TheComfortCorner | V.10

[heepheep]

everything technically went right today until i attended office hours to get a lor. but i couldn't bring myself to ask. being hungry for several hours probably exacerbated my anxiety. i feel so defeated... llike im regressing back and making no progress to fix my social issues. overall the meeting went ok but im really beating myself up. i guess there will always be another opportunity but i just feel like a sack of dirt rn .. why didn't i do it. when i came home i couldn't stop crying out of frustration. i hate how lame it is to be trapped in my own head. this might sound really funny later on i bet but right now i just feel like throwing up and it's the end of the world

[Unilluminate]

i dont think i care enough to get better.
but also i care a lot. i care so much about everything, but i never do anything to get better.
i need to do something because if i dont do something nothing will ever change.
i am so tired and i feel helpless, like no amount of help from other people could possibly fix my situation.
but i dont ask for help ever because im scared and embarrassed of how bad its gotten. :P
i feel like an embarrassment of a human being i just wanna isolate from everyone.

idk if this makes sense im just ahjkfghhfdghg :(((((((((((((((

[67Phlox]

what am i doing with my life

edit: my brain looks standard, i have no excuse to act like this

[^RukaDog^]

Why is my grandma like this…why does she treat all of us differently.
Why did she smack me in front of my mum and cousins
Why is she like this
I love her I really do but right now she’s being really annoying to me.

[Discontinued]

I'm so tired... but I'm in so much pain that I can't sleep yet. This sucks, I already can't sleep well as it is, but with this amount of pain on top of it? It's just so much worse, I can barely think straight. I wanna use the time I need to be awake to be productive or even for fun like playing a game, but concentrating on anything is just not happening aaa

[Ch!cken]

i literally cannot fail this class, i need to graduate, i genuinely think i might have some form of dyscalcula or something why is math so hard for me ?????? i feel like i genuinely just. do not get it, i’ve struggled since i was a kid and who knows maybe they wouldve caught it if i had been able to go to a real school lol, i wish i wasn’t like this

[iHolli]

{ the seasonal depression is realllyyy hitting. yay. I hate being stuck in a place where it snows, and snows a lot. just seeing it makes me so miserable even when everything else is going okay and right now things are not... great, at least mentally.
{ it sucks realizing just how much the way I was raised negatively impacts my life in every aspect. I grew up with minimal socialization, now I'm awkward and never know how to talk to people much less maintain a conversation. I was raised being told my interests were stupid or not of importance and now, when people are actually interested in what I like or the stories that live in my head, it's nearly impossible to actually communicate things to them. I have so much I want to share, about my characters, about the world's I've built, about the stories I've written on all but paper-- but they're stuck, because I've spent so long convinced no one would care or worse, I'd be made fun of, that I can't get anything to come out coherently.
{ and now... now I'm just lonely. I don't get much time to spend talking to my friends because work eats up so much of my day-- another issue, as well, since I'm exhausted from that but it's an entire new rant-- and I... feel like everyone is moving on without me again. that's not fair to say-- I know they don't mean it, we're all busy with our lives and our timezones are so spread out, we're doing the best we can. but it doesn't hurt less to feel left behind, especially when the one friend who's expressed the most interest in my characters is finding other people. they say I'm still their favorite, so it's not fair for me to worry or be down about it, and it's mostly the seasonal depression talking. I just. wish it were easier, to find my own words. I wish I didn't feel so alone, always.

[67Phlox]

-

[scottermite]

i can't stand anyone, and maybe it would be easier and more peaceful if nobody could stand me. i can't summon the strength to do what i need to. i don't even do anything, and still i can't psych myself into doing anything! i leave not only 'friends' but mental health professional's messages to rot untouched. i remember when i would beg pathetically for people to talk to me. it's so useless that people are only talking to me now that i've managed to be by myself without losing my mind... or, losing it slower.
except, of course, for the one person i actually do want to talk to. much as i try to hide it, i know myself, i know that i am a sour young man and if i don't get something that i want any feelings i might have rot and decay into resentment and hate. this is what always happens. is it happening yet? well, i have a bottle burning a hole in my pocket. i'd feel like an ungrateful mutt to resist when i finally do get attention again.

probably more pressing is that my birthday is alarmingly soon. my life may be dreadful waiting, but it has been for some time, which means that i need to get my life together... i need to fill out this form for my birth certificate, so i can fill out this form for my name & gender change, (do i need to fill out a form for the fact i have no photo id?) then i'll fill out this form to open a bank account, and then this form and that form if i want to get surgery, and then this and that form if i want to receive money to buy food because god knows i can't work and won't be able to for months if i'm able to get that surgery any time soon (and i'm not going to let myself have hope- i won't even let myself imagine it)- even then, they will probably require that i search for a job because i was stupid and decided to mask in an assessment yyyyaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy. and on top of it all i won't have my girl with me because of that stupid surgery that i need to live my life at all. maybe it wouldn't be so bad if there were any jobs to even get. god, and he wont even text me ...

i miss her (my broken laptop). it seems every time my laptops break is the only time i ever feel like writing. just my luck! i miss flickr...i miss... i dont know. not having to wear my glasses all the time to see a screen a meter and a half away because my laptop screen couldn't handle a little pressure. ugh!!! i just need something good to happen to me. oh my god, i just need SOMETHING to happen to me. i am miserable. and alone. and i hate everyone.
also, i hate everyone who is better than me (many people). i hate everyone who people like better than me (most people).

[Saiun]

Pardon my caps but CAN I GET SOME SLEEP AND ALSO NOT FEEL LIKE A GROTESQUE CIRCUS ANIMAL?