Book Writers Nook V.2

[blue_dun]

This thread is a place where aspiring writers can share their works, get feedback if desired, and chat with other writers.

[sealsnoot]

@ +Master Quatre: Thank you. ^^ I would have answered sooner, but I didn't have time.
And, your story is great. ^^

Everyone is accepted. ^^ And, if any of you wish to send in for the contest, you still have time.

[Dreamwave]

My Contest Entry- Ok so this story is my first, kinda first person, story. Its my shortest and probably one of the worst, but hey, it was fun writing!

Username: Dreamwave
Title: Welcome to the Team

"Warning: All who read past this point are subject to the promise of injuries but most likely, death..." Blah, blah, you get it. Read it= Death for you. Yay. No, I'm not kidding- do you see a smile? Didn't think so. And just for the record, I didwarn you. So why are still here!?!? Shoo, beat it, scram...You're persistent, or stupid one. I like that in people. No, not the stupid part you idiot! 

Anyways, what I was trying to get too is the whole point for all the warnings and vicious dogs that have been "popping" up around you. Yes, I am sorry about your neighbors cat. Alright, shut up, listen. You have been select- Stop cutting me off. It's rude, y'know. 

You have been selected for- No, this is not a poll. Questions are normally a good thing but with you I'll beg to differ...Fine, I'll get to the point. You're not like most other people. You are a mess-up, a mistake, something that wasn't supposed to happen. An experiment that went wrong. But we learn from our mistakes. We need you. You're more enhanced than everyone...You're a hybrid. 

You are not a car. 

You are part of a dying race. As we speak assassins are seeking to find you, and others of your kind. What are you? You are a kid. Just a kid. With powers. This is real. How do you explain the cafeteria accident then, hmm? How did I find out that stuff, you ask? I know people. Yes, it is a shocker. 

We are here to ask to join our forces, with others of your kind, to harness your powers and fight back against the assassins. If not, well, you'll probably be murdered. Hey, I warned you, remember?

Really? Good. I am Mich and welcome to the team.

[sealsnoot]

Added Dreamwave, but I'd tell you to revise it a few times. ^^
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OK, I have this awsome book idea but I want some opinions on it.

-Because The Wind Blows-
A Story based on Chinese and Japanese Culture

Main characters: Princess Panima 'Pan' and The Warrior Kerzin 'Ker'

Kind of a twist on Romeo & Juliet, except with Japanese culture and an expanded plot.
The whole thing is about how [I'll try not to give away too many spoliers ;)] a princess's, Panima's, kingdom is defeated and burned in war. The king of a neighboring country sends a warrior, Kerzin [Still thinking about his name], to escort her back to his kingdom, where he has engaged her to his first son. Panima falls in love with Kerzin, while he protects her from assassins and monsters on the way back, but Kerzin [all honorable and such] will not admit his love for her. Finally, after Kerzin is badly injured [and poisoned] on the border of the kingdom, he admits his love for Panima. But, they know they their love is forbidden. Panima suggests that they run away to live alone, and restart her country. Kerzin basically agrees, but as time progresses his injuries [and poisoning] grows worse. Finally Panima, fearing for the life of her lover, lets a patrol from the country take them back to care for Kerzin. Panima is engaged, and after Kerzin heals he is debriefed of his time with the princess and [because he fell in love, his punishment was] sent to the frontlines. Panima, still in love with her savior, begs her fiancee to let him stay with her and promises that she would marry him. Grudgingly, he agrees and lets Kerzin stay at the palace, but plots his death to end Panima's love for him. After several fails at murder, the prince [name unknown at this point] frames Kerzin for murder and gives him a choice between a death sentence or exile. Unwilling to let Panima go, he accepts exile, but is brutally tortured before being left off in the remains of Panima's country to die. [To be continued.....]

So, what do you think? I don't know, I'm probably going to change some of it and haven't decided on the names yet.
So, comments, critic, advice? I'm open to anything. ^^

[peachie.]

Username: Howling in the Rain
Title: Busted
Story:
I walked along the sidewalk with my hands shoved in my jean pockets. It all seemed like a normal day. I was just walking to school innocently enjoying the sound of the birds singing and the sound of my shoes on the pavement. Ken ran up hands in the air and sweat beads running down his forehead. I stopped in my tracks and stared at him wide eyed.
What I could tell is he was holding a piece of paper in one of his hands. He skidded to a halt in front of me. I almost fell back in shock. "Mich! Oh god your not going to believe it." He told me between his heavy breaths. What the heck could possibly be making Ken scared? I shrugged and walked around him and continued on to school.
I felt and hand on my shoulder and all of the sudden I was facing him again. "Dude, they found out. Your busted." He told me. His green eyes were cold and full of worry. I fell silent. I ran my fingers through my brown hair. "Oh crap." I muttered. I began to pace worriedly.
"Mich you have to get out of town now." He said and placed his hands of my shoulders. I shrugged his hands off quickly. I looked around the street. We were the only people there. I smiled and ran over to a red truck on the side of the road. I took a text book out of my bag and slammed it against the window. The glass fell from the window like a glimmering waterfall.
I shoved my backpack into the truck and climbed in. I looked around and saw this truck was a 'push the button and the truck will start' kind of car. I looked out at Ken who's face was pale white. He stared at me in silence. "Dude you will get in even more trouble for high jacking a truck." He said sternly. The skin around my eyes tightened as I narrowed my blue eyes at him.
"Oh well. Siya nara Ken!" I said and waved goodbye to him as I sped down the street in the truck. I gripped the steering wheel tightly, so hard that my knuckles turned white. I took a sharp turn left. My bag flopped over in the seat and the tobacco spilled out.
Art: (Optional) None

[sealsnoot]

I love it, but once again, I suggest editing through it once or twice. ^^

[Noel]

Username: Hikari-879
Favorite kind of book to write: Fantasy, but not like elves/dragons/heroes of light. And sci-fi. I love sci-fi. I'm just bad at it.
Add me to the Book Nook!

