TheComfortCorner | V.9

[sundayskies]

i rlly wish i could connect to u better

[Maxella Roe]

I'm kind of at a complete loss of what to do with myself at the moment. I've just found out that I have kidney disease. After a pretty rough stay in the hospital earlier this year, we naturally wanted answers, and don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have gotten them. But at the same time I feel frustrated and stressed. I have a pretty sizeable cyst on my left kidney, and they want to do some further testing as well as monitor for kidney cancer. I'm like, not sure if I've just not fully processed this news or if I'm just not surprised, because I'm also already being monitored for two other types of cancers due to barret's esophagus and one other disease I won't get into because I don't even fully understand it quite yet.

On the one hand, it's nice when you finally get answers to some pretty rough times, but it's also like, one more thing I have to worry about on top of other chronic illnesses that have left me completely disabled by this point. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in my mid teens after quite a few years of endless tests, appointments, and misdiagnoses. Then a few years of wondering where it came from, though it kind of all made sense after my dad finally got diagnosed with FMS at 50, several years after I got my dx. But in the years that followed that initial dx came a list of other things that are comorbid with FMS, and these conditions can get worse with age, so I guess this is why I seem to feel crummier as the years go on. Gotta spit some appreciation for my healthcare providers though, everybody I've worked with has always done their best, and I'm so grateful for that. I wouldn't have any of these answers if they hadn't encouraged me to get a second opinion when they felt like they were out of their area of expertise. Circumstances could definitely be worse, but I'm still frustrated and don't know how I should be reacting at the moment; if my frustration is misplaced or not I guess.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is after so many years, this was just kind of the tipping point of like, extreme frustration. Like, I'm okay, this news hasn't ruined my whole life or anything. In terms of immediate action, I really just need a few more diet tweaks, I'm not in dire straits or anything. I'm just really frustrated with it all after so many years of it just, compounding, and could maybe use a pep-talk, a thumbs up, a pat on the back, maybe some common ground with someone who kinda gets it, I dunno. No pressure, in no way should anyone on here feel like they have to reach out or something, I'm just spitting my thoughts somewhere that isn't my journal, cause I just need it to be like, seen by another human person, if that makes sense.

[LittleMaple]

I lost my earbuds and I know it isnt a big deal so I'm stressed and angry and ugh

[flooxii]

hhng I'm so overwhelmed.
barely even started the day and bam
get smashed into the chalkboard forcefully
damn it hurts
what time was it..
10:12??
yeah.
thank you to _______ for hugging me though.
that was nice of you.
love you platonically.

[Guest]

My favorite patient is never coming back. I'm never seeing him again. He is alive and well but the hospital I work for messed up twice (once by taking longer than expected to deliver lab results and another time by not asking for a test for an illness that didn't seem to match his symptoms, but he ended up having). His mom is rightfully distrustful of us and decided he will be going somewhere else which is fair enough, but i'm still devastated. I love him like he is my own dog and my heart is shattered to pieces.
I was only told this today because I asked if I could send his mom a mother's day card with a drawing I made of him and they said I shouldn't send them anything at all and explained the whole situation. She doesn't need to be reminded that we exist.
And i'll never see him again. I had no idea the last time I saw him would be the last.
I wasn't prepared to say goodbye. He is nowhere near death so I didn't expect to lose him. I never even considered him leaving to be a patient somewhere else was even an option. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.
I'm not ready for this job. I don't want it.
Everything I love dies or leaves. I hate it here.

[Onion_707]

why am I such a coward?
Why can't I just tell you how I feel?
is it because I fear that you would reject me?
yeah, that's probably it...
Ive already had my heart broken and Ive already broken a heart before... I don't want to risk it anymore...

I already know you like someone else. you said it directly to me. I guess I just won't bother telling you.

If they see this, I honestly don't care, I have to get it off my chest.

[i<3 wolves678]

Because of course I would get my period during one of the most stressful and upsetting weeks of my life, why WOULDN’T I?

I’m only just barely keeping things together as it is, I’m still struggling to cope with some pretty bad repressed traumas, I can’t confide in either of the two people I would usually go to when things got rough, and we’re probably having my family dog of 10 years put down this week, on top of a number of other things I both can’t and don’t really want to go into detail about. I’d been so strong about this from the moment the possibility arose but now that it’s actually going to happen I feel like everything is falling apart.

[Moiraine]

It's always SO hard to tell the people I care about that I'm not doing well. They should know me best, but they don't, but I'm alright with that. What's hard is that I should feel like I can trust them enough to open up, but I don't. And I deflect everything serious by making it sound like I'm making a joke of it. lol

[dakotapaws]

all i am is replaceable.

[flooxii]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that.. I know you probably hate me now.