TheComfortCorner | V.9

[arabella !!]

losing my appetite losing my sanity lol

[Sullivan Maurus]

I don't even know what to do anymore.

[CyberneticVampire]

Shut up shut up shut up
You don't have to memorize every single word you read. God I can't take this. OCD won't leave me alone. Can my brain just ever be quiet for once? Can't I just do things like a normal person? The rational part of my brain knows what I'm doing is stupid and unnecessary but the compulsions and anxiety out weigh that and here I am doing the same thing over and over and over and over again

[stardustreserve]

nothing is ever “alright”
but at some point i can’t help but wonder if that’s my own fault

[mcr]

you still havent come back
i hope i see you soon

[crashedOut]

cutely gets villainized for stuff i didnt do but the other person did and i end up getting driven out of the community that ive been in for over a year LOLLLL who needs those toxic freaks when i have rumbleverse tho

[lumy]

Everything os alrighty now

[♥ mizu]

i feel so utterly forgettable. none of my classmates reach out to me, no matter how many times i try to talk to them or start up conversations. i'm trying to do the work i've been putting off but i'm starting to cry and i just feel bad. they talk to each other and seem so content so it's probably something to do with me. i need to ask them why but i know it's probably going to hurt.

i hate going here. i hate the way i feel about myself and how others feel about me. why can't they just reach out? just once?

[viles]

• i am,, i just. ugh. i want to have The Words to talk about things right now but i don't. i'm just very...upset and overwhelmed. i might edit this later with more, but idk if i'll be up for it

[partlysocial]

I was supposed to be over it. I’m supposed to be over all of it. Last summer L left. And weeks before Christmas N also left. I was over L, but I still struggle with N as I have to see him everyday. The day before yesterday all my old friends got together and hung out, we were all at the same space, I was left. They threw me out like trash, like I never meant a thing. I’ve always been people’s entertainment, nothing more. It’s all my fault, I should’ve never sent that text trying to talk about things that were making me uncomfortable. I should’ve never tired to go to a quiet space on those days I was feeling especially bad. Maybe if I hadn’t, they’d still be around, and we’d all still be a group. I saw L and N together yesterday, they passed right by me, didn’t even look in my direction. L loved me once, and one he didn’t, I loved him. He knew that, and he played with my emotions because he found it funny. I cared about N so much, I thought he did too. I always care about people so much, and they always leave me. I’m the only one who is gone from the group, even though I’m the one that made it. I never did anything to them except love them, care about them, listen to them, let them cry on my shoulder. All of it. Throughout so many of their times of hurt, I was there, I always was available for them. I sacrificed so much for both of them. And then once they though I was boring, they threw me out, L and then N. They never cared about me, and if they ever did, they burned whatever compassion they had for me. What did I do, I tried to do everything right. I learned things from my past, I thought I could do better. But I keep making the same mistakes, I keep losing people, no one over stays, isn’t someone supposed to stay? I’ll feel like I’m over it, and then I remember, and I look at photos, and I listen to their songs, and I cry so hard that I want to take my eyes out because they hurt. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I just want them back, I want that happiness back, I want the belonging back, I want to be part of that group. Why was I the only one who was thrown out. Why, out of them, who have cheated, lied about very serious things, who use people like puppets, who push away everyone they have ever cared about, how am I the bad guy. How, out them, am I the one that doesn’t get to stay. I loved them, I LOVED THEM. Was it so much to ask for, for them to stay?! How could they do that so easily, why am I out of the group, left with no one, no friends, no one that cares about me. I’m alone, completely. The last person I thought might stay still prefers them over me, they say they’ll stay, but I know they won’t. The passed right over me and went straight to N, knowing what he did to me, no one cares about my pain, I don’t matter. I’m just me, and who cares about me? Everyone prefers N, everyone I admire and want to be around, they all prefer N. I’m just me, I’m not important, because N is just so much better than me apparently. I hate everything, I’m always angry and tired and sad. I haven’t been happy in so long. I’m mentally a mess and everything around me is physically a mess. I don’t have the energy to clean, to work, to eat. I don’t have the energy to put on a face anymore. It’s obvious I’m feeling horrible, everyone can see it, but no one cares. I just want someone to care, I just want someone to stay, to be there for me. But I’m just me and no one likes me, I’ll always be alone. A cycle, care about them, think I’m happy, and then they leave and I break all over again. I’m done, I’m tired, and I hate this life, I hate it so much. Why can’t I be happy like everyone around me is, at least they can act like they are. Why can’t I have a group of friends anymore, why am I left alone every time. I’m not even waking for love, I just want a honest friendship.