The Critique Cafe- Need Active Critics!

[Harpalyce]

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Harpalyce
Link to what needs critiquing: viewtopic.php?f=57&t=603376
What is it: One-shot short story.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? I would prefer critique to be posted to that thread, actually. :>

Thank you very much!

[Papyrsatyr]

Bump. Also as stated in my signature I will be absentfor two weeks. So please pm me with suggestions or if you're interested in becoming a critic.

[Kay the Cat-Fox]

What's critique?

[Papyrsatyr]

It's when you tell someone what you liked about a piece and also telling them how they can improve upon it.

[nivvin]

I would like some critique on my form please!

Username: Nivvin
Link to your form: Click here
Adoption Agency you are applying for: SGS & U / Sparkle, Gloom Scene and Unloved
Deadline for your form: There is no set deadline, I don't know when the code drop will be. I'd like it critique'd as soon as possible, so I'll have time to finish it.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? PM

--Nivv

[Chry]

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Chry
Link to what needs critiquing: Tikvah's Story
What is it: Its a short story about my disease character Tikvah, and the last moments of her life.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either is fine

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Chry
Link to what needs critiquing: The Story of Rocha - You will need to scroll past Chantilly's part xD
What is it: Its a short story about a young Shizard's lonely moments in life
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either is fine

[Official-Enjolras]

[quote="Chry"]I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Chry
Link to what needs critiquing: Tikvah's Story
What is it: Its a short story about my disease character Tikvah, and the last moments of her life.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either is fine

Chry do you know what I see most of all when I read a story? some people make it sound like they tried too hard to write it. let the story flow and it won't be so hard. just write some stuff down and see if its any good. please PM me if you need anymore help

[Mr.Milo]

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Chry
Link to what needs critiquing: Tikvah's Story
What is it: Its a short story about my disease character Tikvah, and the last moments of her life.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either is fine

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Chry
Link to what needs critiquing: The Story of Rocha - You will need to scroll past Chantilly's part xD
What is it: Its a short story about a young Shizard's lonely moments in life
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either is fine

i was kind of expecting more for the first story like her trying to get up or maybe some more detail as to where she was and more on how the area loked like in all it was good!

now for the second sotry to be honest it was ok i was alittle confused at first but as i read on i understood it alittle more and noticed that it bascially only talked about how Rocha was hungry mabe you could add something else or more detail of her walking thre the forest and what was arounf her father i think the fathers death should be suspicous. Though its your stroy as long as you like it then thats fine but i think that story was ok!

hopefully none of this offends you!

[Chry]

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Chry
Link to what needs critiquing: Tikvah's Story
What is it: Its a short story about my disease character Tikvah, and the last moments of her life.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either is fine

Chry do you know what I see most of all when I read a story? some people make it sound like they tried too hard to write it. let the story flow and it won't be so hard. just write some stuff down and see if its any good. please PM me if you need anymore help

Mmm, i do try hard, mostly to make my stories actually sound like stories not like "She went here. Laid down. Felt sick. Two men came. She's now dead" . . . I can't read stories like that xD. I will take your advise and see what I can do . . . Thank you ^_^

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Chry
Link to what needs critiquing: Tikvah's Story
What is it: Its a short story about my disease character Tikvah, and the last moments of her life.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either is fine

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Chry
Link to what needs critiquing: The Story of Rocha - You will need to scroll past Chantilly's part xD
What is it: Its a short story about a young Shizard's lonely moments in life
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either is fine

i was kind of expecting more for the first story like her trying to get up or maybe some more detail as to where she was and more on how the area loked like in all it was good!

now for the second sotry to be honest it was ok i was alittle confused at first but as i read on i understood it alittle more and noticed that it bascially only talked about how Rocha was hungry mabe you could add something else or more detail of her walking thre the forest and what was arounf her father i think the fathers death should be suspicous. Though its your stroy as long as you like it then thats fine but i think that story was ok!

hopefully none of this offends you!

Offends me? Good gracious no. This helps . . . I can see what you mean. I should probably mention that its kinda of like our africa, the savannah, no real forest xD . . . I will edit it . . . Thank you so much ^_^

[Official-Enjolras]

I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Chry
Link to what needs critiquing: Tikvah's Story
What is it: Its a short story about my disease character Tikvah, and the last moments of her life.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either is fine

Chry do you know what I see most of all when I read a story? some people make it sound like they tried too hard to write it. let the story flow and it won't be so hard. just write some stuff down and see if its any good. please PM me if you need anymore help

Mmm, i do try hard, mostly to make my stories actually sound like stories not like "She went here. Laid down. Felt sick. Two men came. She's now dead" . . . I can't read stories like that xD. I will take your advise and see what I can do . . . Thank you ^_^



[quote="mrmilo289"][quote="Chry"]I would like some critique on my story please!
Username: Chry
Link to what needs critiquing: Tikvah's Story
What is it: Its a short story about my disease character Tikvah, and the last moments of her life.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either is fine
quote]
I'll be posting a story here soon too ^_^ and your welcome