TheComfortCorner | V.10

[Silverfang]

I just want to be hired by someone legit in this country!
I hardly sleep, my cash is running low. I want my own apartment... Im trying to learn German at a faster pace than I did for a year but its still not conversational.

Im panicking. I am ready to call it quits. Nobody wants to hire a useless AuDHD artist with poor skills. Ive only ever been good for food service or worse. I dont fit in anywhere.

Id really wanted to live in Köln too. My dreams are dead.

[shadow~wolf]

i kind of had feelings for someone and they said they didn’t have feelings for me so i just played it off like oh i th8nk i was actually confused and it wasn’t a crush anyways so they could move past it without stress and it’s been a while, i’ve kind of tried to convince myself that was true to me too so i’d get away from those feelings. but i just thought of them dating someone else and my chest physically hurts and i feel betrayed and depressed just thinking about the concept of it. is it still fair to be friends with them, knowing that i may not be able to be 100% happy for them when they do find a partner? is it more responsible to just remove my friendship from them now before that can happen? they don’t deserve a friend who wont be supportive and happy for them. i just can’t detach, its so excruciating and i know im going to spiral and it’s going to hurt. BAD. when they find someone. i feel so selfish. i want them to be happy. they’ll find love, i know because they’re so lovable. but i don’t think it’s ever going to happen for me. i think im gonna watch all of my friends find someone more important than me and ill just be left behind without anyone

[bunnyboy]

im tired of being discriminated against over being autistic... its not my fault i have autism, i was born with it, and i can't help that it makes it difficult to communicate for me and that i can't always understand simple things, im doing my best but people are so impatient and mean to me i feel im never good enough even when I really try to be nice and kind i say something that apparently isn't kind but they won't tell me why it's rude or anything and just end up hating me bc of it ...

[67Phlox]

Should be drawing and creating content to fill my portfolio
Tired? What a sad excuse. I have everything at my disposal, I should be doing what I dreamed of

I don't feel like sharing anything else in this post, so I'll leave my vent at that

[shadow~wolf]

i feel physically sick thinking about how miserable i probably make my fp. im really starting to believe im gonna be alone forever. why am i unbearable to be around

[viles]

• tw: details about dental stuff
  i think a cavity is starting to form in my back tooth. tbh, i completely forgot that i have to worry about my teeth, too KJDSKHFKJFH,, i've been so anxious about my gum disease and like,, idk. i feel a bit unintelligent, but i'm moving past that, since it's not really what i want to vent about atm
  the tooth has stopped hurting when i chew, so i'm hoping the extra attention i've been paying to my teeth is helping. now if i can just keep it up for at least another week or so...
  also, i have so many ulcers in my mouth right now! at least i think that's what they are. they're bigger than usual and much more painful, but they look like ulcers. i've been googling things constantly between the past two or three days, and out of everything that i've looked at, that's what they seem to be. i need to go to the dentist, but my dentist doesn't have an appointment until june. i could try to get an emergency appointment, but i'm not sure if this counts as one. also, it'll probably cost more, and without insurance, i'm very worried about how much it will be.
  but idk. the skin around my mouth feels hot, and i can't tell if it's because of my gums or not. i've felt a bit feverish, too, which i've read can be related to infection in the gums! idk JKKFHSFH i've looked up so much information, but i feel like none of it's been that helpful. i've seen some pretty gross images on google too KJSDJKJFH
  idk i'm trying not to think about it, but also this and cs trades are about the only two things i am not struggling to focus on rn so....fun LMAO

[azemyc]

i really am just like him, huh

this all just
sucks

[RoseDust]

Had my plans all set for today, went and checked, store closed...

Autism sucks how makes this seemingly simple change make me wanna go for a hospital nap

[strawberry_dolly]

i know mental health treatment takes time, i *know* it won't magically get better overnight, but it's been a decade. surely 12+ years is enough time to have made some progress. not one thing is better, not one thing has been explained, i haven't recieved a single piece of advice, a single coping strategy, *nothing*. it's not fair to treat me like i'm being naive and expecting miracles when i'm just asking for *something*. i have *never* gotten anything out of therapy or psychiatrists appointments beyond "oh that sounds bad. well, let's move on". no advice. no suggestions. no working through things. i tell them things, they nod and move on, we never touch it again, it doesn't get fixed.
i feel so sick. i've missed so much. this year was supposed to be different and it's not, and it's just frustrating to think that even if i get help in a year or two, it's all going to be for nothing. i'll have already failed my degree, lost all of my friends, missed years of potential work experience, let my physical health deteriorate. what's the point?
it feels like i broke my leg and instead of getting help, i've just been forced to walk around on it for years and now it's too shattered to fix and i'll never walk properly again. i don't know what to do. i don't understand, why do i keep getting my hopes up, getting put on the waiting list only to get kicked off, then put back on again, shoved to the back of the line. i've waited long enough, it's not fair

[P0stHum4n]

exams, missing assignments, but an aching and dull lack of motivation and overall emotion is restraining me from doing anything I should be. "Oh, summers coming!!" oh, fun vacation times but I continue to feel as dull as a rock in the summer heat. I can't publicly have a therapist, or a psychiatrist, or a helping hand. I can't publicly act sad or hurt, as if I even knew what that felt like anyway- but you know what I mean. Doesn't help that I'm being guilt tripped and I've come to my senses with the ability can see through his every lie.
I dont know who to believe, I dont know how to fix what's wrong with me.. I feel exhausted, and time is out of my grasp. I find some 'productivity', and never go through with it because I don't have the motivation to sit down and work on it. And I feel as if I have this dull 'barrier' I can physically feel in my head where I can't process basic numbers, thoughts or equations. I would have thought years and years would help me discover myself, whats wrong and how to heal, but it's only worsened.
I guess at this point I don't know what to do. I can't keep contacts, I can't keep myself in check, I continuously disappoint my family (he thinks I'm doing better, I'm doing worse than last year.) New Year's resolutions thrown out the window and all I can do is cry about it (even if I don't feel anything from it) or stare at a wall in silence for ten minutes. I feel like I just exist. I'm not particularly unlucky, it's all just behind the scenes. Otherwise I've had a fair share of lucky experiences for my age. Concerts, Vacations, trips. backstage.. so why can't I get over 'this'?.

My sister doesn't understand it. She knows what it's like, too. She has had these amazing experiences too, and she has survived the years I have nearly given up several times in. She tells me "just do it." Or "All you have to do is try." But what if I can't? What if I don't want to anymore? She may know things but she just can't grasp that I don't know what's wrong anymore. I don't want to get mad at her but I'm starting to feel me lose my mental grasp on life, too.

I'm gonna end up watching my best friends surpass me, and I'll probably leave so they don't have to know a failure.


I had my first panic attack yesterday in the middle of class. I can't describe what it felt like or what I felt like trying, but it hurt and it was awful. Had one today too. I guess I put myself in this position, and I've officially dug to the point I'll probably be stuck forever.