Write a Letter You Cannot Send (Read the Rules!)

[Moniteau Warrior]

To a friend I haven't seen in a while that tragically passed away last weekend...

I'm sorry I didn't go to church to see you more often. I want to thank you for all the fun times I had with you and that you were like a big brother to me. You had known me my entire life and were there for me when my mom passed, I wanted to thank you for that. I always had a crush on you and when we were on the Mission trip with our Church together and I found out I was going to be sitting in the back with you the entire 11-hour ride there I was stoked. I'm really going to miss you. When I fell asleep in your lap on that trip and you put your arm around me because I was having a nightmare, I felt safe and I also felt bad because that was something I never would have done without being BF/GF. I'm really going to miss you and I will always love you...

[coffee.berry]

to him,

hey. i know we haven't talked in a while, and i know you're aware of that. i just
wanted to tell you that it hurts. it really, truly hurts. how can you treat me so
well for two semesters, and then right before the summer, just.. ignore me?

i don't know what i did, honest. i just know that it's hurting me, and if it's hurt-
ing you, too, why don't you do something about it? i admired you, i liked you
not because of your looks but the way you acted. i was worried sick in that last
week of school when you started getting angry and snapping at everyone.

everyone except for her. she tries to treat everyone equally, even though she
doesn't like everyone. you joke around with her just like we used to.

i hate to say it, but i'm jealous. jealous of the way you look at her, talk to her,
smile at her. jealous of how eager you are to spend time with her. sad about
how you never even spared me a minute when you realized you liked her.

today, when you were running and she grabbed you by the shirt in a game of
tag, i saw you blushing. you say you don't like her, but i know you do. she says
she doesn't like you, but i know she does. i see it in the way both of you act.

i think about you all the time, though. since the third day of school. i've tried
so hard to move on. i think i have, but right now i haven't moved on from the
heartbreak stage. it's selfish, but i wish you would turn back and look at me
instead.

it makes me angry that every thing you do makes me hopeful, like when you
glanced at me today and turned away, smiling as you noticed i was looking.
but you know, she's sitting in front of me. you were probably peeking at her,
and just accidentally saw me.

this makes me so sad. i've been so tired and glum lately. i hope you know it's
because of you. because of what you've put me through.

this is just like that one taylor swift lyric;
all of this to say, i hope you're okay - but you're the reason
and no one here's to blame; but what about your quiet treason

regards,
me.

[Fleetwood]

dear dad

every year I tell myself it's fine. but I break down anyways. I absolutely hate father's day. you're not even a bad person. you're just a bad dad. I really hope you're a better dad to those two, though. I wouldn't know what that's like. so yeah. happy father's day.

[Judgment Boy]

Hey old friend. If I even have the privilege to still call you that after everything I've done, I definitely don't blame you if you hate me. I just want you to know that I miss you and our friendship, and there are no words that can accurately express how deeply sorry I am that I alone ruined it all. I should have been joyous with you when you found somebody and should have been there when your parents completely lost it. You patiently assured me many times things wouldn't change for the worst just because there was a person in your life now, but I was still too scared and paranoid you where gonna leave me behind, I was so so wrong not to believe in you and our friendship more. My mom was so against me making my own friends even until adulthood, why did I end up letting her fuel my paranoia more. How was I that stupid to confide in her regarding my anxiety about the situation. I desperately said anything I could to not make you "abandon me forever", I said very cruel things when I took my paranoia out on you. I ultimately failed you when you needed me the most, and I made my own fear into a reality. Betraying you like that is a guilt that I will carry for the rest of my life, and I try my best to be a much better friend to others for the rest of my life in attempt to fix my mess, even if it's just a little.

I hope things are much better for you now, and you are surrounded by many wonderful people who are a thousand times the friend I ever was to you. And I truly hope I didn't end up ruining the other website to make you quit it, an old and dear friend of ours has been trying to get in contact with you. I really hope you guys somehow meet paths somehow soon, they do miss you too. I wish I didn't say stupid things and make stupid decisions. I ruined everything, and now I have to pay that price.

And to anyone else happening to be reading this: If you are chronically lonely as I and finally find that one amazing person to call your friend, keep them with your life. When they help you fight through life, you be there and ready to do the same for them. Amazing and true friends are rare and precious. I would do anything to fix the mistakes I made.

