(( Big wall of text o3o I've had this in my mind for a while now. Tell me what you think? ))

-&-

Big Brother -&- Little Sister
...You can learn a lot from other people's mistakes...
Big brothers. They push you around, they tease you, they pretend they don't know you at school, they tell all their friends how annoying you are. This is all I ever thought of my big brother. Until the one night, when I was only eight years old, that would haunt me for the rest of my life.
He told me only the night before. He said it was because he didn't want me to be mad at him. But it made it even worse. If he had told me he was going to Afghanistan sooner, I would have cherished the time we had left together. But instead, I took it all for granted.
My brother was never home a lot. He went to military school because he hated regular school. He went to a lot of training programs across the country. And he was finally home. Then he had to go to war, after only two months of coming back.
I screamed, threw things, and even opened his bag of lucky rocks he got when he went to Asia. I yelled at him that I didn't care if I saw him ever again. That I hated him because he was never home and that meant he didn't like me. I ran upstairs to my room and slammed the door shut, locking it behind me, hoping to never see his face again...
xxx
The next morning, I felt bad. I had been crying the whole night until I fell asleep. I was ashamed at what I had said but was too embarrassed to confront him about it at the time. So I took a deep breath and unlocked the door. I went downstairs to apologize.
But he was gone.
Gone to the war, to defend our country, away from me and our family like he had been for almost as long as I could remember. I felt horrible. A huge pit was in my stomach, and an ever larger hole was in my heart. He had no phone. We had no twin telepathy. He was gone.
My mom suggested I write a letter. So I did. She helped me with the sending address. So I crossed my fingers that he would reply soon, and sent the letter down the mail chute at the post office.
xxx
Months passed before I got a letter back. I was so excited that I didn't even realize that we got a new mailman. I met him outside and stole the letter from his hands, and ran inside to tear it open. I went all the way to my room, turned on the light, and ripped the envelope to shreds trying to open it. My grin disappeared when I immediately recognized my own handwriting. I looked at the envelope more closely and noticed something had been stamped onto it: "RETURN TO SENDER"
I ran downstairs confused, when I noticed the mailman in my living room talking to my mom. He was wearing all black and talked in a low voice. I couldn't hear him because momma was crying too loud. I asked what was going on, and the mailman looked at me with sad eyes. He got up and walked toward me, then knelt down. He told me my brother was dead.
Then he just left, without another word.
xxx
Big brothers. They push you around, they tease you, they pretend they don't know you at school, they tell all their friends how annoying you are. But not everyone realizes how amazing they are. They stick up for you, they teach you so many things, and they're there for you when nobody else is.
My big brother is gone now, but he did not go in vain. He went as a hero. He went as a kind young man with a huge heart. He went as my role model.
But he also went without letting me apologize first. Without letting me tell him how much I love him and how stupid I was. Without a clear concience. Leaving me here, and my last words to him being "I don't care if I ever see you again".
Learn from my mistake. Cherish the moments with your big brother. Because what they say is all too true.
You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.