TheComfortCorner | V.10

[♥ mizu]

also i know being left on seen isn't necessarily a bad thing because i do it all the time when i don't have the energy to respond but im so scared they hate me

[qtip]

why she so mean? stupid why cant i sit there i ALWAYS SIT THERE DIE

[♥ mizu]

why is talking to older people through message so uncomfortable "Just assumed you knew." girl YOU'RE SCARING ME i need tone indicators if you're gonna message with proper grammar and periods in every sentence !!!

[Jokikaktus]

Why do you keep trying to involve me in your relationship drama? Were not even friends, please stop creating new accounts to spam me with "updates" on your ex you creep. I drew two commissions for you years ago, we never talked outside of that, we don't even know each other's names. We. Are. Not. Friends.

[Grayson.]

insomnia been sucking lately. Im tired but i can't sleep at all. Anxiety just comes and stays for no reason. If i just close my eyes, ill be thinking about stupid things to get my anxiety going again. Then i'll just watch youtube for hours to distract me until i do sleep. I always feel like falling asleep to a screen is the problem, but its that, or lingering thoughts to upset me and i cant help it

I hope my cats vet appointment tomorrow goes well and that it doesnt cost me too much

[qtip]

i think im sick today

[Jarex]

it's so unfair that most people are comfortable with their body and don't cry their eyes out every time they see it. why couldn't I be born a boy and be done with it? nobody will ever see me as a real man unless I spend thousands of euros on surgery and testosterone and whatnot. and I can't even get them now, I have to wait for years and then be put on a waitlist and wait for even more years. it's so unfair - I have to suffer while some people are just born happy and have to deal with temporary problems. and then nobody believes me. "dysphoria isn't real," they say. "it's just a phase," they say. "you'll grow out of it," they say. they just don't get it, do they? and not to mention, even if I DO get seen as a boy, I've been robbed of my boy childhood. puberty ruined me. my mom offered puberty blockers to me since I was an early bloomer, why didn't I take them? I'm so stupid. "well, if puberty is good, then I don't want them" WHAT THE HELL. and nobody even cares enough to listen to my problems. I bet nobody's even reading this right now. why would anyone care about my problems? whatever higher being is out there probably hates me. I must've been an awful person in my past life or something. what did I ever do to deserve this?

[♥ mizu]

ok this isn't really a vent vent because i'm not sad. but i wanted to air this out a bit.

i hear so many people speaking of heartbreak, losing a lover, just that kind of thing. although i've never experienced that, i cannot emphasize how deeply traumatizing it was for me to lose my friend group of 8 years. it wasn't even sudden. i knew for the entire time that eventually we would have to go our separate ways. i remember being 9 years old and crying about it before i went to bed. i literally counted down the years until we had to leave each other, but i hoped that maybe we'd go on the same path so it wouldn't have to end.

but those last final years were so so horrible for me. i'm not exaggerating. i cried every single night, sometimes for hours, because i couldn't fathom leaving them. it was awful. it was this terrible internal feeling of loss and grief. it felt like somebody was dying, even though i have never even mourned for somebody that hard. i was grieving the loss of friends who were still alive. but we had to go, and we did. and i was the only one crying - i don't know how or why they didn't, because i was destroyed. my first year without them, i couldn't stop thinking about how they were doing. i reached out to them and they were dry. it was awful. i thought that we were life long friends. i really thought that we were.

but i still think about them every single day. i don't cry anymore. i really just don't cry about much. i still dream about them very frequently, which is so odd. their presence is comforting, even though i know that they aren't the same people they used to be. i follow them on instagram. their posts are still funny, but i know that if i engaged with them they would leave me on seen. they don't like me, which is fine, but it hurts.

i have new friends now. at least now i know that they genuinely, platonically, love me, because they have expressed it verbally and with their actions. it's weird, though, because this friend group is similar to my old one. i haven't replaced those old friends, i don't think - i've just changed them. i still love my old friends and i think that i always will. if they wanted to be friends, i'd hang out with them.

it's just so terribly sad to me that i cried all of those nights and nobody even knew. my parents didn't know. when i say cry i mean i was silently throwing my head back and wailing. tears, snot, everything - it was so gross. my head would ache for hours. sometimes i would wake up in the middle of the night because my jaw hurt so freaking bad from clenching it. i was dealing with so much other internal stuff too but that was absolutely the lowest point of my life. little me really had no one but herself.

like i know this sounds so edgy and cringe but i wanted to say it. i don't know. i wanted to get it out. hopefully this doesn't end up in a tiktok edgelord slideshow.

[Soy Sauce]

I THINK OF YOU
ALL THE TIME
NOW THAT YOUR GONE

[marciplier]

genuinely upset.
my mom and i couldnt go out to eat this weekend like we always do because of weird paycheck times, no big deal. but my brother got buffalo wild wings yesterday and deli today. are you serious? i couldnt go out with my mom but he gets whatever he wants? and all i got was a $1 chocolate bar ive told my mom i dont want multiple times before and to get me literally anything else? and my brother has the nerve to drop it on the table and break it, just to tell me when i complain "i know youll eat it anyway, youll eat anything" while laughing at me.

i hate you. i hate you so much. i know damn well my dad didnt raise you to do that. why are you such an ass?
and my mom just lets him do it. i know hes the favorite, but can she at least pretend she loves me too?
at least my dad cares. but he isnt here right now. so im sitting here crying instead.