Dear L,
I miss you. I miss you so much, it hurts. Only after visiting my partner did I realize how much I miss just being in your orbit. I remember a year ago, we were constantly talking. We'd get on video calls frequently. You'd make time for me. Nowadays, I'm lucky if I can even get a text back on the same day. I have to think about what I want to send you, because if I double text you I'll only get a response to one. And I'm not the type to talk to you without receiving a response back.
I hope you haven't dropped contact with me because I got into a relationship with someone else. You were always the one saying we'd tear each other apart, and that we could never be more than what we were. A bitter part of me secretly does hope you're in agony over it. The ball was always in your court, and you never did anything with it. And then I met someone I clicked with so fast, and so well, and I found myself smiling at their notification. I wanted to talk to them all the time. And now we've been together for months and I'm so, so happy with us.
But, no matter how in love with them I am, it doesn't undermine the fact that I still love you. And that I feel like I'm just waiting to be abandoned completely. And because of that feeling that I hope you're just a little torn up seeing me with someone else. I suppose I just want confirmation that you feel the same way I do. That you miss me as much as I miss you. Somewhere along the line, we stopped communicating with each other. And now I just feel like I'm alone in the dark.
It is a bit comforting, to know that you're texting me as infrequently as you text the rest of our friends. But, at the same time, it hurts like hell. You once told me that, out of everyone you know online, I felt the most real. That I was the only one who felt real to you, without ever having to meet in-person. I'm wondering if I still feel real to you now, or if I'm just one of those notifications you can read and ignore. I'm hoping I feel too real to you, so real it hurts.
Our history is so much like a movie with an unsatisfying ending. And it's haunting me so much that I've started writing a fanfiction about it, with our favorite ship as the main characters. I have excerpts written out, further along in the story than where I am now, that have direct quotes that you've used with me. I deleted my old work, and the link in our discord to my account; I changed the username and profile picture, so that my user has become completely new. If you ever come across this fic, and read it and think about us, I hope you don't connect the dots. Because when I connected the dots between that one-shot you wrote in December, that hurt like hell. Even if it wasn't intentional, I could still see it. You even named my place of work, which is not a common place people mention at all with their limited quantity of locations in the US.
I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I miss you, and I wish your absence didn't weigh so heavily on me. This prolonged, infrequent chatting makes it hard to let go of you. I wish we weren't so tangled in each others' lives. I wish I was monogamous and could only hold feelings for one person at a time. I wish I didn't feel guilty that I miss you so much despite having a partner I absolutely adore. Sometimes, I wish I never met you.
I miss you. I miss you so much, it hurts. Only after visiting my partner did I realize how much I miss just being in your orbit. I remember a year ago, we were constantly talking. We'd get on video calls frequently. You'd make time for me. Nowadays, I'm lucky if I can even get a text back on the same day. I have to think about what I want to send you, because if I double text you I'll only get a response to one. And I'm not the type to talk to you without receiving a response back.
I hope you haven't dropped contact with me because I got into a relationship with someone else. You were always the one saying we'd tear each other apart, and that we could never be more than what we were. A bitter part of me secretly does hope you're in agony over it. The ball was always in your court, and you never did anything with it. And then I met someone I clicked with so fast, and so well, and I found myself smiling at their notification. I wanted to talk to them all the time. And now we've been together for months and I'm so, so happy with us.
But, no matter how in love with them I am, it doesn't undermine the fact that I still love you. And that I feel like I'm just waiting to be abandoned completely. And because of that feeling that I hope you're just a little torn up seeing me with someone else. I suppose I just want confirmation that you feel the same way I do. That you miss me as much as I miss you. Somewhere along the line, we stopped communicating with each other. And now I just feel like I'm alone in the dark.
It is a bit comforting, to know that you're texting me as infrequently as you text the rest of our friends. But, at the same time, it hurts like hell. You once told me that, out of everyone you know online, I felt the most real. That I was the only one who felt real to you, without ever having to meet in-person. I'm wondering if I still feel real to you now, or if I'm just one of those notifications you can read and ignore. I'm hoping I feel too real to you, so real it hurts.
Our history is so much like a movie with an unsatisfying ending. And it's haunting me so much that I've started writing a fanfiction about it, with our favorite ship as the main characters. I have excerpts written out, further along in the story than where I am now, that have direct quotes that you've used with me. I deleted my old work, and the link in our discord to my account; I changed the username and profile picture, so that my user has become completely new. If you ever come across this fic, and read it and think about us, I hope you don't connect the dots. Because when I connected the dots between that one-shot you wrote in December, that hurt like hell. Even if it wasn't intentional, I could still see it. You even named my place of work, which is not a common place people mention at all with their limited quantity of locations in the US.
I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I miss you, and I wish your absence didn't weigh so heavily on me. This prolonged, infrequent chatting makes it hard to let go of you. I wish we weren't so tangled in each others' lives. I wish I was monogamous and could only hold feelings for one person at a time. I wish I didn't feel guilty that I miss you so much despite having a partner I absolutely adore. Sometimes, I wish I never met you.
YEEHAW
