TheComfortCorner | V.9

[67Phlox]

I keep whining about things I may be able to change
I'm just so apprehensive about trying and failing tremendously, which in turn would make me more of an outcast that I arleady am
Maybe I shouldn't care? Then again, I do prefer isolating than talking hah
And, yeah, I'm so far up my [place where the Sun doesn't shine] anyway, so I doubt anyone could stand even being near me

[CyberneticVampire]

Yay I'm here again.
I wish I could stop thinking about you. I'm wracking my brain about what I could have possibly did so wrong to make you block me. God get out of my head! I hate this. I'm crying and I can't breathe. Why would you call me a 'best friend' if you're going to turn around and block me? I don't get it. Not knowing why is literally driving me insane. I'm at the end of my rope and I swear I'm about to snap.

[Onion_707]

please stop lying to me to make me feel better.

[flooxii]

I actually believed you wanted to be friends.. hahah.

[scottermite]

my heart shouldn't be beating this fast. Why am I so anxious? it makes no sense. What am I even waiting for? A small number, so I'm proven right, and I feel bad? A large number, so I'm wrong (and stupid) and too many people are looking at me? What on earth do I even want? I wish it was clear. I wish everything went the way I need it to. I wish everyone else acted the way I needed them to. I know that's selfish, and that's half the point. I want to be selfish, and I want to be warm and safe.
And, why am I so jealous? I need to eradicate my attachment to him. It only hurts me. It wasn't a good idea for him to tell me it would upset him if I just up and blocked him, and never spoke to him again. that makes the angry part of me, that sees my mistreatment (real or falsely perceived), want to do it even more, so he feels the way I feel about him all the time. It feel like everything and anything at all related to him is like a rejection. I feel so awful because I know I am taking this far more seriously than he ever would. If I did that same thing he did, he probably wouldn't even care, because he doesn't... love isn't the right word. He doesn't depend on me like I depend on him. Honestly, I'm wasting my energy; but nobody else gives me that attention I so covet. Gosh, I'm pathetic, and not even the desirable kind of pathetic...
And, it's the nineteenth of April. I'm sorry that I miss you. I'm sorry I'm so horrible and I misplace all my trust and I'm sorry you've had to become a beacon for me. A beacon of what, is nebulous. Maybe just a shining light in a storm, or something of a trap-door in a burning building (ha, ha). I'm sorry. I feel like I'm the one haunting you, instead of the other way around. I'm sorry. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me.
I want to stop seeing these posts. I felt like a failure already, and now I'm like an ugly failure of a failure who isn't even doing it prettily. I'll stop myself now, before I start talking about my self-commodification thing and how nobody loves me.

[heepheep]

sorry but i have no thought in my brain left to share. nothing to say to the entire 15 minute story you've given me. i'm sorry talking to me is like talking to a wall sometimes. at least i'm funny, right? yeah you want me to talk more in groups but how do you even know when to say what you want to? i keep talking over someone and then i get ignored and it's just messy. i dont even know you people that well. we've been together for months so why do we still feel like strangers. why is everything so awkward. i'm just the little third wheel that sticks around because i don't want to be lonely i guess.

[amaoretto]

this is really silly compared to everything else,,,
but just a little sad cuz my bf of 4.5 years didn’t get my ice cream order right i was really excited cuz he said he got me a surprise after work. i was super thankful but i was taken aback because i’ve ordered the same thing every single time yet he said “i didn’t remember” … i dunno

i told him that i was thankful for the ice cream but it wasn’t what i like and he told me to just say thank you for it. but like,,, i feel like after 4.5 years i’m allowed to be a little upset that my boyfriend (who i live with) doesn’t remember what i order. idk i don’t want to seem ungrateful, but i feel like my feelings are valid

[-icarus-]

K/V/A -

I'm being torn apart at the seams
and yet you still act like it's fine
the waters calm when the sun gets out
but by night I rue that time

it's hard to be like this
you know that to be true
but you hid and lied to me
despite me loving you

Sometimes I wish I could
Lend you my ears
Lend you my thoughts
And lend you my tears

R/H -

It's hard to imagine letting you go
but it's time I do
because I'm quickly learning
you lied to me too

he apologized to you!
why wasn't that enough?
can you see that this grudge
is shackling your love?

I can't believe you act this way
when he's not around
the summer blues never left
your life still weighed down

[P0stHum4n]

Such a young age, yet I feel trapped.
I feel so much pain. I only have two friends I trust. I feel like I’m trapped in a never ending maze. Put on a smile! They’ll never know! Act happy so they don’t get upset. Pretend you’re loving life and not feeling like you’re being crushed. You feel like that 00000000.0% of humanity you wish never existed. Finding out dark secrets about my parents. Innapropriate secrets, lieing secrets. Who’s the real one? Who do I trust? Why can’t I be happy again? Am I supposed to go on, fake smiling, failing grades, debating whether to just give up? I can’t get motivated. I can’t stay awake. I can’t stay alive. But I can, But I feel like I can’t. I can’t do anything, I’m trapped, and the only safe place.. is nowhere. Learning from my sisters he had cameras in rooms he shouldn’t.
Learning he was lieing. Pushed me against my mom when really he was to blame. I hate it here. I can’t leave my only two friends. I can’t tell my dad I want him gone. Gone. Gone, forever, nonexistent, never taking to me again. But I can’t. I tried once. He is manipulative, abusive in the brain. Acts like it was never his fault. Like I can’t catch him lieing now. Like he never lied to me before. I don’t know. Crying in bed, every. Single. Night. Staring at the wall regretting my decisions.

Guess I’m alone now. Just enjoy the only times I actually feel safe. Hopefully life doesn’t get worse, oh that’s right, it’s starting to. Just wait. Wait for years until you can leave.

Why don’t I feel happy anymore?
Why can’t I feel happy anymore?

[67Phlox]

Welp, didn't know this was possible
cw: blood
yesterday was a lot, but I managed to keep my emotions in check
woke up today with a headache and a stuffy nose, so I went to take care of it
somehow it was orange? did a vessel burst or something?
anyway, this cleared up, so no worries