[sealsnoot]

Welcome. ^^

[Noel]

Username: Hikari-879
Title:My name is Mich?
Story:
Mich. The name continued to rang through his head, bringing with it only pain. It symbolized the existence he had thought to be his. His entire life, which he thought to be fourteen years, he believed that he was unique, that there was only one of him, that no one could possibly steal away his existence. The secrets that had been hidden from him, and the rest of his kind, the ignorance given to them, it kept them happy. He had never imagined that he wasn’t ‘Mich.’

“You are nothing more than a clone.” The agony of discovering that he, and everyone he had ever known, was merely a copy rippled through him, making him shiver. ‘Mich’ was a boy in the ‘real’ world; he himself was only a duplicate, a spare, kept as a reserve should the epidemic kill too much of the original population. However, the disease was eradicated, but after the clones were finished growing. Thousands of clones, about a month old, exact twins of the populace, were unneeded. The world didn’t need that many more mouths to feed. The plague that was expected to nearly eliminate mankind, but instead quickly died out, had not touched the original Mich. This boy, not sure what to call himself, learned that all his memories weren’t his, that his body belonged to someone else, that his very mind was not a first.

They have only one purpose now. The clones, numbering in the thousands, nearly millions, weren’t wanted. The creatures’, actually only a few months old but with the bodies of ones far older, fates were decided. Organ donors. They were going to be ‘humanely put to sleep.’ Their blood and flesh would be stored to save the lives of humans who needed just that. Nearly 40% of the artificial humans had met this fate at that point, and now Mich ver. 2’s turn was drawing near. On the other side of the metal door in front of him stood men and women in white coats equipped with syringes and merciless, stoic expressions. Maybe thirty others, all destined for the same fate surrounded the boy, also trapped inside a holding room, which while it was hardly uncomfortable seemed to spell doom. The doors were locked, there weren’t windows, and clearly the government wanted them gone. This ‘Mich’ had never once, in his only seventy-nine days of existence, actually seen the sky. He knew what it looked like; his false memories were filled with it, tinged with the joy of living.

This boy, who hadn’t bothered to re-name himself as the most of the others had, didn’t fear death. He knew that all succumbed to it someday, and he felt as if he had lived for fourteen years the true Mich had, rather than less than three months. He understood that there wasn’t enough food to feed a massive amount of incomers in the world. While many panicked, begging for their lives, he obeyed silently, not caring.

In truth, he did have chance. Subjects deemed outstanding and fit for survival were left alive. This was those born unnaturally strong and healthy; those who would carry their weight in the world with ease. ‘Mich’ felt he did indeed have a chance at this luxury; it appeared the original him wasn’t suffering when he had been cloned. With luck, when he was tested, he would be deemed fit to continue living. His brain, uncaring as it was, refused to think of the alternative. Little did he know about how few were chosen, and how few left in one piece.

“Subjects two-thousand-six-hundred-forty to seventy, enter now!” The voice rang from the speaker on the wall, making the mentioned jump and slowly succumb to the fear they had been ignoring. Pupils enlarged, hands began to twitch, and they flinched as the door ahead of them slid open. ‘Mich’ decided that he chose not to wait, and, pretending he was not near paralyzed with fear, marched forward toward those waiting, toward the artificial light illuminating the room, his face filled with false indifference.

.................................

Well, I tried! Essentially, a deadly disease came that was expected to kill a lot of humans. To prevent the population from taking a massive dip, mankind created a lot of clones. However, the disease died out quickly, and the clones would instead make the population skyrocket. So, the clones were going to be used for organs and blood transfusions/replacements. More accurately, killed so they wouldn't use up earth's resources. Very healthy clones wouldn't be killed though, instead sent off to live in the world. Mich is one of the clones whose fate wasn't decided yet.

b]Art: None![/b]

[Noel]

OK, I have this awsome book idea but I want some opinions on it.

-Because The Wind Blows-
A Story based on Chinese and Japanese Culture

So, what do you think? I don't know, I'm probably going to change some of it and haven't decided on the names yet.
So, comments, critic, advice? I'm open to anything. ^^

I like it! There are some issues here though. the main one being this; cliche: Lovers, one of whom is badly injured and their love is sacrificed to save said one, princess promising to marry someone as payment for lover's life begin saved, etc. All done before. People searching for something knew won't like it, but lovers of the genre will. A lot. I say keep it up! (But let the girl cause some problems here. Kerzin seems to always be the one getting hurt, tortured, framed, nearly banished, etc, while Panima seems to save the day frequently and never cause the initial issue.)

I always seem so harsh! I think this story will be really good, write it!