TheComfortCorner | V.10

[67Phlox]

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[ghostbite]

the only person in my life is hanging on by a thin thread. im scared im going to lose them, theyre all thats keeping me together. i feel so alone, lost and confused. i dont know what to do.
i just want everything to be ok again. they mean the world to me.
theres a lot more going on in my life currently, but thats the main thing hurting me right now.

[Eneco]

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[67Phlox]

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[Hawk WillowWatcher]

HAHAHAHahahahhahah, I don’t care what you say you narcissistic piece of crap! One person truly cares about me, she cares! She cares!? She cares…? Is she just using me like everyone else? Does anyone actually care? My head is spinning with questions… I don’t know who to trust. What will happen when I have to go back there? Who even am I? Who am I? What am I? My paws hurt, my wings ache, fires burn inside. So many questions, am I annoying? Is that why no one likes me? Is this what I’m like? I can’t change that… can I? Can I? Why do my tears hurt? Can I change who I am? I would for just one person to like me… please… I’ll change everything I am, I can hide it all, just like me please? I feel like I’m drowning… I wish I could… my mother hates me, my brother laughs when I break, I don’t know if any of my “friends” even know me… if you’re going to be my “friend” as some sick joke, just know,
I bite
I fight back
I never trusted you from the start
I hear everything you say behind my back

[♥ mizu]

so freaking tired. sooo freaking tired. of these people. i walk on eggshells around my father. he's chronically stressed about anything and everything. i'll say something casually and it'll get him going. he doesn't understand humour. i'll make a joke like "ohh our car is making a funny noise! hahah" and he'll be like, "I need to get it fixed. Stop pointing it out. I've spent so much on you already. Jesus [mizu]." like. not exactly that, but i can totally see him saying that. he's just always angry. always. and i used to try to do things for him to make him happy but he would still grow angry with me. so now i just sit in my room and that angers him too. nothing is good enough for him. i'm struggling in school, not because of lack of skill, but because of lack of motivation. i feel depressed as hell. i hate living like i have to please other people. i'm not somebody who gets into arguments easily. i don't offend many people. when given the opportunity to, i can make friends pretty quickly. people LIKE me. so why doesn't my own father? it hurts so freaking bad. and it's silly of me to want him to change, because i know that he won't. but we are such different people. he told me himself that he's fine with being an angry, miserable person. but i don't get it. what happened to you, dad? what happened to you to make you this way? we all start out as happy little children, but i don't know how you grew up to be so angry.

and i feel like i'm the problem, too. he doesn't get angry like this at other people. he doesn't insult them to their faces. he huffs and puffs, but with me i feel like i'm always failing. and maybe i am. maybe i am the idiot daughter here with the victim complex. in which case, i need to fix it. but i hate my family life right now. both of my parents have had strokes, my grandpa just had one a few days ago, everyone is growing more mortal by the day. they're so old. so. old.

[67Phlox]

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[marciplier]

its pouring rain, enough to knock the power out, and something in my moms car is making the battery not charge and unable to turn over. basically shes stuck. worried for her and last year around this time a storm knocked power lines out for a week so im. im worried.

[WarriorcatKitty]

i feel like a horrible friend.

[memeaches]

i keep having dreams about my family members in really uncomfortable painful situations that are definitely against cs rules to talk about in detail lol. its about 50/50 when it comes to me doing awful things to them and them doing awful things to me. specifically about my parents too, which definitely isn't a coincidence. ever since i moved out its been pretty consistent, although i'm no stranger to intrusive thoughts and messed up dreams. these really mess me up though. it makes me not want to sleep at all, which is kind of a problem (not me posting this at 2am). the last like 6 months of my life has consisted of me really recognizing and making a conscious effort to end the cycle of generational trauma and unlearn a lot of the things i'd internalized as truth growing up. and the constant battle is me mentally pushing against these ideas but my old self fighting back because misery is all we have all known. and it makes me feel terrible because my parents are still stuck in that hole of depression and improving without them feels like a betrayal. even though it's nobodys fault. it's not my fault that i am trying to be better and it's not their fault for being sick. anyways these dreams have me feeling like the bad guy for trying to improve. its like theyre still in control of me and that i will never find peace from these feelings. and even in sleep i can't escape. my ocd brain says that this is karmic punishment for being so mentally unwell as a teen. its always the worst when my compulsions have something solid to hold onto so their nonsense feels a little more plausible. anyways thanks brain the dreams of me hurting the people i love is really helping my guilt :)