CS Couples I has writers block please help ^^

Are you a writer or a poet? Come and share your creations with us, or discuss writing techniques with others
Forum rules
Please only post your own original work, do not post poetry or stories which were written by someone else.

CS Couples I has writers block please help ^^

Postby Official-Enjolras » Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:41 pm

Rose let the waves wash over her paws as the sun rose above her, bright orange rays of light washing over her pink body. A tear raced down her cheek and disapeared in her fur. Her mother and father would never understand like she did. Last nights' avents where still fresh in her mind as she sat watching the waves.
"I will not let my only daughter be unwed" he shouted at her, his white and red fur bristling in anger. Her mother, stood by, her tail swishing behind her as if she had something to say. Rose stood her ground and bared her teeth.
"I will not marry any of the Princes' I have met! They are all the same, every one of them is just as arrogant as the next." her father rounded on her as a cry of dispair escaped her mother.
"But you must marry, you are the next ruler to this Kingdom!" Rose whipped around to face her mother.
"You know who I want to marry!" she whispered. Rose's parents looked at each other.
"No Rose, you cannot marry him, he is not royalty" her mother said with a slight growl. Rose shook her head. I don't care!" Rose snarled. Rose's mother unsheathed her claws, her smooth whigte pelt now bristling, and advanced on her. "I will. not. let. you. marry. him!" her teeth were clenched together and the words sounded like she was forcing them out of mouth. Rose stared at her mother and fled. Now Rose sat sat on the sand dunes, watching the sparkling waves roll into the shore. "Rose!" her mother called from the balcony. "You have another guest!" Great, I guess its time to meet another arrogant Prince. Rose's paws dragged in the sand as she made her way back up to the castle.
* * *
Sunlight filtered lazily into the drawing room as Rose sat down across from Prince Fredrick. He smiled at her from across the table. Here we go again.....
* * *
Rose fled from the castle once again, this time upon the matter of what she had just done. Prince Fredrick had st her limit and she lunged at him, pinning him to the ground. Rose ran down the beach stopping at the mouth of a cave, but instead of a wet, damp smell coming from the cave, a warm breeze stirred Rose's fur. Rose smiled as she took a breath, and padded into the cave. Weak sunlight flickered against her fur as she made her way through the cave. At the end of her path, two willow trees, whose branches were intertwined, stood like guards against the entrance. A playful spring meadow, full in bloom, filled her vision. A waterfall trickled by slowly. Rose padded further into the meadow. More Willow trees dotted the ground followed by an orchard of Cherry blossom trees. Young Cherry blossoms floated through the air. Rose let out a whimper of sadness as she remembered Swirls, a man (Dog?) she had met many times here. Swirls was kind, but he was not royalty like her mother had already said. "I have been waiting for you." said a voice behind her. Rose stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. There he stood, his light blue coat shining, the white swirls outlined against the blue. A smile was on his face and his eyes glowed with love for her. "Swirls....." Rose had barely spoken a word as she started toward him. he watched her come and as she came closer he sat down. "Where have you been?" rose asked, sadness tinted her voice. Swirls looked into her eyes like he searching her soul. "My mother has married the King of Camelot." He told her. Rose laid her head on his shoulder. "You remembered this place?" She asked him. Swirls looked hurt.
