." Drew glared at Fabian and smiled back at Sabastian.
"Would you like to come back with us?"
Sabastian smiled and nodded. "I don't know how fast I can walk th-"
"You can double up with me." Drew smiled.
Sabastian smiled. Fabian sighed and mounted Treachery. Drew mounted Genesis and helped Sabastian on. Sabastian shyly put his arms around Drew's waist for support. From behind, a tear slid down Fabian's cheek, his mouth wide open with jealousy. He put his head down and got Treachery walking.

[iSunshine]

Chapter Two: Welcome
Drew halted Genesis in the barn. She helped Sabastian down, her hand warm in his. Sabastian smiled, blushing up at Drew. Once Sabastian was safely down, Drew dismounted. She gave a warm smile, her eyes wandering to Sabastian's lips. Sabastian noticed Drew's gaze and leaned in towards her, staring into her eyes. As their lips touched, Fabian had just trotted Treachery into the barn. He nearly fell off of his bay horse. Fabian jumped off of Treachery and ran into Sabastian and Drew, breaking them apart. He began sobbing and ran away, leaving Treachery fully tacked.
Sabastian and Drew stood for a moment, embracing each other and staring after Fabian. Sabastian sighed and let go of Drew. "Soo, should we untack Fabian's horse?" Drew simply nodded. She lead Treachery into his stall.
"Could you hold his reins for me, please?"
Sabastian gently took the reins from Drew's hands and smiled. "As you wish."

[iSunshine]

Drew smiled at Sabastian and undid Treachery's girth. She swung the girth over the saddle and pulled off everything at once. "Can you please take him to the paddock? You can just take off his bridle and let him in."
Sabastian nodded and did exactly what Drew had said. Drew took Treachery's tack into a small nook where tack boxes were. She opened a pink one labeled, "Fabian." Smiling, as she remembered when Fabian had first got the tack box a few years ago. When she had made a comment about it, he had said, "Hey, girls dig pink."
Drew carefully placed Treachery's tack inside. Sabastian came back inside, holding the bridle. "And this goes...?"
She carefully pointed at the pink tack box. "Ah. Hm...pink's my favorite color."

[ri bird.]

Positive feedback. c:

A lot of narrating. Too much, actually. Cut it down so you can speed up the story and keep your reader's attention. And if you added more adjectives (not too much) it would also make the story interesting.

[Asap1998]

wow I really like it

[iSunshine]

Positive feedback. c:

A lot of narrating. Too much, actually. Cut it down so you can speed up the story and keep your reader's attention. And if you added more adjectives (not too much) it would also make the story interesting.

Oh, thank you so much. c: I really, really appreciate it. :D

wow I really like it

Thank you. c:

[iSunshine]

Drew smiled. "Really?"
Sabastian's eyes darted to Drew. "Yeah...is that a problem...? If so my favor-"
He was quickly cut off.
"Oh, look at this." It was Fabian. His face was tear-stained and his voice came out in sniffles but he still looked angry as ever. "Two love birds flirting together." He stared Drew in the eyes. "I loved you, and now you're kissing a boy you just met!" He gestured to Sabastian. Fabian raised his hand to slap her. Drew braced herself but something had pushed Fabian out of the way. No, someone. Fabian lay on the ground, his eyes staring up at the someone who had pushed him. His gaze was glaring at Sabastian.