TheComfortCorner | V.10

[♥ mizu]

double posting on here! it's a streak

i need to get something off my chest here, really. i haven't told anyone this. at all. but it feels kind of safe posting on here, even though i know it isn't.

i don't really feel things very strongly anymore. i've heard people say that things "don't feel real", and, although that's not the case for me, i think i understand. i KNOW things are real, but i don't feel a strong connection to them. i don't feel a lot of sadness or excitement. i used to cry a lot. it wouldn't be hard to make me cry. but i've cried maybe twice genuinely this past year. i just don't feel much true joy or anger. it has to be triggered. and when i do feel it, it's either like 10 or 70. i don't feel emotions too strongly, but when i do feel them genuinely, it's very strong.

things just don't affect me. i understand social etiquette; i understand it very well, actually. i know how to interact with people, that's not the issue. i just don't care enough, unless i have a genuine reason to. i sugarcoat things, but i'm honest too and that bluntness scares me. or it doesn't. it doesn't scare me. but it feels abnormal to not care.

it also seems to depend on who i'm with. when i'm with my friends, i think i have a genuinely good time. but i feel absolutely exhausted afterwards. like serious social burnout. i like being around people, but i get so tired from it! being around my parents, i just don't feel much emotion-wise anymore. mostly frustration.

it's such a weird paradox. i dunno.

[Spearow]

People are so nasty and for what? I really don't get it.

Also, my homelife is in the trash. Actual dumpster diving but no cool finds it's all just crap. I'm so over it, I can't really talk about it in detail here. But my eldest sibling has a reliance on something and makes it everyone else's problem if he doesn't have enough of it. He's super mean and leeching off my parents, and I can't even go see my parents without some kind of tension cropping up with my brother because if he doesn't have what he wants he acts like he is the world's most tortured victim and his life is so hard. I might sound mean but it is out of context. He refuses to work and can't get disability because he is not disabled. He just wants to live at my parents' house and contribute nothing and also expects my parents to pay for his vices or he makes the house miserable for everyone. Same as if he does get someone to buy him his vices.

I don't live at home but I stop by everyday to see my parents. It is to the point I just sit in my car for like a half hour after work dreading going home. I know this post is confusing but I can't really talk about it here just needed to vent what I could. Blah :c

Edit;;

He (my brother) totally ruined new year's eve. I personally hate new years, but i always will go to my parents' house for my mom. I stopped by for a bit after work, and my eldest brother living there started asking me if I was going to the store. I told him no and he was all angry. Because I guess he had already asked my mom and she had already gone out earlier in the day and bought him xyz. But he starts freaking out because he already drank what he had and wanted someone to take him to a store again. I cane over after work and I think I was in my pajamas even though it was only like 6pm - once I'm off work it is jammie time. I came over to visit but my brother was so angry and my parents were noticeable uncomfortable I ended uo going home early because he was making me uncomfortable. I feel bad for not going back to see my parents just before Midnight but I could not deal with my brother anymore. xc

[twilispark]

-

[onion]

im absolutely inconsolable atm and my throat hurts from screaming. i need hugs. something. anything. but it cant be from the person i want it from most. and that hurts more than anything. i need to stop crying. ugh. i cant breathe.

[splity]

yoy aren't getting away with this, just wait.

today!!!

[stellulite]

waited and kept it warm but you preferred it cold
remember that
I can’t be here for you if you don’t allow me too

[❦Acidic-Tea❦]

.

[Spearow]

i'm so upset. i was having an okay day i went to work, i got a few things done. tomorrow is trash day i got all my trash and recycling put out. i actually cooked something for dinner. did laundry. did my dishes. which i know those are all basic things but for me even basic things i struggle with often.

was feeling okay, semi motivated and trying to make the best of my time. and then i got a message from my boss sharing the schedule for next week. where i work had 23 call-offs the other day. i'm trying to get to full-time here. my manager is really nice he writes up the schedule and gives it to HR. my only availability stipulations are i usually need monday and tuesday off because i plan my appointments around those days. so HR took the schedule my manager made - changed it for a second week in a row to make me work monday and tuesday, and now they have cut my hours. i was already only getting twenty to begin with, now they only scheduled me for four days. i'm so upset. i'm already struggling, and they are so nasty and hateful for no reason. and the people they are giving full-time to don't even show up five days a week whereas i have not even missed a day. :c

i don't know what to do, i enjoy the job well enough and i like the people i work with. i'm finally mostly comfortable. i just want to cry, i tried to message my mom for support because i'm like two seconds from having a mental breakdown and she just said "it is what it is". xc i don't know what to do

[updog]

when the executive dysfunction is unbearable 😂😂😂

[♥ mizu]

princess cadance and fleur de lis are so me fr