I hate my house. I hate my parents. I hate my assigned gender. It's like every part of life is against me. I don't have any safe space aside from the internet, and every time I have to talk to my parents it's like being brought right down to earth violently. It's almost my birthday (May 15th) and I showed my mom the things I wanted today (all very pink and girly, I like pink. I am a girl.) and she told me the new keyboard I wanted was "too bright" and I should "get a black one instead". I don't want a black one!!! My room is my only safe space in my otherwise suffocating house and even then it's still a fight with my parents to get anything that I like and can use to express myself.
I wish I was assigned female at birth. I hate being male and treated like a male. I can't take being deadnamed (especially by my family who refuse to use my preferred name despite me being out to them for over a year) or misgendered anymore. I wish I could've just been assigned female at birth so that I wouldn't have to deal with all these issues and hate just for not acting like a neurotypical male.
I wish my parents didn't control MY MONEY and make it so I can't even access it. I can't buy anything I want and ultimately it's their decision whether they let me spend my own money on anything. Having 0 financial freedom sucks.
I wish I could move out!!! Far far far far far away from all my problems. I still have a year left before I graduate and even then there's no guarantee I'll be able to move away or move in with my partner. My parents would still be controlling all my money and I doubt they'd just willingly give that to me so I doubt I'd be able to pay rent.
Life sucks. I hate everything. Every day is just a day closer to (hopefully) finally being able to actually start living and expressing myself.