"I will always remember this place." He said in a shocked voice. "I will never forget it, ever!" Rose got up.
"Lets explore a bit." a smile played on her lips. Swirls jumped to his feet and followed her eagerly.
* * *
Rose treaded lightly on the marble floor of the castle, as not to wake her parents. Rose then silently crept into her bedroom and climbed into her bed, falling into a deep sleep.
* * *
Rose countinued to go back to the Spring meadow and meet Swirls, unaware of her secret visits. After weeks of visiting him, Rose grew ill and tired all the time. Her parents grew worride and anxious. They called a doctor to come and see her and claimed she was going to fine in a month, which was when her puppies were going to be born. "Puppies!" her mother cried. "What puppies!" Rose looked away and examined the white marble flooring instead. "Rose," her father's voice was becoming dangerously calm. "Who's puppies are they?"
"I do not wish to tell you." and with those words she padded away, her tail drooping. I must tell Swirls.....Rose padded into the meadow once again to see Swirls waiting for her. "What's wrong?" He asked. Rose looked down at her paws. "I'm having your puppies." Her voice sounded dull. Swirls leapt to his feet and rushed over to her, licking her face vigorously. "Isn't that great?" He asked her once he noticed she was not as happy as he was. "Yes but my mother and father want to know who the father is." Her voice was hollow. Swirls looked into her eyes again. "I don't care what they say because I am proud to be the father of those puppies and I love you." His voice soothed Rose into a gentle sleep.
* * *
Five puppies lay nestled around Rose. One was pure white with pointed ears and her sister was white with a darker shade of white running down her back, a necklece hung around her neck. Another puppy lay by Rose's head, his coat a dark blue and a white star enclosing throughout his body. another puppy lay at her belly, her coat a light silver. The last pup was a light blue, just like swirls, and white swirls rested on his coat. Rose beamed at her pups and lay her head down only to see her mother and father's shocked and horrified faces.
"That pup!He looks just like-" her mother sputtered. "We have told you that you are not marrying him!" Rose sat up. "Swirls is the puppies father, and my mate. I do not have to stay here, I can always go and live in his Kingdom and rule there." her tone was tinted with ice and she turned away from her parents, who were looking at her hopelessly. "Where is Swirls?" her mother asked softly. "He is on the beach waiting for me." Rose replied, still with her back to them. "I will have the guards bring him in." Her mother murmered and she sliped out of the room quietly. Several minutes later Rose pricked her ears to hear Swirls talking with her mother. "-I will have it arranged for tommorow." her mother was saying quietly. The door burst open and Swirls scampered to Rose's side and beamed at his puppies. "Their beautiful." he breathed. Each one of the puppies one by one opened their eyes. "Have you named them yet?" Swirls asked. Rose shook her head. "Well maybe we should name them now." Swirls laughed. They spent the whole evening naming the puppies. The silver puppy was named Glitter, while the white puppy was named Lizzie. The other white puppy with the darker shade of white was named Ivory and the dark blue puppy was named Blue Moon. Then when there was the last pup that looked like Swirls, they decided to name him Swirly. Rose licked each of the puppies and they rested their heads on her stomach in turn and fell asleep. "One last thing." Swirls whispered in her ear. "What?" She whispered back. "We're getting married tommorow at sunset." Swirls' grin was bigger then Rose's as they finaly relized one thing; they could be together at last.
Extended version