[uro]

g,
sometimes i wish youd just be honest and ghost me. it would hurt less than this i think. im trying not to jump to conclusions, im trying to be understanding, but none of this makes sense. it hurts more to be lied to, even if youre trying to protect my feelings. just rip the bandaid off

[.Vellichor.]

It's not that I don't want to be there for you anymore. You just don't let me. Not in a way that matters. I've taken several steps back, because you've made it clear that you're not willing to open up, and that's an issue for us. You don't accept my comfort, love, or assistance when I offer them. Since at least January, you've abruptly started stonewalling. We were making so much progress, getting really close and opening up to each other, saying things we were holding back...

...and then suddenly you shut down. I had mailed you a valentine's day card and you barely acknowledged it, let alone send one back. It made me feel like everything was one-sided the entire time. Yet you insist the feeling is mutual.

It's hard to believe that when you repeatedly give me these mixed messages. I don't know what you want from me anymore. It's clearly not nothing, but you won't tell me what it is.

Please figure out what you want. I'll be waiting, but no one waits forever.

[Lycancore]

hey alex, you were a p cool guy when you were actually nice to me, and I wish we could have hung out and partied more

[paevent]

x,

Call this harsh but I laugh when I think of you now. You really sound like you aren’t aware of how much hurt you caused me and honestly you wasted so much of my time. The only benefit is that I’ve learned what to watch out for, it was so dumb of me to be with you and hope to never be that dumb in my life again. You say you’re going through heartbreak, you could only imagine how broken and scared you’ve made me feel. So yes I’m gonna say it that I am so grateful I’m having a better life without you and just in general. I’ve never felt more hate for someone more in my life.
Now the softer side of me says this, I hope things work out for you. Back to my anger, I hope to never see your face in person ever again. Knowing that that’s a possibility scares me. I am really not sure exactly how to navigate my feelings of the whole situation, like if looking at your online presence is good or bad or something else. All ik is that i checked for the second time in these past 2 years and you’re clearly writing things about me online still (unless some things are about other girls in which case I’d be way more fine with that). There’s just some specific details in your poems that I know for a fact are about me, and I only mention this cuz idk where else to say my thoughts like this besides telling my best friend. You had a hard upbringing in life and somehow that guy we knew is talking to you again, I hope you’re happy about that. Basically, I hope life goes well for you, you’re on the list for people I absolutely despise though (:
wondering if you ever moved on. Cuz oml knowing that you write about me makes me irritated, call me a hypocrite sure but you’d never use this site. I have moved on, but live with the random bad thoughts that I’ve gained from dealing with your actions. I have moved on so much that I’m finding all these better people, some that have treated me better in one single day than you have ever treated me for those three years. Something that makes me happy, is knowing that a man that loves me more than you ever did, I’ve known for longer than I’ve known you. And yes I do consider myself lucky, but I also believe there’s some sort of karma out there, jus thinking out loud

[.Vellichor.]

You get upset that you get left on read by other people or that people flake on plans, but you ignore my requests to hang out or decline when I offer to take someone’s place when they bail on you last minute. You complain that people you don’t even like forget your birthday, but you always forget mine. You lament that you feel unloved and you ignore every attempt I make to show you that you’re not.

When I tell you I know how you feel, I mean it. Because you make me feel that way.

[stellalunaa]

c,

or whoever you may be now. remember when we met all that time ago?

when we laughed and had fun, and you shared all those cool story tidbits with us? i miss that part of you; what made us all click with you in the first place. it was fun getting to learn about the games you loved so much, and to hear your voice and see what you liked most.i miss the characters you created and the way you made all my friends smile on our group discord.

but now all you’ve left in me is hurt. the way you’ve hurt my friends; i can’t unsee what you’ve done. time and time again, you’ve left my dear friends feeling hurt. feeling lonely, pushing them away. and it’s like you’re not the same you that I met all those years ago. you deleted your server months ago, but with it you took the memories that made us love you in the first place.

you’ve said how we’ve been pushing you away, how we’re avoiding you; but have you seen what you’ve done to us? you block people out of turn, you leave them lonely for months on end. and i never know when suddenly you’ll blow up on us. and that scares me sometimes.

but now it’s 2024. who are you now? where are you now? all I see is a blank profile on discord, and a blank image where your icon should go. and all I can do is wonder if you’re okay out there. despite all the hurt you’ve left in me, I see a human being too; and want you to be safe.

it makes me sad that things had to end like this. even if we’ve all given you opportunities time and time again to reconnect and change. please stop shutting out the people who have loved you before.