TheComfortCorner | V.10

[vist]

just wish i had someone,
someone to talk to,.

[♥ mizu]

i am absolutely mortified i used the wrong pronouns on somebody without realising for at least 2 days and i think i did it right in front of her and im just. im mortified. i feel terrible. we never told each other our pronouns. but i still used the wrong pronouns right in front of her i believe and i just feel. oh my god i cannot imagine how uncomfortable she mustve felt. me of all people. how could i get something so simple wrong. i might still be using the wrong pronouns.

i was asking about my peers and she was brought up and the bus driver corrected me and said she goes by she/her but i checked her insta bio and it says "they" so im absolutely not sure. maybe she uses any pronouns oh my god though i feel so guilty i need to ask. this is going to be so awkward. i feel so bad holy cow. i need advice guys, i'm going to ask her pronouns - but do i apologise, too? will that make her uncomfortable? how do i make this as not awkward as possible? i genuinely didn't know i feel so bad

what really fooled me was the fact that she presents very masc and has a beard and whatever and i just. i assumed. i feel so guilty. i know gender doesn't equal presentation but we never even mentioned pronouns or anything so i just guessed. agh

[breadstick]

i dont know how to stop hurting over something so small in the grand scheme of things but so, so important to me. feels like a bunch of trust i had is just gone

[bfdi]

im an unintentionally toxic person?

well, i was aware of that, wasnt i?

it hurt hearing that, though. it hurt hearing i made someone hate themselves.

maybe its for the best. i dont feel like talking to people anymore anyway. it seems like all i do is somehow perceived as abusive or passive aggressive.

[beignet]

— rant over.

[MochaIsMyCat]

I feel like I don't have a life, but I feel guilty having one.

My mom currently has cancer, everyday I watch her struggle, to the public, she doesn't look sick but I see it everyday. She gets tired easily and can hardly do any household chores, go to the store, or just do anything she used to enjoy. To make matters worse, my dad found out he might have cancer as well.

I'm too old to be living with my parents, that's what I feel like. I work, have a boyfriend of 5 years, own a dog. I pay my own medical bills, gas, essentials. But I feel like I can't afford my own place, and the sad thing is I kinda don't want to. I call myself the "housewife" of my household. My days consist of going to work, from work going to the store to get anything we need, coming home and cleaning, making dinner, take care of our pets, and go to bed. It's a repeating cycle. I have two brothers, they're both capable of helping, the older of the two has a lot of mental health issues where honestly I never see him, he's always in his room. My younger brother does help me a little bit but it's usually only done half way. My mom struggles doing anything without getting exhausted so I try to pick up the slack while my dad is at work all day providing for the house. I feel as if I have no time to do anything I want to do, I used to draw and read, play video games on my PC, go camping, but now I feel so incredibly guilty to do these things because If I do, I get behind on the house which puts more of a load on me the next day. But what really makes me feel guilty is my mom, I hate to say this but I don't know how much time I have left with her, so I try to spend as much time with her as possible. I hate going out with friends or going on a date night because I feel that it's precious time I could have with my mom. She tells me to live my life, not to let her hold me back, but for some reason I just can't do that. I don't want to move out, I want to be in the same house as her, I spend all day talking to her and I know if I left, the house would be a disaster, and she can't stand that.

I feel as if I'm spiraling, both of my parents sick, and they're young, I'm young. I want them to be there for my wedding, when I have kids, all the milestones I have yet to achieve, and I'm scared they won't be there for that, especially my mom, her treatments haven't been working and the cancer is getting worse. I'm closer to my mom than my dad, any questions I have, she has the answers. I feel like I don't know how to be an adult, but any questions I have a long the way she has the answers, who's going to help me when she's not here?

I keep this all bottled in, my worries and fears, I don't dare tell my mom, I don't want her to feel like a burden or just plain hurt her. I have anxiety all the time at work, I call her multiple times making sure she's okay, or if she needs anything. I just don't know what to do. I have no life but feel guilty having one at the same time.

[troops21]

Why do having things due so soon make me freeze in my entirely?
I thought it could motivate me into creating more but it just makes me freeze! D:
I am also worried for a friend of mine, especially as I feel guilt from the overwhelming negativity he feels.

I wanna try to do some one on one introductions for two friends who I feel could give each other attention but looking further into their interests, I feel they won't get along.

[Silverfang]

I am tired of having pain inside and no appetite.

I am wondering if im making a huge mistake moving. Is someone as stupid and mentally challenged as I capable of adulthood?
I doubt i can learn this new language. I cant speak or write.

[♥ mizu]

i talked to somebody my friend doesn't like.

for context: there are two main friend groups in my class: ours (group 1) and theirs (group 2). group 1 HATES group 2 because my best friend jenny has a huge issue with.. uh let's call her yasmine. jenny hates everyone in that group because they are friends (or are friendly with) yasmine.

jenny absolutely hates it when i talk to anyone from that group under any context. i think it's stupid, but i'm trying to avoid needless drama so i avoid them when she's around. like i literally can't even mention any of their names, it's so petty.

on wednesday, jenny and the rest of our group were out at a sporting event. it was just myself and 1 other person from my group as well as group 2. my friend left to go take a nap lol. so anyway.

we'll call the other girl from group 2 emily. emily and i have never had problems, i actually don't have issues with anyone. we're friendly. jenny does not like this because she thinks it means jenny and i aren't true friends or something (?). emily wanted to show me her dorm room because it's really cool, so i came with her. we spent about an hour and a half just.. talking. it was actually really nice.

but i feel awful because emily started talking about jenny and my group. she described why and how she didn't like them. i told her that i truly did love my friends, but respected her opinion and just listened. i made it very clear that i liked them and didn't feel the same as her, but i truly just listened. i made her promise not to tell anyone that we had even spoken, because i know if they found out there'd be hell to pay.

nothing happened, so why do i feel guilty? i didn't say a single bad thing about them. but i know jenny does not like them. emily left the school today to go back to china, but i'm afraid she'll tell somebody because there are no consequences for her if she does (kind of a "leave everyone in the rubble" type situation).

i'm actually really concerned. i love jenny so so much. i truly do. but i feel like i've cheated on her or something. she always makes these stupid jokes saying i'm not her friend and, honestly, i don't like them. i don't like feeling like there is a power imbalance. i'm free to do whatever i want, talk to whoever i want. i just want to avoid drama, that's the problem.

i'm not going to tell jenny but i'm afraid if she founds out she'll feel cheated and there'll be a stupid argument.

[nobxdy]

my current ailment if anyone wants to read;

sighh.. i know kids are gonna be kids, i know they're gonna try to push and push despite being very upfront and assertive, but this is why i cant stand events here. we are supposed to keep the buildings orderly when there are things going on, making sure something doesn't turn into a bigger issue, etc. however, there were kids being disruptive and harassing staff so i had to tell them to go back where they need to be and stop messing around (which they did). i had to go back up to the front of the building, i can't stay back there all night, i have stuff to do. but i went back there again just to make sure things were alright and some of the same kids were in the hallway again, throwing things around. they stopped once they saw me but really? they were old enough to know better, and obviously they knew they shouldn't be doing that if they stopped upon seeing me. idk why kids can't just behave. i asked my mom if i ever acted like that in public, especially when we would attend events, and she said no. so idk man, im not a babysitter and it just gets on my nerves.

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separate from the above;

i really don't want to do my assignments. they're due the 8th and the 9th but i can't be bothered. im just so tired all the time.