Rose let the waves wash over her paws as the sun rose above her, bright orange rays of light washing over her pink body. A tear raced down her cheek and disapeared in her fur. Her mother and father would never understand like she did. Last nights' avents where still fresh in her mind as she sat watching the waves.
"I will not let my only daughter be unwed" he shouted at her, his white and red fur bristling in anger. Her mother, stood by, her tail swishing behind her as if she had something to say. Rose stood her ground and bared her teeth.
"I will not marry any of the Princes' I have met! They are all the same, every one of them is just as arrogant as the next." her father rounded on her as a cry of dispair escaped her mother.
"But you must marry, you are the next ruler to this Kingdom!" Rose whipped around to face her mother.
"You know who I want to marry!" she whispered. Rose's parents looked at each other.
"No Rose, you cannot marry him, he is not royalty" her mother said with a slight growl. Rose shook her head. I don't care!" Rose snarled. Rose's mother unsheathed her claws, her smooth whigte pelt now bristling, and advanced on her. "I will. not. let. you. marry. him!" her teeth were clenched together and the words sounded like she was forcing them out of mouth. Rose stared at her mother and fled. Now Rose sat sat on the sand dunes, watching the sparkling waves roll into the shore. "Rose!" her mother called from the balcony. "You have another guest!" Great, I guess its time to meet another arrogant Prince. Rose's paws dragged in the sand as she made her way back up to the castle.
* * *
Sunlight filtered lazily into the drawing room as Rose sat down across from Prince Fredrick. He smiled at her from across the table. Here we go again.....
* * *
Rose fled from the castle once again, this time upon the matter of what she had just done. Prince Fredrick had st her limit and she lunged at him, pinning him to the ground. Rose ran down the beach stopping at the mouth of a cave, but instead of a wet, damp smell coming from the cave, a warm breeze stirred Rose's fur. Rose smiled as she took a breath, and padded into the cave. Weak sunlight flickered against her fur as she made her way through the cave. At the end of her path, two willow trees, whose branches were intertwined, stood like guards against the entrance. A playful spring meadow, full in bloom, filled her vision. A waterfall trickled by slowly. Rose padded further into the meadow. More Willow trees dotted the ground followed by an orchard of Cherry blossom trees. Young Cherry blossoms floated through the air. Rose let out a whimper of sadness as she remembered Swirls, a man (Dog?) she had met many times here. Swirls was kind, but he was not royalty like her mother had already said. "I have been waiting for you." said a voice behind her. Rose stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. There he stood, his light blue coat shining, the white swirls outlined against the blue. A smile was on his face and his eyes glowed with love for her. "Swirls....." Rose had barely spoken a word as she started toward him. he watched her come and as she came closer he sat down. "Where have you been?" rose asked, sadness tinted her voice. Swirls looked into her eyes like he searching her soul. "My mother has married the King of Camelot." He told her. Rose laid her head on his shoulder. "You remembered this place?" She asked him. Swirls looked hurt.
"I will always remember this place." He said in a shocked voice. "I will never forget it, ever!" Rose got up.
"Lets explore a bit." a smile played on her lips. Swirls jumped to his feet and followed her eagerly.
* * *
Rose treaded lightly on the marble floor of the castle, as not to wake her parents. Rose then silently crept into her bedroom and climbed into her bed, falling into a deep sleep.
* * *
Rose countinued to go back to the Spring meadow and meet Swirls, unaware of her secret visits. After weeks of visiting him, Rose grew ill and tired all the time. Her parents grew worride and anxious. They called a doctor to come and see her and claimed she was going to fine in a month, which was when her puppies were going to be born. "Puppies!" her mother cried. "What puppies!" Rose looked away and examined the white marble flooring instead. "Rose," her father's voice was becoming dangerously calm. "Who's puppies are they?"
"I do not wish to tell you." and with those words she padded away, her tail drooping. I must tell Swirls.....Rose padded into the meadow once again to see Swirls waiting for her. "What's wrong?" He asked. Rose looked down at her paws. "I'm having your puppies." Her voice sounded dull. Swirls leapt to his feet and rushed over to her, licking her face vigorously. "Isn't that great?" He asked her once he noticed she was not as happy as he was. "Yes but my mother and father want to know who the father is." Her voice was hollow. Swirls looked into her eyes again. "I don't care what they say because I am proud to be the father of those puppies and I love you." His voice soothed Rose into a gentle sleep.
* * *
Five puppies lay nestled around Rose. One was pure white with pointed ears and her sister was white with a darker shade of white running down her back, a necklece hung around her neck. Another puppy lay by Rose's head, his coat a dark blue and a white star enclosing throughout his body. another puppy lay at her belly, her coat a light silver. The last pup was a light blue, just like swirls, and white swirls rested on his coat. Rose beamed at her pups and lay her head down only to see her mother and father's shocked and horrified faces.
