“Mind if I sit here?”
This time it was me asking her, and she half smiled at the inside joke and scooted over on the hospital bed, wincing at the pain. I sat down on the edge, next to her hip, and looked at the bandage on her shoulder. Neither of us spoke for a while and she reached over and laced her fingers between mine.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered. I raised my eyebrows at her.
“For what?”
“This. Getting shot.”
“It wasn’t your fault, and you’re going to be okay, that’s all that matters.”
“I know, but I know it scared you. And…I promised that-”
“Of course it scares me, and you promised that you’d do your best. Unless you jumped in front of the guy and yelled please shoot me, then its not your fault.”
“I’m gonna go back ya know.”
“To what?”
“Being a cop. This could happen again…it probably will happen again.”
“I know. I wouldn’t expect you to quit. You’ll go back to being a cop, you’ll end up in the FBI, just like you’ve wanted to. And I’ll go back to worrying.”
She smiled at me then loosened her fingers from mine and slapped me on the arm.
“I wish you wouldn’t worry.”
“That’s like asking me not to breathe. Its not as bad now as it was the first year, but I’m always going to worry. You’re my best friend, I love you.”
She bit her lip and looked away from me, her gray eyes clouded with an emotion I couldn’t read clearly. Over the years of being her friend I had learned to just let her have her space, that she would talk when she was ready to. After a few minutes she spoke softly, still not looking at me but staring out the window instead.
“Do you remember the first day we met?”
“Yes, you wanted to share my shady spot to read.”
“Mhmm, and do you remember later that week, the first time we got lunch together?”
“Yea…Tori…”
“Do you remember me telling you not to fall in love with me?”
I looked down at my hands. I remembered the conversation quite clearly because in the moment I thought she was nuts. I had never had feelings for a girl before, so when I agreed not to fall in love with her I had viewed it all as a joke. Now, after knowing her for years, it was a different story. It always felt like our friendship had blurred the line between friendship and something more. I had never said anything to her, or even hinted at it, for fear of ruining the friendship. Every time I dated anyone I found myself constantly comparing them to her, and no one ever measured up. I looked up from my hands to find her watching me.
“Yea, I remember.”
A smile slowly spread across her face.
“Yea well, I wish you would have given me the same warning.”
“Wait…what?”
“You heard me…you didn’t warn me that I’d fall in love with you.” Her tone seemed a cross between angry and something I couldn’t place, but all I could do was stare at her.
“I don’t want to do this to you….” She said so softly I could barely hear her, but I could tell she was fighting back tears.
“Do what to me Tori?” She sighed heavily and pushed herself up into a more seating position.
“This. Us. Whatever we are. When I chose this career path, I…never wanted anyone else. Not as a significant other. I never wanted to put anyone through that. The constant worrying. The wondering if I’m coming home at night. Wondering if I’m going to get shot, stabbed or otherwise hurt. I didn’t want to worry about who I would be leaving behind. And now…that its you…I don’t want this for you.”
“You don’t really have a choice.”
“What?”
“You can’t chose who cares about you. Who worries about you. It doesn’t work like that. I’ve been worried about you since the day you graduated the academy.”
“Yea…I remember but…”
“No, no buts. And…friend or…otherwise, I would worry the same.”
“So…does this mean that we’re…” She bit her lip and blushed, something she rarely did, and I laughed.
“Us…yea, I guess it does.” She reached for my hand and weaved her fingers between mine again.
“Good, I’m glad.”
“Yea, me too.”

“Hey babe, mind if I sit here?”
I blinked a few times and opened my eyes halfway to find her standing at the end of the couch, still in her uniform. I grumbled as I sat up, dragging the blankets with me as I looked at the clock. It was 2am. She sat down next to me and I curled up against her side.
“You okay?” I asked, still somewhat groggy.
“Mhmm, tough case. Sorry its so late.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and rested her chin on the top of my head.
“Its okay. You’re home, that’s all the matters.” She laughed softly.
“We caught the guy today. The one who has been killing the kids.” Her voice took on the exhausted tone it always did at the end of a case she had closed but still wasn’t happy with the results. I knew it well; it was used often ever since she had become a homicide detective.
“At least he can’t hurt anyone else.”
“I know…but I just keep thinking…had I been faster, better, smarter…I might have saved one more-”
“Shhh. None of that. Come on, lets go to bed.”
I untangled myself from her arm and the blankets and stood up, tugging her arm for her to follow me. She followed me silently to the bedroom, then closed the bathroom door behind her and I crawled into bed while she changed and showered. She climbed into bed and curled up next to me, her head resting on my shoulder.
“You’re good at what you do. And you’ll be good at being an FBI agent too, so stop doubting yourself.”
I spoke quietly, running my fingers though her hair. She planned on applying for the FBI in a few months. It was something we were both nervous about; for different reasons. She was afraid she wasn’t good enough, and in a sense, I was afraid that she was. She smiled at me and leaned up to kiss me softly.
“Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too, even though you’ve told me not to.”