"That pup!He looks just like-" her mother sputtered. "We have told you that you are not marrying him!" Rose sat up. "Swirls is the puppies father, and my mate. I do not have to stay here, I can always go and live in his Kingdom and rule there." her tone was tinted with ice and she turned away from her parents, who were looking at her hopelessly. "Where is Swirls?" her mother asked softly. "He is on the beach waiting for me." Rose replied, still with her back to them. "I will have the guards bring him in." Her mother murmered and she sliped out of the room quietly. Several minutes later Rose pricked her ears to hear Swirls talking with her mother. "-I will have it arranged for tommorow." her mother was saying quietly. The door burst open and Swirls scampered to Rose's side and beamed at his puppies. "Their beautiful." he breathed. Each one of the puppies one by one opened their eyes. "Have you named them yet?" Swirls asked. Rose shook her head. "Well maybe we should name them now." Swirls laughed. They spent the whole evening naming the puppies. The silver puppy was named Glitter, while the white puppy was named Lizzie. The other white puppy with the darker shade of white was named Ivory and the dark blue puppy was named Blue Moon. Then when there was the last pup that looked like Swirls, they decided to name him Swirly. Rose licked each of the puppies and they rested their heads on her stomach in turn and fell asleep. "One last thing." Swirls whispered in her ear. "What?" She whispered back. "We're getting married tommorow at sunset." Swirls' grin was bigger then Rose's as they finaly relized one thing; they could be together at last.
* * *
Rose wandered across the beach and into her secret cave, her heart light with happiness. I'm getting Marride tommorow! Rose smiled to herself as the fresh air flowed through her fur as she looked into the river but gasped as a another face appeared beside hers. It wasn't Swirls. Soon Rose was on the ground and bound with rope. "The Queen will enjoy seeing you." His voice was harsh and his face was covered in scars. Rose whimpered but soon became quiet as the kidnapper aimed a kick at her rib cage.
"Be quiet!" He dragged her back through the cave and out to the beach. There waiting for him was a sled, being pulled by a working dog. "To The Kingdom of Queen Jane." He growled at the working dog and they set off.
* * *
Alarms blared throughout the castle as Swirls found Rose's bedroom empty. He had traveled to the cave to see if she was there but found her fur in the mud claw marks near the river. "I want her found!" The King was shouting at The guards, his red and white fur bristling. Rose's mother stood by, her Silver fur prickling with anxiety. "We will find her and whoever took her, I want her kidnapper dead!" Rose's father growled to the nearest guard as they ran away.
* * *
"Ah yes, Princess Rose." Queen Jane laughed, her white hair flowing all around her. "So your the one marrying my son? You will not marry him, because you always thought he was never royalty so you couldn't!" Rose whimpered at those words. "The law says I cannot marry anybody but a price." Rose whimpered. "Silence!" Queen Jane snarled. Rose lay there on the floor, her dress in tatters.
"Put her in a cell." Queen Jane growled. Rose whimpered as she was dragged away and put into a filthy cell, with nothing but a moth eaten blanket. "Why are you doing this?" She begged the harsh looking wolf. He looked back. "You degraded my family, we won't stand for that." Rose started to cry as he shut the door and left her alone in the dark.
* * *
Swirls burst into the room panting. "I know where Rose is!"
"What!" Rose's mother cried.
"I was asking around and a dog worker said he pulled her but she was with someone. She was bound in ropes, with my brother."
* * *
Rose set into an unhappy sleep, her puppies and Swirls drifting in and out speaking to her in a faraway voice. "Rose! Where are you?" Swirls called as her puppies whimpered and cried for their mother. Rose awoke with tears streaming down her face and she settled into a dreamless sleep.
* * *
Swirls crouched in the bushes near his mothers castle with the guards of Rose's fathers kingdom surrounding him. "Are you ready, my lord?" One of the guards whispered. Swirls nodded. "I think My mother is keeping Rose in the Cellar underneath the castle." The Guards nodded and crept forward. Then a battle cry echoed throughout the grounds. Snarls and growls ripped thorugh the air as Queen Jane's guards met King Philip's. The Capton rolled on the ground with another guard and bit him so hard he sent him shrieking back to th entrance to the castle. Swirls slipped past everybody, feeling spatters of blood meet his pelt and he slipped through the front door of the castle. His pawsteps echoed in the castle. He then climbed the stairs down to the cellar and opened the door to see Rose, on the ground, bleeding her life out.
* * *
(Before Swirls came)
Rose whimpered as the door opened. Swirls' brother padded in, his teeth bared in a snarl. "Have you told anybody about your marriage!" Rose shook her head. "Lies!" He shrieked. "The whole Kingdom here knows!" He slashed his claws and Rose let out a strangled screech of pain as his claws met her chest. "This is all we wanted." He muttered as he left and shut the door.
* * *
"Rose!" Swirls ran to her side and started to lick her wounds. "This is all they wanted from you." He murmured as he picked her up gingerly and started to climb the stairs out but was stopped as Queen Jane stood in front of the castle doors.
"Why do you come for her?" she sneered at him. Swirls bristled. "Because I love her and you won't keep her from me." Queen Jane sneered one last time and let him pass. "You are no son of mine!" she barked. "I don't want to be." Swirls muttered and ran at full speed across the grounds.
* * *
Rose blinked her eyes open and saw Swirls. "Oh hi." she breathed. "Hi." Swirls laughed as he licked her face. "I love you." he told her as the pups bounced on both of them.
Last edited by Official-Enjolras on Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:50 pm, edited 4 times in total.
User avatar
Official-Enjolras
 
Posts: 13131
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 2:25 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: CS Couples posts and critics welcome :)

Postby coffees » Wed Jun 22, 2011 7:29 am

Very cute story ^^
That was good to read,
used to be soul.
she/her, adult ! ♥️ artist, cookie dough ice cream lover
art shop
characters
User avatar
coffees
 
Posts: 12743
Joined: Tue Oct 05, 2010 10:58 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me


Re: CS Couples posts and critics welcome :)

Postby Eveningsdawn » Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:30 pm

Hi there! My name is Edie, and I just discovered there is a writing board on CS. I did a lot of editing in college and am anxious to flex my muscles; I'm also a writer myself and know how much critique can help :)

So, a few things, since you seem to be open to feedback...

First: Instead of linking to pictures of your characters, describe them for us. Ideally, I would like to know not just how they look, but how they move, how they hold their heads and bodies when they are sad or joyful; dogs do so much non-verbal communication and it's a shame to lose out on that just because they can talk.

And coming to the talking--in order to have dogs who speak, you should try to establish a rational world where there can be speaking dogs. Right now it's a bit of deus ex machina--you think they should talk and so they talk. Are these doggish humanoids? Are they aliens who look like dogs? Are they enchanted? Would they look upon humans as fabulous beasts or fellow intelligent being? Is this the dog-world that underlies ours (like Diane Duane did in her cat-wizards books) or is it another place entirely? I know you probably don't think these things are important to a little vignette, but they are; they make it believable.

Now to framing, and then to plot.

You've got a bit of a spelling/grammar issue going on here. It might be an idea to make sure you know the two/too/too, you're/your, and their/they're/there differences, as I see you've slipped up several times. The first word of a sentence following dialog is NOT capitalized, and if there is a period at the end of the spoken phrase, it becomes a comma. See:

"I will not let my only daughter be un-wed!" Shouted her father.

becomes
"I will not let my only daughter be unwed!" shouted her father.

--
"I love you." He whispered.

becomes
"I love you," he whispered.


This is a change that should be made through the entire piece. Now to plot! The interesting bits.

There's nothing wrong with your plot, persay. It's just very familiar--shades of Romeo and Juliet, you know? And there's nothing wrong with that, as a young writer, but you've got to find a way to make it your own and unique, past just making them dogs. Why not stick the princess with surprise puppies? Or have him come to court her in disguise, his coat blackened with soot, either to fool her parents or test her love? Come to that, if she's seen all the princes around, why hasn't she seen him? Where's your backstory? What's the deal with her parents changing their tune so sudden?

There's just not enough conflict, and what we have is too familiar. You've got a start, but you've also got a LOT more editing to do.






the hyena of morality
waiting at the garden gate
Image
User avatar
Eveningsdawn
 
Posts: 676
Joined: Mon Mar 29, 2010 11:52 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: CS Couples posts and critics welcome :)

Postby Official-Enjolras » Wed Jun 22, 2011 1:45 pm

Ok I'll check up on that. ^^ Thanks for pointing that out, I start now.
User avatar
Official-Enjolras
 
Posts: 13131
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 2:25 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: CS Couples posts and critics welcome :)

Postby chainsmoking » Fri Jun 24, 2011 6:00 pm

OMG! That was great. Ye are really great at describing.
i like to cry bc of one direction
Image
User avatar
chainsmoking
 
Posts: 380
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: CS Couples posts and critics welcome :)

Postby Official-Enjolras » Sat Jun 25, 2011 4:10 pm

thanks ^_^ had to edit it because of Eddie over there, but I think its pretty good ^.^ I'll be posting a book a i'm writing here soon, if I ever finish
User avatar
Official-Enjolras
 
Posts: 13131
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 2:25 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me


Re: CS Couples posts and critics welcome :) Need Requests!

Postby chainsmoking » Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:48 am

Lol I keep reading it over and over.
i like to cry bc of one direction
Image
User avatar
chainsmoking
 
Posts: 380
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: CS Couples posts and critics welcome :) Need Requests!

Postby Official-Enjolras » Wed Jun 29, 2011 1:11 pm

SafetyChain wrote:Lol I keep reading it over and over.

I'm writing the next story now
User avatar
Official-Enjolras
 
Posts: 13131
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 2:25 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests